Chapter 16: Chapter 16

: Stand by Me

Mr Ryder wiped the tears that crept down his cheek as they stared out into the night.

"I could have died that day," he repeated slowly. "I knew that I owed that woman so much, her name was Lisa, Lisa white. So I decided I'd change. If it wasn't for me then it was to honor her memory. I got cleaned up and started going to a music class at the community center. I never knew my Dad, and I never had any siblings. My mother died when I was twenty four from terminal cancer.

She too was a prostitute but I swear my mother always looked out for me when she was sober, it all got to her head when she started doing drugs and it only worsened after she found out she had cancer.

Never had any other family

Because my mother was an orphan and when she died, I became one too," Dad narrated still fighting back the tears.

"I haven't told anyone my story. But I'm telling you because I think yours is a bad as mine," he said laughing with a light sniff.

"The past will always remain the past son,” he said patting Justin. "If you don't face it has the power to change your future, what are you running from, Justin?" he asked.

Justin turned away looking at the stars spread above them, "my story isn't bad," he said laughing sadly, "it's awful," he added shaking his head and swallowing hard.

"I'm your Dad now, whatever it is, I will support you, I will never judge you," Dad said looking at Justin.

Suddenly something dropped inside of him. Something broke and for a second he ran out of air, he breathed in deeply as all the emotions flooded in.

His eyes were filling up with tears and he felt defenseless and caged, his Dad saw this and rubbed his back.

“I didn't mean to!" he let out in huge gasps, he was shaking his head side to side he suddenly turned to Mr Ryder

"I swear I didn't mean to hurt anybody!" he said as he tears rolled down his cheek.

Mr. Ryder was shocked at his sudden outburst but he knew the power of the past, "calm down son, I believe you," he eased patting him slowly.

"I should have never gone, I should have just allowed him to keep beating me up." he lamented, not even bothering to wipe his tears.

"I feel so bad about it, it haunts me every day," Justin displayed still shaking.

He swallowed hard. "Whatever it is I know it wasn't your fault," Dad said still rubbing him.

"That’s what I try to make myself believe. I wake up and stare into the mirror and see myself for what I really am, a monster," Justin replied gritting his teeth.

"When Chad forced me to go I should have just said no, it was my fault, my fault," he repeated pointing at himself.

His Dad took a hold of his hand. "It isn't your fault don't tell yourself that. Do you want to feel better Justin?" he asked.

Justin took a deep breath still crying. "Yes," he answered nodding, " I really do, I just want to forget," he said as Dad lead him back to the bed where they sat side by side facing each other,

" you can't forget because the past defines who you are, all the battles you've conquered, is the proof required for you to stand up right now and say, look world you threw this and that at me, but I made it! No one can forget their past or make it go away but if you share it, it will be easier on both you and your conscience," he said

"Tell me your story Justin and battle your demons right here right now and I assure you will become victorious."

Justin looked at his dad. He knew he could trust him, after all he also had a past. Maybe this is what he really needed too.

Taking a deep breath in, he began, "from the beginning?" he asked trying to slay the feelings that were coughed up inside of him.

Dad nodded as he patted Justin knee,

"I don't remember much from my early past," Justin started shaking his head, he was still nervous and his eyes were red,

"I was about four months when my mom left, I have a very faint memory of her, when she did, and Dad fell into a depression. He would drink and smoke, but he never once mistreated us or beat us, he was just passing through a rough phase in his life, I remember he loved to play the piano because my mother loved to listen to him play. In memory of her, he would play her favorite song, "STAND BY ME" every night. "

Justin laughed a little, "he had a beautiful voice and he always used to tell me, Justin life can put you down, but don't let it change you." He paused gazing up to the window.

"I wish he took his own advice because he changed after mom left, but nevertheless, my Dad was still a good man, he was just going through a rough patch, " he tried to convince not only his jaw Dad but himself. Chad had told him so many times that their real dad had been nothing but a piece of shit. But Justin wouldn't allow the likes of Chad to take that memory away from him. No, this one he would keep.

“I swear things were getting better after some time, we lived quite normally. Suddenly one day he brought in another woman who he claimed he wanted to marry. She was really nice to us before they got married but after, she revealed her true colors I guess.

She would beat us and lock us outside especially when my Dad didn't leave any money for her," Justin paused as he sniffed,

“But everything took a turn for the worst when Dad died two years later. My step mother took over everything, it's not as if we had much, but still, she was in control.

She used to beat, insult, mistreat my brother and me, I was young so I was spared of some of the things but my brother, Chad, was the one that suffered the most. I saw him change right before my eyes, from being the best brother in the world to a troubled man.

One day he took me and we run away.

I don't know what happened to my brother but he became very aggressive over time. He hated talking about our real mother and blamed my dad for her leaving.

He used to beat me up if I ever disobeyed him or said something against him.

We were taken in by a gang known as The Wolves, I'm sure you heard of them," Justin said looking at his dad,

"You were in The Wolves, the Mafia?" Dad asked realizing that this may be much deeper than he realized.

Justin nodded, "We lived there like them, but I never once participated in their robberies or ...activities,” he paused glancing at Robin.

“Till one fateful night, the former leader of The Wolves was arrested and Chad being the strongest and most intelligent of the remaining was voted to be the next leader or Alpha.

He used to knock off banks and rob houses, you know the big kind of heists, ship drugs, kill and so much more.

