Chapter 24: Chapter 24

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My father pretty much dragged me by the collar out of the study room. My Pappa's idea of complete privacy pushed us past the thick hedges that led us into the quiet maze.

The sunset had dimmed the wide garden, especially the labyrinth. I kept up with his impatient pace. Why my father wanted to talk to me out here—I had no clue.  But if it would give me the answers I needed to hear, then fine.  My head no longer felt like I just came out of an invasive brain surgery, but my logic still craved for some clarification.

In apprehension, I blindly followed my father's rushed steps further into the dim maze. I pressed the back of my hand onto my nose. The smell of fertile soil, degrading leaves, dead pests and animal manure was just overwhelming.

Why exactly did he bring me here?

Right. Of course.  To control the conversation and the situation. What else...

I ignored the lecturing voice in my mind and kept up a steady pace behind Pappa.

"You see?" My father turned to glance at me. "You understand now why I kept it secret?"

"No."

"This life..." Pappa stopped in the middle of three converging paths. Now we stood in the middle of the maze, surrounded by tall hedgerows, far from anyone else's peripheral vision.  "I'm not sure it's the best for you."

"Why?"

A tense silence prolonged.  Pappa stared back at me with dark, shadowed eyes.

Was he trying to find the right words to say?  I stood a good five feet away, panting from the speedy hike into Ricchar and Cloe's special labyrinth. It looked creepy at night, but actually still well-maintained.

"To protect you. Yes. But it doesn't mean I gave up on you, bambino." Pappa paused to let out an audible sigh.  "You are much more capable than you think."

Protect me from what? Capable of what? The implications of that statement, after everything I'd just discovered today, were frustratingly endless.

"Much more than I thought. You don't understand it yet, but, you will eventually."

"Capable of what, Pappa?"

"Ricchar didn't tell you?"

"All of it's true?" I glanced away.  "Why did you choose the Tomassinis?"

Pappa took a step closer, his expression looking less grim and rather fatherly now. "Si avvicini."

"Perché?" I stiffened up when he stood next to me. I couldn't move when his cold hand gripped my nape.

"We need to think ahead. Be two steps ahead of everyone else. You understand?"

I held back a groan of pain. Something pricked the skin right above my spine.  Now my feet felt pinned on the ground by something.

"Padre, rest his soul...he taught me a few things." Pappa pulled back and stared into my eyes. "Criminals killed him and Madre. That time we were considered insignificant to society, I had to keep myself alive. Fend for myself. "  He tightened his grip on the back of my neck. "I was a child, but I had to make decisions that would change my life."

The earnestness in his dispirited tone made me stay put. Somehow I could understand the unspoken reasons behind the distress in his voice. But I also knew his crimes didn't merely involve small-time arms and drug deals.

"I had to do things that...  Just things I want to forget.  Even to this day."

What things? I just had no clue what exactly he wanted to say to get his point across.

"I did it to escape death, live freely, make my existence matter. To surpass the lonely, self-destructive life they gave us." Pappa placed a hand on my shoulder to give it a light squeeze. "I wanted to live. I want to keep and enjoy living on this Earth. Is that too selfish of me, bambino?"

I couldn't respond or react. All I could do was stare into his attentive gray eyes that often seemed cold and unsympathetic.

"I don't harm people who don't deserve it."

"Are you saying you killed Niccolo?"  I backed away, unable to hold back suspicions. The memories were hazy, but I just recalled what my father did to Niccolo Vinciguerra.  My father's hollow confessions put the puzzle pieces together in my head.  "You said you were just gonna teach him a lesson."

"You still feel sorry for that obstinate bastard?" Pappa's scowl drew lines on his forehead and jowls. "Your life is changing for the better now, but you still refuse to see it."

"For the better? Is it really?" I couldn't help shouting. "Did you just forget what happened to Cloe and Lorenzio? Cloe almost died!"

