Chapter 34: Chapter 34

: Panic

Mckayla started the car as they passed by both Britney and Ted.

"See? You look better this way, you can't be sulking in your room all day," Ted reassured

Britney nodded still smiling, "I'd feel a lot better if he could just pick one of my calls,”

"look I'm sorry to say this but the guys a jerk, I mean he didn't even give you a chance to explain, then he pushed you, if it wasn't for Mckayla you would have fallen, "

"Oh c'mon he isn't bad, it's just that he was angry, I can't blame him for that, it's my fault,”

"Either way, if I saw Mckayla with another guy while I was her boyfriend-"

Britney chuckled, interesting his speech, "still believing that aren't you?"

Ted grinned, "let me finish," he said standing up and helping her up,

"if Mckayla and I were in your position right now, with the way I feel for her, she would have just had to explain the issue  out for me. Once I understand there's nothing to be jealous about, I Would have moved on with the issue that's how any real man would react."

Britney thought about it for a moment. True, it wasn't really her fault. Chris hand even given them enough time to sit and explain things over. She gave him a lazy shrug in response as they began walking away, "I just hope we talk soon, I really miss him, a lot," she said biting her bottom lip slowly.

"Okay, Let's stop talking about it, let's just have some fun, get all your troubles out of your mind, " he said jumping up on the short wall.

Britney laughed, "you're crazy,”

"Now that's what I've been waiting for," he said, giving her a curt smile.

"Oh please," Britney said still laughing.

"What’s a friend if he can't make you smile?" Ted asked as they walked away to have more fun.

****

Chris was quiet through the ride just focused on one thing.

Mckayla glanced over at him while driving, noticing how tense he looked with his fists clenched and his face holding an unrecognizable look.

She sighed, stopping the car, parking it by the side of the highway

"Why have you stopped?" he asked, not even bothering to look at her

"Well I want to make sure I carried my sister’s boyfriend instead of a serial killer,” Mckayla replied folding her arms.

Chris looked at her, "what makes you think you carried a serial killer?” he asked in a harsh tone.

"You’re asking me? Look at you. You're not talking, you look tense and angry. To tell you the truth I'm scared, "

He glanced at her raising an eyebrow.

"That's right, Chris you're scary" she finished.

Chris looked away from her. Well at least she knew how it felt like. She was just as scary as him and she didn't even have to be angry.

"You know what I'm tired of this,” Mckayla huffed out running her hands through her long dark locks.

Chris couldn't believe what he was hearing, what could she be possible tired off, she had literally eaten all her food, snatched his last fry. If anything she should be soaring with energy, "tired of what?"

"You and Britney and all your problems. This is too much! I try and bring you two together and it goes wrong, it's like you two have bad karma or something,”

Chris cracked a little laugh as he saw how exhausted she looked, "look, " he began realizing that he should really cut her some slack, " really appreciate your efforts to try and get your cousin and I back together, but I don't think it's happening any time soon" he responded.

Mckayla looked at him, with a soft grin, "you're a good guy Chris and you know Britney. You've been dating for what? Eight-"

"Nine"

"Nine months?! Holy cow, no wonder y'all fighting. It's about time you had an official quarrel"

He chuckled at this shaking his head

She shook her head, trying to hide her own laughter, “look, I don't know what's happening, " she continued her tone switching to something softer yet more serious, "but I'm sure it's totally different from what it looks like. Britney loves you I've seen it,”

"I already know that, you keep repeating it. I just need some space with her right now,”

"Space? How long will you need space? "

Chris looked out the window sighing, "I don't know"

"Hey, in a relationship you don't get to have space, if you do, you will be surprised at how distant you two will become all because of this so called space. In fact the guy that came up with term, I need space is stupid. You are either with or without. There is no in between."

Chris opened the door and walked out, without another word. He just needed some air.

"Chris!" Mckayla called.

He ignored her, taking in a deep breath of air.

He heard the other door unlock as Mckayla came out, shutting his eyes. He knew she probably was preparing to do what she did best.

Talk.

"I'm talking to you, you know!" she said a little angry.

