Chapter 19: Chapter 19

"WE didn't love each other, Gideon. We only got married because I got pregnant."

I watched as his lips parted while staring at me. His blue eyes were full of shock.

I swallowed hard and continued.

"We met in a bar in New York. We had a one-night stand. After a month, I found out I got pregnant. You married me because you said you couldn't have a child out of wedlock."

I decided to tell him the same thing I told Amelia. Same lies, less mistakes, right?

"You see… that's the reason our marriage was only held in your office. There's no love between us, Gideon."

"Ugh," he grunted. He closed his eyes and winced. His forehead was in a deep crease while his hand was on his head.

Was he okay? Did I strain his memories?

"G-Gideon?"

It took a moment before he opened his eyes. I saw a storm of confusion in those blue orbs.

"If you're telling the truth, then where's the baby?" His eyes drifted to my belly. I was wearing a white button-up top and jeans. "You don't look like you're pregnant, Bianca."

I felt the tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I bit my lower lip. "I… I lost the baby, Gideon."

He gasped. "W-when?"

I cleared my throat and tried to steady my voice. "The day you got in the accident, I also lost our baby..."

"W-we were together when the accident happened?"

"No." I shook my head. "You were in Atlanta and I was here in LA. I was driving that day when Amelia called me telling me you had been in an accident…" I inhaled a sharp breath. "My car crashed into another car. I survived the accident. But I lost my b-baby."

Gideon shut his eyes. There was a pained expression on his face. "W-we had a baby…" he muttered in a pained and broken tone. "W-we had a baby… And you lost her…"

My lips parted when I saw tears escaping his eyes.

Well… I knew he was acting differently now but I still didn't expect this kind of reaction from him.

This was the first time I saw him like this. I long believed that he wasn't capable of crying. But now…

"G-Gideon." I went to him when he groaned while holding his temple.

"Gideon… are you okay?" I squatted in front of him. "Your head…" Oh, God. Maybe telling the truth to him this early was a bad idea. "Shall I call your doctor?"

"N-no need." He shook his head. "This is only a passing pain, Bianca."

He slowly opened his eyes. I was welcomed by those blue orbs that were bloodshot in tears.

"Why did you keep this to me, Bianca?" he asked, his tone broken and accusing.

I tried to stand up but his hand stopped me. My eyes landed on his hand encircling my arm.

"Amelia asked me not to tell you right away since the doctor warned us not to trigger you while you're still under observation."

I looked at him and regretted it right away. His blue eyes turned a shade darker. And they were piercing me.

"Is that why I felt like for someone who was supposed to be my wife, you've been acting cold to me?"

I swallowed and nodded. "You see, we weren't in love with each other. We were only married because of the baby and we hated each other for that."

I couldn't decipher all the emotions I saw in those eyes. "It's hard for me to pretend that I'm in love with you, Gideon. Because I don't."

"Our baby…" He whispered as he closed his eyes again.

A pang of guilt struck me as I heard those words from him.

He's not yours, Gideon. But I couldn't tell you the whole truth right now. I'm sorry.

"Where could we find her grave?"

"She's buried in the family mausoleum."

An hour later, Gideon and I were both in front of my baby's grave.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I placed a bouquet of fresh flowers on the marbled tomb.

'Hi… baby. I'm here again. And I have someone here with me. This man beside me is Gideon. He's my husband. Please forgive me for telling him you're his.'

"H-hi… baby."

I heard Gideon beside me. I swallowed the guilt building up in my throat. I knew what I did was wrong. But telling him the truth right now would only bring complications.

"I'm your D-daddy, little bean. "

I shut my eyes as I listened to the man beside me.

"I'm sorry…"

I didn't know what to react as I watched Gideon cry over my baby.

You know. It was like watching something impossible happening right in front of my eyes.

Four months ago, if someone told me that Gideon Henry was capable of crying, I would surely laugh at that person.

"Baby Girl Henry…" Gideon turned to me. His blue eyes were filled with tears. "She didn't have a name?"

