Chapter 63: Chapter 63
"Please give me something, anything." I yell, squeezing Amanda's hand tightly. We're in the back of the ambulance, the sirens blaring loudly. I groan loudly in agony and squeeze my eyes shut tightly.
"Amanda, where the hell is Jake?!" I scream, turning to face her. She looks white and ghostly.
"Emily, we need you to calm down." The paramedic instructs me. Another sharp sting of pain flares through my body and I scream out in pain, tears rolling down my cheek.
"Do you have morphine?" I plead with him, my eyes wide with fear.
"We can give you an epidural once we're at the hospital. It's not far from here, just keep breathing." He responds, glancing down worryingly.
They've removed my jeans, covering me with a white sheet as they examine me. Silence fills the back of the ambulance and I look at Amanda, worry filling my features.
"Why have they gone quiet? Amanda, what's happening?" I ask, my voice trembling. Jake flashes through my mind and I whimper, desperately wanting him to be by my side.
"Let them do their job." Amanda whispers, her voice barely above a whisper. She's also scrutinising the paramedics, a frown on her face. My grip on her hand tightens as another contraction waves through my body and I hiss in pain, clenching my teeth together. Beads of sweat runs down my forehead and my body temperature is soaring sky high. I can feel my eyes threatening to roll to the back of my head from the pain but I force them to remain open.
I need to be strong, for me and my baby.
My phone rings and I immediately lunge for it, wincing from the flames of pain running through my body. It feels like I've been set on fire from the inside out.
"Jake?" I cry out, inhaling and exhaling deeply.
"I'm here Muffin, you're going to be okay." Jake said, his voice intending to sound calm however I sense the fear behind it. The moment I hear his voice, I break down into tears —
"I can't do this" I whisper, my chest heavy with sobs. I can feel my throat tightening, restricting the oxygen entering my lungs.
"Emily, listen to me. I need you to be strong, okay?" Jake's voice cracks and I nod even though I know he can't see me. I hear him yell out in frustration on the other end and I inhale deeply, composing myself.
"It's going to be okay." I repeat, trying to calm both of us down.
"I swear to you, I'm going to be by your side in a few minutes." Jake says urgently, his voice strained.
"I need you Jake. I can't do this without you." I whimper. I hear him pause on the other end for a few seconds before he speaks —
"Muffin, you're killing me. Please be strong, I love you."
His voice is thick with emotion, so low that I can barely make out the words. The line goes dead and I cry out, dropping my phone to my side. Beside me, Amanda is eerily quiet, her eyes trained on the paramedics.
"Is my baby okay?" I ask weakly, unable to lift my head to inspect the situation myself. The paramedic gives me a false smile, dodging the subject entirely.
"We'll know more once we get to the hospital."
I simply nod at her words, placing my head back down in defeat. My body is slowly shutting down, taking my mind with it. The pain is so overwhelming, I feel my body grow numb. I don't have the strength to fight anymore so give in and allow my eyes to flutter closed.
*****
Panicked yells surround me. Bright lights hurt my vision. Pain shoots through my body, causing it to burn like flames.
"This feels like hell," I mutter to myself, my body heavy and on the verge of giving up.
"Emily, you need to wake up or they're going to take you for a caesarean."
"Jake?" I cry out, struggling to open my eyes. The noise in the room is overbearing, bright lights making it hard for me to adjust my vision.
"I'm right here Muffin, open your eyes." Jake responds. I do as he says, groaning as the simple movement causes my body to flare up in excruciating pain. I meet his blue eyes, full of fear and sadness.
"It hurts so bad Jake." I whisper, only just noticing he's sitting beside me, hand clutched tightly in mine. I'm in a hospital room, numerous doctors and nurses rushing around me. I don't bother lifting my head and inspect what's going on. I feel weak and defeated.
"I'm so sorry Emily," he chokes out, lifting my hand and placing a kiss on the back. He lets his lips linger, squeezing his eyes shut tightly.
"What for?" I respond, my words a struggle to get out. I'm drifting in and out of a conscious state, my eyes fluttering closed every second.
"I can't help but feel responsible for all this, you need to stay strong Muffin." He pleads with me, searching my eyes intently. I swallow the lump in my throat, feeling my mouth dry out instantly.
"It takes two to tango Jake."
I give him a small smile, trying my best to make light of the entire situation. He barely registers my words, the pain in his eyes only increasing further. A glossy sheen covers them and I can feel his hand shaking in mine. He looks so scared and vulnerable, almost as if he knows he can't save me from this.
"Jake." I start, my eyes rolling around my head. I want my words to sound firm and strong but they come out weak and quiet.
"Promise me -" I begin, only to be cut off by him. He begins to shake his head furiously, jaw locked in place.
"Don't even think about it Emily," he says loudly, his voice cracking as he speaks. Another wave of pain soars through my body and I cry out. Jake immediately lets go of my hand, standing up to face the nurses.
"Do something for her!" He pleads, his voice rising with panic. I reach out, grabbing hold of his arm. He immediately freezes, turning back towards me with tears running down his cheeks. I feel my heart ache physically from the pain on his face. All I want to do is reach over and make it right for him. He knows it's time, time for me to give him my last few words if I don't make it. Jake silently shakes his head, pleading with me to stop.
"Please don't do this Emily," he cries, his voice shattering my heart into a million pieces.
"Promise me, you'll look after our baby." I whisper, the tears soaking my face. I feel them invading my mouth, reminding me of the taste of pain. Jake let's out a pained cry, clutching my hand tightly in his. I hear the doctor shouting at me to keep pushing but his voice is a distant blur, barely audible.
I force myself to continue searching Jake's eyes, wanting them to be the only thing I see as I feel myself drift away. At some point, the pain completely numbs out and I begin to feel nothing. Instead the pain is replaced by peace as I smile at him, the man who saved my life.
"You did good." I whisper, pulling away from Jake's grip to reach up and cup his cheek. He immediately buries his face in my hand, his tears soaking my skin.
"I can do better, please just give me another chance!" Jake pleads, unable to accept my fate.
I shake my head, my eyes becoming heavy as they begin to flutter shut. I feel myself drift away, every person in the room disappearing beside from Jake. The detail of him is so strong, his every feature sketched out perfectly in my vision. From the thick dark strands of his hair to the beautiful contours of his lips. His blue eyes that I will forever remember, so bright and vivid. They have the ability to capture the hearts of many, sending them in a state of infatuation. I silently wish our baby ends up with his eyes, two heartbreakers ruling the world side by side.
"No Emily! Don't leave me." He screams, his hands cupping my cheeks on either side. He leans down, resting his forehead on mine. I feel his tears mix with mine, his scent wrap around me for the last time. He places a kiss on my lips, his chest heaving with heavy sobs.
"You're going to make the best daddy," I whisper, unable to move my hands anymore.
I feel detached from my body, unable to control the muscles anymore. He inhales deeply, eyes burning bright red from the force of his tears. I finally close my eyes, not wanting the vision of him crying to be the last thing I see. Instead, I think about our silly moments together and the brightness of his smile. I picture him growing up with our baby, being there for their first nightmare. Holding a tiny hand as he leads our child to their very first day in pre-school. I picture him reminding our only child about how much mummy loves them even though I'm watching from above.
A small smile flickers on my face and I feel content as my body drifts away into a state of the unknown.
"I love you," I whisper, my hand growing limp inside his. It's that exact moment I hear a high pitched cry, our baby entering the world just as I'm about to leave it.