Chapter 63: Chapter 63

: Goodbye

Chris, Justin and Clair looked up at Robin in ultimate surprise,

"What?" Chris asked, on behalf of the three.

"That's what I've heard, " Robin replied with a soft sigh,  shaking his head.

There was silence after this before Robin moved to inform Miss Janice of the sudden development and although Chris disliked Bree for what she did to Justin, all in all been a good mother to him.

They spent a night right there at the Orphanage with Justin.

Justin couldn't sleep after finding out what had happened to his mother. He found it hard to feel anything about what happened to her. No guilt, no sorry, no anger, no sadness, nothing at all.

Strangely a thought danced in his mind, an evil one, she had gotten what deserved,  but that thought quickly followed with a sudden discomfort and guilt, after realizing that he had just lost all his real family.

His biological Dad was dead, Chad was in jail, and now his devil of a mother was dead too.

Tossing and turning in his head, he couldn't stop the thoughts that kept his breathing refrain from the normal, taking in air harshly.

She deserved it, he kept repeating to himself before he finally succumbed to sleep.

*****

The next morning, they all headed down for breakfast with the other boys as they used to. Chris played it cool whenever he was around Justin, keeping the air light, with a few jokes and high spirits.

Even though Justin was doing an amazing job at hiding his feelings toward their new discovery, he could tell  how hard it probably was for him.

Yes, Bree had messed up badly,  but she was still his mother no matter what she did.

No one can just forget something figure like that.

As they ate breakfast along with the other boys, Robin came out from the office with Miss Janice. Both of them were fully dressed.

"Where are you going?" Justin asked, giving them a glance.

Miss Janice and Robin exchanged looks

"uhm, we're going to identify Bree's body, dear" Miss Janice replied, offering him a smile.

"So you're going back to LA?" Justin asked, not bothering to look up as he played with the cereal in the bowl in front of him.

"No, actually, " Miss Janice began, glancing momentarily at Robin who sighed, "the body's here in Chicago," she finished.

Justin's eyes, immediately snapped up to her, giving her his full attention as did the rest, "what do you mean?" He asked.

"What is it doing here in Chicago?" Clair added.

"Well, it looks like after the whole..uh..scandal, Bree came to Chicago, " Miss Janice responded, clasping her hands before her.

"For what?" Chris asked, raising an eyebrow, wondering if she had followed Justin to Chicago.

"To visit Chad," Robin replied, resting his eyes on his youngest son, "It seems she found out where Chad was serving his sentence and looked for him. Apparently Chad was quite unforgiving when he saw her," Robin continued, "with so much rejection, " he paused at this, clearing his throat.

It was then Justin realized that Robin had also lost the love of his life.

" I guess that's what led her to commit suicide. They say she shot herself, one bullet to the head, straight through her brain," he said.

Miss Janice patted his arm, rubbing Robin back as he cleared his throat one more time.

Justin looked back down at his breakfast, gritting his teeth. He knew his Father must be hurt by all this somehow but he just couldn't bring himself to feel anything for his devil of a mother.

Miss Janice was going to ask if Justin would like to accompany them but seeing his situation she thought it was better off for him to stay. They said good bye and left for the city morgue.

*******

Later that evening they finally managed to convince justin to go back with them to LA.

He really did not want to leave, but Miss Janice persuaded him and he decided life couldn't stink as much as it did now.

What's the worst that could probably happen now? He had been through it all.

Upon arriving back in LA, they had Bree's funeral. All settling for the fact that it was best to make it look like all was well with the Ryder family and Bree's death had largely impacted them in the eyes of the public and media.

News of Bree Ryder's death bloated every headline in the magazine and even made it inside New York Times magazine.

It was best for the public to think they were grieving than to risk them finding out the truth. They had  a large funeral where all family friends were invited as well as a few close celebrities, no media.

Justin and Chris wore matching black suites with dark sunglasses to cover there eyes.

Britney joined them for the funeral. She sat beside Chris and Clair sat beside Justin, she had only come for him.

Robin sat in the middle of Chris and Justin at the front. They watched as Bree friend Hilda, was giving out a speech in memory of her old friend, tears falling down her face.

This was the third funeral Justin had been too in his life. The first was his father, the second was Officer Rick and now he was attending his mothers.

He watched as Robin took the stage and begun to speak, clearing his throat,

"I want to thank all of you that made it here today. It's a very sad day for me and family and it's been an even tougher week.

It was never easy, living in the spotlight, god knows the amount of preasure we have to deal with everyday. Bree was-" He stuttered clearing his throat, before glancing at the small gathering before him.

