Chapter 62: Chapter 62

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"Charm, you home?"

"Hi, darling. No. In the office. How's your birthday?"

"Fine." Jenson sat still as he clasped the shiny fork next to the small chocolate cake.  It was big enough for one person, though.

"Just 'fine'?" Charmaine repeated, giggling at his glum response.  "Where are you? Home?"

"New York."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he replied flatly.  Despite his current feelings, Charmaine's calming voice soothed his bleary head,  prompting his thoughts to delve into some good memories they'd made over the years.

They'd kept in touch even after Charm left California.  They didn't talk every day, but, more often and better than he expected.  Even after everything.

Her choice to leave Los Angeles upset and saddened him.  But going after her career goals obviously made her happy.  So he let her go.  Despite what it did to their relationship, he let bygones be bygones.  In fact he was thankful for what she did.

It made him understand her better now.  Understand what she really wanted and needed in life.  What really made her happy.  It mattered to him more—something he realized just recently.

"Why New York?" Her voice on the other line sounded thin, her tone incredulous.  "You don't like it there. Are you guys doing promo interviews again?"

"No. I just met Kel, Magnus' sister."

"I see. I thought you're spending your birthday there with Darren and your friends."

"Nah. Just me." Jenson sighed.  He just stabbed the nice-looking dessert with the cold fork.  "And my cake."

"I'm sorry, darling," Charmaine murmured after a brief silence.  "Wish I could be there."

"Same."

"Hey.  We could go somewhere together soon, if you want. If you get some time off this month. Just a weekend or a couple days.  Come see the sights here. They're quite fascinating."

"Sure."

"I'm serious. Just stay at my place. No need to worry about hotels and all."

"Thanks."  Jenson put on a smile, somewhat surprised by her casual invitation.

"Hey. I'm not 'just being nice'."  Charmaine laughed softly.  "I can make time this month."

"I can't. But, thanks. I just..."  He suppressed a sigh as he  stared at her photo on his phone screen.  Despite their long and rocky past, her beautiful face and smile still made him feel better.  Well, marginally.  "Just wanted to hear your voice. Ask how you're doing."

"I'm fine, darling."

"You sure?"

"Honestly, I feel safer here. You know they're very strict with their protocols, and, of course I'm always taking my pills. What about you?"

"Yeah."

"Promise? Don't make me worry."

"Promise." He smiled to himself again, not at all expecting her sweetness.

Perhaps she could feel his loneliness and depression just hitting their absolute peak today.  Thus her trying to make him feel better and less alone.  It was enough proof that she still cared for him—perhaps not as much as he cared for her—but at least they stayed good friends.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For seven years."

"Darling..."

"And sorry, for, uh..." He bit back the tears almost burning his eyes.  "All my shortcomings. For things I did and didn't do. For not being there.  And for not putting you first." Jenson leaned on the table and hastily wiped his damp cheeks.  "But I'm grateful, really." He faked a little laugh to sound less dramatic and more friendly.  And to tone down the heartbroken-loner-can't-deal-with-his-feelings vibe.

She probably thought turning a year older had made him too sentimental.

"Grateful that we're still okay. And I don't regret any of it."

"Me, too, darling."

They stayed quiet for a moment.

"Sorry." Charm started sniveling on the other end, as if she was also in tears now. "Thank you. For not hating me. Sorry it didn't work out."

"I know. I'm sorry."

She sighed.

"Sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted. Somewhere along the line, I just..." He raised his arm to wipe his eyes dry with his sleeve, the ache in his throat almost as bad as the dull pain in his tight chest.  "Forgot about us, and, uh...I didn't care to know what really made you happy."

"Stop. You're making me cry harder." Her voice was still trembling. "You deserve someone better. Someone who makes you happy, and truly cares for you."  Charmaine kept sniveling in between sighs.  "I don't regret anything. Except hurting you."

"I know."

"Happy birthday, darling." She sniffled.  "You'll always be my first mate...my first everything."

"I know." Jenson smiled when she giggled.  "Thank you."

"I miss you."

"Miss you, too."

"Come see me soon."

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× Raleigh, NC ×

"Did he like the cake?"

"I think so. He couldn't stop smiling."

