Chapter 171: Chapter 171

Doctor Bobby, being tied to the weight of past mistakes, and the impact it had on his loved ones, the role he played in destroying his own life, and knowing that he could never remedy what had happened, he contemplated suicide.

Maybe this is the only way? He asked himself, but got negative responses from even himself.

Dylan and Vicky have forgiven him, and they have been visiting him in turns ever since then, but there have been no day they visit him, without him telling them he is sorry for the things he did. Though they had told him that he was forgiven, it could still be seen that he never really forgave himself, he never really looked past the hurt.

It's been months since then, yet, he never forgave himself, and he keeps beating himself up about what happened.

The feeling he was having on a daily, was distressing and complex.

Whenever he sees them, he looks happy and sober at the same time, but his conclusion was of culmination of overwhelming emotions, despair, as to the things he has done, the feeling of hopelessness, that he was never going to be able to fit into their lives, and be a part of their joy.

The feeling of guilt, and a sense of being trapped.

Revisiting past mistakes intensifies different emotions for him.

Particularly being absent from their lives, due to his errors.

Remembering his errors field feelings of regret, self blame and an inability to make amends.

Though he had apologized and he has been forgiven, he hasn't been able to live with himself.

The pain of realizing the irreversible consequences of past choices might be home a relentless burden, amplifying the sensation of being unworthy of a second chance, just as he had said in the court the other day.

He was perpetually in pain, his pain, fueled the overwhelming desire to escape the pain by thinking of the best way to do it, which is ending his life.

"What will my kids think of me?

Are they going to think I made the right decision by leaving them behind when they needed me most, or will they see me as a coward? or maybe they will be happy that I finally left". He said about himself, seeing his departure, as a blessing to his children, instead of the curse and anger that it should cause.

Will they be angry with me, that at least, I could have waited to see Dylan's baby, but how will his grandchild see him? He also had to think of that.

what will he think of him, being in prison, for all the charges against him.

How will it be explained to his grand children, that his great father, a renounced doctor, was busy destroying life, instead of saving lives.

It was better he doesn't feel the worse case, the future will have against him. He better end his life.

Anyone in his shoes, will feel the same.

Though the thought of leaving his children behind, is both heartbreaking and paradoxically seen as a way to spare them from further pain caused by his presence.

He feels that removing himself from this life, could protect them from future disappointment and mistakes.

He also at some points, tried to be his own counsellor, reminding himself, that suicide wasn't the point or solution. he found himself talking to himself and also responding to himself, it was like he has this other part of him, responding to every talk.

"Your children might never have had the chance to build a relationship with you, which is not their fault by the way, because you pushed them away, but since they have forgiven you, there is always the possibility of having a better end". The image in his head tells him.

"But I cannot make it better now.

Thinking that it could be better, means I should seek help, which is useless, so this is what I am going to do! He yelled at himself, getting angry that he had lost hope, resilience and potential for change, he closed his eyes, and drank the poison, he had been holding on to, it was supposed to be fast, but it didn't work that way, but after a while, it started, he started jerking and croaking like a frog. He didn't want to scream so that no help comes to him, he received all the pain of having his intestines torn apart in silence, until he breathed his last, and died.