Chapter 25: Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Pershey's Point of View

Finally, I have done what I should have done today. I'm not sure yet if the love potion will affect Neil. I wish a billion times for him to love me back. This is the only way I can think of for him to love me too.

Is the call of what I did desperate? I just want him to love me even though I know that what will happen is vague. I knew I wasn’t who he wanted, but I did. I have done what I should have done.

Is that will be fair for us? Is that appropriate or not? Is that right? Am I right of using potion to him?

I firmly closed my eyes to the things that were troubling my mind. I looked at Leighden who was next to me. I noticed that she was smiling while looking at me as well. I also smiled back.

"Are you okay?" she asked me. I smiled bitterly and nodded. I know, she didn’t notice the way I smiled.

Leighden would only worry about me when I said a lot of things were bothering my mind. I wanted her mind to be refreshed. I don't want to hurt her head like before.

She's always there for me like she's my sister/mother. She reminded me every things that I forgot, especially being responsible in every things that I have. I'm glad and blessed to have her.

I kept staring at her, I knew, she noticed that.

She ended up laughing a bit more before she asked, "Am I too gorgeous?"

I smiled broadly, I nodded in response.

"There's something in you right now," she commented to me so I lost the wide smile on my lips.

I frowned as I looked at her, then I let out a strange laughed. "Why?" I asked.

"There's something bothering you, am I right?"

Gradually, my laughter faded as I slowly approached.

I felt her warm palms gripping my arm. I knew, she was looking at me even when I wasn’t looking at her.

"Are you okay?" she asked. I felt her concern again in these moments. "Look at me," she softly commanded me. Full of apprehension I see her as she stares at me and caresses my cheek. "Oh my dear Señorita," she said sadly as she rubbed my cheek. I didn't notice that my tears helped again.

Why am I crying? What is the main reason? Why can't I seem to find the reason for my tears?

"Shhh, don't cry," she scolded me. I went for the table to shed my tears.

There's something in my chest that feels heavy. I can't understand but my chest hurts. I can’t explain but why did I suddenly feel it? As if heaven and earth had fallen on me? As if a knife was slowly being buried in my chest?

Why do I feel this way?

Why do I feel these things?

"Pershey," Leighden called softly to me so I rubbed my cheek first before I faced her, I smiled as well.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, smiling as I waited for her answer.

She brought her face close to mine, squeezed my cheek and little laughing.

"Why you cried?" she asked. I blinked for a while, I was speechless, I was just looking into her eyes, and I averted my gaze. "Look at me," she commanded softly. I looked at her and smiled, shaking at her question.

"Tears of joy," I said laughing as I couldn't help but slow down my laughter and be replaced by faint crying. "O-oh m-my. T-tears of j-joy," I stuttered as I wiped away my tears.

I heard her sigh then I felt her, hugging me. Her arms are wrapped around me. I feel like she kissed me on the hair.

I held her arms tightly.

"Shhhh," she scolded. I didn’t make a noise when my tears flowed again for reasons I don’t know.

"Such an awful day," I whispered.

She left the hug and leaned over me. She was staring, I know even I wasn't staring.

"Will you go with me?" she asked. I looked at her. I didn't understand her question so I frowned. "You're not okay and I don't want you to feel any heavier," she said.

"Be clear," I ordered. I couldn’t understand what she meant.

"I received a message from Draek," she began so I didn't say anything. I first covered my cheeks with tissue as I looked at myself in the folded mirror.

My eyes are a little red.

"...Neil is in the confession stage, resting," she added so I immediately looked at her.

"Let's go?"

"B-but you're not okay, Pershey."

I smiled at her before replying, "I have to ask him and I also want to personally invite him to my birthday," I reasoned.

"B-but, Pershey," she said hesitantly.

"I'm okay, okay? Let's go," I whispered. She nodded.

Before we went to the rooftop where the Confession Stage was, we first went to the CR. I washed for a while and immediately wiped my face. I put on my glasses and smiled, then Leighden and I walked out.

