Chapter 32: Chapter 32

Bianca

It kept happening. As much as Bianca tried to act normally, she couldn’t help but tense up every time Felix snuggled up to her. It was just a matter of time before he noticed there was something very wrong. He’d already noticed it earlier when he kissed her neck on their way into the bedroom and she all but moved away. When he asked what was wrong she played it off, but she saw it in his confused expression, though he let it go.

After a day away, she’d normally be all for a quickie before she had to leave to go work, but today she’d told him she was in a hurry even though she didn’t actually have to be at her grandmother’s shop for another hour.

What had she been thinking? That it would all go back to normal? That being with him again after yesterday would feel the same? Nothing felt the same now. This was all wrong, but Bianca didn’t know how to fix it without calling the whole thing off and walking out of not only Felix’s life but Gio’s as well. That was a sacrifice she just wasn’t willing to make—didn’t think she could.

Bianca was just finishing putting on her shoes when Felix walked out of the bathroom, wearing only his training shorts. Before she could finish, he was by her side on the bed, caressing her face. “You have no idea how much I missed you,” he said before kissing her lips softly. She immediately tensed up, and he stopped and pulled away, looking at her very seriously. “Okay, we need to talk. I know why you’re acting like this. My gig wasn’t canceled, Bianca. I canceled it so I could get back here as soon as possible.”

Bianca stared at him, her heart speeding up a little. He couldn’t possibly know.

“There’s something I need to tell you. I was gonna wait until tonight, but I gotta get if off my chest now.” His nervous eyes went from hers to the ceiling and all around the room until they came back to her, unnerving her even further. “I did go out with Shelley even after I started seeing you.” Bianca pulled back, and he tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away. “It was way back in the beginning,” he said urgently. “Back before I knew how serious things were gonna get between you and me.”

Bianca thought back to his words “way back in the beginning.” Back when he made her promise she’d wait for him.

“Before you knew? You mean when you told me you were going to be dating me exclusively, and so I should promise to do the same?” She stood up from the bed and he stood with her.

It amazed her how if they would’ve been having his discussion just days ago, she might’ve cared more. As angry as she was that he’d lied to her all this time—assured her she had nothing to worry about and that all those stories were just to sell magazines and boost TV ratings—the hypocrisy she felt was just too blatant. Though the anger helped blanket her guilty conscience.

“Listen to me, please.” He reached out for her and she pulled back, glad she had good reason to reject his touch now. “This was in the very beginning, Bianca. I saw her just a few times. It was so insignificant I wouldn’t even be telling you about it now, but the damn tabloids are blowing all this up. I didn’t want you to find out that way.”

“So that’s the only reason you’re telling me now? Because you knew I’d find out?”

“Yes and no. I’ll admit I was a selfish prick, okay? I had a different girl in every city. But that was then. That was before you. You changed everything. I’m begging you—”

“Don’t!” Bianca wouldn’t be able to stand there and listen to him beg for her forgiveness knowing she was just as guilty if not worse.

“I will, Bianca.” He started to get down on his knee.

“Stop that.” She reached out for his hand. “You don’t have to.”

Taking advantage of her outstretched hand, he took it and pulled her to him and spoke so close she thought he might kiss her. “Please forgive me. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I’ll prove I’ve changed—changed because of you. You mean everything to me now. I even told Andy to cancel half the shit he had planned for me in the coming weeks so I could spend less time away from you.”

Bianca couldn’t take it anymore. She was drowning in guilt now. Guilt because here Felix was saying everything she would’ve been thrilled to hear just a few weeks ago, because his surprise arrival this morning should’ve been as exciting as the night he showed up with the mariachis. Instead all she felt now was disappointment. Disappointment that now she’d have less time with Gio.

She pulled away. “I need to think.”

“Think all you want, but please don’t leave.”

Leaving was the last thing she wanted to do. She could hardly stand knowing that Gio was just a few rooms away and she couldn’t run to him like she wanted to. But to be away from him for good with no chance of even seeing him, that thought alone nearly suffocated her.

How had this happened so fast? She still cared about Felix, but what she felt for Gio was a whole other monster. She’d never felt anything like it, and right now all she wanted to do was get out of there. Run away and try to regain some composure. Her mind was spinning, and she could barely think straight anymore. “I gotta go to work.”

“But you’re coming back, right?” He squeezed her hand, his pleading eyes burning into her.

She nodded and he began to hug her, but she pushed him away. “Don’t,” she whispered and he lifted his arms away immediately.

“Okay. Just come back . . . please.”

She grabbed her purse from the nightstand and started to the door. “Bianca.”

Bianca slowed as she reached the doorway then stopped and turned around. “What?”

“I love you.”

After spending a day like yesterday with Gio and feeling something so much more powerful than she’d ever felt for Felix, Bianca couldn’t return the sentiment. She vanquished the idea that what she felt for Gio was love only because it was clear that she’d already been too hasty in her declaration of love to Felix. Something she was now certain was untrue. Deep down she’d always known what she felt for Felix wasn’t that profound feeling she’d read and heard so much about.

