Chapter 27: Chapter 27

I sat with Michelle, Stella, Ada and Ike on the same pew. We all came with well tinted glasses. I know it is called 'sun shade' but we are not for fashion today- We're hiding our pain.

We wore a blue ankara dress with red designs on it, all sewn in a simple blouse with a front zip and a pencil-cut skirt. My mother could have been anywhere in the church or outside the church; She was a habitual late comer. Auntie Maimah sat in the front pew with Nneka and Wisdom at her sides. She was the only one who wore white. Her eyes were red and round and seemed like it was sinking into her sockets. She was not wearing a shade. She just sat staring at the choir as they ministered.

People on my seat cried silently but I noticed; they dabbed around their covered eyes too often. I was trying to be strong so I chewed the fruit gum in my mouth, imitating a nonchalance that I could not feel. Each time I stared at the golden coffin on that platform, a feeling of deja vu washed over me because indeed I had sat in the church before staring at a coffin waiting for resurrection but that time it was my father and I had sat in the front pew with my mother and Ada. He never did resurrect.

I cried a few times. First, when Wisdom climbed the stage to read Uncle's Joe's biography. He started off good but began to fight the tears until he could not speak. It was like realization hit him that it was his father's biography he was reading at his funeral. He bent his head for a while but he could not continue then he dropped the mic and walked back to his seat where he pulled Auntie Maimah to himself, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. I cried then while he struggled on that stage not to cry, while he was choked with pain and he still struggled to speak. That was one time I cried and like others, I pulled out my glasses and dabbed around my eyes then put it back on.

Then I cried when Uncle Joe was being lowered into the ground. The undertakers took him and slowly lowered him till I could no more see him and I knew it was the last I would see him. He was not coming back from that trip. In tears and silence, I said my last goodbye.

Auntie Maimah wailed loosely, like someone that watched while her whole world was about to be buried. I imagine it was the same way the women of owu wailed. People tried to hold her back and her white wrapper fell, I ran to pick it. She was wearing only her white skirt now and still she did not let go.

"Please wait. Let me see him. I want to talk to him! "

In the mortuary, they half carried Auntie Maimah out in tears because she kept claiming she saw life in his eyes. His Coffin was placed in one of the rooms in the house, to dress him up this morning for the funeral. He was dressed in his suit, the black one Auntie Maimah had picked out.

Then looking at her, she looked so pathetic it broke my heart and I could not help the tears that flowed down my eyes. I did not fight it, I was just about to run after them when they led Auntie Maimah away then a hand pulled me back. He offered his arms and I fell against his chest with my arms around him, holding him tighter than I should as more tears rolled. He let me, he let me soil his cloth with my tears and the brown powder I had managed to rub in the morning.

Maybe I stayed longer than I should in those arms, maybe my sobs became too loud, maybe I clutched him too tightly, he did not complain. That was Ike for you, always lending a shoulder.

Later we came down, after each person had shed tears alone in separate rooms. The only changing the women did was to wear slippers and not the heels we wore to church, Ike still wore his shoe but Wisdom was now on slippers. We greeted the guests and made sure the caterers dished the food in the right proportions to go round. Even inside the house, the women still wore their shade. Auntie Maimah was in her room. Nobody expected her to be going about greeting them instead they went up to her room to pay their condolences.

I had seen Tunde during the church service. He was sitting on another row. He wore a black senator that complimented his skin tone gladly. I did not take in other features. We only exchanged a brief smile and I turned. My eyes scanned my surroundings now and I failed to notice him. I felt disappointed that he would leave in such a hurry without letting me know.

I sat on a bamboo bench on the balcony upstairs and watched the crowd downstairs. Some people who did not find space under the three canopies, did not mind scattering themselves all over and fixing a seat anywhere.

Most people wore the customized burial T-shirt with uncle Joe's face at the front and "Adieu De Joe" at the back. I remembered during Papa's funeral, Ada had won a T-shirt like that with a wrapper on her waist, she danced around in the evening with Papa's framed photo in her hands. It lightened up the mood that day. I remember standing at a corner and smiling with dried tears while she did the traditional waist dance.

Ike was everywhere just as Wisdom was. This moment with the lifeband, the next moment at the gate, directing cars as wardens on how to drive out. It was then I saw Tunde's car come in and he was also directed on where to park but by one of the youths. I watched him come down. His knee length senator applauded his stature in its usual manner. He walked towards the house till he was underneath me and I could no more see him.

I thought someone would direct him to me but no one did so I went down after a while to find him eating alone at the dining. The parlor just  had a few people who were eating.

"I thought you left," I said, placing a hand on the dining seat beside him. There were only two seats at the table. Others were being used by guests outside.

"I had a flat tire," he said after he swallowed a bolus of eba. "I tried to reach you but the network here is something."

"Sorry. That's Mbaise for you."

I don't know if I expected him to stop eating because I came but I was glad that he kept eating his eba in large moulds even greedily taking chunks of fish or small sized meat with each bolus. He seemed hungry. I looked away and focused on Wisdom who was kneeling down in front of a couple while they prayed for him.

Tunde washed his hands and wiped it on his handkerchief. He threw a mint gum in his mouth all while I watched, smiling then he sighed contentedly.

"Thank you," he said.

"You are welcome. "

His hand began to reach for my dark sun shades and I held his hand and stopped him.

