Chapter 43: Chapter 43

Blair

Tears streamed freely down my face as I curled up on the couch after the terrible decision I made earlier.

Damn it, Blair. It's been almost six months since you guys broke up, you shouldn't be looking at his Instagram. Unable to control myself, I went back to looking at the photo of Dimitri with a woman in his apartment.

A new sob burst from my lips as I looked at the wall, seeing the picture that Joe had painted for me. The view from Dimitri's apartment in St. Petersburg. What was I thinking, accepting an eternal reminder of my ex boyfriend? Of course he wasn't my ex at the time, but still!

That's perfect, he moves on with his life and I'm left here, stuck in every damn memory.

That's what I need, to move on!

With a new determination growing inside me, I wiped away the tears. I needed something to overcome, and to start with, I was going to get rid of these memories. I put 'So what' on, that was all I needed, I was fine without him!

First I took the picture off the wall, determined to take it to Abby's apartment and convince her to exchange it with the picture Joe had painted for her. But that impetuous decision didn't last that long. A few minutes later I was lying on my bed, cuddled with Gertie, the doll Dimitri had helped me choose in Amsterdam on our first date, singing "all we'd ever need".

" My friends think I'm moving on, But the truth is I'm not that strong. And nobody knows it but me." I sobbed, following the rhythm of the song I was listening to for perhaps the fourth time in a row.

Why did he have to be from Russia? Couldn't I have met a pilot from, I don't know, Florida? Why a Russian?

" Because he was a beautiful Russian and he was kind, caring, funny, supportive of me in everything. He was my best friend.”

I confided in Gertie, who remained motionless. I couldn't deny that Dimitri was a good boyfriend, every moment with him was amazing, maybe that's why he was so hard to get over.

I looked through the pictures of us that I had saved on my cell phone. I missed every moment with him, and even when we were far apart, he never stopped texting me. And now, when was the last time we spoke? The morning after we broke up?

I was about to start the music one more time when my doorbell rang. With a long sigh I crawled out of bed, down the spiral staircase that would take me from the mezzanine of my bedroom to the living room of my loft. I opened the door, finding Abby on the other side.

" Hi," I forced a smile.

" What happened? " she sighed.

" Nothing " I lied.

I told them all that Dimitri was part of my past and that he didn't interfere with my life, but in the end I lied to everyone, including myself.

" You know you're wearing mascara, right? " she pointed.

I immediately ran to the nearest mirror, groaning at the damage. Abby walked in, closing the door before coming over to where I was standing.

" I can hear the music you were listening to on a loop from my apartment, so let's try again, what happened? " Abby stared at me.

I threw myself on the couch, not wanting to explain anything to her.

" Aren't you supposed to have a painting on your wall?”

" I don't want to look at it anymore," I muttered.

" Blair.”

" Dimitri has a new girlfriend," I muttered.

Abby stared at me for a few seconds before sighing and sitting down beside me.

" You knew this would happen at some point," she pointed out.

" I'm happy for him," I forced a smile.

" Are you trying to fool me or fool yourself?”

I kept silent, not wanting to answer that question.

" Look, I have to go out with Noah, will you be okay by yourself? " my friend held my hand.

I shook my head positively, not bothering to give her any answers.

" You can come with us if you want, we'll go to that new restaurant that opened downtown," she proposed.

" No offense, Abby, but the last thing I want at the moment is the company of a happy couple," I denied, "go ahead, I'll be fine.”

She watched me for a moment before standing up, kissing my cheek.

" If you need anything, you can call me," she assured me.

I walked silently to the door, ready to resume my grief and my crisis of self-pity for my broken heart months ago. I returned to the bedroom and went back to bed, stretching to pick up the Fabergé egg Dimitri had given me for New Year's, opening it to get the necklace abandoned there for the last few months.

The necklace he gave me so that I would always remember him.

I lifted the delicate snowflake to look at it more closely, remembering the exact moment Dimitri placed it around my neck, and how happy I felt.

Maybe I should call, or maybe send a message. Maybe that will make me feel better.

I opened his contact, looking at his profile picture before closing it. What would I say?

I can't say that I miss him, or that I saw that he is with someone.

I found myself stuck in this dilemma for a while. I would open his contact and then give up, the last time, I was determined to try, but before I could make the call, an unknown number popped up on my screen, I frowned when I saw that the call was from Istanbul, and by my calculations, they were in the middle of the night there.

" Hello?”

" Please, I would like to speak to Blair Ayeleen Ozkan.”

Something put me in a state of alert immediately, I sat up in bed with my heart hammering hard in my chest.

" It's me.”

" This is Istanbul Central Hospital, your number is registered as Mr. and Mrs. Ozkan's emergency contact.