Chapter 78: Chapter 78

Scott returns to me, taking my hand in his and leading me out of the room. He locks the door behind us before departing. We go back to my room where it all happened. A new wave of nausea hits and I run to the bathroom to bring up nothing, my stomach is dry heaving due to its lack of contents.

I feel anxious, not wanting to stay a second longer than necessary. The visuals of what happened flash in my mind. I grab some clothes and hurry to the door. Scott follows my cue and shadows me. We go back to his room and he lays down on his bed. I go to the bathroom to get dressed. I opt to wear a casual dress shirt and slacks.

“Do I have to go to this meeting?” I balk.

“It’s in your best interest. Everyone wants to know what the delay is and why we haven’t done any deliberation. The schedule has started, but people want to know what’s happening.” I fidget as I search for an elastic in all the drawers and pockets around his room.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“I want to put my hair up, it’s bothering me. No, forget it, just cut what I have off. Cut it all off.” I say in absolute frustration.

“No, I'm not cutting your hair,” he tells me. “Now finish getting dressed.” His eyes locked with mine. He takes a step towards me. This time I don’t step away. He caresses my blackened eye and swollen cheek with his finger. He kisses my face tenderly, looking forlorn, desolate. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.”

I slip on my shoes and inform Scott, “It doesn’t feel like I’m going to be okay.”

Scott’s phone rings. “I’ll be just a second, Isabella, I have to take this.” He doesn’t leave the room this time. From his end of the conversation, I figure out he is on the phone with Justin and that his idea, whatever it is, has been approved.

When Scott and I reach the boardroom, everyone is present. People see me and gasp! There is understandably much whispering. Nelly is standing close and I take her hand for support. The lights are on and the cameras are rolling. I am mortified. It isn’t what I expect and the second I realized my humiliation is going to be televised, I want to die even more than I did before, a quick and painless death, again. I try hiding behind Nelly on one side of me and then Scott on the other but it’s futile. There is no escape.

Scott starts speaking, “First, I would like to thank all of you for coming to this impromptu meeting. As you are all aware, we delayed the deliberation until Michael Anderson, the president of the Nigerian Skating Association, was able to view the performance tapes. He wanted to provide his opinion as to who should stay at the camp and who should go.”

“A few mornings ago, Michael Anderson arrived in Owerri and sexually assaulted our very own Isabella Brandon. Isabella has decided not to pursue charges as over ninety percent of rape/assault victims do, but I’m hoping with everyone’s strength and encouragement we might change those statistics and help Isabella to do the same.

“This assault was captured on videotape and is being safely stored. We mustn’t cover this event up so that other victims of rape out there might find the courage needed to press charges against their attackers. If we can help at least one person then none of this was in vain.”

Everyone, including the boardroom camera operator, mistakenly applauds for the strength they credit me for having, which I don’t. I’m whimpering, still mortified at Scott for airing this. Tears are streaming down my face again, I turn to Nelly and beg her, “Please get me out of here.” Nelly takes my hand and when the least amount of people is looking in our direction we run from the room.

“Thanks,” I say.

“Are you okay?" Nelly asks concerned. The animosity between us is forgotten.

“No, I’m not. I wouldn’t normally ask this, but can I stay with you tonight?” “Of course you can. You can stay as long as you want.”

“I just can’t go back to my room, and I’m so angry at Scott for announcing this without telling me he was going to!”

“Do you want me to go get your clothes?”

“Would you?”

“Sure,” Nelly agrees. “Just tell me your room number and give me your key.

I’ll be right back.”

I sit on Nelly’s bed and wait. I loathe Scott for televising this without warning me, not that I would have done it if he had. I liked Nelly’s room for the fact that nobody knows where I am right now. It doesn’t take her long to come back with an armload of my clothes. She brings enough for me to stay a few days. I get dressed in the bathroom and go to lie down.

“Do you want to talk?” she asks.

“I’d rather not if you don’t mind. You know, I want to apologize for my behavior earlier. I was jealous when I saw you with Scott. I was out of line and I'm sorry." With that off my chest, I just want to curl up in a ball and fall asleep, hide from the world. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan, I think.

“No worries, I’m going to head off in a bit. I want to watch the off-ice training with Miles and then I have to eat dinner before I teach at 7:00. Did you want me to bring you back some food?”