"What? "

"I want to see you."

I removed my dark shades and placed them on the table while I stared at him with my head tilted waiting for a remark, knowing that my eyes were nothing to show a man. It must have been red, swollen and with very dark circles. He did not talk but first held my hand and squeezed it gently.

"Take it easy on yourself," he said.

If it was as easy as spoken words, I would have taken it easy if that was what it meant not to cry. I would have.

"Your Auntie needs you people now so try your best to be strong for her."

I nodded and he smiled. His hand ran underneath my eyes wiping away a tear maybe. I wouldn't know, my tears now flowed leisurely.

Auntie Maimah came downstairs now wearing an ankara buba. She went round greeting people and nodding to their prayers. Her smiles were just there at the corner of her lips and nothing more. She was not crying anymore even when Mrs Idika held her in a long embrace whispering things in her ear that must have been encouragement, She did not cry. Maybe she had buried her grief but I could not wait to see her come to life again.

Tunde went to her when he was about to leave. He put an envelope in her hand as he bid her goodnight. There was a moment of refusal and it passed with Tunde's persistence.

Outside the house, my mother stood. It seemed she was about leaving. I ignored her and made to walk past her but she called me back drawing Tunde with me.

"You did not introduce your friend to me. I saw you both at the dining. "

I wanted to say something but it would have come off as rude not to her but to Tunde.

"I am her mother," she said with her hands clutching her purse.

"Nice to meet you, ma. I'm Tunde. "

"Yoruba man? " she asked and I watched a smile come on like a light on her face.

"No, I'm Igbo just with a Yoruba name. "

I don't know what else they talked about and I was not interested. I excused myself to greet a couple I didn't even know and thank them for coming.

I walked with Tunde to his car later on. I did not want him to go. The next day was Saturday and I could have asked him to stay, instead I kicked the sand and watched him search his trouser pocket for his car keys.

"I want you to be strong. I need you to be strong, " he said. He came close and placed his hands on both sides of my arms.

"I am strong," I replied

We stayed in silence for a while before he pulled me into his chest- A place I loved. It always felt good to inhale his scent and wrap my arms around him.

"Please, stay tonight," I murmured.

He held me close to his chest. "I will stay."

I did not want that moment to pass but it did. I led him upstairs to the balcony and we sat there with the others. Someone brought drinks and soon, I was feeling a little light headed. Wisdom suddenly started making jokes.

"Look at me, look at me," he said. He staggered to the railing and held it for support. We all looked at him, waiting for him to speak.

"If dad was around, he would say right now, why are you all sitting here like it's the end of the world. Go to bed, tomorrow is a new day."

I laughed loud with everyone else. I remember clapping my hands as I laughed even like a true comedian had cracked a joke. Tunde placed a hand on my thigh then he held my hand in his. We were all sitting on different bamboo benches. I was light headed a bit but I could not miss Ike watching me. I wanted to take back my hand from Tunde but I loved the feeling.

"Daddy would say," Nneka said, " You worry too much, Maimah. Is that why you are so beautiful? "

We all laughed again even Auntie Maimah who stood at the door leading into the balcony laughed. I don't know if they were jokes but I laughed, clutching my tummy and all the while Tunde rubbed my back like I was coughing and not laughing.

"He would say, brighten up, you look like my shit when I'm having dysentery, " Auntie Maimah said.

We all laughed again. Each time harder than before and then there was a silence . It dawned on me that we talked about him in past tense, it dawned on everyone else too. Nobody spoke again and they began to say, goodnight in turns till it was just Tunde and I.

We could have slept there with my head on his chest and his arm around my shoulder but mosquitoes were whispering angrily to us that night. We went in to realize that others did not make it past the sitting room so we found a spot on a cushion and sat down, assuming the same position we were in the balcony.

I woke up the next day with a headache to start the morning. I assumed it was morning because I heard a cock crow and the room was dark. I was still wearing the gown I wore to the church service but it felt a bit loose. I reached for my zip but it was already open. I pulled down the gown as I skipped to the window. Outside felt like noon even though I felt it was morning.

It was after I had a quick shower that I saw Tunde's senator on a hanger by the window side. I imagined wearing it and I laughed at that imagination because it would pass my knee and maybe touch my ankle. I could remember sleeping off in the sitting room last night but getting to the room was not in my memory. I could have sleep walked to the room.

Coming out to the sitting room, the guys were still there. Sprawled all about and sleeping. Someone was even snoring lowly. Ike was on a cushion while Tunde and wisdom were on the floor. My eyes rested on Tunde, I could not see his face because he lay huddled close to the cushion in his black trouser and white vest. I wanted to lie behind him and hold his body to mine like I envisioned.

Ike too, had his hands under his head as he lay, facing up. It was the way he stayed mostly when he was thinking and I felt then he was awake but he wasn't, I could see the rise and fall of his chest. It seemed too peaceful for a man in thoughts.

After the whole house rose at the late hours of noon, we had breakfast which was pasta prepared by Michelle, the only person who was not affected by the sleeping spell. Thereafter, I followed Tunde to where his car was parked. Someone had washed it. It could have been the gateman or the driver. He did not ask. He just gave money to both of them. He held my hand for long before he said goodbye and I knew I would remember the heat that built up in my palms in that moment, for a long time.