Yeah he figured.

"Okay so let's quit talking about Britney for a minute. Let's focus on you,” Mckayla began causing to Chris turn around and looked at her, "me?" he asked solemnly.

"Yes you, you know what your problem is? You don't trust. You don't Trust Britney." She began staring directly at him, "and you're too possessive. How can you doubt Britney so much? Like seriously.

You've never had real proof if she was indeed cheating on you, even my mother volunteered to help but look at you, just one look at her and your doubts come back rushing in again."

Chris's fists were rock hard as the blood begun to increase its flow, running hot and fast in his veins.

"Britney's allowed to have friends you know, even if that means their boys. I'm sure you have some female friends and you don't see Britney all over you.

You know what you need to do?" She asked.

He breathed out frustrated, “no I don't, so what should I do all might Mckayla, “he mocked, a fine scowl on his face.

She ignored his impudence, challenging his scowl with her own, “I’m too need to face your own demons before trying to hate others, stop being so not trusting and give her a chance! Stop being insecure!" she was tired and angry not even realizing that she had raised her voice.

Chris took a short shaky breathe out, his heart drumming with every word she had said.

He looked at her long and hard, he was afraid of those very words. He was afraid of the truth.

He didn't trust Britney at all, he hadn't trusted anybody apart from Justin and was learning to trust Robin ever since his parents abandoned him.

The only reason he even trusted Justin was because only he seemed to have gone through something as bad as he had.

And why he didn't trust?

He didn't want to be left behind. Not again, not ever.

Anna saw his weakness and now so did Mckayla.

"'You know what? Maybe you're right!" he said raising his voice sharply.

Mckayla looked at him surprised at the sudden outburst.

"Maybe I don't trust her, maybe I am insecure. I have the right to be. I tried giving this a shit a try but what do I get? You think it's easy for me seeing her with other men?  Yes I am fucking possessive, that's who I am.

I don't trust a lot of people in my life because of my past, which has taught me one thing, , never trust those who don't deserve it.

My biological family broke that trust, left me behind. I can't forget that, I don't want to feel like that.

No one should ever feel like that, used and then just discarded.

I have only felt like that once in my life! Once in my god damn life and I will not allow myself to ever feel like that again, not because of Britney or my family or my career. So when I say I need space I fucking mean it!" he was very angry at this point, he breathed out slowly realizing he was fully blown over.

"People think I'm the strongest," he said softly, "but the truth is I easily get hurt, so yes I am insecure." he finished.

Mckayla was still watching him as he leaned against the car.

If anything, he was surprised his anger hand scared her off. No she looked more like she understood everything he had just said.

She listened.

Listened to him.

She stood beside him, "you can trust me," she said softly "I know how you feel," she said smiling weakly.

He looked at her slowly as he saw the tears creep down her face. She wiped them away quickly.

Maybe he had been a little too harsh on her. Now he felt guilty.  "Please don't cry,” he eased, “C’mon, stop it.  I'm the one that supposed to cry,”

Mckayla smiled laughing a little, "I'm not crying because of you, you dork. Trust me you're not as scary as you think,” She huffed out, rolling her eyes. She paused breathing out as she adjusted her breathing, “I’m crying because I know I'm not alone. We all have a past, it gets to all of us," she said looking at the sun that was climbing down the dim sky.

He watched her for a second, a deep frown settling on his face when he saw it.

It disappeared in a second but he knew there and then.

She was also one if the unfortunate one's. Mckayla too had a past.

He became silent, leaning against the car, his eyes trailing over the still horizon.

Mckayla turned her head a little toward him, her voice soft and gentle, "if you need space, take it, before time runs out," she whispered as they leaned against the car and watched the sun go down, slowly and beautifully.

***********

Justin had Lucy in his arms.

Naked and beautiful. Her head rested on his chest telling him, her heart swelling with pride, with every bit it told him of how much she loved him, how much he meant to her.

Not at all different from the words she had said throughout the whole ordeal.

Justin lay there for a moment knowing that he had just made a big mistake. He stared into nothing as Lucy run her hands down his chest then up to his chin again.

