Chapter 9: Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE: HER FAVORITE SONG

D5.

DANIEL

It’s been two weeks since Anna’s death and I am no closer to coming to terms with the fact that she is gone as I was when I first found out about it. When someone becomes your world, how do you go on existing once they are gone? I don’t really want to exist anymore. At least I didn’t, but Anna came back and saved my life that day on the road, and so for her, I’ll try to exist, so that her effort won’t be in vain.

I’ve got to admit though, I’ve become pretty useless in the past two weeks. I’ve fallen behind on a lot of my schoolwork and I haven’t gone back to basketball practice at all. I even missed a game, which is something I would have never, ever previously done. It’s like I can’t bring myself to care as much as I used to. Losing a game seems so trivial next to losing Anna. That’s one loss I’ll never forget. Though I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss basketball.

My body is itching to get back into the game, but my mind is too preoccupied for it at the moment. It’s hard to focus on basketball when Anna’s killer is still out there on the loose, getting away with what they did. Still, I make a mental note to try harder on my schoolwork. If my grades slip too far down, I won’t be allowed to play once I’m ready to come back. I will be kicked off the team permanently.

With this in mind, I grab my school planner and flip through it to see what the next, boring assignment I have to work on is. To my disappointment, I find that it is math: linear equations, to be exact.

“Ugh. And to think, you could have spared me from this, Anna.” I say out loud, a slight grin on my face knowing that if Anna’s spirit is here and listening, she would laugh that incredible laugh of hers at my sarcastic remark.

“Huh?” Isabel says, looking up from her own homework. “Did you just call me Anna?”

I forgot she was here, to be honest, even though she always comes over after school these days. I don’t say that to be a jerk, I have come to appreciate her company and if I forget she’s around it’s because I’ve grown accustomed to her presence already.

“No, I didn’t call you Anna,” I say.

She looks at me, eyebrows raised.

“I called Anna ‘Anna’” I say, matter-of-factly.

She sighs and I know that she is about to get on my case, the way she always does whenever I talk to Anna.

“Um, Dan?” she says. “Anna isn’t here. Anna is dead.”

“She may be dead, but whether or not she is here is up for debate.” I reply, stubbornly.

“You can’t seriously be saying that you believe in ghosts, Dan.” Isabel rolls her eyes. “Ghosts aren’t real. They’re just some fictional beings made up to sell books and movies, just like vampires and bigfoot.”

I have to laugh at that, “Seriously, Isabel? Ghosts are not just some made up Hollywood crap. There have been references to ghosts and spirits since like, ancient times. They are so not comparable to something as lame as bigfoot.”

“All that means,” she says, in a playful tone, “is that ancient people were full of crap too.” She laughs hard and something about it brings a knot to my stomach. “Come on, Dan, you’re smarter than to fall for that stuff.”

“I don’t know that I’m ‘falling’ for anything.” I say, a bit irritated that I’m being laughed at for possibly believing in ghosts. “I just know that at times, I can feel her. Sometimes I’m just on the couch watching TV and it’s like I can feel her sitting next to me, making comments about what I’m watching or laughing at something funny. I swear that sometimes I can even smell her perfume in the air…”

It’s true. There have been times where I can really smell Anna’s perfume lingering around me, at my house, or in my car. Sometimes even at school. Isabel looks at me curiously, biting her lip and twirling a lock of hair in her finger.

“Well, if you say so, Dan,” she says, and I can hear a bit of amusement in her tone. Suddenly, I’m really annoyed. I can tell she doesn’t believe me, and I don’t appreciate her humoring me.

“And what do you say, Isabel?” I ask, coldly. “Have you actually been keeping up with the investigation, like you promised? You know, Anna’s ghost actually has a real reason to linger about, given that her killer is roaming around free, and no one seems in any hurry to do anything about it.”