"Really?" Jessi grinned, relieved and comforted by the mental image of him appreciating her idea of a birthday present.  She'd been antsy and impatient all day, just waiting for Kel to call her back, nervously imagining how her first ever meeting with Jenson went.

"He kept thanking me like it was just the last thing he expected," Kel said, her soft voice over the phone quite pinched. "He looked so cute every time he smiled, but also, kinda sad. We left him there all alone, y'know... He said he's going back to LA."

Sad.  He looked sad.  He was alone in the city.  Why?

Jessi gripped the charcoal pencil and took a deep breath.

Why would he be sad?  And why was he all alone in New York on his birthday?

"You didn't tell him it was from me, did you?"

"I wanted to," Kel admitted, forcing a cheerful tone.  "But,  he prolly figured it out after his first slice."

"You put my name on the cake? Ugh! Mykaela!" Jessi groaned and frowned, her heart doing double-beats all of a sudden.

"I didn't. Okay? Chill out." Kel giggled.  "But, how would I know his favorite's Dark Chocolate Mousse with blueberries and raspberries on top?"

Well, good point.  Jenson probably figured it out hours ago.  But at least he knew that she hadn't forgotten why today was a special day.  "Seriously, though. You didn't tell him it was my idea?"

"Of course not. Relax..."

"Thanks." Jessi sighed loudly, her relief teetering towards the edge, still consumed by the anxious thoughts she'd been dealing with all month long.

"How you doin'?"

"Great," was her sarcastic reply.

"Still nauseated?"

"I feel like I just dragged myself out of the Chernobyl exclusion zone, and then fell off a cliff for good measure."

"Awesome." Kel chuckled on the other line.  "But your appetite's kinda back to normal?"

"I wish." Jessi stared absently at the portrait in front of her.  She placed the charcoal pencil beside her sketch pad.

Her drawing hand, her arms, and strained back already hurt from sitting down all day.  The tips of her fingers looked coated with soot now.  After hours of hard work, sporadic concentration, bouts of nausea and her stomach's rebelliousness to keep anything down, the new artwork was finally done.

His luminescent eyes stared back at her the longer she studied the portrait.  Like they were trying to say something.  No.  A lot of things...

The shading took her hours and hours, but, in the end, her efforts completely emphasized the angles of his photogenic face.  Plus his soulful eyes...his perfect "leading man" aquiline nose...beautiful lips that always looked so kissable...

Everything about his face just looked great.  No matter his hairstyle.  Or the lighting.  Or the angle.  He was just naturally gorgeous.

"Get some rest. You've been sketching all day again, I bet," Kel said when she went quiet.

"What's the medical term for extreme boredom with nausea and constant restlessness?" Jessi sighed.

"Jenson again?"

"The fangirls just love his face. The last one I uploaded just got a thousand likes," she murmured.  "Maybe I'll sell this new one tonight."

"Signing your initials this time?"

"No. I mean, I dunno... Maybe."

"Don't. They could have hackers on their payroll, too." Kel yawned.  "A guy like my paranoid bro would have someone on speed dial. Trust me."

"Yeah. Probably." Jessi pulled a face and grabbed the heart-shaped eraser.  Fine.  She should delete all traces of her identity on the artwork if she wanted to keep her new online profile anonymous.

"Have some chicken soup again. Might feel a lot better afterwards."

"Okay."

"Jenson was tryna play it cool when we started talkin' about you." Kel giggled.  "Too cute."

"You didn't tell him I still call you a lot, did you?"

"Nope. He asked if you're staying with your parents.  I digressed. Mentioned Armand and all that..."

"Okay. Thanks."

"He kinda apologized. Actually, he looked a bit guilty afterwards."

"Good." Jessi tossed the eraser on the table after removing her initials and surname on the rectangular sheet of paper.  For a moment, she just stared at the finished drawing, her concentration still stuck on thoughts of him.

Sketching portraits of him and other friends she'd left in LA had become her pastime.  Not the best way to forget about her recent heartaches and joblessness-related depression.  But the hobby was a good enough distraction.

Contrary to what her heart desired, she had been avoiding Jenson for months now.  She even convinced her parents to move out of Minnesota.  It wasn't such a hassle;  her mom wanted a change of scenery and her dad had longtime business plans here in Raleigh.

