Chapter 58: Chapter 58

Fathia gathered her strength once more. She turned to the next page.

July 1988

I didn't expect to be pregnant with your child, Mas. I'm beyond happy. I also didn't expect that all my observations of your silly behavior back then meant you were holding warm feelings for me. I didn't even realize that... you meant so much to me. Can't wait for you to come home, Alvin.

Fathia's heart was suddenly filled with a million butterflies. She was ecstatic due to her mother's words. They indicated that these words represented all the feelings her mother had. Her eyes welled up again, and with renewed excitement, Fathia turned to the next page.

November 1988

Thanks for loving me, Alvin. Thanks.

Then there was a single photo on the page. Her mother was cradling her growing belly. She was slightly looking down and caressing her belly. Wearing a midi dress with a large coat and a scarf wrapped around her neck. The photo had a snowy backdrop. Standing beside her mother was a man who looked handsome, wearing boots and a thick jacket. But one thing Fathia always remembered vividly was her father's warm, loving gaze. The gaze that was solely directed at her mother.

Underneath their photo, the handwriting she recognized so well was there; her mother's handwriting.

"If the heart is truly imprinted, it will know where to stop. At a point where all happiness accompanies. Nov-1988."

Inevitably, Fathia's tears fell, dampening the pages of the book. The image of her mother possibly having an affair and hurting her father faded away. They were destined to love each other at the right time. When her uncle had already begun with his marriage. And her mother chose to bravely try a new path.

January 1989

I named her Felice Leah Claire. My daughter is so beautiful. You are our pride, my dear. Hopefully, in the future, you'll be proud to have parents like us who are full of flaws.

A photo of a beautiful little baby was attached there. Fathia often heard stories from her mother about someone who apparently resembled her when she was younger; her big sister. The longing Fathia had for her sister only grew as she saw a series of other photos stuck there. It turned out her mother intentionally made duplicates so that she could privately enjoy her child's photos here, in this place that could probably be called a diary.

"Felice," she whispered softly.

For quite a while, Fathia sobbed, as there were so many beautiful memories she had experienced where the three of them were together. Those memories lived perfectly in her mind. Everything happened in this house... and what did they say? It could be sold off because there's no successor to Alvin? No. No. Swiftly, Fathia wiped her tears away. Nothing could erase these memories. Not a single thing was allowed, and there wouldn't be anything capable of doing so.

She swore.

June 1991

I didn't know that you, Alef, hated Alvin so much. What's wrong? Nothing. Our love was never meant to be, Lif. I told you that often. Why couldn't you understand any of it? All this time? Did I ever intend to leave? Weren't you the one who lost in this argument? I was never afraid to fight for love, but you? Choosing to give up, right? And now? Why are you directing your anger towards Alvin? What's Alvin's fault? You even insult Felice? Good Lord! That's just hurting me, Lif.

Fathia's forehead furrowed. Was something going on?

August 1991

This isn't Alvin's fault. The accident isn't his fault. I'm willing to worship at your feet, Lif. Why are you like this now? Alvin has always respected you as a sister-in-law. Letting me sit by your side in the hospital room as you wanted. What's lacking? Can't you see how Laras looks? Hurt, Lif. I can't keep doing this.

An accident? What accident? What's actually happened? Why didn't her mother explain the details? Oh my God! Fathia was getting frustrated now. She couldn't wait to turn to the next page.

December 1991

I know you're angry, Lif. Alvin has apologized many times, right? What's wrong with trying to accept it? After all, I see Laras loving you sincerely. I can feel it, Lif. I don't want to meet you while you're still harboring dislike, especially for Alvin and Laras. They're not at fault here. Not a single one of us is wrong. Love can't be forced; if we do, the outcome will be prolonged, Lif. You know that. Weren't you the one who eventually gave up? Fine. Let's... be happy with the life that's already been laid out for us.

Don't give up on continuing to exercise your legs either. I'm sure they'll recover soon, just like the doctor said. Your spirit is what needs to be boosted. Here, I always pray for you, Lif.

Fathia's memories were drawn back to a faint first encounter. She closed her eyes briefly, trying hard to prevent that memory from becoming too blurry. She wanted to curse why she had met an Alef Walker for the first time when she was so young. If she recalled correctly, she was eight years old back then.

Her uncle gazed at her with a sharp grin and an unconventional gait. Yes, her uncle's walking style was different. He used a cane for support. Slightly limping but confidently welcoming anyone who approached him. Including Alvin and young Fathia. Although his voice sounded warm and welcoming, for some reason, Fathia flinched under his challenging gaze. Her uncle's grin seemed ready to cut her down without mercy. It made her grip her father's hand even tighter.

"Why, Fathia?" Alvin asked softly. Her father chose to step away from the crowd, aligning himself with Fathia's height back then.

Hesitantly, Fathia glanced at the man who was still chatting in another corner, leaning on a cane. "Uncle Alef," Fathia mumbled quietly.

"Why Uncle?" Alvin looked at Fathia with curiosity. He lovingly adjusted her long hair. "Is something wrong?"

Fathia shook her head slowly. "He's like a monster."

Alvin chuckled at that. "No. Uncle Alef is a good person, really. You just haven't gotten to know him yet. But there's one thing you need to remember."

The little girl with doll-like eyes blinked slowly. She waited for her father to speak.

"Everyone here is like a monster. Ready to attack at any time. What you need to pay attention to are the monsters that only show on the surface. There's a monster waiting for us to lower our guard. Never let your guard down, Fathia. Remember this. Okay?"