"That was unexpected." He sighed again and cleared his throat. "Some people are simply ruthless and vile as much as we are outnumbered."

I scoffed. "That's such bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"The mob boss wants all of us dead 'cause you killed his godson." Yep. Hours of torture. Niccolo in heavy chains. Guns. The imagery alone got me clenching my fists. "You told your guys to get rid of him, didn't you?" I gritted my teeth and took a step forward. I wasn't scared anymore. I was a grown-up now, capable of managing my own life and making my own decisions. No longer the naïve, clueless little boy everybody thought was too weak to stand up for himself.

"Therefore I should've just let him go?" Pappa glared. "You think he didn't deserve the punishment?"

"Fuck that! You didn't have to murder him!"

"Non sai quello che dici."  Pappa faintly shook his head and regarded me with his piercing stare.  "Are you acting this way because you still have feelings for that brat? He blackmailed you. You forgot that already?"

"Did you even bury his corpse or just fucking fed him to the sharks?"

"He was threatening to expose us! The entire clan!"

At my father's outburst, I took a moment to steady my breaths and gather some much-needed patience. The entirety of this day just left me exhausted, drained...but eager for more answers nonetheless.

"You've killed people before and dealt with criminals, even when I was still a kid who could barely comprehend it all.  Mamma took me away just so we could try to live normal, and try to forget that part of our life. She even tried to accept it. But if you keep doing this shit, Pappa, I'll shove you into prison myself."

"Ingrato!" He smacked me right across the cheek.

It sounded as sharp as the shocking pain that stang my face.  "Murderer."

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A profound silence hovered around us. Not even a gust of wind, no leaves rustling, nothing. It was like...time stopped.

The flare-up didn't seem to faze him. After some tensed silence, my father opted not to waste more energy fighting with me over spilt milk, just beating a dead horse. Instead, he pulled me into a hug to put a stop to our heated meltdown.

It became a long and tight hug that almost felt sincere. Although I didn't want it, I could only stand stiff in his eager, comforting arms.

"I don't care whether you trust us, believe in us as a family, or otherwise. We are not like those monsters."

Silence again. I just couldn't utter a word that didn't sound blatantly disrespectful.

"We deserve this life. And we are more equipped to take care of this world than those self-serving, mindless, depraved animals."

"What?" I swallowed the lump of nerves stuck in my throat and palmed my cheek. It hurt so much it was starting to numb.  I pulled away, too bewildered to speak.

The vagueness and surety in my father's words just brought chills down my spine. I was anything but a monster. I never hurt anybody in my entire existence. I was a nobody...a worthless nobody just trying to live a normal, boring life in the countryside.

My father backed away to look at me. He even touched my cheek—the one he just slapped into a fucking coma.

"You're gonna end up in prison.  You're breaking the law," I mumbled. Stark confusion knitted my insides and the lack of clarity made me feel stupider than ever.

"No. I help make them." Pappa grinned lightly and combed back his graying head of hair. The brazen certainty in his tone just triggered a whole lot of warning signals. "You just don't know how this world works—yet."

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"For your own good." Pappa suddenly clasped the back of my head.

The onslaught of pain made me wince. The sensation almost forced me to hold my breath. My skull pounded harder.  I sat helplessly on the ground littered with dead leaves. "What did you tell Mamma?"

"Only what she needs to know."

Wow. The audacity. Not a modicum of contrition or remorse whatsoever.

"You cannot mess this up." Pappa stayed beside me, his tone forebodingly calm. "Your job is to help the family move on to greater things—not pass up the chance."

Shit.  Why was he risking our lives with this deal? Was he trying to get his own family killed?  Alarmed, I took another step backwards. I couldn't stop the ire that crept into my thoughts.

"Get the whole picture now?"  He crouched next to me and gripped my arm. "Everything's going to work out. Just trust me." He smiled. It bared his straight teeth and showed an air of maleficence in his eyes. "Get Mykaela. I want to talk to her."

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