Chapter 36: Chapter 36

: Time

Mckayla walked into Britney's bedroom. It was the next day and Britney had not yet come back down for breakfast.

She found her cousin lying in bed, with the covers drawn up, staring up at nothing, her fingers reaching forward as if tracing the air.

Or trying to touch the air?

Mckayla was not quite sure.

"Moms been asking what's wrong with you," she said leaning against the door post.

Britney turned her head to the side, with a soft sigh, "Really? What did you tell her?" She asked not even caring about the answer as she turned back to starting at the ceiling.

"I'm done lying to mom, I told her the truth, the whole truth,”

"Yeah okay,” Britney hummed, still concentrating on nothing.

"You know I promised myself I wouldn't feel sorry for you,” Mckayla continued folding her arms as she leaned against the door.

"Good, believe it or not the last thing I need is your pity,”

Makayla rolled her eyes, "You're stupid, and you know that?"

Britney turned to her cousin, raising both eyebrows at the insult,

"Yes that's right I said it. You. Are.  STUPID, S.T.U.P.I.D, stupid" Mckayla spelled out, walking toward Britney, dropping beside her on the comfy bed.

Britney turned to look at the ceiling blinking tears away, "I know, I know, and I feel so bad," she said,    letting it all out, and tears falling slowly, "I couldn't even sleep well."

"Why on earth, did you let him go?" Mckayla asked, for the life of her she couldn't understand it.

Britney wiped the tears from her eyes, staring back at her cousin, "I was tired, " she whispered, blinking the tears that had redeveloped, clouding her vision, "I thought I wanted to be free, "

"So how did that work out for you?"

"I feel like I just bought the lock to my cage and locked myself in and threw the key away," Britney replied, starting up at the pale sky above her.

"You should have listened to me,” Mckayla eased.

"I know, I know, “Britney muttered, " I just don't know what to do, I don't know, I just don't know, "

"Couz" Mckayla dragged, rubbing her shoulder soothingly,” I really can't imagine how he must be feeling if your feeling like this. You shouldn't have pushed him away, you two love each other, sometimes I just want to slap the both of you and open those eyes of yours. You keep hurting each other, over and over, "

Britney signed, sitting up and leaning her head against Mckayla's shoulder, receiving a pat, "I might have never fallen in love before, he'll, maybe I'll never, "

"Don't say that Mckayla, you're beautiful, you'll find someone, "

Mckayla smiled, "it's not about me, let me finish. I would like to think if I ever found true love, I'd never let it go and you shouldn't have either.

Clearly Chris wanted to fix you two and when he walked in he saw you had already given up on him, how do you think he felt? To top it all off it was all because of Ted, above all people."

"You know it wasn't like that, "

"Yes, but this Chris we're talking about, and that is how it looked like, "

Britney sighed, "you feel sorry for me, don't you?"

"Don't want to but I do, your stupid but your still family, you'll get through this, " Mckayla replied, rubbing her arm.

"Will you help me?" Britney whispered.

"I can't poke keep poking my nose in your business. You made this mess, you fix it. But I will have your back, I will be there for you too, trust me," she said passing her fingers threw Britney's long hair.

"You'll be fine cous, you both will, "

"Promise?" Britney asked closing her eyes slowly as she finally managed to doze off.

"I don't do promises," Mckayla whispered.

*********

Justin stood by the door way as he watched Chris standing by the balcony that over looked the pool.

Chris was staring out in the open not saying anything.

"Talk to me, bro," Justin began, comming closer to him.

Chris kept staring at nothing, not really saying anything, not caring.

"What happened yesterday?" Justin asked

Chris was still quiet.

Justin looked out the balcony, pushing off it, with a short sigh "I hope you and Britney are alrig-"

"Don't say her name," Chris replied, shutting his eyes for a second.

Justin leaned against the balcony looking directly at Chris,

"What happened man?"

"We broke up, "was the plain reply

"Oh c'mon, it's just a fight, you two always get back," Justin cheered, "stop being so serious."

"No, we really broke up this time, she doesn't want to be with me, "Chris gritted out, the last part directed directly at Justin. As if trying to make him understand that this was probably very permanent

"She doesn't mean it," Justin defended, becoming more serious as he sensed this was much more complicated.

"The hell she did!" Chris fired back, his angry look settled on him, " She looked me straight in the eye,  after asking her not to. SHE. Doesn't. Want. To.  Be. With. Me."

Justin eyebrows hunched as the words sunk in. Failing to believe that it might actually he the end for Britney and Chris. "There should be some sort of explanation. I mean, it's clear to see you two love each other. Where did it all go wrong?"

"Why are you trying to be so optimistic? I told you she told me she wanted out. So why are you supporting her?"

" I've seen the way you two act around each other, bro.  I would kill to have a solid relationship like you two have, "

Chris sent him a glare.

"or had. You shouldn't let that go. You don't even know where all your problems started from. You two were strong then suddenly, you just got...weak, " Justin huffed out.

