Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Nine

Dear, Whoever is reading this note, you're only seeing this because my corpse have been found and I'm already either buried or chilling in a morgue and you got to find this note uh...probably in my back pocket. Well please, i do beg that you pass this note over to my parents and probably to the world an anyone who cares after reading it.

Before I took my own life by downing a full glass of "Sniper" insecticide, i was happy for at least, 2 hours, (at least you all can be well rest assured that i didn't die a sad sorry young lady.) I enjoyed a sun filled walk around the beach, I enjoyed the sight of the tidal waves, I enjoyed watching kids build sandcastles, I enjoyed seeing couples smile like nothing else mattered in the world and i enjoyed listening to "River" by Leon Bridges, and yeah I even contemplated dying by the sea lol, (but that's too dramatic, plus I don't want to make mummy and daddy laughing stocks for the second time)  I mean we don't want to see the dead daughter of the most respectful Mr and Mrs David, on the 7 o'clock news do we?) so i just want you to know i did die a happy girl, at least.

Now, I think it's time for appreciation, but before that, I'd sure like to let everyone know that I'm aware that taking my own life is a stupid and sinful thing to do plus that I'm probably going to end in hell, but I'd like you to know that I'd rather be in hell that go through hell while breathing, you'll never understand till you actually try my shoes on. I'm also aware that's there's a million and one reasons to want to live and stay alive but I want you to understand that I've made a choice, and I've decided I don't want to live anymore. It's stressful and there's just no point of living...for me.

Let's get to the part where I appreciate everyone who's contributed (in their own little way)  to my final decision of committing suicide.

I'll start by thanking my parents, you guys are the best and I'm sorry for bringing shame on you but I also hope I've made up for all the embarrassment and shame I've cost you. Now you don't have to say you have a child that made you a "laughing stock" anymore mom.  I just really hope you focus on TJ and Dawn, more, and that you know that I've always felt like I didn't exist anytime and everytime I was around you. Thanks for killing my self esteem before i even managed to have one, and thanks for always making me as special as the kitchen napkins.

I'd also like to thank all my Friends, you know yourselves, thanks for always only calling when you need something, thanks for always being online and never saying "HI" because it would snatch a huge chunk of your data, thanks for always inviting me to parties last, (that sure makes me feel freaking special and loved) thanks for always gossiping about how boring and unattractive I am, (yeah, I know, I have my ways...duh). Deborah Kingsley, thanks for stealing my assignment which ended up making me get a carry over in that 4 unit course that like determines my progress to the next class. (You're the best!). Tessy Balogun, thanks for stealing that orange shirt, even when i told you it was the only gift item I'd gotten from my parents in years. Hey Gift, thanks for telling that dude I told you I had a huge crush on that i'm a bed wetter, I know you liked him too and you saw that he was beginning to like me, but did you really have to take it that far? I know you're going to say it was a joke, but trust me, when i remember the way he laughed at me with his friends when you encouraged me to walk up to him, I always feel like dying. Ruth Abey, thank you for being the worst friend a girl could ever ask for, where do i even start from, well although I don't like to think about it, I know you sent Stephan to me and that it was all a game to you, you dared him to get a nude picture of me (Which he didn't! Ouch)  but I still wonder why you would do that anyway? I mean, we've been friends for years, what have I ever done to you? And when i finally got the nerves to stand up to you, it ended up turning my world upside down.  I really hope you all get to read this and become better friends to yourselves cos we all know we gossip each other. So yeah, thank you.

I'd like to Thank Stephan Okonkwo for coming into my world when i needed someone the most and making it even more lonelier. Thank you for being selfish and superficial and insensitive. Thank you for always reminding me that your Instagram account was more important than me, Thanks for never showing up when I need you and only showing up when there's a nice photo location. I hope you finally gain the courage to admit the fact that you might just be gay...or bisexual.

I wouldn't forget to thank everyone who made that video viral by posting and reposting and tagging their entire family members and friends and even church members, (you all made life so bearable and lovely). I thank every single person that made fun of me as I walked by, and everyone who pointed fingers at me. I hope you know that I already died before now when you all did those things.

Yeah, so that's everyone i think I need to thank, and if you think I forgot to mention your name, you're free to feel guilty for the rest of your lives.

I don't want to be missed.

I don't want to be mourned.

Don't cry for me.

It's not like anyone cared while I was alive, just keep living and acting like everything's okay,  cos I'm good wherever I am, and I know one thing is for sure... I'll be fine.