Fathia, who didn't quite understand her father's words at the time, simply nodded. Her young mind processed the fact that her uncle was a monster she needed to be cautious of. She couldn't let her guard down even for a second.

It meant... she needed to suspect Alef Walker now. Which is why she had been trying to access the archives at Group Azure's office for the past week. Right, Jess mentioned they had a late shift. That meant she would have plenty of time to search. Or... if the opportunity arose again because sneaking into her father's office tonight was impossible. Too risky with Kenzo around. Why did that guy have to come home now? Usually, he didn't return until Monday.

But what if he didn't come home? Oh my God! Fathia groaned in frustration at last. She was torn between feeling grateful and annoyed at having Kenzo's presence in her house right now.

Slowly shaking her head to dismiss the discomfort in her heart, she opens the book's pages one by one. There isn't much written about Alef by her mother. Now, all of her mother's writings tell the story of their love, with Felice in between. Feeling profoundly how strong their love was and how it truly made her mother hold onto the past with her uncle.

Then the pages that aren't Fathia's come to a stop on a page where her mother's handwriting is quite long. Adjusting her seating position, she begins to read.

October 1998

Exactly eight months after Fathia was born. February 14, 1998. Coinciding with Valentine's Day, where God showed so much love to us all. I named her Fathia Bernessa Claire. They say she looks like me. Her eyes, her smile lines, not to mention many similarities between us. They say. Even though I said, Fathia looks so much like Alvin. Ah... it doesn't matter who she resembles among us. Fathia is our love too. Felice was so overjoyed to welcome her little sister. Take care of each other, okay? Never leave each other. You two are our precious gems, both of you. Our pride.

Mommy's prayer for Felice, be a strong woman. Ready to challenge the world, because you're a Claire. Strong yet never forget your feminine nature, knowing when to lower your head. Because Mommy knows, your stubbornness isn't easy to control. Just like Papa. But Mommy believes your heart is as warm as the morning sun.

Mommy's prayer for Fathia, be a resilient woman. Whatever obstacles lie ahead, Mommy hopes you'll keep moving forward. Mommy always supports you, no matter where Mommy is. Don't give up easily and always listen to your heart, dear. Mommy believes your heart will always guide you towards the truth. That's where God whispers His advice.

Group Azure isn't doing well. Alvin comes home late often. Mommy's scared, fearing something bad, but no. Mommy believes God protects him. Always. Fathia isn't fussy either. Always calm, as if she's my comfort. Felice too. Both of them are incredibly smart children. I believe the storm over Group Azure will pass soon. Only this small house, Mas, is what we have. I don't actually mind living anywhere. But this house holds so many memories. If possible, let's make it as grand as can be. Where all our memories can be felt by our children someday. Ah... do you remember those lively conversations, wherever they happened?

When we talked about how our children would someday meet the right person? Where we'd still be here together? Ah... I don't want that. Our children will still stay here. We agreed on that, right? A big house, a special pavilion for Naomi, Dennis, and Jack. They're loyal people, Alvin. Don't overlook their presence. Then wings on the right and left for Felice and Fathia. Equally grand. They can design it themselves. We'll live together until our grandchildren are born. Right, dear?

I always pray that you can get through this. You don't need Grandpa Bruce's help. It's okay. I know you have qualities you don't even realize. And when Group Azure becomes big, just like your words before, you'll lift up Azure Group together.

Last night Laras called, saying Alef is ready to help Group Azure. He saw your struggles, Alvin. Hopefully, that's true. It's okay if Alef helps, right? Our story ended a long time ago. Laras doesn't bring up our past anymore, just like you accepted me before.

I'm happy, Alvin. Even though we're going through a rough patch. At least, we're at a point where past feelings no longer bother us.

If Alef does help, there's a good chance you can recover from the loss this year, right?

Did Group Azure ever face a big crisis? Shortly after its inception? Really? And was it supported by your uncle? Is that true? All those questions mercilessly flood Fathia. Her forehead furrows deeply. Impatiently, she opens the next page again.

Empty.

And then... once again empty until.

Feb 2003

God still loves us. In His love, we can still celebrate Fathia's birthday. Group Azure is getting better every day. I know you can do it, Alvin. I'm proud of you. Our paths were destined to be side by side, it turns out. I'm writing this with a smile that doesn't want to leave. Ah... this is what it feels like to be loved so deeply. I'm so lucky, Alvin, to be loved by you. Thank you for everything.

Even though I know you've started to dislike Alef. I also don't understand why Alef is becoming stranger over time. Once again, bringing up the past. Also... his assistance.

So... has his uncle been eyeing Group Azure for a long time? Waiting for the right moment and when there's an opening... Oh my God! An opening. Her father had warned her that Group Azure had been undermined, right? Is that so? What's his motivation? Revenge because of past love? But why? Hasn't Uncle Alef already found happiness with Aunt Laras?

Shaking her head gently, Fathia flips back to the page where this writing is her mother's last. She had flipped through other pages hoping for more writings other than the one she's currently focused on. But there's none. This is the only writing on the last page of her mother's book.

She shrugs her shoulders slightly, trying to refocus on reading it. And as her eyes catch the rows of writing there, she freezes.

Where the date is... suddenly Fathia feels like she's running out of air. Her heartbeat feels abnormal. Her eyes stare blankly at the sequence of numbers and the month's name written there. She doesn't know if her mother had a premonition or deliberately directed Fathia's thoughts to a certain point; that the accident they all had was staged.

May 25, 2014

One week before that accident happened.