"Look I don't know either, maybe we realised that we weren't good for each other, "

"That's definitely not it, you two are compatible, sometimes I just wanted to throw up."

Chris looked away, turning his back on Justin, his gaze straying toward the pool and the gardens before them.

"Do you remember the reading Anna gave us?" Chris asked, his voice low.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"She was right about yours, you have had a lot of pain in your life and she fore saw mistrust in your future, " Chris said glancing over at Justin.

"I know she was right about it, but that doesn't prove anything, "

"Well, she was right about mine too. She told me that although I was in love I would soon discover there was more for me out there.  Britney and I come from two different worlds, maybe we should just stay in them, " he muttered, running a hand through his blood locks.

Justin looked at him for a moment. He had never seen him so down cast and angry. Which scared him, deeper than it should have.

Maybe if it had been the time of anger that manifested by throwing a fit or punching a wall, he might have understood, but this was different, this pain echoed in his eyes.

Pain that was engraved in his heart. One that couldn't be released in punches, it was pure frustration and hurt.

"You're afraid," Justin hinted, studying Chris. Looking at him, studying him for the first time.

"what?" He asked, wondering what on earth he was talking about.

It all clicked in Justin's head, "this family is really messed up. You need therapy just as much as I do."

"What are you talking about?" Chris said trying to fake a chuckle.

"You can't hide it from me. You aren't mad at her. Your mad at yourself and angry at your past just like me."

Chris stared at him as Justin read him like an open book.

"I always thought you were stronger than me, and so often I don't really worry about you.  I feel like you have it all together. That you don't need attention because you are so in control." He paused, a silence falling around them, "I'm sorry," Justin apologised, beginning to realise he had never really understood his brother, until now.

Chris swallowed hard, his jaw clenched as he heard this.

"I promised to always be there for you but I've been so drowned in my problems I forgot I'm not the only one with issues."

Chris gulped, "I don't know what your saying," he said trying to rebuild his walls as his fists tightened, clutching the balcony tighter than before. His teeth gritted.

Justin saw it, another person just like him. "You do, you do know what I'm saying. You don't want to be left behind again. Like your parents did. You loved them didn't you? The way you love Britney, ".

Chris turned away breathing shorter breaths.

"You don't have to do things all alone any more. You don't have to keep building those walls. That's why Britney's so mad at you. You don't trust anyone anymore. No matter how bad you want to. And it's not your fault. It isn't, I'm living proof, you've got let go of that anger man.

Don't be like me. If you don't let go of that anger it will come out, when it shouldn't and you will feel stupid."

Chris let go of the balcony and stood facing Justin, "you're right, " he began, a slight shiver in his tone.

" I do feel like crap. But I'm also tired of feeling like this. She doesn't understand me, and I don't too, "

"Then explain it to her, maybe this is the way to deal with your demons, trusting again. Trust someone who loves you back the same way," Chris kissed his teeth and walked toward the door.

Justin shook his head, "Chris!" He called out.

Chris paused just before the door, not even looking back.

"You two belong together, let go of that anger, don't give up, " Justin tried one last time.

"She already let go," he replied as he left the room.

Justin shook his head staring back at the scene below him.

He knew his life was twice as bad as Chris. Being with someone he felt nothing for. Although his career was clearing blossoming he felt dead inside. Why would life be so cruel? He thought to himself. It is true, you can never have everything.

*******

A few hours later Chris and Justin headed up to CR to finish up some last minute things before the album launch, that Saturday.

The girls and the rest of the crew were already there.

Chris however was supposed to finish up the final scenes in the movie 'Time' so he was immediately driven off to the set a few blocks away.

Mr Ryder had appointed Anna to be his temporary assistant for that time because Chris needed one and Robin was always here and there so he was not in need of one at the moment.

Anna sat beside Chris as they drove off to the set.

"Are you going to sulk all day?" Anna asked grabbing the phone Chris had been focusing on playing games with.

He looked up at her through his sunglasses

"I'm not sulking," he replied.

"You've gotta forget her, " Anna began, widening her eyes.

"What are you talking about?" He asked.

"Last evening you called me asking me to go with you to the album launch, "

"So?"

"So...you should have asked your girlfriend for that unless you two are over, "

"My girlfriend?" Chris repeated

"Yeah what's her name again? Uh...Br-"

"Don't say it," Chris interrupted.

Anna raised an eyebrow

"How can I help?"

Chris laughed at the sudden question. It seemed so out of the blue.

"I'm your assistant so how can I help?"

Chris shrugged, "you can start by not saying her name, "

Anna sighed, "Alright. It's not like I know anything about her," she said, "I told you you would realise that she wasn't the one, "

"I thought you said there was no need to talk about her, "

"Fine..I'm finished," Anna said, relaxing in her chair.

"May I finish my game?" He asked

"Oh," she replied handing him over his phone. She looked at him as he played, smiling, he was hers.

**

When they arrived Chris was sabotaged by make up artists and so on trying to get him changed for the scene.