I am fuming. Anna was a real human being. A smart, sweet, beautiful girl whose life was taken from her way too soon, possibly at the hands of her own mother. She deserves justice for what’s happened. Isabel’s father is a hotshot lawyer with ties to the local police and basically anyone who would be in the know about Anna’s case, so I’ve asked her to keep me informed about any updates.

“Actually, people seem to be working like, really hard on her case. These things just take time, at least that’s what my daddy says.” Isabel answers calmly.

“Two weeks is time enough, in my opinion.” I respond bitterly.

She smiles in a hopeful way and says, “Hey, I’m sure her case will be solved any day now. You just have to be patient and let the cops do their job.”

“Yeah, right.” I answer, sarcastically. “Are they even looking into her sketchy mother?”

Isabel lowers her gaze back to her homework sheet. “Dan, there’s no evidence that Anna’s mom had anything to do with what happened to her. In fact, my dad said that she has an alibi. She was still at work at the time Anna was hit.”

“That’s impossible, unless she works a nightshift. Anna called me at 3AM on the night she died!” I am shouting right now, but the fact that this horrible woman is lying to the cops about being at work has me outraged. Anna’s mother wouldn’t have been at work at that time. Whenever Anna and I spoke on the phone late at night – which was often – she would whisper quietly like she didn’t want her parents to hear her. Now that I know she lived alone with her mother, it’s quite obvious it was her who was home. God only knows what she would have done to Anna if she’d ever caught her on the phone in those late hours. No wonder she was scared.

“Dan…” Isabel says quietly, “Anna was hit in the early evening. There is no way she could have called you at 3AM.”

I raise my voice even more, “I’m not crazy, Isabel! I know I spoke to her.”

“Do you have the call log?” she asks, tentatively.

“Well, no…” I reply, “I must have deleted it by mistake, but I know she called me!” I’m not crazy, am I? Anna did call me that night. She called me sobbing and she told me we couldn’t be together anymore. I remember it so vividly. Isabel doesn’t seem so convinced.

“Dan, you drank a lot that night. I think you probably just passed out and had a dream about her calling you.” she says, quietly.

Could she be right? It’s true that I drank way more than I should have, and I really can’t find any evidence on my phone that Anna called me that night. I just can’t remember having fallen asleep at all and it all felt so real. Although I guess exhaustion, and alcohol together could have caused me some memory loss and confusion. I sigh and look back up at Isabel.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.”

***

The next day, I am heading to my car after school when I hear my name.

“Yo, Dan, catch!”

I turn around and without missing a beat, catch the basketball that Jason has thrown at me.

“Nice!” he says, with a devilish grin on his face, “Almost as good as Radjan. Are you finally going to grace us with your presence at practice today or are you just going to let him replace you for good?”

“Ha ha, very funny, Marsh.” I reply, dryly and throw the basketball back at him with a little more force than necessary. He laughs as he catches it.

“Ooh, I’m getting the last name treatment now, am I? Did I strike a nerve?”

I ignore him and continue walking. Isabel approaches and walks a few steps behind me. It’s already become our routine, going home from school together.

“Come on, dude, I’m kidding!” Jason continues, raising his voice so he can be heard as I move further away. “The guys and I just want you back already.”

“Yeah, maybe next week, bro,” I shout back over my shoulder. Jason shrugs and heads off to practice as Isabel and I climb into my car. She looks over at me as she buckles her seatbelt.

“You really should start going back to practice already, Dan. You already missed one game and there have been rumors about recruiters coming to the next one. He’s not really kidding about Radjan. The guy is really good.”

“Oh, god, not you too,” I groan.

All I’ve heard for the past two weeks is about how the new guy, Radjan is such a basketball star. Jason brags about him to me all the time, although I think it’s mostly in an attempt to make me jealous so that I come back already. I would think he is exaggerating about the guy, except that my father also does the same thing. He talks about Radjan all the time at dinner, seeming very impressed and convinced that he’s got a real talent on his hands. Well, I’m a real talent too and I have no problem putting this Radjan guy in his proper place once I’m ready to get back out there, but it’s just way too soon.

