Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Chapter 19: Merrigold.

"Daddy..."

"Yes, Princess?"

"I wish my mother was still here... I wish I knew her before she passed."

Austin turned to look at me and took a sip of his tea. "She is closer than you think, I'm sure she loves you just as much alright?"

The little girl nodded her head. Forgetting I was holding a tray of hot muffins. I felt an odd feeling of guilt. I did not understand but I felt very guilty as if I was to blame. I couldn't see the girl, only her curly brown hair and caramel skin. They had their breakfast silently. This must have been a lucid dream because in that moment I knew I did not belong there. I knew this was not my life. There must have been a mistake. I did not want to admit to the situation in front of me. Ignoring me Austin read through his paper as if nothing had occurred.

"Will we buy her some flowers today?" The girl who seemed about eight or nine years old asked.

"Sure? If you want to."

"Yes, please!" The girl said in an excited tone. "Daddy, I love when you tell me more about her. I feel as if I knew her."

With a chuckle, Austin put the paper down. " Ofcourse Princess, uhm her name was Mary."

"Like Merrigold the negro?"

My heart clenched within my chest.

"No darling, simply Mary."

She nodded listening attentively.

Looking at me again. Austin spoke again. "Mary was of Spanish descent, a very beautiful woman with tanned skin. She tanned very fast..."

"LIKE ME?!" The girl squealed clearly excited.

"Yes." Austin smiled, his eyes met mine yet again. I watched from afar as he lied. As he infringed lies about me to my daughter. My tears were close. My eyes stung with every word he muttered.

"Merrigold the muffins aren't done yet? Daddy she is simply standing there! She is very lazy." The girl turned over to look at me. The harshness in her voice scared me. How could someone so innocent speak so obscene. I finally got a view of her pretty face, my heart ached as she sneered at me with disgust.

"They're almost done. Just cooling them down dear." I replied with a hoarse voice. Panic getting the best of me.

"I'm not your dear!" She spat turning back to her father. Austin sat back and took another sip from his cup. I looked away. When she finally got off the table. Austin approached me caressing my cheek he said. "I asked if you wanted to be in her life and you said no. If there's anyone to blame it's you. I hope you're happy with Thomas." He sighed then walked away. He seemed hurt with the situation. He did not seem like someone enjoying it. Leaving me alone with my thoughts. A sudden memory then came to mind. I had just given birth... "Do you want to hold her?" They asked me. With tears streaming, I shook my head signaling no. I turned to look at the other side of the bed. I could hear her crying and Austin trying to calm her down. With my body aching, I could not handle it... the crying... my baby needing me.

"William what do I do? She won't stop crying.." I heard Austin say helplessly. I left the room, an ache with every step. I abandoned my responsibility as a mother left it all and settled for a simple life with someone I had loved for a very long time.

—

I woke up with a feeling of guilt, I had no idea why? I knew I dreamt of something but I had forgotten what I had dreamt of. My mind must have been playing games with me as I genuinely did not remember what I had dreamt of but I felt guilty and not too good. For a moment I stared at the ceiling, what was going on with me?