Chapter 51: Chapter 51

I motion at the sheltered bus stop because it'll get us out of the cold whilst we talk. Brody nods, agreeing with me and I pause, hesitating.

"Do you need any help?" I say quietly and he grits his teeth, his jaw clenching.

"No, I can manage." He says tightly, sounding slightly angry. He stretches out his arms before wheeling himself ahead of me, his face fixed with a look of concentration. I can hear him breathing heavily and I sigh, heading towards the bus stop. A harsh gust of wind blows around me and I shiver, wrapping my arms around myself to stay warm. Brody pulls the shelter door out, motioning for me to go inside. It's empty and I quickly scurry inside, grateful to have some sort of shelter from the cold. He wheels in after me, blowing out deep breaths from the effort.

I steal a glance at him, noticing how his shirt has grown tighter around the top of his arms.

"Have you been working out?" I question, breaking the silence. He towards me, his eyes drifting over my body. I squirm underneath his intense gaze, slightly intimidated by the beauty of his emerald eyes.

"I could ask you the same question," he replies quietly, shamelessly checking me out. I smile nervously, playing with the strands of my blonde hair.

"And your hair is down," Brody comments, inching closer towards me. I breathe in sharply, pushing myself as far back against the wall as I can. It's not that I don't want to be near him, I physically can't. All the weeks of progress I've made will be washed away instantly if he's too close.

"Yeah," I say dryly.

"You seem different. Good different." Brody says, his green eyes lighting up slightly. I wrap my arms around me again, not because I'm cold but because I feel the need to protect myself. Protect my feelings.

"I've been through a rough breakup. It has changed me," I say, my tone holding resentment towards him. An awkward silence falls upon us and I close my eyes, focusing on my breathing. When I open my eyes, Brody is fiddling with something in his pocket. He pulls out a pack of cigarettes, his green eyes emotionless.

"You're smoking again." I comment, feeling disappointed. When we were together, he completely stopped and now, he was back to doing it. He ignores my comment and places it in his mouth, lighting it up. He looks so confident doing it, balancing the cigarette between his lips. I tear my eyes off them because it reminds me of moments he made me breathless. The times he'd kiss me so fiercely, he'd spin me in tidal waves of pleasure and longing.

"You're a lot confident now Bella." He says, the corners of his lips tugging up in a small smile. I nod my head, clearing my throat again.

"Does that bother you?"

"No, I'm happy for you, really." Brody says quickly, pulling himself closer towards me. He's a few inches away, his eyes searching my face intently.

"Can I ask you something?" He says quietly, holding the lit cigarette between his fingers. I don't respond but give him a small nod of my head.

"Is there someone else? Another boy in your life?" His voice is strained and I stare at him in complete shock, blinking several times.

"You think... there's another boy?"

His green eyes search mine and he shrugs, taking a deep drag of the cigarette.

"You tell me."

"There's not but even if there was, it's none of your business." I snap back, feeling hurt. I don't understand what game he's playing but the conversation is started to irritate me. I can feel the usual pangs of pain stabbing at my heart and I need them to go away.

"So you admit there's another boy?" Brody asks, pain flashing through his eyes. I grit my teeth, shaking my head angrily.

"There's not another boy Brody! How can you even think that? I loved you! I can't get over that within a few weeks, I don't think I'll ever get over that." I yell at him, tears building up in my eyes. I quickly blink them back, reminding myself of how far I've come.

Brody stares back at me, his mouth hung open slightly at my outburst. Guilt flashes across his face and he reaches forward, placing a hand on my knee. My eyes zone in on it and the skin flares up with fire, fire I have to learn to ignore.

"I'm so sorry Bella." He murmurs, closing his eyes and dropping his head down in shame. I want to get up and walk away, leaving him alone but the other side of me wants to lean forward, brush his hair back and tell him it's okay, I forgive him.

I don't do either of those things.

I sit frozen on the spot, detaching myself from my emotions to stop myself from being hurt further.

"Bella, I didn't want to break up with you, you have to believe me." Brody says desperately, his hand moving from my knee and clutching onto my hand instead. I wince, feeling incredibly confused.

"So why did you? Why did you break up with me a day after I confessed to loving you? Do you know how heart broken I was? How heartbroken I am?" I argue back. My voice isn't angry anymore, it's defeated. My eyes flicker between both of Brody's and I have to remind myself to breathe deeply.

"God, I'll never forgive myself for hurting you." He chokes out, squeezing my hand. The contact between our skin causes butterflies to fill my stomach but this time, I also feel the pain inside my heart.

"I had to break up with you Bella." Brody continues, his voice thick with emotion. I remain silent, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I was in a car crash Bella. I don't have the use of my legs anymore, I'm useless to you." He says sadly. I scrunch my eyebrows together in confusion, shaking my head.

"Isn't that my choice to make? Shouldn't I decide whether you're useless to me or not? You didn't die in that car crash Brody. I was willing to be there for you, I don't care if you're in a wheelchair!" I say firmly, my every word truthful. Brody grows silent and I watch as he drops the cigarette to the floor, slumping his shoulders in defeat.

"You're still you Brody. You were still my boyfriend despite you not being able to walk. You didn't have to break up with me because you pitied me." I said sadly, shaking my head at him. I reach up and hastily wipe away the tear in my eye.

"Look at me, I'm a mess! I'm not worthy of having someone like you! I'm not worthy of being loved!" He yells, gesturing at the chair. I reach forward and grab both of his hands, forcing him to look at me. His eyes are large and vulnerable, covered in a glossy sheen of tears.

"You are not a monster. You deserve to be loved just like every other human being out there. I was prepared to love you Brody, until you broke up with me and broke my heart."

A single tear falls down his right cheek and I reach up, wiping it away with my thumb. I've never seen him look so vulnerable and the sight of it breaks my heart further. I want to comfort him but I need to protect myself too.

"I can fix this. We can get back together Bella, I can fix this! Please let me," Brody pleads. I suck in a deep breath at his words. A few weeks ago, I was desperate to hear those words. I would have done anything for him to take me back. I didn't think I'd be able to survive without him. Now, I know I can't undo the pain he caused me.

I know that I can survive without him.

I drop his hands and they fall back into his lap.

"We can try again Bella." Brody says quietly, his voice strained. I shake my head, giving him a small smile. Silent tears slide down my cheeks and he looks at me with guilt, remorse and pain in his green eyes.

"You can't undo all the weeks of heartache Brody. You need to learn to love yourself, for who you are. You can't make anyone else happy if you're not happy within yourself. I have to say no because I'm also doing this for myself. I need to know I can live my life without you. I need to stop being so dependant on everyone else." I say sadly, standing up. Brody breathes in sharply.

"I'm so sorry Bella."

Just before I leave, I turn around, taking one last look at him.

"Goodbye Brody."

"Goodbye darling," He murmurs, turning his back on me.