Chapter 12: Chapter 12

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Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you

I was really happy these last few weeks. And when I say happy, it means genuinely happy that I could burst into laughter all day long or simply smile for no reason.

It was the kind of happiness I felt back in high school with my friends, and I'd admit with my family too even though our love at home is tough. I never thought I could be this happy again, like I was floating.

I actually hate it because I don't like this kind of feeling. I know where it would lead me. I don't want to be happy again for no reason because I fear that after long days of happiness, there would be an endless pain.

I tried hard to fight back the happiness, really did. But, I failed. I guess you can never really fake happiness, and you can never tell yourself to be sad when you are genuinely happy.

I'm not complaining or something. It's just I am afraid that later when I leave this trailer, I will be crying.

"What's the problem?" Loud asked as he chewed the French toast, which is definitely my favorite breakfast with egg, bacon, strawberry jam, and fresh milk.

"I thought it's your favorite breakfast? I let Zee get the case from me in exchange for your favorite breakfast and you would just frown in front of me?" He seems annoyed.

"Why would you do that?"

"Do what?" He acted innocent.

I want to curse him, and hit him in his head for him to realize that we shouldn't be like this. I mean, sooner he's going to take revenge on my family and...and that will make us grow apart.

"This? Don't act innocent, okay? Let's stop pretending."

"I am not pretending, Gabby. You're the one pretending you don't like this..." He sighed. "You're the one pretending you don't like me, Gabby. I told you...I love you."

"I know!" I rolled my eyes. He'd been telling me that for the last months, and not just by words but also by actions that I would truly - really like to believe it was real. Only if I don't know what will happen next.

"How real is it?"

I almost melted when I seriously said, "If I could only open my heart and give it to you, I'll do it."

"My family killed your mother," I said, though I wasn't sure about it. I hope it's not true because I would hate them more than I hate them now.

"It's not you who did it," he replied. "I will get my revenge, but it will not stop me from loving you. Okay?"

"Psh!" I scowled. "Whatever!" I grabbed the toast and started eating.

I stopped when he laughed a little. "What?"

"When will you admit that you're falling for me too, or that you also like me?"

"I don't like you," I firmly stated.

"Oh, great. So, you love me too--" I didn't let him finish his sentence. I put the bread in his mouth.

"I will hit you if you say another word," I warned him.

He stared at me while chewing the bread. He didn't say a word, but his playful eyes told me he's mocking me. Damn him! Why do I need to meet this guy?

I continued eating the breakfast he prepared. I focused on staying still and giving no expression, so he wouldn't notice that I enjoyed the food. There's no way I'd tell him that he's a good cook.

"Gabby," he sweetly said after he finished his food.

I turned to him as I sipped my coffee. I could sense he was carefully choosing his words before opening his mouth.

"Don't be afraid to be happy. You deserve to glow with happiness." he smiled, those bright smile I could stare at forever and wish I could wear too every day.

I closed my eyes for a second, inhaled, and changed the topic. It's too dramatic for me to handle. I don't want drama.

"What's the date today?"

"Don't you have a calendar on your phone?" He stood up and went inside the trailer to check his phone.

Don't tell me he forgot about this day? Oh, right! I remembered he sucks at dates.

I took the opportunity to get the box I've hidden between the windows.

"It's August 12." he said as he stepped down the trailer.

I immediately handed the rectangular box to him as soon as he faced me. He gave me a confusing look as I avoided his gaze.

"What's this?" He scanned it. "Hmm, let me guess." He excitedly said as he opened it. "Damn! It's a Lumintop LED medical penlight! Where did you get this? It's expensive--"

"Happy Birthday, Loud," I softly whispered and quickly went inside the shower before he could continue.

---

"Can you just quit your other jobs?"

Loud kept on mentioning that since I joined their band, Everglow. It wasn't on my plan, but since they offered a regular gig and regular events every month, I decided to join. Of course, money is everything. I also need to save for my law school.

"Why would I agree with you?" I said without looking at him.

"Definitely because you have a lot of things to do, and you don't get enough rest," he added with concern. "Look, you have a lot of readings." He pointed at the files of papers around me as I continued reading my study notes.

"I'm fine. I've been doing this for the last few years. I only have two terms left, so why would I give up just now?"

I was speechless when he said, "You have me now."

"S-so?" I rolled my eyes. Fck! Why am I stuttering again?

"So, you're blushing!" He teased and laughed.

I couldn't react because it was true. I could feel the heat filling my cheeks. I hate my skin complexion! Damn!

"Why won't you admit that you also like me?"

"Why would I do that if it's not true?"

"Cause you're a liar."

I glared at him. "I'm studying. Go somewhere!"

