Chapter 78: Chapter 78

Chapter 78 A house is a house

I would have to show back up to work eventually, and I figured it would be best to do it sooner rather than later. I just would have to push my humiliation to the side and go in and face Dagger with a strong face.

I've put on a strong face all my life, so this will be no different.

Walking into the shop the next morning, I go straight to his office, where, like I predicted, he is sitting. I stand in the doorway of his little office, waiting for him to look up from whatever paperwork he is currently filling out.

It's like he senses my presence, and when he looks up, he smiles sadly at me, pity is clear in his eyes.

"M-may I have a seat?" I ask nervously.

He nods. "Yes, of course."

I don't know how to begin or where, so I spurt the first words that comes to mind. "Look, about yesterday, I-I understand if you want to fire me-"

"Lily, no. I'm going to be blunt here, alright? It's obvious you have had a rough life, everyone can see it. We all have our breaking points, and it was clear your reached yours on that stage last night. How can I blame you for that?" Dagger asks, raising his eyebrows.

I wasn't expecting that reaction at all.

"I-I guess you're right, but, I wasted everyone's time! I wasted your time and your money and resources, and not to mention my pride. That was so humiliating, how can I even go back out there on the stage after what has happened?" I babble, hiding my face in hands.

"You didn't waste anyone's time, Lily, don't worry. That's the last thing you should be worrying about right now. And as for the humiliation....I get it. I really do get it. But what everyone saw up there last night was the real you. They saw you for who you really are. Imperfect, passionate, beautifully broken-"

"That's not making me feel any better."

"I'm not quite finished yet. You know, you see all these singers nowadays singing about songs that were given to them, songs that carry no real meaning to them, songs that.....songs that are practically worthless in their hands. But for you? You're much different. You can connect to these songs. Your emotions are real, valuable, genuine.....and for everyone to see your struggles up on that stage, makes the songs just that more meaningful and powerful."

I blink a few times. I guess....I guess I never really thought of it that way. But that still doesn't change the fact that my humiliation will still linger for a bit. Especially, that everyone knows there's something wrong with me.

Dagger speaks again. "Don't expect to be perfect on that stage. Perfection doesn't exist. Rather, be you on that stage. Pour your heart out while singing, because not only could it change your life, but someone else's, too."

"Wow....I actually don't really know what to say." I state, being honest with him. I mean, what is there to say in positions like this?

He smiles slightly and I thank him for everything. I am truly grateful for the few kind people in this world, they truly help me get through each day with a hopeful heart.

"And Lily, if you ever want to talk about something, I'm here for you. You carry quite the bit of weight of burdens, and if you ever need anything....?" He trails off.

"Oh, no. I-I'm actually thinking of getting on welfare just for a bit, it would really help me get back on my feet since....since my life went to hell." I tell him. He doesn't need to offer me anything more, he's done quite enough for me already.

"Alright. Just remember, if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me."

"Thank you, Dagger."

"It's really not a problem." He replies.

"Come back tonight?" I ask.

"Come back tonight." He states.

Looks like I still have a job, after all.

* * *

That day, I registered for welfare. They told me I would be receiving my check by the end of the week, and I was excited. I could get an apartment, and even though it would be a dumpy one, I don't care.

A house is a house.

I hadn't slept in a house for a long time now, and I couldn't wait until I'll finally be able to. Unfortunately, the apartments are dumps, located in the darker parts of town. Obviously, the nicer buildings will be located in the safer, richer parts of town and the dumpier buildings will be located in the poor, more dangerous parts of town.

But I can live with it.

My life hasn't been safe for the longest time, so I could manage.

And when I finally did retrieve my check by the end of the week, I was ecstatic. My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. The check felt like a weight in my hands, and when I cashed it, I felt a sense of hope.

The hope burned through my veins and I had to force myself from skipping down the street like an eight year old child.

The public already thinks I'm weird enough, I honestly don't need to add to their suspicions.

