Chapter 54: Chapter 54

Chapter 54 Glares of my family

"Lily Coleman, please arise."

I arise from my stand, my head hanging low and my hair falling in my face. My wrists are shackled in front of me and I am clothed in the orange prison jumpsuit.

I can feel the glares of my family and the shame that falls upon my shoulders. I can feel the guilt eating me alive and the tears that beg to spill from my eyes.

The room is so quiet, you could hear a pen drop.

I already know what the verdict is. I already know and yet, I am anxious to hear it being confirmed. I am anxious to hear it because maybe, it will finally soak in that this is now my reality. That I'm still actually alive and that this isn't all some sort of cruel joke or a nightmare.

"We find the defendant guilty of manslaughter in the first degree. She will be facing five years of imprisonment with a possibility of parole."

I close my eyes when I hear the cries of the family that has been affected by this tragedy. You deserve this. Feel pain. Feel it. You deserve to die in the worst way possible. My conscience screeches.

As I am escorted out of the courthouse, my parents don't even look at me. They turn their backs on me and I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears in. Owen looks back at me and shakes his head, ashamed of me.

He too, turns his back on me.

As the officer pushes me out of the courtroom, the mother of the little boy that died because of me walks up to me. She raises her hand against me and slaps me. Hard.

It stings and I can't hold my cheek because my wrists are now handcuffed behind my back.

I'm so ashamed. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." I murmur, looking into her raging eyes. Slap me again. Punch me. Stab me. Murder me. I deserve it all.

She raises her hand on me once more, and I don't move or flinch when her hand impacts my face once more. My face jerks to the side and I bite through my bottom lip to suppress the groan of pain.

The mother is quickly escorted away by officers, and she struggles in their arms. "Fuck you bitch! You took him from me! You took my baby from me! You deserve the worst cell in prison and you deserve to rot in hell!" She screams, her voice hysterical and overcome with grief.

My own heart shatters at the pain in her voice.

"Come on." The officer whispers in my ear, urging me to walk faster. I taste blood from my split lip and my tears land on my shoes with each step I take.

Once again, I'm seated in the back of a police car, looking up into the grey sky with sad eyes. Rain falls on the earth and drenches the ground like my tears. Droplets form on the window of the car and I watch as they tumble and roll down the glass.

I feel empty.

It's such an odd, scary feeling.

I once had everything, but now....now look at me.

I now have nothing.

My family has disowned my. My boyfriend has rejeted me. My friends have disappeared. The life that I knew has suddenly turned their backs on me.

The record deal I worked so hard for has been called off.

Was everything that I had fake?

Was my family just fake all along? And my friends, what about my friends? Aren't these types of people supposed to stick with you through it all? Were they all just faking their love for me?

Because where are they now? Where are they now when I need them the most?

Where are they?

Where are they....why....why did they do this to me. Why did I do this to myself?

The only one I can understand a bit is Owen. I mean, why would anyone want to date someone who is prison? Surely, one such as me, would tarnish his reputation. Surely, it wouldn't work because being in prison is like a long distance relationship.

It's nearly impossible.

Besides, I don't want to hold him back.

He deserves a girl who can treat him right and be there for him. As of now....I can't do that.

Why did the little boy have to die? He died by my hands, he died because of me, it's all my fault. He was so young with a future ahead of him and I....

I crushed it.

I crushed his life.

I crushed his family's happiness.

But I not only took his life that one day, but also his grandmother's.

What have I done? This pain....I can't take it.

We finally reach the women's prison. Tall fencing with spiked, sharp barbed wire is wrapped around the top of the fence in thick rolls, ensuring proper security just in case anyone decides to challenge the fencing.

The prison is grey and sits in a dead, dry field surrounded by the tall, scary looking fencing. The roads are gravel and several guards open up the many gates that are locked for us as we drive through.

When we get closer, I see prisoners clothed in orange being called back to their cells as their new prisoner, me, approaches.