When we went, it was crowded, noisy and chaotic.

My eyes immediately searched for Neil on which continent he was.

Finally, I saw him. He stood, watching the couple on stage. The boy is confessing, perhaps.

I heard the screams of some as I watched the couple.

I looked at Leighden and was about to take a step when she stopped me.

"Don't make any stupidity," she reminded. I laughed and nodded. “I’ll go with you,” she said. We walked closer to Neil. He didn't seem to notice us. He was busy watching those on stage.

Lots of people around, individual talk and date. A couple imitated what Rose and Jack did while they were on the Titanic.

I don’t know if I will speak or not. My tongue seems to recede even when I force myself to speak or even when what I have to say is close to my tongue.

I was about to speak when he suddenly left so I grabbed his arm. He stopped while looking at my hand holding his arm, and he looked at me.

What kind of look is that, Neil?

"I-i-i ... ammm ..." What am I going to excuse? I stuttered.

He slowly removed my hand and was about to leave again so I touched his arm again. I ignored the people. I know they don’t notice me either.

He looked at me again so I deliberately removed my hand.

"S-s-sorry," I apologized even as I stuttered.

He just looked at me and walked away again. I would have grabbed his arm again to stop him but Leighden stopped me.

I tried to smile at Leighden so she let me.

I walked quickly to chase Neil. I couldn’t help but hold him by the arm to make him stop.

He turned to me. I removed my hand again and was about to speak when he spoke first.

"As for the mascaraed, I want to clear it to you, Pershey." He turned and took one step. "I never expected you to be my partner. I called you 'My Lady' but I shouldn't. I thought I'm dancing some other girl, but ... I was wrong. Don't think or interpret what was I said and I did, Pershey. I danced you because you're my partner and not because you're Pershey," he explained. I was immediately silent on what he said. My heart ached as if it had a serious wound. “But congrats, you won, we won,” he added. I tried to smile. He turned and stepped away so I immediately spoke.

"I want to ask something."

He didn't look at me so I couldn't continue what I was about to say.

I noticed that he was planning to step away so I spoke again. "Why you left me ... on stage?" I asked. I waited for him to look back at me but he continued walking. I followed him even though Leighden was already stopping me.

"Why do you have to leave me on stage?" I asked again. He did not answer, continued walking, nor did he look at me.

I followed him. There were a lot of people around us that we passed.

"Why do you have to leave me on stage? Clear it to me."

He stopped and turned to me. I stepped closer to him.

"You're naughty. Why should I tell you?" he asked.

"I want to know the reason why you have to leave me," I replied. I noticed some of us staring. I ignored them. I don't care about them.

"Why do you have to know?"

"It's bothering me," I answered. "Why you left?" I asked.

"Because I want," he answered quickly.

"You don't know that it's bothering me," I said softly. "You danced me, held my hand, stared at me and called me 'My Lady'. You're sweet that moment but when you saw me, when I removed my mask, you left suddenly. Why?"

"Too many questions you have," he complained and walked away again. I followed again. We were already in the middle and there were more people around us who were even closer.

"Clear it to me! I wanna know why!" I shouted. Leighden grabs my hand and tries to stop me. I looked at her full of doubt so she let me go.

I continued to follow Neil and I spoke again. "Tell me why! Why ?!"

"Because I want!" he ejaculated at me so we grabbed people’s attention. He approached me, staring me in the eye. "I knew that you like me that's why I left. I danced with a wrong woman," he added. I was speechless. I was just looking at him. I felt another knife pierce my chest. "Stop that feeling, Pershey. To make it clear, I left because you deserved it. Now, what else do you want to know?"

I didn't say anything right away. I don't know how to tell him about my feelings.

Why is it hard for him to feel this fucking feelings only just for him? Why can't he feel me? Why is he like that? Why he's saying those fuvking words?

Can't he feel it? Can't he feel what I felt, what I'm fucking feeling right now?