Chapter 21: Chapter 21

Jessie's POV

"You need to pause a little on that part, Yohan. Again!" I said as we try to record their last song for this comeback.

It's been a week since the incident with Yohan and the others, and not a single soul gave me a chance to explain.

Samantha unnie had been staying with me ever since.

There's no point in staying at their dorm when every human being inside that unit hates me.

Well, except for Josh and Jake and that's mainly because of Samantha unnie.

Rome kept on glaring at me.

Haiden doesn't even give me a smile.

Jason doesn't even spare a glance while Vash simply ignores my existence.

I can't say I've given up.

I tried to reach out to them multiple times and I'm thankful for Samantha unnie is still letting me even if I know for sure how pathetic I have been making myself.

Every day, I feel like I'm getting smaller and smaller and the remaining self-esteem that I have on myself is even slowly fading.

Samantha unnie may not be saying anything about it though I was sure there was pity in her eyes.

As for Yohan, the only time I see him is everytime they recorded.

I tried to talk to him but it feels like talking to a wall.

Somehow, they were doing a great job in making me feel like I don't exist, and it fucking hurts every time.

It feels like there was a knife on my chest.

They have been recording for two days and everything was a mess.

The boys are messing up on purpose and not listening to anything I've got to say as their music director, and everyone around the office is feeling the tension.

I get it. They just met me so it's easy to keep their distance but to me, it hurts like hell.

They're the closest to family to me. Every moment I've spent with them had been the most beautiful moments of my life, but I guess it isn't the case for them.

For once, I thought I've found friends, but I guess they are just a bunch of wonderful people passing by.

I know it's my fault for not telling them but I hope they realize that it's my job and I've been doing it even before I personally get acquainted with them.

Besides, I was never confident in telling people about what I do. In fact, I don't usually have someone to tell these things with, until they came.

Above all this, Yohan is being a real bastard.

Yesterday, when he was doing his part on the song, he kept on the glaring in the glass like he can actually see me.

"Again!" I said, my voice getting stern every moment.

This guy is starting to piss me off.

My blood boils a lot more when I saw him roll his eyes.

But again, I can't do anything about it.

"Yohan, please..." I pleaded.

I was so sure the people behind me are getting awkward.

Besides, my voice is no longer masked. What's the point when they already know who I am. But the people with me are confused as fuck.

"What?" he said, in a mocking tone.

"Would it be easier if I stay out so you can record comfortably?" I sigh in defeat.

If that's what would it take for this song to finish, I don't even care anymore.

I feel like my presence is slowly killing their passion and I don't want that to happen.

"That would be nice."

Fuck.

I was expecting that but hearing it from him hurts a lot more than when I was beaten up. Somehow, I'd rather want to be beaten up again by those girls rather face the wrath of these boys.

This is why I don't want to get close to people.

"Okay." I said in defeat. Then I turned around to the people behind me and gave instructions. Though confused, they didn't ask any questions.

"Yohan, Mr. Kang will take over until it's time for all of you to record. I'll stay out first."

I saw him rolled his eyes but he did not respond.

I took my mask before going out. The faster I go, the faster they can finish the song.

After stepping out of the room, I leaned my back on the wall and slid down on the floor, so now, I ended up sitting with my legs crossed. I covered my face with a mask and had my black cap down covering my entire face.

Today, I decided to wear my usual black ripped pants and a black jumper, and I paired my outfit with a red converse. Since it's a little cold, I decided to wear a coat.

I pulled out my phone and quickly listened to my playlist.

That's right. Make yourself busy Jessie. That way, it would hurt less. I told to myself.

But then images of me being with them started to flash on my head. My chest begins to tighten.

Get a grip Jessie. You can't cry here.

I shifted from my position as I folded my knee and try to hide my face behind it, my arms hugging my knees in the process.

I don't even care if people walking along the pathway are looking at me weirdly.

After an hour, I felt the door beside me opened and one of the staffs came out. I removed my mask and shove it inside my coat.