Once I'm dragged out of the vehicle, I'm taken inside and I am registered into the prison. My fingerprints are taken and such, but I didn't pay attention much. Everything feels so unreal. Like this is a dream.

Prisoner number 122100. My orange jumpsuit says in black letters on the right breast pocket. I am now nothing but a number and nothing more than a nameless face in a women's prison that has held thousands.

I am then taken to my cell. Rows and rows of cells with prisoners of nearly all ages and colors are confined in them. Some of them are sleeping, others whisper to their cell mates, and some meet their gazes with mine and glare at me.

Some of the women look innocent like they don't belong here, while others look mean and scary. Some are even clothed in tattoos that consists of skulls, dragons, and the devil.

I will probably have a cell mate. I hope she's not too mean.

But luck is not on my side.

Because I've got two cell mates in which I can tell they already hate me. One of the cell mates is Latina, her eyes are fiery and her hair is long, dark, and wavy. The other woman has tan skin and brown hair that's tied into a bun. She too, glares at me.

And yet I decide to open my mouth.

I do a shy little wave. "Hi, I'm Lily."

I inwardly facepalm myself. Shut up, Lily, You're not in Kindergart-"

I'm cut off from my thoughts when the Latina woman slams my back against the wall and pins me by my throat.

"Woah t-there." I stutter nervously.

She looks my right in the eyes, tendrils of her dark hair in her eyes and she breaths harshly like an angered mustang.

"Look, we do not care who you are. We do not care what your name is. We do not care how you got in here. We do not care about your life nor do we want to hear about it. Leave us be and we will leave you be." She hisses.

"Uh-uhm....okay, yeah...sure." I stutter. This woman scares me.

She doesn't say anything and releases her hold on me. I can now breathe properly and I take a nice, intake of air and rub my neck to relieve myself from the uncomfortable feeling of her hands that seem to still linger there.

Both women turn their backs on me and sit on their bunks. One of the women reads some random world news magazine while the other woman lays back onto her bunk.

I sigh and press my lips into a thin line and look around. There is one more bunk left and I decide to take the top bunk. The bed is small and hard and I lay down on my back, looking at the ceiling.

Home sweet home....

For the rest of the day, it is rather boring. Not much to do, however, there is "free time" where the prisoners are released into a large courtyard overrun by dead weeds that grow from the cracks of the pavement.

There's also some old rickety basketball hoops with no net attached to them, so a few of the prisoners choose to shoot some baskets and form small teams for basketball under the watchful eyes of guards.

I sit alone, with my back against the cold concrete wall of the prison. I watch people. Some of them talk in small groups, while others are alone just as I am.

I hug my knees to my chest and watch with wide eyes as a fight breaks out between two women. Prisoners gather around to watch the spectacle take place. Shouts and yells sound from the fight, and I watch as guards separate the two women.

One guard escorts a woman with an angry look carved into her face as blood drips from her nose. She turns and shouts obscenities at her attacker, who looks smug that she was able to get a few good hits in before the guards stopped her.

I sit near the back door of the courtyard, and I watch as the guard takes the bloodied woman inside. "What are you looking at?" She spits at me, glaring as she does so.

I quickly cut my gaze from her eyes.

I feel like a small gazelle in lion territory. All these women seem so tough and intimidating. I'm neither quality, and I fear I will be take advantage of because of that.

I'm fresh meat.

The sound of several shrill whistles going off sounds in the air. I look around, confused at what is happening until I see guards escorting the prisoners back inside. I decide to follow the crowd, and we all end up being escorted back into our cells for the rest of the day.

At around seven that night, everyone gathers in the cafeteria to eat a meal. Most people talk quietly with one another while others do not talk at all. When we were locked back into our cells for the night, I couldn't sleep.

The mattress was small, thin, and hard. The blanket was thin, also, and it smelled of lice repellent. One of my cell mates snored like a bear throughout the entire night, and so my eyes remained wide awake.

What a wonderful first night.

When exhaustion finally did take me, I dreamed of a man.

I dreamed of the man.

The man with piercing, cold blue eyes and a heart and soul as black as sin.