"Thank you," she said lowly, turning to face him, her lips trailing along his jaw line.

"Thank you for what?" he asked

"Helping to save us," she replied.

Justin gulped slowly at the sound if that. Had he? Had he save them or had he just destroyed them?

She smiled happily, "you were wonderful," she said still smiling, “a natural, obviously this isn't your first time," she said sitting up.

Justin shifted uncomfortably.

"It’s okay, it wasn't my first time too," she eased laying back in his chest. "You and me were meant to be together, forever," she said taking his hand and playing with his fingers.

Justin faked a smile but deep inside he was screaming "oh God! What the hell was. I thinking!"

It was a stupid idea.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

********

Bree sat in her bedroom. Thinking. Remembering.

She touched herself a little as she remembered what she had seen.

Justin was perfect, a natural womanizer, seductive, his body, his talent his face, all to die for.

Bree had notice this many times. She stood up and paced in her room back and forth.

What was she thinking? It was her step son. She shook her head from side to side. This was all Robins fault she was having these fantasies she thought to herself.

She decided to do some exercises to get her mind off the whole thing so she went to the downstairs gym.

But the devil followed her like a predator just waiting for the right time.

********

Soon Lucy picked up her clothes and went to take a shower knowing she could not stay in her lover’s arms forever.

She took a quick shower as Justin watched, then she dressed up and kissed him goodbye, "I'll see you later baby," Lucy cooed, smiling.

Justin tried hard to return the smile. As she opened the door and left.

"Damn it!" he said sitting up in bed.

"What’s wrong with me?!" he asked rubbing his head, "What did I just do? We didn't even use protection," Justin was scared.

He didn't want to be in his room right then. He put on a vest and went downstairs hoping Chris had arrived. But he hadn't.

He walked around the house moving to and fro till he found Bree in the gym.

Bree tried hard to look as if she hadn't seen or heard anything, as she glanced over at the boy.

"So how did it go?" she asked as she jogged on the tread mill.

Justin shook his head slowly, his jaw clenching.

"Well I guess that means I've won," she said looking away trying very hard to stop looking at his muscles.

"Yeah I guess you do," Justin whispered

Bree stopped the tread mill, moving towards the weights.

"Are you sure you can lift that?" Justin asked as she got a big weight. She was nervous and honestly didn't even know what she was doing.

"Well I was sure about you two,” Bree replied, preparing to hoist it up. With one heave she held it up.

"You’re making me look weak,” Justin grinned back, glad to put his mind off everything else, "let me join you," he offered, taking off his shirt.

Bree lost concentration for a moment and her hands begun to shake as she saw him.

"Are you okay," Justin asked going behind her and taking the weight from her.

His chest in her back. His breathing down her neck. Bree paused for a minute as the little hairs on her neck stood up. She paused, "its fine I can do it," she said quickly as he helped her lower the weight.

"Well I'm glad to see that you’re wrong for once," Justin said, with a soft laugh.

Bree crept open a smile, nodding.

"Hey family," Chris said walking in.

Bree looked at her watch, "I thought you said you would be back soon," Bree asked.

"You look like a mess," Justin put in, turning to face him.

"I feel like one," Chris replied

Bree smiled and patted him on the shoulder, "you two talk I'll go do dinner," she said as she left.

Chris sat down.

"What happened bro?" Justin asked sitting beside him on one of the machines

Chris sighed, "It’s Britney, and she’s driving me crazy."

"I should have known,”

"I met her mother today and she cleared the misunderstanding up, she said she had gotten things all wrong and that Ted wasn't even her boyfriend,”

"Well, that's good isn't it?"

"It was till I saw her alone with him in our park eating ice cream together, that's what we used to do. That's our thing."

"Damn,”

Chris sighed again, rolling his shoulders as he grasped his neck, staring up at the ceiling, "you don't know how much I just want to drive by her place and sit her down and shake her so she could tell me what the hell is going on between us. So we can forget this and I can get back to just loving her." Chris shook his head, "if I had known I would have fallen this deep for her, I would never had asked her to be my girlfriend."