One night he beat me up in an alley in Chicago, he told me today was the day I'd become a man, he told me that I would have to accompany him to their heist." Justin shook his head,

"I should have just stood my ground and said no, I told him that I-I would if he promised me no one would get hurt but he only said , "a great request requires a great sacrifice," Justin paused leaving a thread of silence for a moment, "I should have known he would go back on his word. Why did I ever trust a criminal?" Justin questioned his voice shaking and his eyes filling up, he looked away,

"We raided a mansion that night, the owner was a pregnant woman. Chad wanted some documents from her but she stood her ground. I guess she was just protecting what she had left, she was just a widow. She also had a daughter about twelve or thirteen, I don’t remember very well. I can't remember, “Justin said as the tears rolled down his face staring directly into his father’s eyes,

"It’s okay,” Robin said. Justin shook his head, "no I have to remember!” he shouted "I just have to...” he swallowed hard, his feet tapping the floor impatiently.

“Chad hated that woman, I guess she reminded him of Mom. The pregnant woman was so defensive of her daughter, she gave the documents to Chad just for the sake of her daughter’s wellbeing. I think Chad hated the love she had for her daughter seeing as our own mother left without even saying as much as goodbye. Then he made me choose," Justin trailed off sniffing,

"Choose what?" Dad asked.

"t-to r-rape the girl or he would k-kill the pregnant woman," Justin replied as he looked directly into his father’s eyes.

"I had to choose, I didn't know what to do... But I didn't want anyone to die. S-so I...I raped her," he said crying as he broke down. "I raped her...” he repeated the words echoing in his father’s ears.

Robin was shocked when he heard the confession. He saw Justin break down in tears with his head in his hands.

Robin reached out and touched his son, "It's okay, it wasn't your fault," he said rubbing his back.

Justin looked up at him as he cradled himself from Side to side, shaking his head,

"It isn't okay. It will never be okay. She was only thirteen, maybe even younger and I raped her. I did! I still remember the look in her eyes. She was brave. Trying not fidget for the sake of her mother, I could see the pain and hurt in her eyes and I put it there! So it's not okay. It’s my fault I did, I should have just walked away! I damaged that little girl, I probably scarred her for life. I put the pain there and I never even looked back. You're talking about my past? I am the past of some little girl out there... A living past. Imagine if your past had a face? And I'm so scared one day she'll know, she’ll hunt me down and find me. You want to know my greatest fear in life?” He asked.

Robin looked at Justin, half scored himself of the answer, "looking once again into her brown chestnut eyes and her telling me I ruined her life...I should have walked away..." Justin finished going back to cradling himself.

Robin noticed that Justin was in shock staring at nothing rocking back and forth.

He put one hand on Justin.

"Look at me," he said. Justin kept rocking back and forth, "Justin look at your father," he said in a commanding voice.

Justin stopped cradling back and forth. "Look at me," Robin repeated again.

Justin's eyes met his fathers, "if you walked away that day, I assure you, and you would have been responsible for the deaths of three people that night." Justin looked away.

"Look at me Justin," Robin repeated Justin stared back to his father again,

"You did the right thing and we both know that if you went back in time again, to that exact moment you would do the exact same thing right?" he asked, "right?!" he repeated.

Justin nodded as he swallowed hard. "You've been through a lot Justin and you are not a rapist. You were brave and you know that. You didn't rape anybody. That isn't you. You aren't a dark or a bad person for saving three lives on that day, you did what was best for all for you.

I'm sure she knows that. Justin don't ever tell this to anyone OK? You are a hero and no matter what you will always be my son and I swear to you I will be always there for you... Always. “Justin stared up at his father as Robin rubbed his back, he nodded.

"This shall remain between the three of us," he said.

"The three of us?" Justin asked confused,

"Chris you can stop hiding!" Robin called out turning toward Justin's bedroom door which was partially open.

Chris had been eaves dropping and heard Justin's confession. Chris walked in embarrassed. "I'm so sorry, I was coming to Justin's room and I heard some shouting so I..." he trailed off,

"It’s okay, you’re bad at hiding anyway. I could see your reflection on the mirror," he pointed out.

Chris smiled as he realized his mistake and sat beside Justin.

"Why didn't you ever tell me bro, I could have been there for you, you know you can always trust me. I would never judge you," he said.

Justin nodded as he looked up at Chris "I was scared,” he replied, "I just wanted to forget."

"The past is hard to deal with Chris, especially when it's dark," Dad put in.

Chris rubbed Justin's shoulder, "is that why you would have nightmares back at the orphanage?" he asked.

Justin nodded, "I still have them," he said in a shaky voice.

"But now you have me," Chris replied as he hugged Justin. He couldn't imagine being put in such a predicament.

"I don't want Bree to know about any of this, she can't have children and she wants the best for her new family, we owe that to her," Dad said and they all agreed

"The girl, did she see your face?" he asked Justin. Justin shook his head, "we were all wearing masks that looked alike, I couldn't see her well either, it was just so dark" he said.

Robin nodded," okay. That means she can't recognize you even if she saw you on TV, this is father son talk, confidential."

He took Justin's hand and Chris' hand in his,

"I am your father now and I vow to put both your interests first. I will always protect and I will be there for you. I got you,"

He said and they all hugged.

"You all are wonderful boys and the past will not define who you are, no matter what!" he said and they all agreed.

They laughed after sometime and told some stories till Justin begun to feel better he felt lighter since he had shared his guilt inside him.

He felt he could finally move on and Chris and his dad were going to be with him every step of the way.

After some time they said good night and Chris and dad left Justin's room.

That night Justin had the best sleep he had ever had in months since the thing happened.

While he had let go of the past and defeated his demons he was a victor.

However what he didn't know was that the future had demons of its own