Chapter 17: Chapter 17

My heart wouldn't stop beating as my husband held me so close to himself, he hid my head in his hard chest and the way he held my waist and buried my body in his arms seemed as if I weighed nothing. Well, I actually weighed nothing, I'm so svelte and flexible. I want to add weight but no matter how much I eat, I just couldn't so I gave up.

Sleeping so close to my husband, I tried my best to keep my thoughts together but I couldn't. I haven't consciously been in close proximity with him before so I find it so hard to stop my beating heart which is beating faster than usual.

My head rested on his chest which wasn't covered by his night robe and the warmth from his chest makes my whole body feel hot. I can feel my ear and neck blushing through that strong but yet soft, smooth chest. I'm hundred percent certain that my whole face had turned pink at this moment.

Even though I was tensed sleeping so close to him my mind was still able to relish this compactness which was washing my senses away. I was smiling and giggling inside my head having a whole lot of feelings that I couldn't understand. All I know is that I feel nervous, tense and happy at the same time. I have never thought that I would sleep this close with my husband.

Because one of my ears was resting on his chest, I could hear the beating of his heart. And just like mine, his heart is beating rapidly.

Why's his heart beating swiftly like mine?

It's beating like someone who's nervous or trying to control his feelings just like what I'm feeling right now.

Is his heart beating faster than usual because of our closeness? Is he feeling the way that I'm feeling right now?

Those are the questions in my head but I quickly shook it away.

I always like exaggerating, I believe I'm doing so again. This my silly mind likes thinking in a silly way.

I believe that I'm feeling hot because I have some feelings for my husband. I think that I love him, though I shouldn't because he doesn't love me but I can't help it. From the little knowledge I know about love and feelings, I found out that your heart will beat faster than usual and palpitate once you are so close to someone you love.

It's only someone you love or someone you are sexually attracted to that can make your heart beat hastily.

My husband doesn't love me nor is he sexually attracted to me, so I strongly believe that I got it wrong to think that my husband's heart is beating precipitously because he's sleeping very close to me. Maybe that's his normal heartbeat but I haven't seen anyone whose heartbeat accelerates fastly in this way.

“Constance,"

I flinched a bit when I abruptly heard his masculine voice. I gulped into nothing. My name sounded so luscious from his voice. I even felt a chill on my body from the way he called me.

“Why are you not sleeping?"

Huh?

He knows that I'm not sleeping but how. He can't see my face so how does he know that I'm not sleeping?

“Don't you feel good sleeping this way?" he asked again, not minding the fact that I didn't reply to his first question. I don't even know what to reply to him in the first place, that was why I kept quiet.

My head finally assessed the question he asked just now. He wants to know if I'm feeling good sleeping so close in his arms.

Suddenly my mind started wandering to find an answer to give to him. What should I tell him? I actually love the feelings I'm getting from sleeping this close to him but yet, I can't help my nervousness. Is my first time sleeping this close to him so it will definitely take time for me to adjust.

In short, I want to sleep with him this way. I also don't want to sleep this way with him because my heart won't stop palpitating and I wonder if I will ever get a sleep when my heart won't stop beating rapidly. I can't believe that all the sleepiness I was feeling before I retired to the bed has all gone just because of the close contact with my husband.

“Constance?" his voice once again snapped me out of my thoughts.

I wonder when I will stop this habit of mine, instead of answering a question being thrown at me, I get lost in my own thoughts. But I actually react this way when I'm shocked by the question or don't know the answer to give.

“I guess your silence states that you are comfortable with our sleeping position. Now go to sleep, you have classes tomorrow," he added when I didn't say anything.

I bite my lower lips not knowing what to say or do. Is not his fault, I didn't speak so he concluded with what he thinks that's in my mind.

I have no choice but to sleep this way. Maybe I should enjoy the sweetness of sleeping this way rather than the nervousness I'm feeling.

Putting this thought into practice, it actually helped a lot.