"Oh c'mon you don't mean that,”

"Oh but I do, I'm tired of all this Ted drama. Why can't we just be the way we were when she only had me? When I was the only guy that made her happy, I hate feeling like this."

"Then do it,”

"Do what?"

"Tomorrow you should go sit her down and talk to her shake her, kiss her, whatever it takes to make it better between you guys.”

Chris thought about it for a moment, "I don't know, I just don't think this is the best time. I can do anything when I'm angry."

"That’s why you're going to wait till tomorrow."

"Maybe your right," Chris replied.

"You know I am,”

Chris smiled a little, "hey what about you?" he asked punching him playfully

"Justin shook his head slowly, shifting uncomfortable as the attention was taken back to him.

"I guess mom won," Chris concluded.

He nodded slowly, "yes but there's…uhmm...there's something else,”

"What? How did she make you do to love her this time?" Chris asked chuckling?

"I slept with her," Justin blurted out, his face twisting.

Chris laughed, "Funny I thought you just said you slept with her," he said, shaking his head at the silly joke.

Justin frowned tilting his head to the side, kissing His teeth.

"You did what?!" Chris echoed, his jaw dropping, both shocked surprised, disappointed

"I slept with her man, I....don't know what happened, and we didn't even use protection. I don't know why I did it. I told her we should end it and the next thing she was naked we were back at salvage mansion the girl was in front of me, begging me to save her, I did it again...I, "

"Stop!" Chris said, "Justin breathe," he repeated, easing in, his right hand clenched onto Justin's wrist, a concerned look overtaking his features.

Justin looked down at him, then at his hand. They were shaking uncontrollably.

"Breathe Justin, relax,”

Justin looked at him in panic, his heart racing, nodding as Chris told him to relax, he took a deep breath.

His nose was red, as was his eyes, he looked swollen in just a few minutes.

"Does this happen a lot?" Chris asked watching him.

Justin nodded slowly, feeling like breaking down before his brother "every time I try to remember," he replied.

Chris realized that Justin had a problem, a big problem.

See some people can deal with their past while others become slaves to it, just like Justin.

"So when she came on to you, you found yourself back at the mansion?" Chris asked, trying to figure this panic attack Justin just had.

"yes," Justin replied nodding, his voice came out hoarse and dry" she was there, the girl telling me to save her," Justin's air run out, and he gasped out, staring at the floor.

"It’s okay, breathe," Chris eased, "do you have visions like this often?"

Justin shook his head, "usually there only flashbacks but this time I felt like I was really there, I could see her. Telling me..."

"Begging you to save her and her mother, and you did it again, you slept with her, not realizing it was Lucy," Chris replied softly.

Justin looked down at the ground.

"Maybe you should go to therapy, tell dad about this, he will find you a good therapist to help you with this,”

Justin stood up abruptly, his whole mood shooting in a matter of seconds, "I'm not going to a therapist Chris, and I’m not crazy,”

"I know you’re not," Chris replied watching him pace back and forth, "but these flashbacks you’re having will only get worse if you just leave it like it is," Chris warned.

"Dad has enough on his plate, I can't burden him with this, and you can't tell him,”

"Justin I don't think-"

"promise me you won't tell him," Justin said walking back to him, "I want to do this on my own,”

"Were a family, you can't be on your own-"

"please Chris, I need to do it alone, I do not want therapy. Please,”

Chris paused as he saw Justin's face,

"Bromise me" Justin replied looking directly into Chris' eyes, his face serious.

"Cross my heart" Chris replied lowly after a few more second.

Justin let out a relieved sigh.

"But if anything like this happens, you've got to tell me, that's my condition,” Chris added.

“Alright," Justin agreed.

"Let's just look at the bright side," Justin continued

"There’s a bright side?" Chris asked, watching him.

"Yes, at least I won't have to find a date for the album launch party this Saturday,”

"Oh damn it, I forgot,”

"I know you did, you better patch things up with Britney before that time," Justin replied as he left Chris alone.

Chris sighed,

Justin was right. Very right.