Chapter 58: Chapter 58

: Telling Chris

Clair looked at Justin surprised, as she eyed his wet dripping body. Then she looked into his eyes and paused stepping aside so he could enter, guiding him safely to a nearby couch.

He sat down burying his head into his hands as his foot kept tapping the floor faster and faster and his hands were shaking. Clair sat next to him.

"You're so cold, let me get a blanket and help you change before you catch a cold," she said feeling his temperature, then standing up.

He pulled her back,  "no, I don't want that," he said slowly but still breathing heavily as he looked up at her.

Clair was taken by surprise as he gripped her wrist tightly.

"Okay," She eased, sitting back down next to him. She put her hand on his bent over back as Justin let go of her wrist and retook his previous position of touching his tempos and rubbing them slowly as his foot kept the rhythmatic beat on the floor.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Clair asked gently.

Justin's foot paused the tapping he had created, lifting his head up, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at her lost in her eyes.

"I don't want to be like this," he said softly.

Clair kept rubbing his back . Justin begun to shiver as the cold settled in.

"I hit my own brother, he didn't deserve that," he said shaking his head, it still hurt and thumped harder every time he said a word.

"You wouldn't hurt him on purpose," Clair eased, "You're a good person Justin."

Justin laughed a little, "I'm not a good person, I'm a bad bad person, I hate myself, I hate what I'm becoming!" He snapped, his voice skipped as he said this.

Clair pulled him up and put her hands on his cheek forcing him to face her, "don't say that Justin. Look at me. I said look at me," she ordered, capturing his full attention.

She was face to face with his sad eyes and shaky fists. When she looked at him in that moment, she was reminded of the  way he looked back at salvage mansion or every time he had just gotten beaten by his brother.

Justin looked at her for hope, the hope Clair always seemed to provide for him. His chest was rising up and down frantically.

"You are a good person! You are the best brother Chris could have and great son!" She said staring at him hard.

He paused for a minute. Not breathing as he slowly touched Clair's hand which were fastened onto his face rubbing them, "I sleep with my step mother, every night," he confessed still looking in her eyes.

*******

Clair's eyes shifted in a haze, searching his eyes hesitantly as if looking for the pun, the words sunk inside her like the titanic.

"What sort of son am I?" Justin asked breathing out slowly, "All my life I've never stuck up for my father, when Chad beat me blaming my dad for how our lives turned out I never once stuck up for him, I disappointed him. Now, I've been given a second chance and I disappoint him again. I slept with his wife, what sort of person am I? All Robins ever done is support me, everytime he looks at me, he treats me like a son he never had, and what don't do?  I've stabbed him the back, he doesn't deserve this, I can't even look at him anymore," Justin was racing through the words as Clair watched him.

Her hands loosely held to his face with his hands holding them up as she watched him melt.

"Justin-" She called softly.

"The first time I swear I don't know what happened, I can't  remember what made me do it, Then it just kept going on and on and I can't do it anymore I can't live like this, I swear I didn't mean to it's not my fault I don't know what happ..." He trailed off as Clair hugged him tightly

"Please don't judge me," he said clinging into her as she kept him between her arms.

"It's not your fault, and I will not judge you."

"How do you know it's not my fault? If I had-"

"It's not your fault Justin!" She stormed, before sighing,  easing her voice, "I know it isn't your fault, " she cooed cradling him, "I know you, you wouldn't hurt a fly, neither would you be capable of doing something that could hurt yourself or anyone you love."

Justin hugged her tightly cradling back and forth burying his neck into her silky blond hair which absorbed his tears.

"Please don't let go," he whispered.

"Never," she replied.

She kept rocking him back and forth soothing him reminding him of the fun times they had, keeping him away from his demons.

When he was finally ready, she let him take a shower, while she dried his wet clothes. She gave him a room.

"Where you sleeping?" Justin asked

"Upstairs," she said smiling as she leaned against his bedroom door.

"Stay here with me, like old times," he said looking at her.

She walked toward him and slipped in beside him as he put one arm around her, brushing her hair away as they cuddled.

"You've always been there for me," he said, " I remember you were always tougher than me, "

"Well I ate a lot of vegetables, while you just hated them, " Clair replied with a sad chuckle.

Justin smiled a little as he remembered., "I also remember every time I was alone and I felt angry or upset after Chad would beat his frustrations in to me. You would sit by me, cuddle me, just like now and tell me everything would be okay, and even though you were younger than me, I felt so secure when you were around me, your words seemed to soothe me, I don't know how you did it."

