Chapter 34: Chapter 34

I've felt like I've been in a washing machine since Saturday night. I just couldn't stop thinking about what Kent and I had done. So much had changed that I didn't know what to think or feel.

I was glad that he told me about himself and was honest about where he was coming from. I was especially happy that he apologized for how he had treated me. That was important to me, not because I wanted him to apologize, but because I wanted him to know how it made me feel.

There were some memories that I couldn't get out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried. Every night, it was the last thing I saw before going to sleep, and as long as he was right across the hall, I couldn't get away from it.

Even though that moment on the lawn behind the frat house might have been electric, I have no reason to think it wasn't just something that happened on the spot. I had no reason to believe he really wanted to kiss me. Even though Kent says he's trying to leave the past behind him, I'm not sure if that's the case.

We couldn't even look at each other, which made me hate us. I hated myself for getting too close to her and making things weird. We didn't talk to each other because we were afraid of what might happen if we did.

When the phone rings in the pool office, I see the name "Chase" on the screen. I told him I'd meet him for coffee on Tuesday, which is what I did. We always had good conversations, but we never got too deep into anything. When I met him, I thought we talked well, but we didn't get along as well as I did with Abby or the guys I lived with.

CHASE [8:07PM]

"I just left a meeting in the room next door. Could I show you the way?"

I let out a sigh and smile at him. He was very nice to do that.

ME [8:08PM]

"I'm not going anywhere until 10 o'clock. See you tomorrow night!"

One thing I will say is that Chase was nothing like Kent. He was always nice and good at making friends, and he always wanted to know how you were doing.

Chase and I weren't as close as we could have been because of only two things. First, we were very different from each other. Chase liked getting up early, eating chicken breasts and brown rice without any seasoning, working out, and going to bed at a regular time. He didn't like to drink much because it added too many calories to his diet. He was easygoing and relaxed about everything, and he didn't know what he would do after fourth year.

I also thought he was starting to like me a little bit. Because I didn't believe it, it wasn't true. I thought he was always just being nice. But when we had coffee together on Tuesday, my sixth sense was on fire.

Can I help the person coming next?" When the cashier called his name, I showed him how to go first.

"Nah, you go." He insisted, so I smiled and agreed.

"I'd like a medium vanilla latte, if you don't mind." Someone put their hand on my shoulder before the cashier could tell me.

And could you get me two cups of milk and a big cup of coffee?" Chase said something else, which made me look at him funny.

"What's happening?"

"Ordering." He shrugged. "Thank you, and that's all." He said this while looking at the cashier. As she rang up the money, she smiled and winked.

"No, that's all right. I have enough cash." I kept asking, but he just shook his head and pulled out a ten-dollar bill from his back pocket.

"I insist." I took a deep breath and felt nervous when he told me.

The rest of the night was just weird, and the few minutes we had to ourselves before the study group were awful. He kept trying to ask me how things were going with my search for a boyfriend. He must have remembered that terrible time in the coffee shop months ago when I told him there were no good guys around.

Then I thought of a good plan.

"Right now, I don't want to date at all." I shrugged, opening my binder. Then I noticed that the cool surface was starting to crack.

"Like at all?"

"No way, I'm too busy and it's too hard." He took a deep breath when I told him. "I think the best thing for me to do is stop dating for a year and focus on getting into grad school."

Since I said that, things have gone back to how they were. Even though we're just getting to know each other, he's still trying to hang out with me. I didn't want to friend-zone him on purpose because I knew it would hurt him.

So, for now, it was just saying again that I wasn't looking for a date and setting limits on how often we could hang out. Even if it was just because I didn't want him to buy me things, I liked seeing him most when we were studying or in groups.

I sigh and close the messages app on my phone because my break is almost up and I have to go back out there and guard some more. I didn't like how hot it was here, and I liked how much cooler the office was.

As my thumb hovers over the pictures app, I close my lips. I open it quietly and find a picture of us drinking red Solo cups in the frat kitchen on Saturday night.

I couldn't stop opening this for the past week, which was a terrible guilty pleasure of mine. There was nothing between us, even though there was no reason to. I couldn't help but think about what we almost did when I saw him at home. I didn't know what to do with the strange thoughts it gave me.

He is the most attractive guy I've ever seen, but he is also my enemy. I can't believe I did and let myself do the things I did and let myself do. I'm just glad we didn't kiss and make things even worse. When they are drunk, they can talk, but if they are sober, they can't.

I shake off the thoughts and go back out to the pool deck, where I turn off my phone. Tonight was the first time I finished a shift by myself. I got a nice promotion and was now one of the head lifeguards.

I worked with only one other young guard tonight. A lot of young teens who just got their certifications and needed part-time jobs came through here. It meant that I almost always had to work with a new guard who was on probation.

I just wanted to go home today. I had a lot on my mind, and the humidity in the pool wore me out a lot. After we finished cleaning up and locking up for the night, I changed into my sweatpants and sweatshirt for the walk home.

I start walking home, eager to get to bed and go to sleep. As I walk down the sidewalk, I pass a group of students going to the gym after school. One face was different from the others.

"Kent?" As he walks toward me, I ask him. It's clear that he's going to the gym. But he was sweaty, like he had been exercising.

"Julianna." He smiles and seems proud, so I roll my eyes and stop to talk to him.

"How do you feel?"

"I forgot my water bottle in my gym locker and was just going to go back and get it." I agree with his shrug. We fall into a weird, uncomfortable silence, so I clear my throat and turn away.

"Well, I'll let you grab it." I sigh. "Say goodbye at home."

"I have no use for it." He gives me a shrug and says that he'd rather walk with me. I also do it.