"We're taking a short break. Afterwards, it'll be the whole group and we'll do some finishing touches."

I looked back to the staff and saw how he seemed uncomfortable.

Just then I realized how the people around us may be getting uncomfortable about this fucked up situation.

A sigh escaped my lips.

I stood up from my seat and bowed a little to him. "I think it's best for me to go. You can tell Mr. Kang to take over from here. I'll go ahead and listen to the tapes once they're done." I bowed one last time before I went out.

I pulled the mask inside the pocket of my coat and covered my face again.

I don't want to see any of the boys from now.

But then luck may not be on my side because just about after I turned into a corner, my face hit straight into someone's chest.

"Awww" I said as I touch my face.

Damn. That was one hard chest.

"Where are you going?" I looked up and saw Josh smiling at me, behind him are the boys. Again, only Jake was acknowledging my presence.

"Home." I simply said as I try to pry my way pass them but Jake quickly pulled me gently by the arm getting me back to my place.

"What?" I asked them.

"It's recording time. Are you ditching on us? That's not really good." Jake pouted.

Confusion flooded on my eyes and before I knew it, Jake had turned my body around and gently pushed me back to the recording studio.

The next thing I knew was me sitting down on my usual spot, light opened and the boys gawking in front of me over the glass wall.

This would be the first time that we will be recording with them seeing me.

It feels weird.

Before we can even start, I was startled to hear Yohan's voice.

"You're still here?" his voice too cold, I felt my body shivered. My body went frozen in place. I felt a sharp pain across my chest.

"Yah, Min Yohan..." Josh nudged him a little.

"What? It's either I go out of this booth or she stays out of this room. It's between the two."

I felt my chest tighten. My hands started shaking a little and I feel like my blood is being drained from my body.

Do you hate me this much? I wanted to ask Yohan that but I refrain myself.

"The truth is, I'm not really comfortable recording with her right now." I heard Rome added.

"Yah, everything seems awkward." Haiden muttered.

You heard that? Nobody wants you Jessie.

I guess I'm back to being alone, the same pathetic Jessie that I am.

I have lived more than twenty years of my life without them, for sure, I can manage another twenty of that.

But can I?

Why does it feel like every happy moment that I had experience these past few weeks were being exchanged with something more heartbreaking in just a matter of days?

Why is life so cruel to me?

This felt more painful than when I was bullied or when someone cut my wrist.

Do I really deserve this?

Am I really this pitiful?

Tears slowly streamed down my face.

I can't control this any longer and I feel like my heart is about to burst.

All the emotions that I've bottled up these past few days had been sinking in a deep shit hole inside of me.

"Guys, I think it would be best if we continue this some other time?" I heard Mr. Kang. He seemed unsure on what to do.

Somehow, I felt apologetic to them because they are in between me and the boys.

"Tss. Sure, we will." Yohan coldly replied.

Just then, all of VOELEVARD stood up and slowly went their way out but before that, I guess it's best to settle everything this instant.

"I never lied." I started and they seemed to stopped after what I said.

That gave me hope.

"Jessie noona..." I heard Jake muttered.

A weird laugh escaped my lips.

"So what if I am your music director? Is that reason good enough for all of you to act unprofessional towards these people who are all staying out late away from their family?"

I started wiping the tears away from my face but they can't seem to stop.

I balled my hands from my side. It was too tight, I'm afraid my fingernails are cutting my skin in the process.

"Fine. Let's all do this." I told them. "Let's all make your fans wait or you can just do whatever you all want. I'm tired of this shit anyways." I stood up from my seat and started getting my way out of the door.

My knees are shaking after all these dramas but I need to leave this place in instant.

One of the staffs quickly made her way towards me.

"Miss Jessie, are you okay?" I nodded in response.

I've cried enough.

I have been broken enough, not once but a lot of times. I've stumbled and fall, all in hard ground. I may have looked like weak but then again, I would get back up, every fucking single time.

So I guess this is goodbye...

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