Chapter 27: Chapter 27

I've never been less focused at work than I am right now. I keep trying to look at the water, but my heart rate goes up and down for no reason. I have no idea what's wrong.

Some of it worries me that I heard one of my roommates talking when I shouldn't have. Obviously it is. I kept thinking about it every time there was silence, and I didn't want to go home and see Mark.

I'm sure I had also told Kent in the car before that I was a spoiled brat. I don't know how to find the right amount of sex. I don't really want it, but I also don't want to be a loser for not wanting it. I didn't want to talk about it, but when I had to, it was clear what I was thinking.

When I was in high school, I only did it a few times with my boyfriends. When they wanted it, it was usually quick and not that good. I didn't know what it felt like to enjoy it. Maybe I had, and that was the end of the story.

During this shift, I was thinking about something else, and I didn't often think about sex. People my age seem to have an endless list of booty-calls and dating apps to find sex quite often. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I only learned from having sex that I shouldn't have it if I didn't really want it. It wasn't worth it, so I wish I hadn't done it in high school.

"Julianna." When I turn around to see what's going on, I see Micheala. "The swim's over, can you tell everyone?" When she asks, I blow my whistle, clear my throat, and tell her.

"Sorry." I mumble.

"You have been chewing on the edge of that whistle for ten minutes. What do you think?" When she asks me, I shake my head.

He said, "Nothing, I'm good." I shake my head at her and tell her.

"Have you already done laps this week?" When she asks me, I shake my head.

"Not yet." I shrug. I get to do cardio every week because I'm a lifeguard.

"Just remember that you have to log them by Sunday, alright?" I say yes and clear my throat when she asks. "Why don't you take care of the chlorine and I'll ask Brittany to clean the pool?"

"Alright." Sighing, I take off my rescue tube and put it on a rack in the main office.

She did what she said she would and made me a supervisor. She has been watching me for the past few weeks to help me feel confident in my leadership.

When I had to do the chlorine, I was always really nervous. Each pool was different, and ours had to be done in a small closet at the end of the hall while wearing safety gear. It was a pain, but I did it quickly and got out just in time to see Brittany clean up the pool and leave.

"You, too, Julianna, can go. Today you did a great job." She smiles back, and so do I. "I have some work to do in my office, but I'll see you the next time you come in."

"That's great, Michaela, thanks." When I smile, she gives me a wave back.

Before I leave, I just put my shoes back on and put my jacket on over my guard outfit. But as I take my coat off the hook, I hear one of the metal doors close and someone walking across the pool deck.

"Excuse me, but the-" When I see a clear figure walking across the deck, I have to stop in the middle of a sentence. "Closed," I tell Kent, and he nods and looks around. How come you're here, Kent?

"I said I'd pick you up." He just shrugs. "Then I waited for a while, got bored, and realized I'd never been in the pool before."

"Well, I'm leaving." I give my head a shake and sigh. "Take your shoes off if you're going to be in here."

"Seriously?" When he asks, I tell him yes.

"Yes, some people do walk around barefoot." I tell him to stop, but he salutes me for no reason and tells them to leave. I roll my eyes and go back to my office, where I shut off the computer and put on my running shoes.

"I guess that's all." As he stands at the door, he sighs, and I nod.

"Yep, that's it." I tell him this as I lead him out of the office.

"Why don't you show me around?"

"You're acting so weird tonight, let's go." I huff, turn off the lights, and lead him to the separate entrance we use to get to the pool. After he puts his shoes back on, I open the door and lead him to the exit. "Why did you go in?" I ask him, and he just shrugs.

"I wanted to go to a live Baywatch show." When he makes fun of me, I just roll my eyes.

"It's pretty boring in there because there are no girls running around with their swimsuits off and in slow motion." I shake my head and tell him so. I couldn't figure out why he came in here in such a strange way to see me. I'd like to know why you're acting this way.

"Whither?" I laugh when he asks me.

"This friendly, a little bit strange way." When I answer, all he does is shrug.

"At the beach, you told me you didn't like me because I hadn't shown you anything else about myself." When he says something, I shut my mouth. "I'll show you another way to do it."

I sigh and walk with him through the front door, confused by his sudden change of mood.

"Look Julianna." He says this as he pulls me toward his car by my shoulder. "I know how you feel about me already." He tells me, and I turn around to face him with a gasp. What beautiful eyes.

"No, you really don't." I answer, but I feel bad about it. It felt like the heat from his hands went right into my shoulders. "That wasn't really true, so I shouldn't have said it." I mumble, and I can feel my mouth getting more and more dry by the second. Is this how it feels to feel so awkward around someone that you can't think?

"You think I'm a better player than I am." When he speaks, I blink.

