Chapter 21: Chapter 21

‘Is there something wrong, accompanying my employee to go home when his conditions are not well, Miss Hazel Skylar?’

‘Of course no, Manager. Instead, I should be the one apologizing to you for sacrificing your ‘valuable time’ to take him home safely, Manager.’

‘I don't feel bothered at all.’

When would they finish their arguing in front of the apartment building? He was too tired to complain. Fifteen minutes passed since Edward arrived in front of his apartment building. Hazel was standing in front of the apartment building's entrance, rubbing her hands to keep her body warm. Then as soon as Hazel saw him with Edward, instead of coming over to him and asking why he was with Edward or worrying about his condition, Hazel grabbed Raymond's wrist, pulling him away from Edward with a sneer. From his point of view, it was clearly weird. They began to argue in a synchronous tone, neither giving him a chance to talk nor changing the subject. Or at least, took Edward inside because it was cold outside. On the contrary, they were not bothered by the weather at all and continued their argument. His teeth were chattering with the cold until he shoved his other hands into his coat pockets to keep it from freezing.

‘Manager, you don't need to worry about Raymond. So please go home. I can take care of the rest.’

‘But I want to make sure Raymond will be fine before I leave him here.’

Ah, enough! He could not take it anymore!

Raymond took his hand off Hazel, then stood between them, blocking them from further arguing. ‘Can you stop arguing right now?’

‘No!’ they answered simultaneously, making him even more frustrated. Giving up, Raymond stepped back, walking into his apartment building while ignoring Hazel and Edward.

Several times later, in his room, Raymond was just about to go to sleep when he heard a knock on the door from outside. A little worried, he opened the door, find Hazel standing in front of his door. She still gave him a sour look, but this woman signalled him to follow her into the living room. He had to obey, hoping Hazel would no longer be angry with him. The woman walking in front of him did not take the initiative to turn on the light, so he had to grope in the dark, relying on the moonlight entering through the glass balcony door. He just realized that it was already in the middle of winter when his eyes caught the snow falling on the back of the balcony, covering the place where he usually smoked.

‘We need to talk,’ Hazel sat back against the back of the sofa chair as she crossed her arms across her chest.

He paused, waiting for Hazel to continue. He did not feel good about the direction of this conversation.

‘I wanna ask you: what do you actually think about me?’

Huh? Hazel's question made him frown, raising an eyebrow. He thought Hazel would finally explain why she was angry. He had even prepared mentally and physically if that really happened. What she said was clearly unexpected.

‘Wait!’ He raised his hands, stopping Hazel to continue her words. ‘Were you angry because of this?’

‘Angry?’ Now Hazel, who was confused at his question. ‘Me? Angry?’

He immediately waved his hand, panicked. ‘No, no, no! My bad. Sorry!’

‘Oh, so you thought I'm angry at you?’ Hazel muttered softly, more to herself, then laughed. ‘People near me always say they can’t read my expression, so I understand if you think I was angry.’

‘S-sorry, I didn’t mean it,’ Raymond said nervously. Why was he not destined to have the ability to read minds? He was doomed. Hazel would be angry for real, he was sure of it. Just listening to her laugh made him shiver.

‘Why do you apologize? This is entirely my fault. I had been so deep in thought since yesterday.'

‘But still—what?’ Raymond blinked at what Hazel had said. So that was the reason why Hazel kept ignoring him? Not out of anger, but because she had been so deep in thought that did not realize his effort? He immediately approached Hazel, resting his hands beside Hazel, deliberately letting their faces close. He could clearly see her face, which now looked a little flushed. ‘You mean, you didn't intentionally ignore me since last night because you were angry with me?’

Hazel looked away, avoiding Raymond's gaze. ‘N-no! Of course not!’

Raymond breathed a sigh of relief, lowered his head. ‘I thought you were angry at me.’

‘Uhm, yeah. A little.’

He lifted his head, confused by Hazel's answer. ‘What? So which one is true?’

‘Answer my question first, Raymond,' Hazel no longer dodged him. ‘What do you actually think about me?’

‘Do I have to answer your question?’

‘Yes.’

‘The answer is obvious. You're my girlfriend.’

‘Are you sure?’

Honestly. He did not understand Hazel's way of thinking nor her question. Was this woman not aware of his feelings? Wait. Could this be a sign that Hazel intended to break up with him? He felt uneasy all of sudden.

‘Hazel, I don't know what you’re trying to ask,’ Raymond now did not dare to look into Hazel's brown eyes that always managed to pull him like a magnet. His courage disappeared together with his self-confidence. Negative thoughts began to appear, whispering slowly then loudly in his mind. He stood up, away from Hazel. ‘If you intend to break up with me, go ahead. I'm okay with that.’

‘Eh? Ah, yes. I'm not asking for that, though. I-I mean, you never told me anything about yourself,’ she stroked the back of her neck anxiously. ‘Well, I mean, er … I don't really want to get involved in your business, but…’

‘Yes? ‘ He was getting impatient. ‘What’re you trying to say?’

‘Can I be honest with you?’

Raymond nodded.

‘I feel like you still think of me as a stranger. Not as your girlfriend,’ Hazel looked from side to side, looking very nervous. ‘Maybe we should pause our relationship for a moment?’

‘Pause?’ Raymond repeated, raising an eyebrow, looking at Hazel in surprise. ‘What do you mean?’

‘About our relationship. I mean, maybe we should take a break first?’

‘Break up, you mean?’

‘Not breaking up. But take a break. Thinking about each other's feelings.’

‘They have the same meaning, aren’t they?’ Raymond clenched his fists, holding back his sadness. His gut a few days ago became true. Hazel wanted to end her relationship with him. He forced himself to smile at Hazel while stroking her brown hair that could take away his uneasiness every time he did it. The difference, maybe it would be the last time he had to do it. ‘Listen. I never thought of you as a stranger. You are precious to me.’

He took his hands away from her hair.

‘Raymond…’

‘But it’s okay. I know it’s impossible from the start.’ He laughed dryly. ‘There's nothing else you want to talk about with me, isn’t there? Then I'll go into the room first. Good night, Hazel.’

He tried his best to stay calm in front of Hazel, slowly leaving Hazel that still staying there. Closing the door to his room. His body slumped against the door of his room. It seemed he was expecting too much.

‘I feel like you still think of me as a stranger. Not as your girlfriend.’

He felt guilty, not realizing that Hazel was uncomfortable with his attitude. Hazel was right. He was not open enough to Hazel yet, which made her feel anxious while they were dating. Allowing a woman to hold back and try to understand him while he made no effort to open his heart to her. Maybe that was the reason Hazel asked for a pause—something he did not understand.

For him, what Hazel meant by pause was the same as break up. It could be that Hazel was bored with him, then found a guy who was much better and attractive than him. Like Edward, for instance. He did not blame her after they broke up, she would end up together with Edward. He would not be surprised. Compared to a former police detective who was being chased by a mafia organization for protecting his late friend’s younger sister like him, Edward would be a better option for her. Qualifying as the perfect man, more reliable and cooler than him. There would not be death threats or anything if Hazel with Edward. Edward could protect her more than he did.

He closed his eyes, trying his best to erase his sadness. Tomorrow, everything would turn back to normal. He and Hazel would return to being regular roommates, like when they met before.

***