Chapter 28: Chapter 28

Twenty Eight - Can’t go back.

"We think you should go back to live with your mother. You're not eighteen yet and we don't think this is the best environment for a young teenager."

I stare at her dumbfounded, my mouth hung open unattractively. For so long I always questioned whether the police would really help me or not and today I found out the answer. . . They wouldn't.

"Trevor beats her and you want her to go back to that hell hole?" Jake says, breaking the silence. I blink a few times, unable to believe her words.

This can not be happening. No way.

I sit there in silence, my body frozen as the sound of Jake's protests float around me. How can the system designed to keep me safe recommend that I go back to the abuse? I don't understand it. I feel my lungs tighten and it becomes difficult to breathe. A grey fog builds inside my mind and I stand to my feet, wavering a little.

"Excuse me," I mumble under my breath, my words shaky and barely audible. My feet begin to move involuntarily and I find myself storming up the stairs, wanting to get away from the officers as much as possible. My hands glide against the walls, keeping me standing upright as I stumble across the landing. My breathing hitches and I suck in harshly, desperately needing the tight hold on my lungs to loosen.

I see an open door and stumble inside, blinking to remove the fog from my vision. My back hits the wall and I inhale deeply, squeezing my eyes shut.

"What the hell are you doing in my room?"

I blink and catch eye contact with Tobias. He's lying on his bed, shirtless whilst propped up against his cushions. There's a questioning glare on his face and I open my mouth to respond but no sound comes out. The buzzing inside my ears intensifies and once Tobias notices the expression on my face, he stands up. I watch as he walks towards me, his dark eyes flashing with concern.

"What's going on? Are you okay?" He asks me. I nod my head even though I'm not okay. I can hear the officer shout my name up the stairs and I squeeze my eyes shut again, shaking my head.

"Please don't tell them I'm here." I whisper and Tobias nods, walking over to close his door. I take the chance to slide down onto the floor, pulling my knees towards my chest. Images of Trevor and Mum cloud my mind and I shake my head, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I cant go back. I can't go back." I whisper, feeling the tears invade my mouth. It's growing increasingly harder to breathe and I feel myself grow light headed, desperate for oxygen.

"Emily?" Tobias asks, his voice full of unease. I'm aware of his presence but it does nothing to calm me down. Instead I'm embarrassed by Tobias seeing me like this, midway through a panic attack.

"Why does everything keep going wrong?" I whimper, my vision restricted from the tears in my eyes. Tobias leans down beside me and placed one hand on my knee.

"Talk to me, what did the police say?" He asks but the inability to breathe finally catches up with me. Black spots cover my vision and I groan as I feel myself lose control over my body. My eyes flutter shut and I know I'm seconds away from passing out. I vaguely hear a door slamming open and Jake's angry voice fill the air. Before I have the chance to make sense of his words, my eyes roll to the back of my head and finally the invisible fist squeezing my lungs finally lets go.

My eyes flicker open and I automatically bring my hand up to shield them from the bright sun that's streaming through the window. The light bounces off the wall, directed straight at me.

Why must you be so bright Mother Nature?

My head throbs painfully and I tried lifting it, groaning louder from the sudden pain it was causing me.

"Damn," I croak out but immediately regret it, feeling the sharp sting hit my throat. I felt like I had been hit by a truck.

I inhale deeply, the memories of my panic attack coming back to me. It felt so damn good to be able to breath again.

I reach over Jake's bedside table, glad to stretch my arm and lift the glass of water that was left there. The liquid feels amazing and I gulp it down, my body craving the hydration. I set the glass back down and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand before pulling the cover's away from my body. Bright pink unicorn covered pyjama's stare back at me and I frown further.

Who changed my clothes?

I climb out of bed, stretching my legs as I do so. Jake's room is clean beside from the unmade bed I'm lying in. His weights are neatly stacked in the corner of the room beside his punching bag. I take a few steps away from the bed and stumble a little, feeling foreign on my feet.

How long was I out for?

I run a hand through my hair and grimace at the feel of it, it feels weighed down and in desperate need of a wash. I walk to the edge of the window and glance outside, it looks early morning, maybe three or four am. Small particles of frost clings to the bare tree's signalling winter was arriving.

I’ve slept for 20 hours. Crazy.

If I slept in Jake's bed, where did Jake sleep?

I don't remember him getting into bed with me, the way my body reacted when he was around, my hormones would be screaming if he'd gotten within a few feet of me.

I shudder a little, feeling the cold air cause goosebumps to erupt down my bare arms. I walk over to Jake's door and grab one of his hoody's, pulling it over my head. The material is soft and warm, full of his scent. My body visibly relaxes and heats up slightly, glad for the warmth. I definitely have a thing for wearing Jake's clothes.