“I’m just saying,” Isabel continues, “I saw him at the game, and he was very impressive. Don’t take too long to come back, or you might miss out on everything you’ve worked hard for. I get that you’re like, sad about Anna, but she’s gone and grieving forever won’t bring her back. You’ve got to let go of the dead and get on with your life.”

I shoot an annoyed glance at her as she starts sifting through her purse. I know that there is truth in the things she just said, but I don’t really like the way that she said it. I’m not just sad about Anna: I’m angry that someone did this to her and got away with it. Isabel finds what she is looking for and pulls it out. It’s a CD that is very familiar to me. My annoyance turns into surprise.

“You listen to Dashboard Confessional?” I ask, not hiding the surprise in my voice.

Isabel smirks as she pops the CD into my car’s system, “Duh, like doesn’t everyone?”

“Uh, no, actually. I only knew of this band because of Anna. They were her favorite. I didn’t know anyone else at our school was into them.” I reply.

Isabel lets out a noise that sounds like half snort, half laugh, “Well, hate to break it to you, but she wasn’t that unique. I have loved this band for years!” She closes her eyes as the beginning of their song “Hands Down” starts to play through my car’s speakers and sways slowly to the rhythm, as if she is soaking in every note.

“I’ve got to say, I’m very surprised you’re into this, Isabel.” I say.

She opens her eyes and smirks at me, “Oh, and why is that, Daniel?”

“I don’t know, I just pegged you as more of an Ariana Grande type,” I tease.

She gets a confused look on her face, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Never mind,” I say, amused.

She shrugs and changes the subject, pulling something else out of her bag. A small box. “Anyway, I’ve got something for you.”

“You do?” I ask, surprised. “What is it?”

She smiles, “It’s just a little something I found that made me think of you and I thought that maybe –”

She stops talking as I suddenly gasp, watching as the seashell Anna gave me begins to sway on the rearview mirror.

“Oh my god, are you seeing this?!” I shout.

“Seeing what?” she asked, confused.

“The seashell! Anna’s seashell, it’s moving!” I exclaim.

“Oh my god, Dan, it’s just the air conditioner blowing on it that’s making it move.” I can tell without looking at her that she is rolling her eyes as she says that.

“No, the air conditioner never moves it, it’s too heavy. It’s Anna! She’s in here and making it move.” I say, excitedly.

“What?!” She replies in disbelief. “Dan…”

I know that what I’m saying sounds crazy, but I can feel Anna in this car with me right now. What are the odds that her seashell would move as her favorite band starts to play?

Oh, Anna! I can feel her, I can even smell her perfume. I feel the urge to be alone with her right now. I turn to Isabel.

“Isabel, I need you to get out of the car,” I say. “Find another ride home today.”

“What? Dan!” she scoffs, offended.

“I’m sorry, but I need to be alone with her.” I explain.

“Alone with…Anna?” She answers, annoyed. “Dan, Anna is gone. She is dead! She isn’t here. She isn’t anywhere! She’s dead!”

This sends me over the edge, and I scream at her, “GET OUT OF MY CAR, ISABEL!!! GET OUT NOW!!!”

She gives me a frightful look as if she knows she’s stepped out of line and then climbs out of the car, leaving her present for me on the seat, “Just call me if you need me for anything, Dan,” she says before closing the door and walking away.

Once left alone, I start talking to Anna.

“Anna? Anna, are you there? Please talk to me.”

I wait, but nothing happens. The seashell has stopped moving and I can’t hear anything except the sound of the CD still playing over the speakers.

“Anna, I know you’re there. Tell me what happened, baby. Who hurt you? Was it your mom? Tell me! I’m here for you. Just tell me.”

Nothing. I can’t fight the tears that come to my eyes. I felt her. Even if she stopped communicating already, I know that I felt her in here with me earlier. Whatever her purpose for appearing, even just briefly, she wanted me to know she was here.

“Don’t worry, Anna, I’m going to find out who did this to you and when I do, I’m going to make sure that they pay,” I vow.