In no time, the sleepiness came back and before I knew what was happening, I drifted to sleep.

I woke up the next morning with a vivid smile on my face. I never knew I would feel this good sleeping in my husband's arms all night. I can't believe he let me sleep that way with him throughout the whole night. I'm glad he actually did because I slept better than other days.

“Constance," I heard his enchanting voice.

“Hmmm," I murmur sheepishly. Though I'm awake, I still have my eyes closed. Hearing that sweet voice, I stupidly thought I was dreaming… his voice is extremely cooing and calm, so unlike him.

But then again I heard his voice. That was when I fully realized that I'm awake. I wasn't dreaming, it's actually my husband's voice cooing to me. I never thought he could speak to me with such a tone.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and met his mesmerizing black eyes. Those eyes had the power to hypnotize someone and make him or her fall helplessly in love with this charming young man.

Everyday I keep asking myself if I'm actually married to this man and not dreaming. I still can't believe that this extremely handsome man is my husband. I was lost in his eyes. For the first time since I got married to him I didn't break eye contact in a matter of seconds. I stared longer than before, those pairs of black eyes were so beautiful that I felt like I was enchanted by them.

His eyes are so charming. I've seen a lot of black eyes but this particular set of eyes stood out differently from the rest. Its blackness is shining and effulgent, it appears as if there's some magic which could tame someone and make them get lost in it.

I giggle inside my head and subconsciously hug him tight. I couldn't control the happiness I felt by having him as my husband. A man whom almost every girl in my school wanted to see even a glimpse of him, is the same man I'm sleeping so close to. I felt like it's a big achievement.

“Constance, you are squeezing me."

Hearing his voice, I blinked my eyes and that was when I quickly snapped out from my dreamy world and it fully occurred to me that I was hugging him so tight.

I quickly blench my arms and my body which is pressing so hard on his and sit up on the bed.

My shyness and nervousness came back again, I lost that boldness that made me stare into his eyes for long without breaking away.

I can feel his eyes on me, it stared at me for a bit longer and all those while my heart wouldn't stop beating faster and I kept fidgeting with my fingers.

“Are you not going to go to school?" He asked after what seemed like a minute or more.

Yes, school. Seeing the brightness of the morning sun which shone into the room, I believe that I'm already running late to school.

I hastily climbed down the bed and was about rushing inside the bathroom but I immediately remembered the birthday party Jocelyn talked about. I still haven't asked permission from my husband and the party is tonight.

I didn't move further and stood on my track. I peeped a glance at him, he's sitting on the bed still in his night robe and on his phone.

He's relaxing as someone who will not go to work today or maybe he will not because if he should, I'm sure he would have left even before I woke up.

I tried several times to open my mouth and speak but each attempt always ended up futile.

Oh! no Constance, you need to try and tell him. How will I stay throughout the party tonight if I don't tell him?

“Do you want to say something?" His voice which suddenly sounded in the room made me startled a bit.

It looks like he noticed my uneasiness as someone who wants to say something but restraining herself.

Even Though he asked, I still didn't have the courage to tell him. At the end I nodded my head negatively and walked inside the bathroom.

I don't think I have the courage to tell my husband, I don't know what's restraining me. Why can't I be bold enough to speak to him?

Maybe I will go to the party but won't stay throughout the night. I will quickly return home before my husband does.

After brushing my teeth. I stacked myself naked and made my way to the shower stall.

I put on the shower and I love the feeling of the water which runs through my pale skin.

Once I'm done taking my bath, I grab my towel from the towel ring and wrap it round my body.

The towel is still the small towel grandfather got for me, I will have to buy a bigger one next time.

I was about to walk out from the bathroom but the towel suddenly came loose from my chest. Before I could wrap it around my chest once again, the bathroom door flew open as my husband walked in.

What! I screamed in my head and my eyes nearly bugged out from its sockets.

The shock I felt from him seeing my almost naked body made me completely lose my grip on the towel and it finally fell to the floor revealing my whole pale body.