Chapter 23: Chapter 23
Chapter 22: Merrigold.
Lady Harriet and Austin were the least of my worries. It was the second month ending and I had not had my period. In the past two months, I had been back and forth with two men... maybe Austin was right. I wasn't exactly the most innocent person around.
'Shags everything that walks.'
I had to laugh out loud from the intense pain, I felt. I couldn't keep it in, I could not keep my emotions intact but I had to. I tried to pretend it did not phase me but it did. I convinced myself that I'm a strong person, I've been through so much and this should not phase me. In fact I should be happy that he left, be happy that he loves her. Lady Harriet was indeed beautiful and of high class, she would look good on Austin's arm. If I thought for a second I'd be anything close to them I was being delusional. Austin had been going all out asking the kitchen to prepare picnic baskets, flowers, red velvet cake (her favorite, I had learnt.) and so on. He had done a good job avoiding me like a plague. It made me assume, he got what he wanted. He was over it, Mrs. Brown had warned me about how he was itching for something and once that was done he would be back to treating me like a nobody. Not that I had been looking for him or even wanted to speak to him... he had made himself very clear with his intentions and how he saw me. Respect and love were none of those included.
In denial? I was in denial. I refused to see the tiny curve on my stomach. I refused to acknowledge the swelling of my feet when I did too much. I constantly felt bloated, I was not eating. I did not want to or feel like it. I refused to notice the change within my breasts, they felt heavier and looked fuller. Sensitive to the smallest of touch. I felt as if I had no one to confide in about my misfortunes. Thomas had been my best friend for a very long time but this was not something he would like to here. I could not tell him that, I had been busy with a man I claimed to hate at first sight.
Sighing, I put my hand on my belly. I felt overwhelmed so I'd be a mother... Trying to occupy myself, I remembered I had my knitting tools that Mrs. Cunningham had gifted me with years back. It was a hobby I enjoyed. Nearing winter, I'd always make everyone scarfs. It was therapeutic for me. It was in this moment, I decided this was my life and I needed to accept it and acknowledge that I was to be a mother. I knew well enough that, it was Thomas's child. I'd kill myself if I ever had to share a newborn with Austin. He had proved to be the horrible human being, he said he was at the beginning. There were many factors that concluded my reasons for never ever wanting to entertain the thought of Austin fathering my child. He was occupied anyways...
Finding baby blue wool, I decided I'd make cute little socks for my baby. I had made the very same for my niece a couple of years back. I wondered if it was a girl or boy. More than upset, I was getting excited and easing into the idea of being a mother. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise, Austin leaving to focus on his one true love as he had claimed. I'd have to inform Thomas and my brother of my pregnancy soon before it started to show. Getting married, would simply require a local pastor to help us with our vows then we'd be married. I was ready, ready for that and my new life as a mother. This had always been something I wanted, to live a simple life and give Thomas as many kids as I can. I adored kids.
As of late, Austin was not the only person avoiding me. I was avoiding him as well. I did my book keeping work as always but if I had to pass anything through, I'd give Grover to pass it onto him. It seemed to be not a problem. It was working for everyone in this situation. He'd leave orders written on paper and leave it on his desk for me to read and get to work.
—
Later that day, I spent the whole day with my brothers wife. She was really good with her hands and always managed to play with my hair and plait my usual cornrows. In the evening, I informed Thomas that we were expecting. He was very happy, he lifted me off my feet and spun me around until I felt dizzy for a moment. Nonetheless, I tried my best to forget about my infidelities. Thomas had said he would have to ask for Austin's permission for us to have our little ceremony this Sunday. I was not very excited about the idea, Austin would somehow try to make my life difficult. I had a feeling he would refuse so I lied. I told Thomas that Austin approves. All we had to do was speak to the Pastor now.
Everything seemed to be going smoothly for a moment until I read the letter/note that Austin had slid under my door.
—
Merrigold, I understand your work in the mainhouse with bookkeeping and so on but it's very unnecessary for you to be residing in the house. Harriet feels very uncomfortable with you residing in my presence. I feel it would be best, you move to the commune for good. You will continue with bookkeeping but you can not reside here anymore. I've spoken to the women's commune and they have made space for you.
—
I had never stayed at the commune, I had always had it good and now here I was being kicked out? I felt myself quiver with tears. Perhaps this was the best decision for this whole situation moving forward. I felt a tad bit of anger for Lady Harriet, this was all her doing. She could have Austin but for her to convince him to chase me out the house I'd literally stayed in ever since the Cunningham's had bought my brother and I. A silent tear dropped, I ruffled the note and threw it at the wall.