Chapter 66: Chapter 66

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Cry.

Regret things.

Blame herself.

Recall the good and fun times.

The memories they made...

Feel sorry for him and herself.

Regret how it ended.

Then cry her eyes out all over again...

The stupid cycle went on and on, keeping her locked up in her room, just depleting what's left of her will and energy.

Then the the doorbell rang. The low-pitched, almost ominous noise echoed around the house. lt broke off the tense silence around her. But maybe it was just her who felt tense.

That confident, determined look on his face just...

"Shit." Why now?

Why did he have to be here? How long had he been waiting out there?

In the dark. By himself. And for what? For her to change her mind?

When he rang the doorbell again, Jessi froze on the floor. Her mind switched back to full alert, her ragged breaths put on pause. The nerve-wracking thoughts in her foggy head wrenched tight knots of anxiety inside of her, making her forget about sleep and her exhaustion.

Her face and nightdress both felt damp now. She had already run out of tears and energy. But it seemed he was far from done with her.

When the doorbell rang the third time, she forced her limbs to move and got back on her feet. Was he trying to piss her off?

"Dammit, Joss." With a sigh, she walked out of her bedroom while hurriedly wiping her face with her clothes, restless and imagining the worst. She rushed her steps and swore to herself when she almost fell down the stairs.

Was it really him? She prayed in her head before heading for the front door, badly wishing someone else took his place, but no way he'd just walk out the gates without having the last say. Show up out of nowhere, tell her he already found out about everything, then just walk off and leave her in peace? Highly unlikely.

While her heartbeat sped up and loudened in her ears, Jessi peeked through the peephole. "Ugh." She leaned against the door, taking a deep breath. She tried to swallow the clump of unease stuck in her throat, but, no use.

Now he stood on their porch. Just waiting for her. The guy looked dead serious it was scary. His face looked menacingly dark from the shadows, the porch light almost hiding his deep-set eyes that looked like they had seen too much. At the moment, he just looked raring to go.

Why wouldn't he just leave her alone? What did he actually expect? That she would just forget everything and welcome him back into her life with open arms?

Well, fine. Maybe it's what he believed would happen. Or maybe he just wanted to hear her apologize for what she did. For everything she did. For hiding the truth from him. For pretending he didn't exist. For hiding the kids from him.

Kids. Their babies...

Just thinking about them pained her heart. They had not a single clue that their dad was right outside the door, being as patient as he could, eagerly waiting to finally meet them.

As much as she wanted to just reset today and make him disappear, she had no choice but to deal with him now. Face him again and talk it out with him. Hopefully she could still convince him to leave without causing a scene. Imagining the opposite just made her sweat profusely.

Silently praying for the best case scenario, Jessi took a deep breath before yanking the door open. Now they're face-to-face again. She didn't even wait for his reaction. She just walked out of the house and shut the door behind her. She clasped Jenson's forearm before dragging him back outside.

His SUV on the other side of the street waited not far from the gates, and she just kept walking despite her trembling legs and shaky breaths, dragging him with her till they reached the door to the backseat.

Then they just sat next to each other behind the driver's side, not even saying anything. She just didn't know how to break up the tension.

With an apology? Some "Hi, how are you?" type of questions? What did he really want her to say?

“Can I at least see them?” Jenson murmured. Of course he would say that.

It didn't even shock her one bit. Prolonging the awkward silence by not looking at his face was easier than answering his question, though. Jessi barely moved and pressed her lips together to keep her mouth shut.

When she finally had the courage to look him in the eyes, she almost flinched when he grabbed her hand to hold it tight on his knee, the shadows on his face partly concealing his emotional state.

The backseat was almost pitch-black but at least they had total privacy now. Her parents were nowhere near, and the kids were already snug in bed. Whatever it was that Jenson wanted to discuss now, they could talk it out without any distractions.

Except her own loud thoughts and screaming conscience. Ugh! Why did some part of her still expect tonight would turn out differently?

Sitting too close to him now didn't help ease her breathing back to normal, but at least she wasn't hyperventilating, or bawling her heart out.

Unlike earlier. “What do you want? Why're you still here?”

“I need to see them.”

“No. They're sleeping.”

“Why were you crying?” Jenson squeezed her hand and kept staring at her in the darkness. Then he sighed out loud, as if her murmured questions plainly disappointed him. “Are you upset?”

She bit on her tongue. Hard.

“Why? 'Cause you're scared of me?”

Not really. Right now she was more terrified of what she would do. To him. To herself. To their babies...

Jenson sighed again. “Or you're mad I didn't try to find you sooner?”

“No.”

But how did he actually find out? Did he talk to Kel? Perhaps. It was the most likely conclusion. After she cried it out in her room, it was the most sensible answer she came up with when she forced her shocked brain to do its job.

Maybe Jenson forced Kel to spit out the utter truth. Every single thing that happened after she left LA? Or just a vague summary to give him something to work with? Or Kel finally decided that telling him everything would be the best for all of them. For the kids, especially.

“You can't just tell me to leave, Jess, like this isn't...” He let go of her hand and covered his face with his palms.

“Who told you?”

He stifled a sigh. “Mykaela.”

Okay. Just as she suspected. Well, at least he was being one hundred percent honest with her right now.

“Jess, I just need to see them. Please.”

“Why?” she wanted to ask. Instead she kept her mouth shut again, fearing the answer he would give wasn't the one she wanted to hear. Sitting alone with him in the dark, being intimately close to him again, their hands and legs touching, his warm breaths on her face...

Shit. It was almost suffocating. Too familiar. Too consuming. Too much external stimuli she really didn't need right now.

But what mattered more to her was the urgency in his tone. His earnest pleading just pricked her heart, instantly sending her straight into another guilt trip.

He could be having a hard time right now restraining himself, just so he wouldn't end up barging into their house to get what he wanted. Break in and just take the twins. Take her babies away from her and never give them back.

But maybe it's just her paranoid thoughts making her think the worst of him again. Maybe he really just wanted to see the kids? Finally meet them. Spend time with them. Meet her parents.

Then again, they're all just maybes. She needed to make sure she had the upper hand no matter what. For the kids' sake. “Sorry. You— I can't just let you…” Jessi looked away and swore inwardly. She couldn't even verbalize a single coherent thought.

“Why not? Jess, I'm just trying to—”

“You can't just show up, a-and expect me to not react this way. Seriously, my dad would call the cops if he saw—”

“I know. I know. I understand.” He paused to touch her cheek as they stared at each other, his tone almost too calm now. Dangerously calm.

“But, they're still my kids. I'm still their dad. Please.”

“Joss—”

“I'm here now. You can't keep hiding them from me, Jess.”

“That's... They're not—”

“I know, you think I have no right, but, I'm not asking for much.” His warm and calloused hands clasped her wrists. “I'm not goin' anywhere till we sort this out.”

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