Clair smiled, "you were always tougher than you thought, all I would do is make you remember that," she said.

She turned over and faced him, "tell me everything, what that woman did to you, " she said staring into his eyes as her fingers touched his face.

Justin swallowed hard as he begun to explain, Releasing everything all he could remember and feeling free.

**********

Justin opened his eyes to the soft light that gently grazed his face. He had the most luxurious night he could have ever experienced.

He yawned and sat up in bed, feeling warm and cosy, watching Clair settle breakfast before him. She sat it down beside him.

"Good morning, here's some breakfast with some hot soup at the side to chase away the cold you might have left in you," she said smiling sweetly as she placed it beside him.

"Thank you, " he replied, sitting up, his eyes lingered on, taking her in from her head to her toes, she really looked like a soft ray of sunshine.

That was when he realised she was fully dressed and her make up was on. "Where you going?" He asked her, his eyebrows furrowing.

"You mean where are we going?" She corrected.

"I don't follow," Justin said, shutting his eyes for moment to stop the drowsiness.

Clair sighed, "were going to the hospital, "

"Why?"

"So you can explain to your brother what's going on with you," Clair replied folding her arms.

Justin looked at the ground, "I can't tell him."

"Why?" Clair's asked

"He'll be disappointed in me, "

"Bullshit, he will understand you when you explain to him what your evil step mother did. When that's over, you'll tell your dad, "

Justin sighed, "I shouldn't have told you anything, I told I can't " he said trying to get up.

Clair walked over to him, "no, your going to do what I tell you. You've been running your whole life, aren't you tired already? Are you just going to let the people that hurt you get on with it while you suffer?" She asked raising her voice.

"I'll handle it," Justin replied.

"No, you'll handle it now. Remember what you said. I always had your back when we were younger, I made sure I defended you stuck up for you, that's not going to change Justin."

Justin sat up at the edge of the bed looking down at his feet. Clair took his large hand in hers, "you are not going to sit down anymore, I'm here in your life to stay and I am never leaving my only family again. I will not allow you to get hurt anymore and you shouldn't either.

Enough is enough, your taking back your life and I swear I will be with you every step of the way, no matter what, "

Justin looked back at her slowly, "everything will be okay," she said in a small voice.

Justin nodded, "okay," he said, "I'll do it."

Clair nodded too, a wide smile forming, , "Good, now finish your breakfast then we will be off," she said getting up and leaving.

Justin decided not to think about it and enjoy his hot steaming breakfast.

*********

After two hours they arrived at the hospital. They walked up to room 109.

"This is where Chris was admitted according to the receptionist," Clair informed, as they stood before it.

Justin froze at the door, staring at it.

"I can't do this," he said turning away breathing heavily.

Clair blocked his way, "this is the first step to claiming back your life Justin, if you walk away now, your saying yes to the pain and grief your step mother has brought on you, but if you face it, your saying you've had enough and she can rot in hell," she explained, " I won't force you, it's your choice," she finished stepping away, giving him space to walk away if he felt like it.

Justin breathed out heavily as he turned back around and opened the door.

He saw Chris sitting up in bed with Britney helping him do up his shoes. A bag was propped beside him.

Chris and Britney looked at the open door.

"Justin," Chris said as he saw his brother standing in the hallway. Clair took Justin's hand as she saw him freeze and pulled him in gently, as they entered.

Chris smiled widely, he really though he would have to go hunting for Justin after he was discharged.

"How are you doing," Justin asked trying to smile.

"Well it looks like you had a pretty mean arm there, you have me a concussion and a cut which is covered up in this bandage" he said pointing to his for head.

"I'm sorry about that, it's my fault," Justin replied, feeling very guilty.

" It sure is, I told you to stop working out," Chris chuckled back.

Justin smiled, glad to see Chris wasn't mad at him.

"Where's mom and dad?" He asked swallowing hard.

"Oh, Mr Ryder had to take care of...uh.. what happened last night and Bree received a call, so  that's why I'm here, he's getting discharged by the way," Britney replied.

Justin nodded still nervous

"Who is this?" Chris asked breaking the silence.

"Oh, I'm Clair," Clair responded before Justin could introduce her.

"Clair, your name rings a bell and you look familiar, I never forget faces,"Chris trailed off trying to remember.