The keys of the apartment I had decided to rent was handed to me that evening. The apartment was dirty, very dirty. From the outside, the planks of wood it was made of was peeling off and chipped. The paint was practically gone and the drainage pipes were molding.

From the inside, it wasn't much better. It was dark, dingy, and dusty. Cockroach and rat traps were placed along the walls, and when I opened the door to my room, it wasn't much better.

It was empty, lacking in everything.

The kitchen was tiny and dusty. The white tiles of the floors was completely stained with I don't even want to know what. The living room matched the kitchen, in that it was tiny and dirty.

I'm starting to see a pattern here.

Tiny, dirty, trappy. If that's even a word. My eyes widened when I saw a fat, large grey rat scurrying across the floor towards my feet.

I gasped and out of reaction, I kicked the creature, and it went flying against the wall, squeaking like crazy. It hit the floor with a loud, painful thud and I cowered back into the wall.

"Crap! Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" I exclaim, covering my mouth in shock as I watch the rat twitch on the ground.

"Are you dead?" I whisper, unsure of whether or not I should emerge forth from my place.

After it hadn't moved for a good couple minutes, I walked forwards. My eyes found a broom in the corner of the room and I approached it, the stick part of the broom facing forwards towards the rat.

"Oh god. Why do these creatures exist?" I mutter under my breath. My eyes are wide as I poke the rat with the end of the broom.

It didn't move.

"Ratatouille? Crap, I killed Ratatouille." Calm down, Lily. You sound so stupid right now.

I sigh in relief, and I set my broom against the wall and dust off my hands. Well that was quite eventful. I'll....I'll pick up the body later when I go to the lobby and ask for a trash bag.

I investigate the bedroom, there's only one bedroom, and it's small. But I don't care, all I care about is the comfortable bed that sits there, dusty, worn, and bed bug infested - No.

No.

Don't think like that. My skin is already itching at the thought. Positive thoughts, Lily. Positive. Thoughts. Now.

I strip the sheets of the bed, expecting to find the worst.

But, to my surprise, it's actually pretty clean. All I have to do is wash the sheets and pillowcases, and it's good. "I can live with this." I say out loud, nodding in approval.

After I strip the sheets, and walk out of the bedroom with an armful. I leave my room where I find the laundry mat and start a load of laundry. Creepy people linger in the laundry mat, but in general, everyone just minds their own business.

People glance at me, noticing I'm the new one here. They don't exactly look very friendly, but....I guess I didn't really expect them to be.

I request a trash bag in the lobby, I can't forget about that body bag for Ratatouille that has fallen in my kitchen.

I have nothing to do while I wait for the laundry cycle to be completed, so I walk back up to my apartment, located on the second floor, and open the door to retrieve the body of the rat I had accidentally lifted my foot and kicked.

I open my door.

And I scream.

I run out of the room, slamming the door behind me. The trash bag is dropped and my breathing is heavy.

The rat's body....it's gone!

Oh frick! I'm going to have to live with that....that thing?! Dammit, now I need a new name for it....Jesus. Jesus will suffice, because the rat rose from the dead.

I inwardly scold myself for deciding to name the rat. Get a grip, Lily. You've dealt with a lot more worse things than a damn giant rat. March in there like the queen you are.

With a sigh, I head back into my apartment. The room isn't going to clean itself, so I decided to pass the time by cleaning and dusting.

And I wasn't even surprised when I heard the rat scratching from the inside of the walls.

Jesus will be the death of me.

* * *

Around a week later, I was walking down the streets with an armful of grocery bags. I bought things to make sandwiches and I was starving.

I hadn't seen Colton for the entire week. I was a bit worried, inwardly hoping he hadn't gotten himself hurt, or worse, even killed.

I'm not going to deny that he's compelling, because he is. He's compelling in every way. He's mysterious, good looking, and....though he acted like he didn't care about anything, he did.

He had sat with me that night I had my mental breakdown and listened to me, and....it felt good.

