Chapter 57: Chapter 57

Chapter 57

I changed my clothes first because the gown I was wearing was too hot. The pool party is about to start, so I need to wear a proper outfit for pool party. I just wore simple clothes. It is an orange dress given to me by Samuel. He gave me an orange dress and the dress I was wearing was so beautiful. The dress was only halfway up my thigh and I wore 3 inches black square heels. I'm wearing the necklace that Daddy gave me, in addition to the gift he gave me earlier. I also barely let my hair down. It is a bit curly.

Before I left the room, I remembered the potion again when I looked in the drawer.

It's funny to say that what I did was crazy. Now I just thought that I shouldn't have used the potion just to make him fall in love. It was really a mania that opened my eyes to the truth. It's unfair if I force him to love me too.

We have people we want who can't be ours. There are people we like that don't like us, isn't it? No matter how much you love someone, it is wrong to force yourself on him and even more wrong to force him to love you.

Would you be happy when you knew that someone was just forcing his love for you? Will you be happy when you know that he doesn't really like and love you but he is trying to learn to love you? Would you be happy to force him to be with you? Isn't it? We don’t have to be selfish. Let’s not just think about how we feel, let’s also think about how other people around us feel.

Reality sucks? Really sucking? Yes! Truth hurts. We need to learn to accept the truth even when it hurts rather than be happy with the lie.

Maybe if that hadn’t happened, if I hadn’t thought of using a potion on Neil, maybe to this day I would still be forcing myself on him.

I know myself and when it comes to the person I want, I really insist on what I want and I don’t care what other people think. I have high self -confidence ... but I'm wrong about that.

Forcing him, chasing him, dreaming him and fantasizing him were mistakes, were wrong. I am one of those people who loves the wrong way.

“Sorry,” I suddenly whispered as I looked at the drawer. The word ‘sorry’ is for all the shit things I’ve done. Of my mistakes then I only now realize. Sorry for being selfish and numb. I thought I could get everything I wanted but I was wrong. There are things that no matter what I do, even if I still love that thing, if it's not meant for me, I have to accept it. I shouldn't have forced myself on Neil because that was wrong. If someone loves you, he/she won't let you feel any sorrow. He will never let your tears fall. He will never make you feel that you are missing a lot.

Let's say, loving can hurt sometimes but there are many good things and many lessons to be learned from loving a person. Won't we do everything for the one we love? But don't forget yourself, your feelings. When you love, don't forget yourself and how you feel. If you get tired, relax. It's not bad to relax, give time for yourself, for your feelings, then continue. It's not bad to get tired but don't give up. Tell yourself that you will just get tired but you will not give up, you will not stop.

I take a deep sigh before I leave the room. I'm just across the door. My gaze wandered down the hallway, right side, and I remembered Bria.

I slowly walked closer to the door of her room. Maybe Bria is already asleep. She also helped to take care and organize my party and I want to thank her because she helped somehow.

Is she inside? Is she sleeping now? I just wanted to ask her if she had eaten yet.

First, I stopped opposite and brought my ear slightly closer to the door to hear if she was inside.

I could hear something but I couldn't understand,so I touched the doorknob of Bria's bedroom door.

I wanted to open it right away but I was hesitant. She might get mad at me when I open the door or when I enter her room. Another one thing that is bothering me, about sleeping pills. I just want to apologize. I didn’t think she would notice the sleeping pills. I thought that the sleeping pills had dissolved. I only did that because I was suspicious of her. I just want to have information about her personality.

Okay, fine! If she gets mad at me, okay, fine, sorry. I will enter her room no matter what she says or happens.

I turned the doorknob, it opened. There was only a little space and it wasn't noisy when I opened. I barely inserted my body inside.

"Pershey," she said, so I went inside. I closed the door as well. From where I was standing, I noticed that her eyes were a bit red and swollen.

