Chapter 18: Chapter 18

Chapter 17: Merrigold.

He was cutting wood more often. Hunting more often. Fishing more often. I watched from afar, I was afraid. Having left that letter, I felt an odd ounce of regret. Not regret but fear as to how he would react. I was upset when I wrote that, I was quivering with anger... I was overwhelmed enough to say the bold words I let out. I could not take it back anymore. I could not, after a few minutes of contemplating my place in this house. I feared being alone with him. Faith had been right... 'Atleast they get to leave at the end of the day but I'm stuck here with him...' out of instinct, I decided it was best I visit Thomas for the night. I'd sleep over.. he always made me feel safe but at times, I wondered if he could ever protect me from Austin's wickedness. I had to leave before he got back from his therapeutic hobbies that helped him from going off one's rocker.

—

Thomas shifted over, off me. Sweaty and exhausted but he seemed satisfied. His bed was rather small for such activities. He was quiet, he was never one to keep quiet after sex.

"This was a tad bit different, is everything alright?" He asked turning over to rest on his elbow as he looked at me rather adoringly. For a second, I panicked.

"What do you mean different?" I replied defensively. "I loved it as always."

"You were seeming different... actually never mind." He sighed, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"No tell me?"

"It's honestly nothing maybe it was just in my head."

"Tell me Thomas.."

"You seemed... to have a lot on your mind that's all." He reasoned. "And you did not seem as excited. You just laid there... as if bored.." with a sigh once more. "I apologize if I'm sounding a bit rude or insensitive."

"Bored? No, maybe a little tired that's all." When he seemed not to believe me I spoke again, caressing his cheek and the little goatee on his chin that I adored. "I enjoy every second of being with you. You make me so happy Thomas."

"I apologize maybe I should not have said anything."

"No, it's alright. You have every right to be concerned."

A sudden knock bellowed on the poor wooden door. "Enoch had said he would allow me to use his room for privacy but—" Thomas sighed quickly putting his pants own. My heart skipped a beat, I held onto the worn out blanket covering my dignity. Not that I had any as I had slept with two men. I felt awful. I hoped it was Enoch, I prayed it was Enoch. Thomas slept in the commune with all the other men, they'd put their blankets all lined up. Enoch had gotten the privilege to have a small room of his own which Thomas had begged for the night right after I told him. I wanted to be with him. Yes, I wanted to be with him, to feel protected, safe and warm not to have sex. He wanted it so I gave in, my mind was clearly not present. It was really late, my mind was making up scenarios that scared me even within my imagination.

As Thomas unlocked the door, I crossed my fingers and prayed hard. As soon as that word fell from his lips... "Master Austin..!" My heart skipped a beat. My grip on the blanket tightened, I felt frozen and dazed, I could not even find my dress.

"Thomas." I heard Austin say, his voice sounded a little restrained.

"Is there anything I can be of help with?"

"Yes, I will need you to deliver a document to the Gallagher ranch."

I heard Thomas, stutter a bit. "I only ask if I may wake up early before sunrise and—"

"No, I need it done now! Absolutely no negotiations or excuses." He said immediately cutting him off. It was very insensitive of him to ask of Thomas to travel 7km away for a document that could easily be given the next morning. Abruptly pushing the door wide open. Austin entered, his eyes found mine. I died a little... the grip on the blankets covering my breasts tightened.

"There you're, I've been searching for you the entire day but I suppose you're here all cuddled up."

"May I please get dressed..." I told the two men in-front of me. The two man I had both been with sexually. They could easily speak of our moments together and find out that I was being a harlot.

"Nothing new, I haven't seen Merrigold." Austin chuckled, Thomas seemed confused. Figuring maybe Austin meant he had seen a woman's body before. I knew exactly what he meant, he had seen me before. I hoped it would not click to Thomas.

"What are you still waiting for... hurry hurry my boy!" Austin said nonchalantly.

"Ofcourse, Master Austin. I apologize for this indecent scene yet again."

Clenching his jaw, he did not reply. I could see the restraint he was holding to avoid murdering Thomas as he put on his shirt and worn out shoes. I felt horrible that he had to go through all this. I knew it was partly my fault for angering Austin. He would surely make everyone I love suffer then make me suffer.

"I can accompany you." I added out of guilt also refusing to be left alone with this monster.

"No it's quite alright Merri, I will be faster running and I know well you can not keep up." Thomas tried to lighten the mood as he tied his shoe laces. His toe was nearly peaking out, I could not even call those shoes. He worked so hard but got nothing out of his harvests. I failed to understand how regardless he remained enthusiastic.

"The envelope is back at the house right on the kitchen counter." Austin added. With that Thomas was off. Closing the door, a shiver ran down my spine. I wanted to call for Thomas and beg him not to leave. I waited for him to speak as he took slow steady steps towards me. Crunching his face in disgust he spat on the wooden creaking floor.

"You know what we're going to do now?"

"I'm not leaving." I told him.

"We're going home and—" I immediately cut him off.

"That is not my home, it's your home. My home is here with Thomas."

"You disgust me, how you speak so proudly of your Jezebel deeds. Does it not matter to you even the slightest that just the day before yesterday I was deep inside you and now..." He ran a hand through his hair. "You could not even wait a week or two?"

"You're nothing to me, I've told you that before. I made myself clear in my letter." I whisper yelled afraid someone would be listening in. Storming towards me. He slammed me back against the creaking bed, a tight grip on my neck. My eyes began to blur. My first instinct was to scratch his hands off but they were too strong. Staring into his eyes, I saw the hurt and anger beneath them. I could not breath, I struggled, my eyes watered as my whole body begged for air. Was this how I'd die? In his hands? I tried screaming but my voice was a mere whisper. I tried kicking and fighting but I felt powerless beneath him. In this moment I wished Thomas would return, I wished Thomas knew, he would forgive me right? I regretted every second I had spent letting Austin touch and ravage me. As his grip kept tightening around my neck he got pleasure off my pain and suffering. Just when I was loosening my fight and losing my strengths ready to let go. He set me free off his horror, he turned away. I coughed furiously to the point of falling of the bed and kneeling onto the floor. Nothing was covering my nakedness but that was the least of my worries and I finally breathed in and out. For a moment I thought I was going to die. I thought this was it.

"We're going home, you're taking a bath then it's my turn! You hear Merrigold? Then it's my turn? Then it's our turn."