She obviously didn’t know much about love. What she did know, without a doubt, was this thing she felt now for Gio was something so incredibly strong that even as wrong as it was, she knew with all certainty that the moment she got the chance she’d be back in his arms.

A strained smile was all that she managed. That and a nod as she turned and walked away.

There was no way she could face Nana and her mother right now. They’d know immediately something was wrong, and as close as she was to them, she couldn’t tell them about this. Both of them had always been very liberal when it came to Bianca’s personal life. They trusted her and the choices she made.

The only times they ever had serious issues with was anything that compromised her safety. This situation now had dangerous written all over it, but Bianca felt helpless to pull herself out of it. She couldn’t stay away now.

With just under forty-five minutes to spare before she had to be at the shop, the obvious direction to head was to Toni’s place to tell her about the mess she was in now. But she had a feeling even Toni would attempt to talk her out of going back and that’s the last thing she wanted to hear. No amount of reasoning was keeping her from going back.

The fact that this was so unlike her was what scared her the most. Growing up, Bianca had always been the voice of reason in her crowd—the good girl. She never took risks or did anything that would disappoint her mother even before her father died but more so after.

When her father was killed, her mother made a huge sacrifice to keep them in the same house by taking on an extra housekeeper job during the week and another one on the weekends. This after her grandparents had offered to let them move in with them in their more than ample Big Bear home. Bianca knew it was tough on her mom, but her mother said she wouldn’t traumatize Bianca further by uprooting her from the only home she’d ever known and from all her friends.

To show her mother her gratitude, Bianca never even dreamed of doing anything bad. She never ditched, snuck out, or even drank before she was of legal age. What Bianca was doing now felt so wrong—so bad. Something she knew her mother wouldn’t approve of but even that couldn’t stop her now.

With nowhere else to go, Bianca parked in front of a coffee shop and got out. That morning when Felix walked in so unexpectedly just as she was pouring her coffee, she’d been so crushed about her day’s plans with Gio being ruined she’d all but lost her appetite and barely got in a few sips. She needed the caffeine now. It would help her think.

Taking a seat in one of the booths after getting her coffee she took a long swig and closed her eyes. Then it came to her. Here she thought she’d have to wait until she had a moment alone with Gio to find out what, if anything, more was going to happen between them. She’d forgotten all about the fact that they’d exchanged numbers that first day on the slopes.

Feeling the butterflies in her stomach going wild, she pulled her phone out of her purse and searched her contact list for Gio. Always the fast thinker, she edited it to read the first name that came to mind—Lala—the name of the coffee shop. She always locked her phone anyway but had been known to forget on occasion, and she wasn’t chancing Felix accidentally coming across any texts between her and Gio.

After changing the name on the contact, she stared at her screen, not sure what to text him. Three words came to mind over and over. The same words she’d said to him last night. So she typed them in.

Text: I miss you.

Her heart fluttered as she hit send. And then she waited, her stomach churning. She’d seen the look on his face that morning. Saw how after the initial shock of walking in on her and Felix just as he was about to kiss her, his eyes traveled immediately to Felix’s hands caressing her. She wondered now if perhaps he was upset with her, but how could he be? He knew what he was getting himself into when he first kissed her. Knew just as she did how impossible this situation was.

Despite the impossibility of it all and knowing the huge risk she was taking just sending the text, here she sat eagerly awaiting his response. This was crazy. She felt like she was back in middle school waiting for the boy she was crushing on to pass the note back in class. But this was so much more than a crush.

The phone beeped and a tiny squeal escaped her. She covered her mouth, glancing quickly around the small coffee shop feeling silly. No one seemed to have noticed her ridiculous little outburst. Fumbling with her phone nervously, she hit the envelope from “Lala.”

Text: I miss you too.

Her heart nearly doubled over as she brought her hand over her mouth again. How was it possible she could get so excited about something like this? Toni was right. As excited as Bianca had been in the past about anything with Felix, she’d never felt anything quite like this. She was still thinking of how to respond without sounding too needy when a second text came through.

Text: SO much.

If Bianca was excited before, she was bursting now. She didn’t care how needy she sounded. She was telling him exactly what she was thinking. Her fingers couldn’t type the words fast enough.

Text: I can’t wait to be alone with you again. I can’t! This is insane. It’s all I’m going to think about from now until then.

She held her phone after sending her message, staring at it obsessively, willing it to beep. After an excruciating few minutes, he responded and she read it anxiously.

Text: You and me both. We’ll think of something. We have to. Insane? Don’t get me started. You have no idea! But I gotta go for now. We’re about to go for a run. I’ll text you later. MISS YOU! –G

Her only response to that was a very excited set of x’s and o’s. She stood up, her lips outstretched to capacity. Now she could start her day, and just as she’d felt that morning when she woke, the butterflies swarmed around her belly in anticipation of when she’d see him again. She wasn’t exaggerating when she said it to him. This was pure insanity—insanity that now seemed to fuel her heart and run through her veins, but the craziest thing about it was that she welcomed it.