He blinked and made faces while still teasing me.

I brushed my hair in frustration and tried hard to ignore his presence.

"C'mon, stop working at the hotel. You can keep the bistro since we have our gigs here."

He started deciding like it was his life. Why is he so manipulative?

"You can keep writing papers for them too, and what else is your job? Ah, yeah! You can also stop--"

"Why would I obey you?" I raised a brow. He's getting on my nerves! I have a lot of things to read and do, and he's disturbing my inner peace. I couldn't concentrate.

"So, you can have more time with me."

I stared at him in disbelief. He would be the death of me. I was supposed to knock some sense on him when I heard my name - I wished I didn't hear.

"Is that your sister, Gwen? Oh my god!"

I flipped my hair as I turned to them. They stopped in front of us with their scornful look.

"I thought this was a five-star hotel. Why is there trash in the lobby?" She crossed her arms.

If I remember correctly, they have been my sister's bitch friends since high school. The girl who recognized me was named Heather, while the one who called me trash was named Dahlia. They're all pretty but with a low intelligent quotient.

I am pathetic, yet I believe they're more pathetic trying to bring down someone because they thought they were above me. Duh!

"Oh, so she's working here?" They scanned me from head to toe. "Why are they allowing her to stay in the lobby? Why is she even allowed to work here?" Heather frowned.

"You're not the owner, so screw you!" I replied.

"How dare you talk to me like that?! You're just an employee here! I can fire you!"

She was supposed to hit me when Loud caught her arms.

"Don't you dare!" He warned her with a deadly stare.

"Who the hell are you?" Heather pulled her hand and stared at Loud.

"I'm her boyfriend," he seriously replied.

I cursed in my mind. Wtf! Of all the things he could say, why that?

"Boyfriend? Really?" Gwen finally dived into the conversation with an interesting look. I already know what she's thinking, and this is not good.

"Since when did you plan on having a boyfriend, my little sister?"

"Since when did you care?" I responded. "It's none of your business, so go mind your own."

"Your sister really is a bitch!" Dahlia clicked her tongue. "Do you want to lose your job today? I can do that. Where's the manager?"

I smirked. "Go on, fire me."

"You can't fire her here," Gwen stressed. "Zendaya Corporation owned this hotel. Unfortunately, Zack Zendaya gave her immunity."

"Crap! That's boring!" Heather rolled her eyes.

"It's not boring! It's actually nice seeing my sister here, and her boyfriend, what's your name?"

I stopped Loud from saying anything.

"My life is no longer your business when I leave home." I picked all my things and pulled Loud away from the hotel.

---

"Why are you suddenly packing your things?" Loud asked in annoyance as he tried to bring back the clothes I put inside my traveling bag.

"You just saw your sister, and you're leaving? What the hell is that?" He grabbed my wrist and tried to make me face him. "Is that because I said I am your boyfriend?"

I stopped fighting and turned to him.

"You shouldn't have said that," I groaned in frustration. "Of all the things you can say, why that?"

I felt weak.

"Why? Let's make it true then. Let's date!" he firmly said.

"You don't understand me."

"Make me understand you."

I shook my head. "I'm leaving, okay? Thank you for everything, but let us stay as strangers again."

"No, you will not leave until you tell me why you need to leave." He pulled me as I struggled to walk away from him.

"Please, just let me go. I'm doing this because of you," I sobbed.

He slowly let go of his grip when he noticed my tears. His eyes were a mixture of concern and surprise.

"Hey, why are you crying?" He panicked.

I wiped my tears. I tried hard to stop it, but I just can't.

He wrapped me in his arms. I want to stay close to him and feel all the happiness in the world.

He's the reason why I still want to fight every morning. When I met him, I felt like I had no reason to give up because if I did, I won't be able to prove to him that my family is innocent. Or maybe, it wasn't that. It was the fact that I wanted to help him, make him better because he'd given me glow.

Yet, I pushed him. And, I will continue to send him away if that means he will be out of trouble.

"Why?" He yelled. "Why are you pushing me away?"

"You know what," I looked closely look at him. "I told myself I should stay away from you because you are trouble, and I don't like trouble in my life," I sniffed. "But, the truth is I am trouble, Loud. I am, so stay away from me."

"I love trouble," he simply smiled like it wasn't a big deal.

"Do you understand the risk you took when you told my sister you're my boyfriend?"

"You're a beautiful risk I am willing to take."

Damn! He's making it hard for me. I shouldn't have let myself get attached to him. I should have stayed away from him the first time we met.

"Please, don't make it hard for me," I begged.

I never thought I would say this in a situation like this, but yeah, this and the things that will come after this is the reason why I couldn't admit it.

"I love you, so let me stay away from you."