I turn the door handle slowly, careful not to make any noise. Tt seemed way too early to wake anyone up. The corridor outside of Jake's bedroom door is dark, only a little sunlight streaming in through the small window at the end. I shut the door behind me and step onto the soft carpet, my feet sinking into it. Everything is quiet and the house feels colder than usual. I begin to make my way downstairs making sure to walk lightly so I don't cause the floors to creak. I've became an expert at acting invisible living with Trevor and Mum for so many years.

I tiptoe down the stairs, past a snoring dog and open the living room door causing it to creak slowly. It's dark inside, the curtains drawn to block out the outside world. The shadows of the furniture clung to the floors and walls, giving the room a slight eerie feel. I step inside an shut the door behind me. There's a shadowy figure on the far couch dressed in dark clothes. I stand closer, holding my breath careful not to wake him.

Is it Jake or Tobias?

He stirs in his sleep and turns over, opening one eye slowly. I stand back, feeling out of place now knowing it was Tobias. His face appears tired, drawn in and there's fresh cut next to the side of his eye.

"You're awake," he mutters, his voice laced with sleep.

I nod slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Your eye, what happened?" I ask, pointing at his face before letting my arm drop back down to my side. He sits up straight and groans before touching the cut with his right hand. The cut was covered with a line of dark blood that had dried up, staining his skin.

He chuckles quietly, noticing me staring before speaking again —

"Your boyfriend is making it a habit to hit me in the face... It doesn't phase me though, cuts and bruises are how I pull all the girls," he replies bitterly, making a joke from the situation.

He grabs a pillow from the couch before chucking it behind his head. His shirt rides up from the action, revealing his toned muscular stomach. I avert my gaze and look at his face instead —

"Jake hit you, why?" I ask, confused. I wait for Tobias to elaborate, shuffling awkwardly in front of him. He raises his eyebrow at my actions and sighs heavily, causing a few strands of his hair to blow backwards.

"You can sit down Emily, I don't bite."

I swallow again and nod, realising how much of an idiot I must look stood in front of him, shuffling awkwardly. I take a seat in the big armchair opposite him. immediately relaxing back onto the soft cushions.

"He thought I had done something to you," Tobias finally says and I snap my head towards him, creasing my eyebrows in confusion.

"Like what?" I frown instantly.

Tobias sighs again, seeming annoyed at having to explain himself further.

"You were having a panic attack and Jake came in, to save the day as usual. He saw you on the floor blacked out and thought I had done something to you. Before I know it, he throws a fist to the side of my face," he says bitterly, grinding his teeth together. His jaw clenches tightly and I see the anger flash through his eyes even though the room is barely lit.

"I was trying to help you." He adds. I immediately feel guilty —

How could Jake hit him without knowing the facts?

I passed out from my panic attack, not because Tobias hurt me.

"Tobias, I'm sorry. I'll explain what happened when I see him."

I'm angry at Jake for hitting Tobias, I know Tobias could be difficult but Jake never should have jumped to conclusions without knowing the truth first.

"Don't apologise for him. Beside, I can handle myself."

I sigh, feeling like I have to make things right with Tobias. I stand up and walk over to the door before pulling it open and making my way to the kitchen. I grab everything I need and make my way back to the living room, shutting the door behind me. Tobias is still laid in the same position, his hands now behind his head causing his shirt to ride further up. I walk towards him and place everything down onto the table next to him.

"Budge up," I mumble, looking down at him. He raises his eyebrow at my words but silently nods, shifting into a sitting position. I know Tobias and I have never really seen eye to eye but he had tried to help me yesterday and I know he had a caring side to him just like Ivory had said. I wanted to repay the favour, make things right between us so it wouldn't always be so awkward.

I sit down next to him, noticing how his bare arm nestles against my leg. I clear my throat before reaching over for the warm cloth. I dip it into the little cup of water and squeeze out the remaining liquid in silence. The only sound is Tobias' breathing next to me. I reach towards his eye and start wiping away the blood carefully, making sure I didn't make eye contact with him. . . Something about that didn't feel right. The blood comes off easily thank goodness and the cut didn't look so bad anymore.

"It's not that bad," I say quietly, breaking the silence between us. Tobias remains quiet, barely moving a muscle.

"Told you I'm tough, I'm built like bricks." His voice is quiet and hoarse. I smile a little at his words, knowing he wants to keep his pride intact.

"There, you're all done." I smile down at him before turning and placing the cloth back onto the table. I stand up but before I can, Tobias places his hand on my thigh and my eyes snap to it immediately. I silently look back at Tobias and notice his eyes have lightened considerably.

"Thanks Em" he whispers quietly before moving his hand. I nod silently, noticing how my skin didn't tingle or my breathing didn't catch the same way it did when Jake touches me. I clear my throat and stand up, taking the things with me. In a strange way, things between me and Tobias feel patched up, just like I'd done with his cut.