Chapter 22: Chapter 22

The silence in the car on the drive back to Nathan's apartment is loud enough to worsen the situation.

I can't help but occasionally turn to Nathan. His eyes are steady on the road and he hasn't held my hand since we left the hospital.

Great.

Just great.

I want to be sad, I want to apologise...But suddenly I'm pissed.

How dare he give me the silent treatment?

I didn't get myself pregnant!

If anything, it was his fault for taking me into that goddamn shower.

What would he have done if I told him before Lucas barged in?

Would he have actually let himself get shot?

Thoughts upon thoughts keep racking in my head and by the time Nathan parks his car, I'm furious.

He sighs as he stares straight ahead.

"If you don't want the child, all you have to do is say so." I say after a long silence and he looks at me confused.

"What?" He asks and I turn to him.

"You heard me Nathan. It's been a long day and--"

"Exactly. It's been a long day. This is not the time to talk about this Lunar. Let's get inside and get some rest and we'll discuss it tomorrow." He says firmly as he unlocks his seat belt but I sit in place stubbornly.

"No way. I'm not going anywhere. If there's anything you want to say to me tomorrow, you can say it now." I say and he stares at me.

"What's going on with you?"

"Everything is going on with me Nathan! Everything! I found out I'm pregnant, I got shot, I saw my dad in prison and you're acting as if I just threw a bomb at your perfect life!"

"What Lunar?! WHAT?! What do you want me to do?! What do you want me to say?!" He yells in his deep voice, shocking me.

"You want me to ask you to move in?! You want me to propose to you?! You want to go see my parents?!"

"Well do something! I didn't get myself pregnant!" I yell at him.

"What do you want me to do?! I'm running a business, I'm handling school and you're already a friggin handful! You think raising a child is easy?!" He yells and I glare at him through teary eyes.

"I'm just not--" he pauses abruptly.

"Say it." I say and Nathan looks away.

"Go ahead, say it! Say it!"

"I'm not ready! I'm not ready to be a father or handle the annoying late night cries of a baby or changing diapers and spending a shitload of money on all the medications and precautions!" He yells.

I stare at him in the silence, letting his words sink into his mind of what he just said.

"Then you've made my decision easier." I say and I undo my seatbelt, open the door and march out.

Nathan follows behind.

"Where are you going? The doctor said you need rest." He says and I turn to him.

"Well, I'm not getting any from you. Just leave me alone." I say and he glares at me for the first time ever.

"Lunar, get back. You're pregnant and you're stressed."

"That's thanks to you, isn't it?" I say and he frowns.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm not going to enter the same apartment with you when you're yelling at me and looking at me like I ruined your life."

"You're overreacti--"

"No, I'm not. You said it yourself. It's not like I'm going to move in or see your parents or get married to you. For God's sake, we've only dated for two months! Just go have your perfect life and manage your business."

"Lunar---"

"Goodnight Nathan." I say and walk away until I get a taxi.

And then I head for my dorm.

*****

"My roommate has returned from her honeymoon!" Tess exclaims when I walk in and I realise how much I've missed her.

Her giddiness.

Cheerfulness.

Amazing sense of humour.

Her comfort.

Everything about her that made life look so carefree.

That was not dramatic or intense.

With her smiling at me, I feel a sudden relief and I hug her tightly, straining against the pain of the bullet wound.

"I missed you too, Lu." She says, laughing and after the long hug, I pull away and look at her.

She observes my face.

"Lu, what's wrong?"

"I've missed you Tess. It's been a hell of a day and I'm exhausted." I say and she carefully leads me to my bed.

"Hey, it's okay. Talk to me, what is it?" She asks and I take off my coat to show her the bandage on my shoulder.

"Oh my God! What happened?" She asks and I suddenly want to tell and shout and scream out all the rage.

"Lucas! Lucas happened. He barged into the apartment and pulled a gun on me--"

"What?!" Tess exclaims and I get up now, needing to move and pace.

"He said he would kill me and kill himself because I got back together with Nathan! And then Nathan volunteers himself to be shot instead of me! Right in front of me! And they struggled for the gun and a stray bullet grazed my shoulder and it hurts, goddammit!  And we had to go to the hospital which sucked because that's when Nathan found out I was pregnant! I didn't even get a chance to--"

"Wait, WHAT?!" She yells, now standing and I sigh.

"I'm pregnant, Tess. I'm pregnant for someone that doesn't even want the baby." I say, exhausted as I sit on my bed and Tess turns to me.

"Oh my God. How far are you gone?" She asks and tears cloud my eyes.

"Six weeks." I whimper and Tess squats in front of me.

"Are you okay?" She asks with sincere concern and I shake my head.

"No. I just found out today. My dad wants me to keep it, but Nathan....Nathan won't even look at me the same." I mutter and she pulls me into a hug that I definitely needed.