That's why I was relieved to see him show up on the streets. He stopped me, as if he wanted to talk.

But when I saw him, I noticed he had fading bruises all over his face. They adorned his cheekbones and his nose was a bit crooked.

"Colton? What happened to your face?" I sputter out before I can stop myself.

"Nothing. Where have you been?" He asks stoically.

"I-I have been around like always. I actually got an apartment not far from here." I reply, grinning.

His stoic expression doesn't change.

"U-Uhm....want some lunch? I bought bread?" I ask him awkwardly.

"Why are you being nice to me? What the hell do you want from me?" He asks, his voice shaky and suddenly becoming angry.

"What?" I ask, astonished, "Nothing, Colton. What could I possibly want from you?"

He tenses his jaw and looks down in shame. "Forget it."

I freeze, not knowing how to react.

So, I react in the only way I know how to. Nervous, babble filled, childish tendencies. Wait....nervous?

"So, what about those sandwiches?"

He still didn't look convinced.

"Hang on, look," I say, setting the brown grocery bags down and pulling out the fresh bag of bread, "See? Bread. I can make you a sandwich and show you my new apartment." I wave the bread around in his face and snatches the bread from my hands.

I'm not sure exactly why I did that. It was awkward and a bit....embarrassing on my part.

"Alright, whatever. Show me your damn apartment." He mutters under his breath.

I smile. "Follow me, then."

* * *

Colton seemed....oddly tense when he saw my apartment. He was fidgety and he avoided eye contact with me at all costs. His demeanor had quickly changed, and to see him go from his tough, bad boy attitude to vulnerable, it concerned me.

"Are you alright?" I ask him.

"Yes. I'm fine." He replies, his voice shaky. His breathing had become more labored, and I noticed how his shoulders visibly rose and fell with each breath.

"Okay, well, we can make the sandwiches now, do you want one?" I ask him hesitantly.

He nods, not looking at me. "Yes, let's go to the living room....it's bigger and....n-not dark." He whispered the last part, making me shiver.

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly how I fucking said it, don't ask me about it." He hisses, brushing past me.

"Sorry." I whimper pathetically, following behind him and into the kitchen.

I forced him to help me make the sandwiches, and he begrudgingly complied. I smiled as I watched him cutting the tomatoes. Tendrils of his brown hair fell into his face and his eyebrows were scrunched together.

His hands were large and calloused, and I watched as the muscles in his arms contracted as he sliced the fruit. He was wearing a short sleeved grey shirt today, revealing a little more to my eyes.

He glanced up and I quickly averted my eyes away from him. Smooth, Lily. Real smooth.

Once our sandwiches were done, I smiled awkwardly. "Bon appetite." I took a bite of my sandwich and I watched as he did, too. It was a small bite, as if he was being cautious.

"So, do you like my new place? It's much better than the streets, don't you think?" I ask him.

He shrugs, his face becoming suddenly pale. "It's fine."

"Agreed."

Suddenly, a loud scratching sound fills the air. It sounds like nails against a hard surface, and that's exactly what it is.

I sigh. Not again.

"What the hell was that?" Colton asks, looking around.

"Don't be afraid, it's only Jesus again."

"What?"

"Oh crap! Sorry, you probably think I'm really weird now. But it's a rat that....that I thought I killed but it's actually alive." I babble.

"You named a rat." It wasn't a question.

"No, well....sorta."

He turns his attention back to his sandwich, a rare, small smile spread across his face. Just as he's about to take a bite, his eyes glance upwards towards me. "You are a different woman."

I laugh nervously. "Different how? In a good way or different in a bad way?"

"Good."

I smile, feeling flattered and good about myself for once. "Oh, I've never had anyone tell me that before. Usually everyone thinks I'm different in an....odd way."

"What? I was talking about this sandwich, it's pretty good. But you are definitely different in an odd way, so I guess I can't blame them." He says, shrugging as he chews his food.

I choose to hide behind my amused smile.