“No, thanks, I don’t have an appetite.”

“If Scott wants to come and see you is that okay?” “Of course, thanks for asking.”

I like her, she’s kind and compassionate. I misjudged her. Nelly goes to the bathroom to get ready while I snuggle in bed. The normal sounds of Nelly getting ready are soothing. It isn’t long before I fall asleep. I wake up to a light tap at the door, it opens. I gasp and hide under the sheets. A stream of light is coming into the room and I can see the outline of a male figure. “It’s only me, Scott.” The door opens wider and he turns on the light so I can see him.

“You scared me.” My heart was pounding, and I was breathing fast. I glare at him and then think better of it. I don’t want to upset him enough to attack me like I did Michael.

“You never consulted me before televising me on national TV with my face looking the way it does and after being assaulted the way I was. I’m so disappointed with you.”

“I’m acting in your best interest. I’m sure you don’t see it that way now, but you will later. Trust me,” he pleads.

“Would you rather stay with me?” He offers, “Please?”

“I’ll just be in your way. Is there any possibility you can talk to the woman who showed us around the Village and have my room changed? I can’t go back there again.”

“Consider it done,” Scott reassures.

This question is eating away at me, and finally, it surfaces, “Do you think I’m a whore?”

“Of course not. I failed you, Isabella. I didn’t protect you the way I should have.”

“Do you blame me for what happened?” I ask timidly. He looks at me like he was unsure whether he should say what he is going to say but he says, “No, I don't. Do you feel like you are to blame? Is there something you need to tell me? I saw it happen. You are not to blame.”

My face turns hot with shame. “You watched the tape? I didn’t give you consent. That was the most humiliating time of my life and you watched it? Now I feel even more violated than I already did, I didn’t know I could feel worse. A tear falls from his cheek. I can tell he’s sorry.

“Because, when Michael hurt you, he hurt me.” He rubs the back of his head in distress. Scott looks like he was falling apart. “I should never have left you that night. You’re not a whore or to blame. Michael’s to blame, and I failed you, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to live with myself again.”

I feel confused. “You didn’t know he was going to do this to me, so you shouldn’t condemn yourself.”

“I can’t change the past or take away what happened, but I can protect you in the future,” Scott says with determination. “You are my world, and if I lose you then I have nothing. I never want him or anyone else to come between us again. You are mine.”

Right now, I don’t feel like anybody’s, but I don’t want to tell Scott that because he’s being so kind to me and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. “I would like to just forget this ever happened to me. I need normalcy back, routine. I want to start focusing on the camp. Let’s make our decisions tomorrow. We can review the tapes in the morning and complete our decisions by noon. Maybe that will help me heal, and yes, I will go back to your room with you. I just want to warn you though, when I am in bed, I can’t have you anywhere near me.” A voice inside of me is telling me that I’m moving way too quickly. I ignore it. I find out later, this is another one of many stages victims of rape go through.

“Deal,” he agrees. “I’ll call Nelly and tell her you’re coming back to my room, and then I'll let Justin we are rendering decisions tomorrow.”

He watched the film about my rape. Who else will see it? He will never see me in the same way again. This is going to destroy us, me. I want to turn back time. When I lay down on Scott’s bed and imagine skating with him I feel more peaceful. “Did our skates come yet?” I need to get out there on the ice with him, that will help me heal and I don’t know why, I just do. I closed my eyes.

Since my assault is now public knowledge, I don’t feel the need to hide the bruising on my face. I’m determined to put the past events behind me, like war badges, if you will. I’m jolted back to the present when Scott’s phone rings. He answers and mouths, “Justin.”

“Okay, I’ll tell her. Round up the coaches for 11:00 in the boardroom and tell the athletes to be there for noon. Thanks, you’ve been a great help.”

My mother calls from Lagos shortly after. Scott answers the phone and has a chance to talk to his mother before almost passing it to me. When I realize who he is talking to, I frantically signal for him to say I’m sleeping. Mom gives him the third degree, and Scott shares all the events in restricted details to avoid upsetting her too much. He explains that I just couldn’t bring myself to talk about it yet. He promises her repeatedly that he will take care of me, reassuring her there is no immediate threat or need to fly out. By the end of the conversation, I can tell, he talked her out of coming.