Chapter 36: Chapter 36

Chapter Thirty Six

****

That Sunday morning started off dark and gloomy, for reasons we could not decipher until much later.

The church service had left me with a lot to think about. Pastor Ola had hammered on the message of forgiveness so much, I felt he was speaking to us, to me especially.

"Forgiveness," His raspy voice echoed in the large auditorium that chilly morning.

"Brethren, forgiveness is a mystery all unto itself but it does work miracles when extended to the recipient as well as the person who forgives." He exhorted, he went on, giving instances from the Bible and stores of personal experiences,

"So, I implore you as a child of God, to let go of that chip on your shoulder and forgive whoever has wronged you." Pastor Ola ended his exhortation but his words rang in my heart even after the church service.

Those words had definitely struck a chord, they had me reflecting on the awry turn of events in my life. I had suddenly become so bitter, spiteful, angry and even unproductive. I hated how heavy my heart was beginning to feel and I knew God did not want that for me. Amid my fiery outbursts, in a bid to express how hurt I felt, I had begun to push everyone away, people who meant so much to me were beginning to feel like distant memories all because I held some sort of misdirected animosity. In all, I had to forgive and let go of everything in order to not deviate from the path God wanted me to follow.

"Lola?" Ima called, placing her hand on my right shoulder. I hummed absentmindedly in response.

"We're home." She said and I jerked out of my thoughts and true to her words, we were parked in the premises and from the look of things we were the only ones outside. I must have gone really deep into my thoughts to not notice when we reached.

"Yeah, um thanks." I said and she nodded, stepping out of the way so I could get out of the vehicle.

"Are you okay?" She asked, concern laced in her tone. I gave a slight nod, before locking her in a tight embrace.

"Whoa!" She exclaimed, tensing a little before relaxing into my hold. She rubbed my back soothingly as I gushed about how sorry I was for the way I had acted, the last few days. Of course, being the sweet and ever caring person she was, she never held a grudge and understood my plight.

That was one weight off my shoulder. With that out of the way, I trudged into the house, repeating the same routine with each and everyone. Grey and Travis apologised for not being there for Laila and I and promised to make amends. Laila and I finally settled our scores and I filled her in on my visit to Gerald. We all apologised to one another for all our undoings and the family seemed to be in one piece again, something that hadn't happened in a long time.

It was all smiles and laughter while we chattered at the lunch table, I was thankful for it. I felt peace to some extent, I wasn't done with all the tiffs I had to settle but majority of them were now a thing of the past.

****

It was still Sunday afternoon. We were all seated in the lounge chatting away, cracking jokes and all what not, when mum came in with an evident frown and worry etched on her face. She stepped out to receive what I assumed was an important call and came in looking like that.

"Doctor Gavor called." She spoke up, making us end our chatters abruptly. We turned to her, mirroring the look on her face.

"Mum, is there something wrong?" Travis asked, going to stand next to her.

"He told me that he wants to see us." She said after much hesitation with emphasis on the second 'he'. I'm sure you know who she was referring to.

I watched her struggle to spew the next sentence but she got it together, heaving a deep sigh, she announced...

"His situation is critical and he might not make it."

Her words elicited gasps from us the  ladies while the guys simply grimaced at the news.

"Oh no..." Ima whispered, holding on to her husband.

Him, on the other hand, with a clenched jaw said to all of us.

"Go get ready, we leave in thirty minutes."

We all agreed, glum looks on our faces and a very familiar feeling of dread overwhelmed us. I was sure of it, his death was going to bring about lots of changes, I just wasn't sure if it was for better or worse.

****

At the hospital...

"You may all go in now." The doctor announced.

"All of us?" I asked, just to be sure we weren't overstepping our boundaries here.

"Yes, he's demanded to see all of you once. I must tell you, its going to be quite a task to hear what he has to say so you all have to listen attentively and stay as quiet as possible." He advised. We all nodded in acknowledgement as he went off to attend to other patients.

We filed inside the room solemnly, one after the other. All six of us stood around the bed at a safe distance so as not to suffocate him.

He looked paler than the last time I saw him. Frail, weak and vulnerable. For someone who was such a menace, this would have been a good time to laugh him to scorn and make mockery of him but I had to forgive, for all his doings and undoings, I had to let it all go.

"Lola," His deathly hoarse voice called out, startling me. I stared at him and he stared back, I looked away nervously.

"I'm… sure you… already know… the truth about… everything…" His words were slow but and barely audible but I managed to get that out.

"I...cannot give excuses... I'm sorry for everything." He apologised, shocking each and everyone one of us present. The tears dropped before I knew it, I did not know how to feel at that point.

