Chapter 103: Chapter 103

Chapter 102

It's the first day of being in a relationship with Neil. I can't even imagine that he's now my boyfriend — that the man who broke me before is now officially mine.

He broke me first before I got him.

"You're thinking too deep, love," he commented to me. I was unaware that I've been thinking a lot that caused me to stop eating and just stared at it.

I smiled and turned my gaze on him. I said, "I am just thinking about something."

He touched my face and smiled on me. He gently said, “Whatever bothering you, I’m just here. You can count on me. ”

I smiled in response and put my hand over his hand that was on my face.

“I love you always,” he softly said. I smiled even more. "Let us eat again?"

We resumed eating. We've been here in El Lavish Restaurant, his own restaurant, for about an hour. No class for today but we're here. We decided to eat here since it's been a long time since I last came here.

I stopped eating when I remembered something. He noticed it.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

“Yes, I am,” I replied. "I just ... can't ... imagine."

I looked at him and he's wondering, perhaps, what's inside my mind.

"You can't imagine what?"

I lowered my gaze and smiled. I want to say that I can't imagine that he's now my boyfriend. After everything happened to us before. After the pain he made me feel. After the tears flowed down my face. After I changed, everything changed too.

I thought that I no longer have feelings for him. I am always telling myself that I don't love him anymore. I am always telling myself that I won't love him again because he won't love me back.

I was wrong, I was mistaken.

He love me, he's loving me. He kept his feelings for me. He avoided me before in order not to develop his feelings for me. I thought ... he just don't like me that's why he's avoiding me.

I realized .... I have to listen to what my heart says. I realized that ... love is not about looks. Love is beyond looks.

I thought, he won't love me because I was nerd, old-classic woman, and weird girl before. I am just contented that I like him until I loved him. I never thought that he has feelings for me too.

Is he just scared? Is he shy? Is he doubted? Is he ... can't fight for me?

“I am here, love,” he said to me. I sighed and smiled.

"Do you love me?" I suddenly asked. Too many things are hunting my mind again. I don't want to over think. I don't want to be an over-thinker.

He held my hands and looked directly into my eyes.

"I love you with all my heart."

I smiled again. I can't stop smiling and can't stop thinking what would happen next.

This is just the beginning, how about the end? It has an ending? How could I fight for our relationship if it has an ending? What would be an ending of our relationship? Will we last together? Are we destined for each other? Or are we just meant to meet but not meant for each other?

I don't want to end this. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to get hurt again and cry. I don't want to feel the pain anymore.

I am scared ... but I will fight for us.

The beginning ...

“Do you love me too?” he asked.

I closed my eyes tightly and opened it immediately. I smiled and said, "I love you from the start."

I don't know what possible things to happen. This is my first time of having a boyfriend. I don't know yet how it will work.

"Let's go?"

We also left after he closed the restaurant.

There isn’t a day that we’re not together. He is always by my side. We often go to this restaurant. Sometimes we bring Jess here.

I already mentioned to himp that I am going to adopt Jess but it doesn't seem that easy. I want Jess to be with us, with me. I will be comfortable if he goes to me.

“Sisters disagreed,” he said.

"I'll do my best, Neil."

In every single moment, more love develops between the two of us. We begin to develop dreams. I also became comfortable every time I was with him. I'm not ashamed of him anymore.

We've been in a relationship for 1 week.

This is how it feels when you both love each other. There needs to be understanding and especially love.

I learned to love him even more as we lasted.

"You want ice cream?"

Even though I couldn't answer, he left immediately to buy ice cream. I just waited for him to come back.

He was holding two ice creams.

"Here is your ice cream," he said before handing the ice cream to me. He sat on the other hammock.

We are on the beach. It is a beach resort.

I opened the cup and started eating.

It's already 6:00 PM, Saturday.

"What's your plan for college?" he suddenly asked, so I barely looked at him and turned back my gaze on it.

“I don’t know yet. I am undecided. ”

“Come with me,” he said that made me to stare at him.

"What?" I asked.

“Come with me. Let's study together in America, ”he answered. I didn't respond and remained silent for a while. I am thinking about what he said. "Do you want?"

