Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Chapter 29: Austin.

"Uh... Faith... thank you!" Austin said softly, he never said thank you. It was clear he was itching for something. Faith was afraid, after what happened to Merrigold everyone else feared Austin much more. They knew what he was capable of and wanted to remain in his good books no matter what. It was all talk, Merrigold's experience had been everyone's talk and gossip.

"...have you seen Merrigold?"

"Uh no sir, I believe she does not want to see anyone as I've been told. I wanted to visit but that was all they informed me of."

Austin only nodded taking a sip of his coffee. As much as he pretended to seem cooly calm and collected. Inside, he felt it. The guilt and regret, not knowing what had gotten into him. Something he had discovered in this time frame was. Merrigold meant more to him than he'd like to admit, she had made him feel multiple things none of them love. It was the first time he forgot about Stella whenever he was intimate with Merrigold. For that reason, when Stella has triggered him all he wanted was Merrigold but he went about it the wrong way. Even worse when he ripped her dress and found out what she had been hiding and nurturing all this time. He could still feel the pain he felt in his gut, watching her glossy eyes stare at him with fear. Her stomach round and curving in the process of making her a mother. It all suddenly made sense, everything. Her weight gain, her focus on avoiding him as much as she could, her reluctance...

"Work is piling up, she certainly must not assume she could take a vacation whenever it pleases her!" A tone of anger covered the regret in his voice. The guilt laced in his voice, frankly he did not care. She was simply another, his hate for women now consumed him.

Faith was afraid, hearing him speak so ignorantly of the situation. Rumor that she had lost her child had surfaced. Everyone understood the pain Merri must have been going through. For someone as sweet as her, she did not deserve it. Everyone was concerned as she had been the one to always look out for them when decisions in the main house were being made. Without Merrigold everyone wondered if they would still receive the little payment, the somewhat better conditions... was this the beginning of the horror they had heard about the Gallagher ranch.

When Faith was about to leave feeling uncomfortable with his presence and questions. He spoke again.

"Faith... is uhm... you know... is uh Me— is she doing alright?" He whispered.

"I would be lying if I said I knew Master Austin."

"You should visit her?!" He suggested.

"Uhm she refuses to see anyone as far as I've heard but she did see the pastor to pray for her dead baby."

Shocked Austin put his paper down. "It's dead? She lost it?"

For a second he thought what are the chances that it was mine? All answers said unlikely as he had only came in her once figuring by that time she was already expecting. It nauseated him that all the times they shared intimately, she was expecting another man's child.

"Yes, Master Austin." She replied turning to leave, he spoke again.

"Do you reckon Merrigold needs medical attention?"

"Master Austin, I do not know. I'm as clueless as you're at this moment."

"Mhm.." He nodded. "Faith...?"

"Yes, Master Austin?"

"Am I a bad person?" He questioned quickly replying. "Please tell me I'm not?"

Afraid, she replied. "You're not Master Austin."

As if he really needed to hear that, he nodded. This time with a sigh she was thankful she left unharmed. She could never wish for what had happened to Merrigold on anyone. As the days went by, it was hard to not miss her presence. He could not cope with the financial upkeep of the plantation. Grover mumbled everyday...

"Merri made my job easier..."

"If only Merri was here.."

"Sir, Merri knows the storeroom.."

"Merri usually keeps the key..."

"It was Merri's job.."

Sitting in what was once her room, her serenely essence took him back to a place of self-reproach and shame. His knuckles were healing, his face seemed better, he would not drop the charges still. He hoped they were being whipped as they rightfully deserved. A part of him asked himself how else would he have reacted if his little sister had been ruined to almost the point of death. Even he did not know he had it in him? Not something to be proud of either. He could only think straight when he was covered in blood. He could not sleep as her echoes for help or screams begging for mercy reminded him of it all.

Harriet has been so distraught she left and claimed meeting him was a mistake. The worst mistake of her life. Having been the first to witness the scene, it was only right that she would never bat an eyelash at him again. He felt as though he had ruined the only person who once healed him from the infectious disease Stella. Austin blamed her for all his misfortunes. A sudden ache cramped in his chest, perhaps he could go do something to get his mind off it all. Perhaps he could look for another negro to teach all the basics so they take Merrigold's bookkeeping duties. Deep down he knew it was not just bookkeeping, she did more. She did his job and what he claimed to do in front of his parents. His mother cried, so much she had ended up in bed rest. His father was not fond of it all. Everyone seemed disappointed, his mother's words rang in his mind constantly. "I raised the devil Walter! I do not know where or how I could have made it all different. The world has to suffer because I brought him into this world to ruin innocent people's lives. I will never be able to live with myself.."

He wanted to visit his mother but he was not permitted to. His sister? It seemed that was the last stroll, she had given up on him as well. Telling William would be hard... he would not understand. No one would understand. Just like that he had progressed his reputation into a much deeper grave.