She smiled.

"Oh I got it, We met in Chicago right? Justin's old friend, in the bus, the girl with a hoodie and a heavy bag " he said.

Clair smiled, "sharp memory " she replied, very impressed.

"It's my super power," Chris replied.

They were silent for a moment.

"Oh and Clair that's Britney, Chris' girlfriend," Justin introduced breaking he silence.

Clair and Britney greeted each other.

"Oh my god, the first thing I noticed when I walked in is that nice purse you got there, how about you tell me where you bought it so I can get one too," Clair said to Britney taking a hold of  her hand and winking at her.

Britney was a smart girl and so she played along. She had a feeling Justin wanted to say something to Chris, in private.

"Sure, I'll tell you all about it," she replied as they walked out the door.

Chris watched them as they left.

"Did that seem weird to you?" Chris asked Justin.

Justin didn't say a word. He was still thinking of how to tell Chris what he wanted to say.

"Bro!" Chris called out capturing his attention as Justin looked up at him sharply.

Chris sighed, "I know you feel bad about what you did to me, I mean you should this hurts," he said touching his head.

Justin smiled at his goofiness.

"But I'm alright, it wasn't serious, " Chris eased. Justin breathed out and sat down on the chair beside Chris then looked up at him, his eyes shifting from place to place.

"I want to tell you something," Justin replied, blinking hard.

Chris sensed the serious mode and sat up very curious, "about what?" He asked.

"Everything, " Justin replied, gulping softly, he could feel his hands tingle, looking up his brother, "why I've been acting the way I have."

Chris paused for a moment. He looked down at Justin who if anything looked scared.

"What happens to you?" Chris asked in a very serious tone, " how did you become so cold?"

Justin breathed out when he heard those words, staring at the floor, " Just promise me to hear me to the very end, and don't judge me, " he paused, " please"

Chris wanted to say he would never judge his brother but he felt the words refuse to flow, sensing how serious whatever Justin was going to say next, so he only nodded.

Justin took a deep breath and began to explain, he explained the black out, how he woke up with Bree, how she manipulated him, every single detail.

When he finished Chris paused,  frozen as his emotions sank. He was speechless and angry at himself. Angry that he wasn't able to protect his brother, angry that he was too busy with his life that he had not seen what was happening to Justin's. Angry that all this happened to Justin and he couldn't even tell. Angry at Bree, bursting with madness. But his face remained expressionless as he stared into nothing.

Justin had been there for him, why hadn't he been there for him? He had failed as a brother. The one person who he had ever really trusted he had failed.

He had watched him slowly break and die every single day yet he did nothing, he brushed it off. He allowed all this to happen.

"Chris believe me, I swear I didn't want to do it, I just couldn't stop it, Bree and then Lucy it became too much for me-" Justin was mumbling words trying to explain it right yet he felt like he was failing miserably. Like Chris was disgusted by him.

Chris stood up straight not saying a word.

Justin heart dropped as he saw what looked like disappointment  in his brothers eyes.

Justin stood up slowly, wanting to give it one last shot explaining to his brother. What would he do if he lost Chris too? If Chris didn't believe him? "I'm sorry, please, I'm really really sorr-"

Chris hugged him and begun to cry clinging in to him. He held onto him tightly as if letting go would mean breaking the only intact pieces of Justin that still existed.

His tears stained his brothers shoulder, holding on to him tightly, shaking his head, "no, " he gasped slowly through his tears, "I'm the one who is sorry, I'm so so sorry I wasn't the brother you needed me to be, god I'm sorry!  I should have been there for you. I should have been the first person you run too. I was so engrossed in my own life, even when I saw you break and change before me I paid no attention. So I'm sorry. Forgive me please," he said clenching him tightly.

Justin's eyes teared up with this, a feeling of relief and sadness inside him,"It's not your fault Chris, you're not the one to blame, " he tried to ease through his own tears.

"But I should have been there to protect you, what sort of brother am I if I can't be there for you?" He asked, looking at Justin with tears in his eyes, he pulled him back into a hug.

"It's alright," Justin said fighting tears as he clung to his brother, "it's alright," he repeated.

They hugged for a moment till Chris was ready to let go wiping the tears from his face,

He looked at Justin who was also wiping, he laughed and they hugged again.

"It is going to be alright, after we make that bitch pay,"Chris said his eyes changing to payback mode.