I shook my head. "She was only f-four months old. I hadn't come up with a name when the accident happened."

"How was she? H-have you seen her?"

I couldn't help the tears that escaped my eyes. "I was still in the hospital when they buried her. It was Charlie who arranged for everything."

Damn. Our situation was really fucked up, wasn't it? Charlie, who didn't know that he was the real father of my baby.

And Gideon here, who thought he was the real father.

Now, with Gideon's lost memory, I was the only one who knew the truth.

"I'm sorry, my daughter. I'm sorry I forgot about you. I'm sorry for only coming here now. I'm sorry I failed to protect you…"

His voice was so broken. He looked like a child weeping. I couldn't help but be stupefied as I watched him. I couldn't believe he was capable of these emotions.

For months, I've known him as nothing but a devil personified. Cunning, cruel, ruthless. But now… here he was.

He'd completely transform into a different person.

I didn't know that people are capable of changing after they lost their memories.

Or maybe this was the other side of Gideon Henry?

That behind his merciless aura lies a soft person? Maybe he's not a monster after all?

I silently shook my head.

No. He's a monster. I should not forget all the things he did to me. This Gideon I was dealing with right now… This is not the real him.

Gideon looked at me. His face was now dried. But remnants of tears were visible in the corner of his eyes.

"I'm sorry… Bianca. You're my wife. But I failed to protect you… and our baby."

"It's not your fault the baby lost." I swallowed the lump in my throat.

No matter how much I wanted to blame Gideon for what happened, in the end, I couldn't deny that it was not entirely his fault. That was on me. I had failed to protect my baby.

He took my hand. I stiffened when I felt his calloused fingers on mine.

"No." I let out a sad smile. "I feel like I failed as a husband. Amelia said I was in Atlanta. What kind of husband was I when I managed to leave my very pregnant wife?"

I turned to him. I wanted to laugh at what he just said. He had been really acting the exact opposite of the Gideon I knew.

The warm wind touched my skin.

"Let's stop talking about the past, Gideon," I dismissed him.

"You said we didn't love each other, right?" His eyes continued to linger on me. "That we only got married because you got pregnant…"

"That's right."

"But now our baby's gone…"

I blinked my eyes. Was he going to suggest divorce?

Amelia asked me not to mention to him my plan for a divorce. But if he's the one who's going to mention it now…

My brows furrowed. "What are you trying to say, Gideon?"

"I figured we started on the wrong foot, Bianca." His lips tugged in a small smile. "But we could start again. Let's make our marriage right, this time."

My lips parted. This was not… This was not what I expected him to say. "W-what are you talking about?"

"You said we don't really love each other. That there's no love between the two of us." I felt him gently caress my knuckles. "But we're together, Bianca. Let's try to fall in love with each other."

My jaw almost dropped to the ground. "You don't know what you're talking about, Gideon." I took away my hand from him.

"We're a married couple, Bianca. The least we could do is to make our marriage work."

He glanced at the grave in front us before his eyes drifted back to me. "I'm sure our baby in heaven would be happy to witness that her parents are working on their relationship?"

I opened and closed my mouth. Then let out an incredulous chuckle.

"I swear, Gideon. You don't know what you're talking about right now. Y-you hated me before you lost your memory."

"Why did I hate you?" he asked, his brows furrowed. "You didn't tell me the reason."

"Because you didn't want me as a wife. And the feeling was mutual. I didn't want you as a husband, either. I already told you, there's just no love between us."

He raised his eyebrows. "I don't think we truly hate each other, Bianca."

"What?" I scoffed. "Do you think I'm just lying to you?"

"If we manage to have a baby, surely, there's an attraction between us, Bianca."

What the… I didn't know how and what to react to that.

"You know, the first time I saw you in the hospital, something stirred inside me. That's why it's hard for me to believe that I hated you."

His eyes remained on me. Those blue orbs were piercing my whole being.

"You're my wife. I've already decided. I'll make you fall in love with me."