Chapter 29: Chapter 29

There’s shock and then sadness and then anger.

All of those visible on Weston’s face but also extremely loud in their soul bond.

“For fuck’s sake, Millan!” Weston stands up and Millan can’t keep eye contact anymore.

“Weston, I- “

“No, Millan. Why the hell would you still think that you have to leave? What don’t you understand in ‘I want you to stay’? In what language do I have to-”

“It’s not that! I get it. You want me to stay. It’s just- It’s not that.”

Millan hates that Weston takes a step back, he hates the hurt in his eyes.

“Then what is it, Mill?” Realization dawns in Weston’s face and the hurt in his eyes triples. “D-do you… not like me, Mill?”

Millan’s eyes widen at what the alpha in front of him is implying, “No! Th-that’s not the reason, Weston. You’re wrong.”

Millan shakes his head, looking down to his crossed arms. The lump in his throat is blocking his ability to form coherent words at the moment.

“Then what is it? Please, Mill. If you’re going to leave, at least tell me why. You owe me that much.”

Weston is right. With the trouble he’s caused already and this whole Fated Mates ordeal, Weston is entitled to an explanation.

So Millan swallows, uncrosses his arms and takes a deep breath.

“I can’t become your mate, Weston. I can’t be an Alpha’s Mate. That’s too big of a responsibility… Don’t shake your head. You don’t- you don’t know anything about me. I’m a thief, Weston. I’ve- I’ve done things to survive that I’m not proud of… You just… don’t KNOW me. I’m not good, Weston. I’m a thief and a free loader at best.”

“Mill, don’t talk like that. You’re- “

“No, Weston, please let me get this out.”

Weston’s jaw clenches but he nods once and sits back down, allowing Millan to continue.

“I understand that you don’t think so, but you’re too blinded by this whole Fated Mates thing to realize it. Only… other pack members will SEE how screwed up I am. They’ll see that I’m not worthy of you, that you deserve so much better. You’re still young and every one already respects you so much. And I know what I’m talking about, Weston. I’ve seen a great deal of Alphas in my life and you’re by far one of the best I’ve seen. Actually, the best. And I… I’m the worst omega there is.”

Millan took a deep breath and let it all out. “Why can’t you see this? Gosh. I’m so screwed up. I can’t possibly ask any one, any pack to take on that burden. Episodes like I had with Dax are bound to happen again. Hell, even alone, I’ve had multiple nightmares and flashbacks. I’ve almost dropped a couple times only from exhaustion and stress-”

“What? You’ve dropped ALONE?”

“Almost. I almost dropped. I’ve never actually dropped. But that’s not the point. The point is, if I were to stay in your pack, Weston, you’d have to deal with all of that… baggage. You’d continuously worry about me. And being the Pack Alpha, you can’t have that. You need a mate that will help you lead the pack. Someone who is strong, determined. Someone you can rely on. Someone who can advise you, who can become a role model for other omegas in the pack, for other werewolves regardless of gender. You can’t have someone who adds an additional crushing responsibility. No. I know the good thing to do here is to relieve everyone of… well… me. Even if you can’t see it yet, trust me, you’ll be grateful in the long run.”

As silence falls back onto the both of them, Millan swallows audibly and focuses his gaze on the grass underneath his feet.

He doesn’t remember being so open with anyone about anything. It’s nerve racking to wait for Weston’s reaction and he almost regrets dumping all of this emotional turmoil on him.

“Are you done?”

Startled, Millan looks up to see Weston’s softened expression, a whisper of a smile on his lips.

“I agree with you, Mill.”

Millan's heart sinks. Of course he agrees. Why is Millan even surprised.

“Well no, actually, I think almost everything you said was bullshit. But I agree that I need someone strong and determined. I need someone that will help me lead the pack. Above all, I need someone that cares about the pack as much as they care about me.”

Fresh tears fall from Millan's eyes and he bites his lips trying to stifle a sob.

Weston finally sees that Millan isn’t good enough.

“Oh, Mill…”

Weston gets up and engulfs Millan in his arms.

Weak as he is, Millan allows himself to sink into the embrace. For all he knows, it might be the very last time he gets to hug his Fated Mate.

“Don’t you get it? It describes you perfectly. YOU are all of those things.”

What?

Millan's confusion must show in the way he stiffens and in their soul bond because Weston laughs softly. The warm puffs of air tickling Millan's hair slightly.

Weston backs away from the hug only to look into Millan's eyes.

“Millan, listen to me. You are the strongest omega I’ve ever met. Hell, you’re the strongest werewolf I’ve ever met. You’d be an amazing leader. Not just a mate’s leader. You’d make a great leader yourself.”

Millan rolls his eyes at the ludicrous idea. He had never been good at anything, aside from stealing and escaping. Weston is completely insane.

“I’m not joking, Millan. You were willing to leave your soul mate behind for the well-being of a pack you’ve only known for a couple of weeks. You’re amazing. Strong and selfless.”

Millan gapes, shocked.

“I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. But one thing is sure. You’re the only one that doesn’t see it.”

Millan frowns. Every pack he’s encountered has politely and not so politely asked him to leave their territory as soon as possible. He’s pretty sure they all thought Millan was no more than a trash to take out.

“If you’re worried about what the pack will think, don’t. Every one you’ve met is already smitten. Even Andy and Jace who used to be cold and aloof, and Amir who is hard to please praises you. Maddie wanted you to meet her parents.”

Millan shakes his head. Everyone was particularly kind, sure. But they probably thought of Millan as a charity case more than anything else.

Weston sighs, frustrated.

“I’m not getting through to you, am I?”

Millan purses his lips. Weston seems so sure of himself and Millan wants to believe him more than anything.

But he’s always been told he was a shitty omega. He was even banished for it by the people who knew him the most.

Weston has just known him for a couple of weeks. Sooner or later, he’s going to realize that he is wrong about Millan.

“I don’t know.” Millan wishes he could alleviate the worry in Weston’s eyes once and for all.

But he can’t. He doesn’t want to lie and he honestly isn’t sure of anything anymore.

“Okay, then. Let’s make a deal. You give me time to convince you that you are good for me. That you are good for the pack and if you still want to leave after a while, then I won’t stop you. But I just ask you to give us a chance to show you how good things can be. That means staying and allowing yourself to be part of it. Be part of the pack. To not always have a foot out the door. What do you say?”

Millan takes a moment to ponder the idea. If he stays longer, he might get attached more and if it turns out that he has to leave, it will hurt like hell.

Then again, if he leaves now, it will still hurt like hell since, let’s face it, he is more attached than he ever would have wanted to be.

Looking at Weston’s hopeful expression, one of his dimples imperceptibly visible, it’s impossible to even imagine turning his back on him now.

So he nods his head in agreement.

“Okay. But you have to promise me that if you change your mind, if you realize that I’m not good for you or the pack, you won’t let me stay.”

“Millan, I will never-“

“Promise me, Weston. Promise me you’ll chase me away if you realize you were wrong about me.”

Weston sighs.

“Okay. I promise.”

“Then, I’m staying. For now.”

“Good.”

As they look into each other’s eyes, with Weston’s smile slowly growing, Millan can’t help but smile too.

“Good.”