"She was different, special in her own way. I remember in our earlier days, she would be the air that I breathe, the sun that kept me going. The light I needed to keep with me always and of course, the love if my life.

Now she's gone and I know that she would have wanted no tears at her funeral but rather we relinquish in all the good times we shared with her and blot out the bad.

I may have lost my life partner but I still have a family, she may be gone but I still have the loves of my life, my sons. Bree if you can hear me now, I just want to say, I will never forget all the good times we shared and that is all I will remember, " He ended as people gave him a round of applause though a lot wondered why it had been so cold.

Robin sat down and Justin clenched his jaw, "I want to say something."

"What?" Robin asked.

"Justin I don't think that's a good idea," Clair eased.

Justin ignored her as he stood up and walked to the stage.

Robin, Chris and Clair all looked horrified when they saw him approach, shifting in their chairs uncomfortably.

Justin gazed at the people that had gathered, some that where close to Bree where even crying. This hurt him.

Why would they cry over a person that stole his happiness? He gritted his teeth then took off his glasses as he looked again at the crowd, " I don't know how many of you have mothers," he began, a short amused laughter following, "they might be dead, others sick, others may never have even known their eal mothers. Life is hard without a mother, and lying there in that coffin lies one of them.

One mother.

I never knew what it meant to have another till I met her, " Justin's eyes trailed from the crowd  to his family, he looked at Bree's coffin for a second,

"If you have a mother who is able to love you and to hold you like every mother should, treasure her.

Wake up every morning and kiss her, tell her you love her and thank god every second that you have someone who truly cared for you.

Someone whose always got your back, someone who loves you no matter what, gives you the right kind of love everyday. " Justin sniffed a little. He paused gritting his teeth, lifting his eyes up, once again at the crowds, "because nothing hurts more than losing a mother, sorry, " he apologised, releasing a slight chuckle, " nothing hurts more than realizing the mother you remembered isn't there anymore and instead the painful truth that you've lost her, she's no longer around. And all you have left is hurt and pain."

The crowd was silent, just as the family was, as they watched Justin.

"There isn't any greater love than the love that comes from a mother. Especially when it's the right kind.." He trailed off, "thank you all for comming," he finished putting his glasses back on, as he walked back to his seat.

People begun to clap hard.

"I'm proud of you, " Clair commented, rubbing Justin's back as he took his seat.

A few more people said a few words before the burial service.

The priest said some Christian praises to the good works of the dead woman before Justin, Chris and Robin threw in the first dirt over the coffin.

Finally the burial was over and  People begun to leave one by one after showering the family with a lot of condolences.

Beats, George and Humphrey were the second last ones to leave. Lucy however did not come.

Only Robin, Chris, Britney, Clair and Justin along with some bodyguards had remained. After a few minutes, they all walked away leaving Justin staring at his mothers grave.

He had his shades in his hands as he looked at the fancy engravings on the tombstone.

Clair was chatting with Britney and Robin with Bob.

Justin sniffed a little wondering a little about what came after death.

Chris stood beside him, "it's sad how people are one second beside us then the next six feet under the earth, " he began in a low voice as his eyes settled on the grave stone.

"It's life, " Justin replied coldly.

Chris looked up at Justin, "You don't have to pretend around me, I know how much this affects you, it's okay to cry," Chris eased.

Justin looked at him then laughed a little, " I said a few words for her, isn't that enough? I've already wasted enough tears In her, she doesn't deserve any more," he spat putting on his shades and walking away.

Britney and Clair watched them from a distance.

Britney walked over to Chris, "are you alright?" She asked softly, as Chris pulled her close, "better now that your here."

She smiled as she hugged him.

"By the way where's Mckayla? She should have been here, " Chris asked, looking around, a little disappointed.

"Oh, she sends her condolences, funerals aren't really her thing."

"Well they aren't mine  either,"Chris replied, still not believing she couldn't have made it.

"Chris, it's just..." Britney trailed off wondering how she could say the next words, "she's lost quite a lot of people in her life, graveyards just really freak her out, she really couldn't come even if she wanted too," She explained

Chris' eyes softened at this, remembering how broken Mckayla was too, "Oh, its okay, I understand," he said kissing her.

She blushed.

Justin walked past Clair who quickly caught up with him as they entered the car that was to take them home.

The Next few days where quiet for the Ryder's. It didn't really feel like home anymore.

Justin didn't like his bed anymore, it just brought back ugly memories as a result when he finally turned eighteen, and he made up his mind to move out of the house and buy a villa near his family but far enough to give him the space he desperately needed.

THE END OF l.I.S.P.S (love is so painful sometimes) PART ONE. BOOK 2 (Flash) IS COMING soon.