Is she crying? Her eyes are a little red and even her nose is red. Her lips are also reddish pink or honeysuckle and not lipstick. Her cheek, I noticed that it was a bit wet and seemed to be stained with water.

I approached but she was pushed back on the bed then at the same time, she wiped her face.

"A-are y-you okay?" I hesitately asked. She was obviously crying because her face was red. Why is she crying? What's the reason? Is she not okay?

I came even closer to her. She can’t look at me and stays staring to the side.

"Bria," I weakly called but she didn't look back. I sat on her bed and rested my hand on the bed to look at her. She kept averting her gaze from me. "A-are you okay, Bria?" I asked worriedly. Her head was still tilted as she rubbed her cheek.

What's wrong with her? Why is she avoiding me? Is she mad because I entered her room without her permission? Is she mad because of the sleeping pills?

She is crying, but, why? What caused her to cry? Does she miss her parents? Is she broken-hearted? Does she have a problem? Why is she crying?

"Come out," she commanded softly and calmly. Now I'm sure she's crying because her voice sounds like it's coming from his nose. It's like she's being cut.

Instead of following her orders, I drew closer to her. I put my left hand behind her back and I felt something wrong. There is something I cannot explain.

"Bria," I softly called but she still didn't look back. I want to see her face. I wanted to wipe away her tears and ask why she was crying, but, how could I do that? I'm a little bit shy and hesitant.

“Lots of guesses outside, come out. There is pool— ”

"I'm leaving soon," I replied quickly so that she could not finish what she was going to say. “Bria,” I softly called again. I was still looking at her even though she wasn’t looking at me. "What's wrong?" I asked.

She rubbed her cheek before replying, "There is nothing wrong, Pershey."

I know she's not okay, so I don't believe there is nothing wrong. I want to know why she is crying. I want to ease her feelings. Even if we weren’t close, I still wanted to lighten the heavy she was feeling.

"You shouldn't blame how you feel," I said. "Just take it out and then it will ease your feelings," I added. I noticed that she was listening to what I was saying. “You can talk to me. Just tell me how you feel,” I added but she shook her head. It makes me wonder why she doesn't want to say. After all, a person's heavy heart will not be relieved if he/she does not reduce his/her feelings. I want to know the reason behind her tears. I wanted to recover somehow from my past objections to her.

"Just leave me, Pershey," she ordered but I wouldn't obey. As long as she cries, I won’t leave even after the pool party starts. I couldn’t bear to have fun outside while Bria was crying. I can't be selfish. I can't think only of myself. I can't be reassured because Bria is lonely.

“How can you ease your feelings if you don't tell? Try to open up your feelings. I will listen, Bria,” I convinced her. I want to see her face. I wanted to wipe away her tears but she couldn't look at me. She still averting her gaze and kept on wiping her cheeks. "I will listen, Bria, trust me," I said, and finally, she turned around and looked at me. Now I can see her eyes widening. Her eyes full of sorrow. Her loneliness, I feel it.

I forced a smile as I rubbed both of her cheeks. I tried my best to smile, to show fake smile.

"When a person cries, he feels less," I said while running her wet cheeks. "When you're feeling heavy, you have nothing to run or catch, you only have to approach one captain," I added before I looked at her. “... God. He will be your first supporter. Hr will be your strength,” I continued and then smiled. She didn't smile back but it's okay. “Give your pain up to God. Let him help you, so you don't have to worry, Bria. ”

I noticed she was confused by what I was saying but I ignored that.

"Now, may I know why you cried?" I gently asked. She blinked for a moment. “I’ll listen, Bria,” I added. If he just keeps his feelings to himself, it won't make it easier and it will only make his feelings heavier. "I will listen, my ears are always open, Bria, I will listen to you."

It is better if we tell to someone about our problems but it is better to open up to God. God won't leave you. God will be your first supporter. He is our healer. Even if everyone leaves you, God, he will never leave you even if you are bored with him.