I heard a faint chuckle, he was probably amused my our expressions.

"Tolani... I'm sorry... for forcing... you to stay... in that.. marriage..." He said to Laila, she nodded, biting on her lower lip to hold the tears in.

He went on, apologising to everyone until it got to my mum. She stared ahead as he reached out to hold her hand, with great difficulty though.

"Felicia... I... I don't... know where.. to start from... I've hurt you... so badly... I have abused you... both verbally and... and physically, I... know I don't deserve... you but thank you... thank you... for taking... all my bullshit... for not running... away even... even when you had... the chance... I may not... be in love... with you.. but I do.. appreciate... you for ... all you've... done ... I have... learnt my lesson... I do hope...you...can forgive... me, all of you..." He spoke and we all listened in pin drop silence.

Mum looked away from him, wiping her tears. She shook her head vigorously.

"Licia, please..." He coughed, I could see the sadness, guilt and remorse he felt through his eyes.

She turned to him so quick, I thought she'd have a whiplash.

"Thirty five years Benson Ademola Gregg, thirty five freaking years and this is the first time you've ever called me an endearing nickname! All you ever did was tag me with unmentionable profanities and now you're on your death bed and you want to pretend to be a good man. Oh spare me, I'm not God who ignores all of your mistakes. You've hurt me so bad within the last over three decades and now you want to play the 'Repentance on my death bed card', oh please spare me all this drama." She ranted on and on while we watched the exchange in silence. She marched out of the room, furiously wiping her tears.

The rest of us stood still conflicted on what to do, where to go. I opted for going to comfort my mum who was probably bawling her eyes out, outside the room. I couldn't bear to see the guilt on his face.

I scurried outside, searching frantically for her. I saw her crouched in a corner hiding her face behind a huge plant next to her, apparently weeping profusely and even close to wailing.

"Dear God, help me." I mumbled under my breath as I stealthily made my way towards her.

"Mummy?" I called out softly and she looked up at me, she wiped her tears quickly,looking away from me. I slowly sat next to her, pulling her softly to me. Next thing I knew, her head was placed on my left shoulder and she was crying her heart out. I gave her soothing rubs on her back as her body shook with sobs. I said nothing, I just let her pour it out.

I don't know how long we stayed in that position, but soon her breathing began to even out. She wasn't crying any longer.

"Mummy?" I called out to her, she hummed in response.

"I have a story for you. Would you like to hear it?"

"Go on."

"Remember when I was five and Tolani was seven? There was this day she took out the new doll you bought for me saying it was hers since she had lost hers and you bought us identical dolls. Normally, I would over look such things because those antics of hers were normal at the time, but I really loved that doll and I did not want to give it up for anything. I remember going on to report to you everything she had been doing to me, I was in tears by the time I ended my speech. The question you asked me was, 'why did you not tell me immediately these things happened, why did you hold such a grudge in your heart?' 'You wouldn't be in tears and having a headache if you didn't hold all that in your little heart'." I narrated with a nostalgic smile on my face.

"I felt hurt at first, I thought you weren't going to ever take my side. You made me forgive Tolani and she returned my toys, each and everyone she had claimed by oppressing me. That day, you taught me to not hold grudges against anyone because I didn't deserve the headache that came with reaching my breaking point, you may not have taught me that lesson the Christian way, but it still became a part of me, something I never let go of. Mummy, I may not understand your pain exactly but remember, God forgives you and I for all our sins, no matter how filthy and disgusting we are, He still loves us no matter what. If not for anything, but for the sake of God, forgive and forget." I admonished in the best way I could.

There was nothing else I could say, the ball was in her court at this point.

She pulled me into a bear hug, placing a kiss on my my forehead.

"I heard you my baby. Hearing this from you, makes me feel like I did something right, I feel like I did something good for my children, maybe I'm not totally a bad mom. I love you." Her words had me teary eyed.

"You're a great mom, don't ever think less of yourself, I love you too."  I sobbed. She wiped my tears as I did hers.

"Let's go make the Lord proud." She said with a large grin, pulling me with her and heading towards the ward.

We made it to the room. Everyone else sat there in silence.

"Uhm, can we be left alone for a while?" Mum requested and we left without hesitation.

Several minutes later, she came out the door, a soft smile on her lips.

"It is done." She stated with a relieved expression.

One by one, we gave her warm hugs, congratulating her. It was no easy feat but God saw her through. We all left the hospital in high spirits, relief washed over me. The worst was indeed over and it was time to start afresh or so we thought.

At about 3am the next morning, the call came through. He had finally passed on, to glory, we hoped. The glumness was back but for different reasons this time around.