"Why didn't you call me?" She asks.

"I know I should have, and I'm sorry. I was so confused and scared and everyone had something to say. I'm just so tired." I say and Tess puts on her comforting smile.

"You know I always have your back. I'm with you, for whatever you decide. So what do you want to do?" She asks and I look down at my tummy, now noticing the slight increase.

I think of my dad...And his advice.

I think of Logan.

My mum and Elena.

I'd lost two of my family members...And then Logan.

And for all I know, Nathan will probably leave me.

Apart from my dad and Tess...this baby is all I truly have.

My blood.

"I...I want to keep it. I know it wont be easy but I want to keep it." I say and she smiles.

"Then that's what you'll do, and I'll be right beside you." She says and I smile....even though I wish I knew what Nathan wanted.

Even though I missed him still.

Tess orders food after a while and I gobble it down, realising how famished I was.

Then she browses a list of baby names along with scheduling with the hospital for my pregnancy scan.

In the familiarity and comfort of my room and Tess's laughter....I feel relaxed.

Or at least I'm trying to.

At the back of my mind, deep down were the thoughts of Nathan.

Thoughts of what he was doing and if he was fine.

Thoughts of what would happen to us.

*****

NATHAN'S P.O.V

No matter how much I try to ignore the little voice at the back of my mind, I can't.

You know you were wrong.

You shouldn't have yelled at her.

You should have gone after her.

Yet, I did my best to make it through the day until I got to Fred's house.

And now I'm standing in his front, waiting to give him the news as he takes off his reading glasses and close the files.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" He asks and I sigh.

It's not like I had anyone else to tell at the moment. I needed to get it off my chest.

"It's Lunar....she's pregnant." I say and he stays silent for a while, staring at me.

"Lunar is pregnant?" He repeats calmly.

"For me...yes." I say and he stands up now, reaching me at eye level.

I watch as he takes a deep breath and let's it out. Then he lays a hand on my shoulder.

"How....How is she?" He asks with concern and I look away.

"Nathan? How is she?" Fred asks in a warning tone.

"I don't know, okay? She's fine, I guess." I say and turn back to him.

"You guess?"

"She left yesterday, so--"

"And you let her leave?"

"It's not like I kicked her out or anything. We just had an argument and then she left, okay? I'm just as shaken up as she is about the news." I say defensively and Fred sighs.

"When did you find out?"

"Yesterday." I say and lean against the wall.

"When did she find out?" He asks and I stare at my feet.

"Yesterday."

"For God's sake, Nate. She found out yesterday too and you let her leave?" He scolds I let out a frustrated groan.

"I didn't know what else to do. She was yelling and questioning me and saying all sorts of accusations and jumping into conclusions---"

"She's pregnant! What do you expect? You can't blame her for reacting the way she did. She's overwhelmed and emotional."

"Of course not but I'm overwhelmed too, Fred. What about the business? What about my degree? I mean yes, I've always imagined having kids and a home but it's several years too early. How do I handle it? I see how complex it is raising Emily. You think I'm ready for that?" I say and he stays silent for a while.

Then he sighs.

"So you don't want the baby?"

"I do. I do. I just...I just don't know the first thing about raising kids or having a kid. I don't know how to handle it....And it scares the hell out of me." I say and he nods.

"Listen, Nate. Its normal to feel like this. Especially in your situation and I know you're panicked a bit. But as difficult as it seems, I need you to be the bigger person and step up right now." He says calmly.

"I'm trying to--"

"You have to try harder, Nate. And it's going to be tricky because you're not prepared but that's the things about being the man in the relationship. She's acting out and even though you want to, you can't. You have to be strong for her and yourself. She's the one carrying the baby...How did you think she felt when she found out?  You're letting off all your steam now, but she must have been all alone when she found out." He says and I sigh as I sit on the couch.

Fuck, he's right.

Fred continues talking,

"Her hormones are kicking up and she's in shock and frightened. You asked about your degree...what about her degree? In a few months she won't even be able to go to classes. Her body is changing, she's going to act up even more. You know she only has you, that's why she acted that way. How do you think she felt when she left? She's lost family, Nathan, this baby affects her more than you know. She'll need proper care and nutrition and it's a long process and it's tricky and confusing but you'll have each other to make it better. Sure, its not planned but its life. She needs you now...just like you need her." He concludes and I run my hands through my hair.

He was right. Over and over.

Trust Fred to smack the guilt on your face.

"You're right, I feel like shit. I.. I can't let her do this alone. I have to go talk to her." I say as I get up and smiles at me.

"Besides...She didn't get herself pregnant." He jokes and I roll my eyes at him.

"Funny, Fred. That joke just cost you your uncle rights." I say as I grab my keys.

Uncle. Fred will be an uncle.

And I'll be a dad.