"I can't leave my mother," I reasoned. It is true. I don't want to leave my mother. I want to study near to her. I can't go to America and leave her here.

He looked at me so do I.

“We will study together, love. Don’t you want to be with me? ”

“I always want to be with you,” I said and lowered my gaze for a moment to think. "... but I can't leave my mother just to study in America," I added then looked back at him.

“Let’s take her with us. Do you want? ”

I don't know why he want to study in America. I don't know what to say. It seems like I'm doubting.

"Why do you want .... why do you want to leave?"

“Because I want to explore that place. I want to live there ... with you. ”

“We can live here. This place is peaceful. You don't have to go to America. We can study here together. ”

Suddenly he stood up and approached me. He barely sat in front of me as I rode into the hammock.

He held my hands and looked into my eyes.

“Do you want to come with me?” he asked again.

"I ..."

I didn’t know how to tell him I couldn’t afford to leave and go with him. I want to stay here and study here. I can't live this place.

“I love you,” he weakly said. I smiled. “I won’t leave if you won’t come with me. I'll stay with you wherever you go, ”he continued. I can see his joy in his eyes. I can read his sincerity through his eyes.

I kept on smiling. He barely stood up to kiss my forehead, then he hugged me for a moment.

I felt relieved.

“I love you,” I whispered. I can hear his heart beat.

"Don't leave me," he weakly said. I didn't say a word but I just tightened my grip on him.

He slipped out of the hug and remained standing in front of me as he held my hands.

"I want to live with you."

I smiled even more. My heart feels like it's getting fat. I can't explain but it feels so good. Too light to feel.

I don't wat to end this anymore. I don’t want all of us to change over time. I want us to stay together. I want him to stay and don't leave me.

I stand. We hold hands. He placed my hands on both of his shoulders. Our faces are close together. I could smell his breath. Fresh.

He smiled while staring at me that made me feel shy.

“Stop staring at me,” I commanded. He smiled even more and didn't take his eyes off me. He's naughty and sometimes clingy. “I said stop star—”

Suddenly his lips met mine. My eyes widened at what he did. He doesn’t remove his lips from my lips. He kissed me for the first time.

I blinked steadily. I know he's waiting for me to kiss back.

His lips moved that made me to kiss him back. He stopped and moved his face away a little.

We stared at each other. We both smile then he hugged me again. Hug tight like I don't want to let go. I don’t want to let go of her arms. I'd rather just stay by his side. I am feeling comfortable.

I don’t know if anyone notices us. I don't care.

I looked up the sky. Twilight is approaching. I can't wait to see the stars tonight. I can't wait to stare at them with him, with Neil.

It feels so good. I feel relieved as we hug. I can't feel any pain or any heavy in my chest.

My heart is bouncing. It is getting normal. I am comfortable.

I hope ... it won't end anymore.

I wouldn’t ask that we last. I don't want us to just take too long and end up eventually. I don’t want us to just last. Even if the relationship lasts, if not reserved for each other, it will end as well.

I don’t want our relationship to just last. I want him to be with me, to love me, until we grow old. I want him permanently even in heaven.

"Will you leave me?" I suddenly asked. We will still hug until we ask. We both don’t want to let go of each other.

He tightened his hug as he hugged me.

"I won't leave you."

Simple words but has a lot of meaning.

“Don’t make any promises, just do it,” I said.

I don’t want to rely on just promise. I want him to prove that.

We are just getting started. I knew the Lord would test our endurance. I knew there were problems coming our way.

I have to be ready. I have to be brave and fight for us.

"I love you so much."

This is how it feels. When you learn to love, this is what you will feel.

I hope he knows how much I loved him. I loved him ever since and he knew that. I don’t want him to eventually, over time, change his view of me.

I don’t know what will happen. I will fight it as long as he fights too. I want him to gamble too if I gamble. I don't want to be the only one who gambles and I'm the only one who gets hurt.

Now, I realized that love is not just a word. It is sacred. Only then will you understand what the true meaning of love is when you learn to love. You won’t know until you feel it.