Chapter 46: Chapter 46

Are you free tonight?" When I walk into the living room, Mark and Kyle pause their Netflix show to answer.

"Are you sure you're up for it?" Mark asks, looking doubtful. "Because we don't have to go anywhere and you haven't wanted to go anywhere in a while."

"Well, that's when I thought I had killed someone." I answer while sitting on the chair in the corner. "If you don't want to, we don't have to, but I'm ready to go back after it."

When Kent and I kissed last night, I was still thinking about my thesis presentation, and I wasn't sure if going out was such a good idea. But I was tired of being sad at home and wanted to go out and have fun again.

"Well, I guess so. I think we could." Mark shrugs.

"I'm down Julianna." Kyle says with a confident tone. "I'll go out with you if Mark wants to be a whiny b*tch."

"I'm not a whiney brat." Mark retorts. "I'm just making sure, Julianna, that you want to."

"I do. I'm sick of being at home. I want to have a good time." I tell him that, and he just shrugs and turns off the TV.

"Okay, I'll send a text to the group chat to see who wants to join us." He says it, and I smile and clap my hands.

"You are great." I smile, and he laughs and rolls his eyes.

"Let's do Apex because it won't cost much." He shrugs, and I agree.

"All right, I'll choose something to wear!" When I tell him, he laughs and looks amused by how I'm acting. "I might do my hair if I have time. How long do I have?" Mark laughs when I ask.

"Why don't you let us know when you're done? We're pretty much ready already, so feel free to take as much time as you need. Apex is open until 5 a.m." I roll my eyes at what he says.

"Men." I mumble something, and they both laugh. "Ok, I shouldn't take that long," she said. I hurry back down the hall and into my room to make my point.

I put my straightener in and sit down at my desk. After work today, I took a shower, and my hair was back to being wavy. After the summer, my skin was very tanned, but now it was going back to its winter color. I finally gave up on winter foundation last week and put it back in its drawer.

While I get ready, I put on some low music and carefully straighten each section of my hair to make it look smooth. Then, I take the front pieces of my hair and pin them back under my hairline. This makes it look like my hair is slicked back. Then I put on some light makeup to try to bring out my features and make me look less pale.

Then I choose an outfit that would work for a bad student club. I chose dark, loose jeans and my old black sneakers for the bottom, but I didn't know what to wear on top. I thought it should be cute, but when I went out with the guys, I never knew what to wear. I didn't want to wear too much, but I did want to look cute.

I chose a short-sleeved, sheer black top that was very cropped. The neck is pretty low, and it only covers my breasts. The back has a cutout with a strap right below it. I've never worn this before, and I had to cut the tags off so I could wear it. I bought it when I was living at home to cheer myself up, even though I didn't have anywhere to wear it.

Then I take my belt bag and look at it in the mirror while smiling. Julianna, you did a good job. I finish my look by putting on a necklace and some perfume, then head out the door and back to the living room.

"Okay, I'm ready." I promise them.

Both of them look at me twice, and I instinctively put my arms around my stomach.

"What?" They shake their heads when I ask.

"There's nothing, you look good." Mark says nicely, and I give him a smile. "You look like yourself again. I haven't seen you out of your fuzzy socks in a week." He laughs and turns off the TV before getting up to get his keys.

"Thanks:. I smile and feel my cheeks get red.

"There is where we're going to meet Abby, Ellis, Chase, and Darren. It's possible that the girls from upstairs will also come." He shrugs, and I agree. "Let me go grab Kent." When he adds, I get tense.

When people talk about him, my back feels like a rod of iron. I'm always on high alert because I never know what's going to happen next. Since last night, I haven't looked at him much, and he hasn't looked at me. Tonight, I need to stay away from him because it will be too hard to be near him.

"I'm glad you feel better, Julianna." I smile when Kyle says it. "I was worried that you might not want to go out again for a while after last night."

"After last night, what do you mean? Why did that happen?" After I ask, I kick myself. Too many things at once, Julianna.

"You spent the whole night in your room, so I thought things were getting worse." He shrugs, and I agree.

"Oh yeah, sure." I let out a sigh of relief that he wasn't talking about Kent and me as I had thought. "Well, things changed today, and I feel better about the future."

"Good." He smiles and grabs his wallet from the edge of the doorway.

Should we take Uber? Mark asks. "It may not be a long walk home, but what about out? I think we should give ourselves a treat."

"I'm all right with it. Kyle shrugs.

"Julianna?"

"Yeah, that makes sense." I smile.

"Kent, you on it?" When Mark calls, my face goes white. This meant that Kent and I would be stuck in a small space together.

Because my parents pay for it, you people always dump it on me." He grumbles as he walks down the hall, and I can feel my stomach knot up. It looks like a bunch of steel cables twisting together. His head lifts for a second from his phone, and I feel my throat tighten.

When we kissed, everything went wrong. Every time there was silence or my mind wandered, I kept thinking about that moment. He was living in my mind without paying rent. Now we knew we'd done something personal and irreversible together.

"Let's get this show going, Kent, have you found a car yet?" He clears his throat when Kyle asks.

"You have three minutes." He mumbles, and I turn away to go get my jean jacket from the closet.

I won't talk to him, and I can't.

When the car arrives, we come out of the apartment and up the stairs to see a Honda Civic.

Kent and I both want to sit in the front, but Kyle opens the door, jumps in, and asks the driver how his night is going.

"Julianna, you'll have to sit in the middle of the table." Mark warns me, and I grunt to myself. I really don't like this right now.

Mark gets in, and Kent and I go around to the other side. "Don't leave your side." He rolls his eyes when I grumble. I sit next to Mark and decide not to use a seatbelt.

Mark and Kent were both big guys, and their size made the backseat feel like a gym locker. Kent was especially in my way. He was too close, and our hips were touching.

I hissed, "Would you move over?"

"Are you?" When he replies, I roll my eyes.

"Where? Like Mark?" I ask him incredulously, and he huffs and moves away from me another inch.

"Stop fighting, you two." When Kyle calls us back, I cross my arms.

Why did I let yesterday's events get so out of hand? I shouldn't have let him sleep with me, I shouldn't have said out loud how confused I was about our situation, and I should have stopped that kiss from happening. How am I going to make it through this drive? It smelled so good that I thought I was going to drown in it. I hated the memories it made me think of.

Tonight, maybe my goal should be to try to kiss someone else.

Ew, no. That's not what I want. Before last night, I can't even remember the last time I wanted to kiss someone. I need to act like this doesn't bother me and hide my mixed feelings by dancing and drinking.

When the Uber pulls up around the corner, we get out and thank the driver. I got out on Mark's side, anxious to get away from Kent as quickly as possible. When I hear someone whistle, I'm walking behind the group of guys and looking through my bag for chapstick.