"What?" I shrug my shoulders and ask. "You think it matters to me who you sleep with? I raise my eyebrows and ask. It was so convincing that you almost thought I was telling the truth. Kent sleeping around and treating girls the way he did wasn't my favorite thing, but that wasn't even close to why I didn't like being around him.

"Kent, I don't like how you treat me no matter what you nail. I'd rather you be the nicest person ever and sleep around all the time than always make fun of me or complain loudly when I'm asked to do something.

"I...." He tries to say something, but he can't, and my heart keeps beating faster and faster.

"Do you have anything to say about that?" He bites the inside of my cheek when I ask him why. "Why would you think something like that would bother me?"

"I-I don't know, I thought you might have heard the rumors and decided I was sketchy." As he talks, I shake my head.

"You think I'm one of those people who is too traditional and closed off." Even though I say it quietly, I know it's true. "You think I'm an idiot who hates people who sleep with more than one person."

"No, I-"

"Oh my god." I sigh, push his arms off of me, and turn around to go the other way.

"Julianna!" He calls out and says, "Come with me." I can hear him walking on the sidewalk with his big feet. All those weeks and hard times when I wondered if I had wrongly judged him, he seemed to think that the only thing he'd done wrong was have a bad reputation. At the end of the day, it only made things worse.

"Kent, I don't dislike you for getting around!" When I yell at him, he stops running and his chest goes up and down. "Just because I don't agree with your view on hooking up doesn't mean I think it's disgusting, whether it's true or not." I tell him in a firm tone and with my arms crossed. "I don't like you because you make me feel bad, you make me regret moving into your apartment, and every time I walk into a room, you move away from me. I hate that I don't know what to do around you because you always snap at me and say hurtful things you think I won't notice."

"Julianna, you're making too much of this." He defends and I blink.

"For a month now, I've been going through hell." His eyes get as big as saucers when I tell him. "It's been a month since I asked you how your day was going, and since then you've been rude and doing strange things. You always put me down and use me as an excuse to avoid Piper, who only likes you because of you. Then, every four or five days, you want to tell me something, walk me home, or chase me around, and I'm so sick of it." I tell you what I mean, and now that I've said it, I feel better. "And I'm sick of feeling bad about things that don't deserve it."

When I leave, I have a knot in my stomach. I had reached a strange point of tolerance with Kent, and I even gave myself a pat on the back for it, like I was the best for finally figuring out how to talk to an adult man like a person. I don't know what the hell I did.

I head home by walking down the sidewalk. I couldn't give in to him like this any longer. I was glad when he stopped yelling at me and didn't want to drive me three minutes down the road. He wasn't nice to me, and whenever I was feeling weak, he would pick on me. I'm tired of always having to be nice to him and being afraid to go home.

I'm ready to be as cruel as he is. It's been about a month. I don't have to like being with him, and I won't let myself take all the blame anymore. I won't keep telling myself that this is all my fault and that if I just changed something about myself, we might get along better.

"Julianna." I can hear a car slowing down on the street next to the sidewalk. "Julia, get in the car." I shake my head at how he won't give up. I'm too angry to enter. I can't believe I let this jerk get to me so much. Curse you, gene that makes people happy.

"Go home, Kent." I mutter to myself as I keep walking.

"Honey, get in the car," he told her. When he says it, I feel cold all over. I stop going forward and turn around to face him.

He said, "Don't you dare call me that." I answer. "Leave me alone." I add and keep walking.

Just like I thought, he stays in the car with me the whole way, even though cars behind him honk at him.

Sweetheart? Sweetheart?

Was the point to make you feel bad? I didn't know, and I wouldn't let myself think of it any other way because it would make me feel worse.

Mark is cleaning the kitchen when I walk into my apartment. When he looks at me, I immediately get red cheeks.

"Julianna?" He says, and he seems afraid. I shake my head and take my shoes off when Kent's car door closes outside. "Julianna? What's happening?" When he asks, I shake my head.

She said, "I'm sorry I got home early." I mumble. "I'm so tired that I'll just go to bed." He puts his things down when I tell him to.

"Y-you did that?" When he asks, I tell him yes. "Oh crap, I'm sorry, I thought it was Kent or Kyle. I didn't-"

I don't want to talk about it, Mark. I show him by waving my hands. "Don't feel bad." As I walk to my room, I tell him. When the screen door opens, Kent in. He looks directly into my eyes, and I shake my head. "I'm going to sleep." I give a quiet answer and start to leave.

What does Julianna do? He asks Kent, and I run to my room to get ready. I need to calm down because my head is in the clouds and I need to get back to reality.

But I knew when I said those things to him that I meant them, and I didn't think it was fair that he was so mad at me for so long and then sometimes did nice things that made me change my mind. It wasn't fair, and I knew we couldn't be friends after that, but at least I wouldn't have to keep trying.

At least I didn't have to worry all the time about what he thought.