Chapter 17: Chapter 17
"Emily?" Jake immediately wakes up at the sound of my distress. Upon noticing the doctor, he stands up on his feet, walking over to me. I sniffle and reach out for his hand. He runs it over his tired face before placing it in mine. The doctor glances between Jake and I before standing back.
"I'll give you two some space to talk. I'll be back shortly for your decision."
I nod vaguely, my eyes fixed on Jake's. The doctor exits the room, leaving Jake and I alone.
"You know, don't you?" Jake says quietly, taking a seat on the bed next to me.
"Is this my fault?" I ask him quietly, reaching up to wipe at my eyes. Jake frowns, shaking his head immediately. He leans forward, cupping my face in his hands.
"Look at me," he demands and I do as he says. His words wobble with uncertainty and he sounds like he's on the verge of breaking down. The sparkle from his blue eyes is nowhere to be found and I whimper, leaning into his hand.
"None of this is your fault Emily, Jones is to blame. I know you've been through so much already and we both thought we were at the end of all the destruction in our lives. I don't know how you're keeping it together because I sure as hell am not. You're strong Emily and it's something I've admired about you since the first day we met. Please do not ever blame yourself for this," Jake whispers, blue eyes filling with tears. He breathes deeply before continuing, attempting to pull himself together —
"Our baby knows that it's loved by both of us and this will probably be the hardest decision we'll ever have to make in our life. I don't want to lose you Muffin. . . Not yet. We have the rest of our lives ahead of us. I know what decision I would like to make but ultimately, it's down to you. It's your body and I need to respect that." Jake finishes, choking up. He drops his eyes down to the floor and a silence falls upon us. I breathe heavily, my mind spinning with a thousand different thoughts.
I either abort our baby and live with that decision for the rest of my life or risk keeping the baby which could result in Jake losing me . . .
"I don't want to say goodbye," I whisper, tears invading my mouth as I place my hand over my stomach. Jake places his hands over mine, his head hung low. My heart feels like it's breaking into a million pieces and I sob quietly, placing a hand over my mouth.
"Neither do I but what if we have to? I can't lose you Emily, it would destroy me." Jake murmurs, his voice breaking. He turns to look at me and I've never seen him look so scared before. As soon as the doctor gave me the options, I'd already made a decision. Many people would disagree, call me stupid and crazy however like Jake said, it's my body and my decision. Terror fills me as I look back at Jake, searching his eyes.
How am I supposed to break the news to him?
He holds his breath as he waits for me to speak, his jaw clenched tightly with anticipation. Each second that passes feels like a lifetime before I finally speak, my breath trembling —
"I'm keeping the baby."
Jake stares back at me, his mouth open in shock. Nerves completely take over as I wait for his response. The fear in his eyes only deepens and he pulls back, retracting his hand from mine.
"I can't get rid of the baby Jake, I couldn't live with myself." I mumble, fiddling with the bracelet on my wrist. It's the same bracelet Tobias gave me with the word 'Survivor' written across it. For some strange reason, I've survived many difficult obstacles in life and this will be another one to add to the list. Jake clears his throat, dropping his head low so his hair covers his face.
"Jake? Please say something," I say quietly, my voice trembling with emotion. Jake stands to his feet, wavering slightly. He glances around the room, his shoulders tense. He remains like that for several moments, running a hand over his hand in disbelief.
"Jake?" I whisper, wondering whether this is the moment where I lose him. He was expecting me to abort the baby for my health however ultimately, the decision is mine. The doctor didn't say I would die for definite if I continued with the pregnancy so I was holding on to those words.
"I need some air," Jake mumbles, reaching forward for his jacket. I watch him leave, my heart breaking into pieces as it feels like my entire world is crumbling around me.
*****
Jake has been gone for hours. I spend the majority of the day in hospital having basic tests before meeting with Doctor Lee to talk about the decision to continue with the pregnancy. He advised me against it however respected my decision eventually and advised me on everything I can do to make the pregnancy easier for my body to handle. We agreed to weekly check up's that consisted of bloods being taken along with a lengthy scan to check on the baby's and my own health.
"We will be monitoring you very closely Emily. You need to stay away from stressful situations and rest as much as possible. I can write you a note to excuse you from education towards the end of your pregnancy so you can wait it out at home. If there's any sign of problems, big or small, you need to come in straight away to be seen to. Do you understand?" The doctor says firmly. I nod my head, processing all of the information. He nods, clearly satisfied with my response.
"I can't promise you that this pregnancy will be smooth sailing because it most likely won't. Because of the strain on your damaged tissue, there's a chance you will have to deliver via caesarean so I will send some leaflets home with you regarding that. The likelihood that the baby will be premature is high as we expect your health to deteriorate the further along in your pregnancy you go."
"How long do you think I can carry the baby for?" I ask him quietly, my hand resting on my stomach. I'm sat on the edge of my hospital bed, fully dressed and ready to go home. The doctor hands me a bunch of different leaflets before responding.
"It's impossible for me to tell at this stage. Things could change very quickly but we'll know more towards the end of the pregnancy, do you have any other questions for me before I discharge you?" Doctor Lee asks. I shake my head, giving him a grateful smile. The overwhelming amount of information was enough for me to try and digest for now. The doctor gives me a small smile before leaving the room, planning to discharge me.
I glance down at my phone, wondering when Jake is going to respond to my numerous calls and text messages. I sigh heavily, scrolling through my contacts before landing on Tobias' number. He picks up on the second ring, his voice full of concern -
"Hey, is everything okay?" Tobias asks. I stand up off the bed, clutching numerous leaflets in my free hand.
"As good as it can be. Will you pick me up from the hospital please? Jake has gone AWOL and I need a ride home." I say quietly. Tobias grows silent on the other end of the phone before he responds —"I'll be there in fifteen.”
"Thank you Tobias." I breathe out, ending the call. I pocket my phone and exhale deeply, closing my eyes and focusing on my breathing.