He was already thirty minutes late and Jeff, the producer, movie was quite angry.

After a wardrobe change and last minute touches here and there, he was ready for the scene.

It was a scene in which Chris' character Jason, discovered his girlfriend was one of the pawns of his enemy, realizing that his whole life had been one big lie.

"Okay, are you already?" Jeff called out as Chris and Syria, the female actress playing Rose, Chris' girlfriend.

Rose stood by the subway, checking the time on her watch, as the camera circled around her.

Chris prepared for his scene, walking onto the platform. It was only then he realised that Rose's hair and eyes were the same colour as Britney's.

It was hard for Chris to differentiate what was hurting him in his heart and mind from what was reality.

He stood there staring at her,  dumbfounded, unable to focus.

"Three two one action!" Jeff called out as the camera begun rolling.

"Rose!" Chris called, causing her to turn, her heart thudding wildly, she looked at him in surprise.

"J-jason? What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same thing"

"I uhm..I"

"I fucking know you're one of them!"

He looked at her disappointed, pain echoing in his very eyes, it looked so realistic, " I can't believe you kept this from me!" Jason replied, his tone low and unconvinced.

"I-I know what it looks like-"

"Do you? What the hell did you do? What have you done Rose?!"

She gasped out, taking a step back as he approached her, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Jason, I should have told you but I was scared, I had to do this for them. It was my job. I didn't think I'd fall for you."

"Just a job? My life revolved around making you happy! You made me believe you loved me, "

"I do, I swear I do, I'd do anything for you, Jason please don't leave me, I'm trying to make it better." she said grabbing his jacket.

Something in Chris clicked

"But your the one who wanted to end things," he said slowly, carefully. His mind shaded, overloaded, trying to offload some hurt.

Jeff looked at the script, "was that in the script?" He asked his assistant producer, James. James shook his head as Chris continued.

" I don't know what you want from me anymore, you can't be here begging for me, after you chose .." He trailed off swallowing hard as tears created streams down his face, "I trusted you, it was hard but I finally managed to trust you and when I thought we could fix this, fix us, you just turn around and stab me the back!"

Anna watched from the sidelines as she realized something was definitely wrong. She looked at James who was checking the scripts

. Rose had let go of Chris and stood there surprised wondering what had just happened knowing for certain those lines where not in the script.

"Sir I think we should stop the shoot," James offered as they couldn't find the line, but Jeff told him to shut up.

He liked the drama, it looked real, they all were watching Chris eagerly. As well as the extras who had stopped doing what they should have be doing and begun watching.

"You think you're the only one hurting? Well you can't mess with my feelings anymore. You think I can't be without you! I can be without you. I can!" He turned around facing the subway the sharply turned back, "you knew how much I felt for you and you still made the choice. You didn't even think about it. It was that easy for you. So don't stand there and tell me you love me, because that's not what lovers do, "

"Jason..Chris..I....." Rose trailed off not knowing what to say, wondering why the director wasn't cutting the shoot.

"Don't you dare say, you want me back,  you've already hurt me more than you could possibly know. He put his hand in his pocket and took out the necklace, feeling it's edges in defeat

"Your the one that let go. You just let go." Chris broke down crying. He just let it all go. Lord knows he needed it. He just wanted to be free. He walked away from the shoot slowly.

"Cut! Now that's acting!" Jeff shouted out as the rest of the team watched Chris stagger away.

Anna looked at Jeff then followed Chris. She found him sitting alone behind  behind the refreshments. Staring at the necklace flipping it over and over.

Anna put her hand on the necklace he was holding and lowered it down so he focused on her face.

"Look at what your doing to yourself, is she really worth it?" She hissed.

Chris looked at her and didn't reply.

"Look I want to help you, so let me!"

"I don't need your help!" He shouted at her.

She took a step back. Her eyes scared for a minute.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice at you," Chris replied, relishing his mistake

"It doesn't matter, you know what I'm tired of feeling sorry for you," Anna said harshly.

Chris looked up at her.

"You're here looking like a broke down car when your not. If she let you go, that's her loss. Why should you suffer? I have been nothing but supportive of you and I don't need this sort of attitude from you! You wanna be sorry, then be sorry. No one cares for people who don't have any self esteem. The first time I saw you I thought wow,  now that's a guy! You were so different from your brother, thoughtful, kind, intelligent and happy. Now when I see you I see nothing. You wanna get up and give a pity party up there?" She asked pointing at the set, "then go ahead. I'm not going to stay near someone who looks at life like a break up!" She screamed at him.

He looked at her horrified. She had never spoken to him that way.

"Just remember she broke up with you," she said turning away. He quickly stood up and pulling back.

Anna gasped as she was pulled back into his strong arms.

"Your right," he said, lowly.

"Don't be mad at me, I didn't mean to offend you. You're a  great friend," he said slowly

"You said she let go, so let go too, and move on. I hate seeing you like this," she said quietly.

He nodded and she smiled and hugged him but he put he necklace back in his pocket as he hugged her.