They just packed up and left.  Just cutting all ties that could help Jenson trace her whereabouts.   Like they all advised.  Her parents...  Then Kel...

Even Jenson's uncle.  The man actually told her to stay away.  Stay out of Los Angeles.  Spend time with her family instead.  Find a new job.

At first she thought Magnus was just dishing out some unsolicited career advice, some wise words from a seasoned businessman such as himself.  But after he made her sign that NDA and after she gave her thoughts some time to stew, she was smart enough to realize what it all meant, and the things he wanted for his nephew...

She just wasn't part of their plans.  An outsider.  A future liability.  She didn't belong in their world.

So she left.  For good.  Anyway, she'd better steer clear of that strange, wealthy family with a mountain of secrets...for her and her family's sake.

That recent interview with Jenson and the cast also told her enough.  During the hour-long video, he never mentioned a thing about his breakup with Charmaine.  Perhaps they were back together.  Already busy planning their wedding.

"How many times did you get sick today?" Kel asked next, her voice softened by concern, snapping Jessiah out of her musings.

"Puked twice, but not as much as the other day."

"No other flu-like symptoms?"

"None," Jessi replied, frowning as she placed her palm on her neck.  "Never felt feverish since that last time."

"Immediately after you left LA. Right?"

"Yeah."

They'd supposed that weird and intense flu she experienced upon arriving in Minnesota was caused by the viral infection again.  When all symptoms went away after three days, she concluded it was just a side effect of the morning-after pills.

"Hey. Just, um, to be sure..." Kel cleared her throat. Her voice thinned out, as if something made her feel nervous all of a sudden.  "Why don't you get a test kit?  More than two, preferably.  Or book an appointment at a clinic."

"Why?"  Jessi scowled.  Was she sick from the virus again?

Shit.  But how?  She'd been staying indoors all day, every single day for the past couple of months.  She gripped her phone.  The sudden panic paused her breathing, and her entire body just stiffened in the drawing chair.

"What test kit?"

"Pregnancy test kit."

"What?" She scoffed, feigning a laugh.  She casually glanced down at her small paunch, and then at her slightly heavier breasts.  Her palm felt her bare chest beneath her shirt.  She didn't wear bras anymore.  She was always in her room, anyway.

No need for boob jail.  But they did feel extra sensitive. Another delayed cycle about to start?  Most likely.  She also felt bloated.  Hormones plus depression-triggered weight gain?

Lately she just couldn't be bothered to work out.  It wasn't like she was going back to modeling swimsuits anytime soon.  Why would her friend think she needed a pregnancy test?

So her sensitive stomach, extra pounds, and appetite changes lately automatically meant pregnancy?

No.  It couldn't be.  She took the pills.

"But..." Jessi scratched her head, her brain racking over a quick checklist she kept in mind.  "But I had my period, the week after we..."  That week after I had unprotected, uninhibited sex with my boss twice in the same night, was what her nagging conscience wanted her to say.

"Could've been spotting, like I said. It's quite normal in early pregnancy."

"No. No. I took two pills. Two on the same day."

"If I got it right, you could be on your 11th or 12th week," Kel muttered.  "Hey. I really hope I'm wrong, but...you gotta consider the other possibility."

"No. I'm not pregnant. I'm not." Jessi kept her voice down and glanced to her bedroom door.

Still closed.  Whew.  Her mom and dad hadn't heard anything.

Okay...  Maybe it's just an unlikely hunch Kel wanted her to rule out with a quick doctor's appointment.  Yeah.  No need to panic.

"Get an ultrasound. Set an appointment with a gynecologist this week."

"You're funny, but, okay." Jessi forced a grin.  She took two morning-after pills that same day she bought them, and not even 24 hours after she and Jenson...

Well, surely that took care of the situation months ago?  Unless, it was too late, and...

"I'll call the..." She got up from the seat, then froze, slowly leaning over the sketch pad with her fingers pressed onto her temple.  Her vision just spun again before she could even step away from the desk.  Ugh.  It was just annoying at this point.   "Fuck."

"Yep. That, you did." Kel snickered.  "Without a condom. And twice. Just sayin'..."

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