Chapter 56: Chapter 56

Millan wakes up to the familiar scent of rain and a warm hand drawing circles on his stomach.

He realizes before he opens his eyes that his back is pressed up unto Weston’s body and he sighs, sinking further into his alpha’s warmth, content.

Until he remembers.

Remembers the flash of fear as Travis leaped towards him, as teeth dug deep into him.

He remembers the resistance on the knife as he dug it in his father’s side and the blood pulling all over him in response.

Eyes still closed, he tries to move his arm and gets a sharp pain in his shoulder and neck. He whimpers and opens his eyes to look at his bandaged trapezius.

His arm is held to his chest by a sling and every little move feels like countless little needles digging into his arm.

“Hey, sleepy head.” Weston’s lips speak softly directly in Millan's ear bringing goosebumps all over Millan's body.

“Wes,” Millan's voice comes out gravelly.

Weston reaches out to the nightstand and hands Millan a glass of water before Millan even realizes how thirsty he is himself.

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that again, love.” Weston plants a kiss to Millan's temple while his omega gulps the water down with the hand that isn’t immobilized by a sling.

They cuddle in silence, both needing the reassurance of the other’s presence after the morning’s events.

Millan's mind starts to wonder. He can’t remember anything after stabbing his father. He’d blacked out from his injury, but he has no idea if his father is dead or what happened to Axel or if anybody else got hurt in the process of rescuing him.

Then, the anxiety in his chest blooms further as he remembers what his father had said.

He was born omega AND alpha. He was an alpha too before his father decided he wouldn’t be.

His breathing picks up as conflicting feelings rush to the surface. He is angry at his father for reassigning his gender when he was just a baby who couldn’t consent to anything, who couldn’t make a choice for himself.

He is angry that he never knew when it could have explained so much of Millan's questions when he was younger- when he had inclinations omegas normally don’t have, when he wanted to hunt and fight, when he felt overly protective of his friends, when he disobeyed his first Alpha Command, when he was able to shut his omega out completely as he tried to survive on his own.

Millan doesn’t know how much of this is due to the way he was born, but it seems to explain a lot now.

Besides anger, there’s also relief because at least now, he knows. Now he can start to get answers.

He can talk to Nara and figure out what he is exactly. Most of all though, he’s anxious because he has to tell Weston.

He tries to focus on the way Weston had been so accepting so far, had even liked the way Millan was different from other omegas.

But there’s a ball of fear in his throat at the thought of revealing how much of a freak he really is.

What if Weston is disgusted like his father had been?

“Weston, I-,” Words get stuck in his throat and a sudden wave of nausea takes over his body.

Damn, he must be in a worse shape than he thought. No matter, he has to tell Weston about what he really is. It wouldn’t be fair to keep this from him.

It doesn’t stop words like ‘freak’ and ‘not good enough’ from spinning in Millan's mind.

Millan's anguish must have bleed in their bond since Weston’s arms encircle him protectively.

“Hey, Mill, it’s all right. You’re safe. I got you.” Weston’s words break something in Millan, and he can’t help the way his eyes fill up with tears in fear of losing this- of losing Weston after all they’ve been through already.

His breathing picks up. Weston will hate him, or worse, he’ll be disgusted by him. But Millan has to pull through, he has to tell him.

“I’m-,“ Millan's erratic breathing prevents him from getting anything else out.

“Shhh, Mill, don’t worry about anything for now, okay?”

Millan shakes his head, he needs to get this out, but he can’t calm down enough to speak.

“Just relax, love. Breathe.”

Millan focuses on the way Weston is petting his hair, on a regular rhythm, matching his breathing to it.

“There you go. You’re safe, baby, you’re safe.”

Millan accepts his own weakness for a moment, letting Weston’s loving reassurance soothe him and calm him down. Once he is calm enough, he tries again.

“Weston, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it, love?” Weston kisses his temple and Millan swallows thickly.

“I was born omega…” He trails off and feels Weston’s confusion in their bond.

“Yes?” Weston prompts him to continue.

“And also, an alpha. I was both secondary genders.”

There’s a moment of silence where Millan is certain his heart will beat out of his chest.

“Oh.” Is all Weston says.

Searching their bond, Millan doesn’t sense any disgust, just curiosity. At that, hope grows in his chest and gives him enough confidence to clarify.

“I was born with a knot, but I was mostly submissive. I responded to Alpha Commands and my scent settled into one of an omega’s eventually. My father didn’t want an alpha son; he didn’t want someone to take the leader position from him. So, he had my knot removed not wanting to risk it even though my wolf had settled into an omega already.”

Weston’s arms tighten around him and a wave of anger rushes through their bond.

“I’m going to kill him.” Weston mutters between clenched teeth.

Millan is confused for a moment.

Isn’t he dead?

He’d planted a knife into Travis’s wolf form, he’s sure of that, remembers it clearly, but what if…

Millan brushes the thought aside, only able to focus on how Weston isn’t disgusted by him yet. He decides to push his luck and confide in his Fated Mate.

“The thing is… I don’t feel sorry that I don’t have a knot anymore. I don’t think...”

Weston’s grip relaxes and he kisses Millan's neck tenderly.

“It would be okay if you did, Millan.” Weston whispers, lips ghosting over Millan's skin and Millan's heart swells.

“It would be okay if you did,“ Weston had said with utmost sincerity and kindness.

How could Weston be so fine with all of this?

If he didn’t feel the honesty in their bond, Millan wouldn’t believe him. As it is, though, there’s no denying it; Weston doesn’t see a problem with this.

“I believe you.” Millan says, voice small.

Weston plants another kiss to Millan's neck, the affection making Millan's omega quiver.

“I don’t want to be an alpha, but I don’t like that I am an omega either. It feels like… I’m something in between.”

“Beta?” Weston suggests, but Millan shakes his head immediately.

“I like that you can mark me. I like that you’re my alpha. I like this.” Millan says, hands on Weston’s strong arms holding him. “But I don’t always want to submit. And I think I want to be able to lead and take risks. I don’t ever want to be bound to someone else’s will, even if I love them wholeheartedly. I think I’m more of an omega than an alpha, but I don’t feel like an omega completely. Thinking back on it, even if my father didn’t remove my knot, I will still end up an omega because that is my wolf.”

Millan sighs, “I’m not making any sense, am I?”

“Millan, life isn’t always so black and white. We’ve associated traits to biology, but those traits are, more often than not, arbitrary. Who says an omega has to always submit? Who says an omega can’t ever take risks or has to do exactly what an alpha tells them to do? You are more than your gender, Mill and you don’t have to fit in a box.”

“Thank you, Weston.”

“You know what’s more important than all of this?”

Millan shakes his head and frowns.

“What’s most important, Mill, is that I love you. No matter what. No matter what gender. Nothing can keep me from loving you.”

Millan blinks back tears and swallows around the lump in his throat.

He doesn’t deserve Weston. That much is obvious.

But he is too selfish to care.

“I love you too, Wes.” He manages to answer in a whisper.