Chapter 74: Chapter 74
"Ummi, sit right we need to talk about something important. And please, don't freak about it; every comes as Allah plans it for his servant." Maami patted the space beside her in Ihsan's room, where Ummi was silently laying at the end of the bed, deep in her thoughts.
Ummi felt a pang in her chest and thought of the possible reason that would make Maami want to talk to her in the eeriness of this night. Shouldn't they be sleeping by now? Could be it ahout Al-amin being crying? Or is she going to tell her the reason behind his glumness so far? Is he dying? Is she going to lose her lifeline? He has an incurable disease?
"Don't freak, it's nothing related to what your weird mind is telling you about. I need to get your attention here, Ummi." Maami took a hold of Ummi's hand and she helped her sat upright.
"I'm all ears, Maami." Ummi managed to spoke through her erratically beating heart and profusely sweating palms.
"First of all; I'd start apologizing to you for Al-amin's cruel behaviors towards you for the past sic months. And I'd love to appreciate your patience and effort in hiding the beef you had between you and your husband whenever I visited or you came or when I called to ask for your well-being. It was truly a picture of a true and real wife." Maami felt tears pooling the brink of her eyes, she sniffed them back and engulfed Ummu into a side hug. This generation, having a wife like Ummi would be something she would like to call an impossible task. She defined the ayah 'hunna libasun lakum, wa antum libasun lahum' she'd forever thank Allah for blessing Al-amin with a wife like her.
"Oh Maami," Ummu drawled, hearing Maami's cracked voice.
"Forgive him, Ummi, he wasn't in his right senses. I know he wasn't bewitched or something; but surely, he was under the influence of a wrong information. He told me everything, the things he saw with his eyes; the things he saw being sent to you, and every other thing he used as an evidence."
Ummi abruptly peeled off her body away from Maami's. What does this mean? He isn't getting a single imformation from where this conversation comes from nor where it's getting to. Did Al-amin really told Maami about all that happened between them? Did he told her he believed it all and they just bounced back or he told her he didn't?
"Don't be bothered. He heard who was behind all those thing. It was Hajia and Laila..." And Maami told her about every single Information Al-amin told her. Not omitting a single line. She told her about his lamentation, how he couldn't face Ummi without feeling a strong urge of hatred towards himself.
Ummi had been crying for the past thirty minutes without stopping to take in her breath. How could they? What have she ever done to them to deserve the whole six months of torture and pain? Just what have she ever done to them for this?
She believed her fault was loving Al-amin. She loved the man whose blood is exact as the blood that runs through their veins. She loved the man whom was supposed to be loved by Laila, not a plain and naïve her. And adding more salt to the wound, she married him. She married Al-amin when he was supposed to be married by Laila; not getting herself a co wife, but she lived alone in his house for months.
What else do they need from her? Since he has loved her back with so much intensity Ummi doubt he has ever loved her with. What else? When he has married her and she has more position and power in the house than herself? Isn't that all a girl needs in her husband house? But how could they stoop so low in making her life a living hell without her realm on what they all did? This is pure and sheer wickedness.
"You ought to cry, Ummi; I wouldn't stop you from crying wallahi. But as I said early; I'm sorry, Al-amin is sorry; we don't have the words to apologize to you, Ummi." Maami cleared off her tears and engulfed Ummi into a hug. How she was crying profusely, even how her body shakes screams sheer melancholy. It was true, her son was a devil.
Ummi cleared off her tears and looked at a crying Maami. She might've not had all the love she needed from Al-amin, but one thing she would forever be sure about is; her husband's mother loves her to the core of infinity, and she have to thank Allah for that.
"It's okay, Maami. I was just baffled; wallahi I've never done anything to any of them. Do I deserved what they done to me? Just because I'm married to the man she married? Not even for a day did I ever thought Laila nor Hajia could be involved in all this, but what would I say now? Ya Rabb!" She is out of the idea, what would she say? What it is supposed of her to do? Is she to smile at Maami and says it's alright? Or just shook her head and says she has forgiven them all? She doesn't know, and for once; she'll do something for herself without caring about what people will say or feel.
"You just need to calm down; let this seep into you slowly. Don't be reminiscing about all the things that happened in the past between you and Al-amin; else, you'll never forgive any of them." Maami advised, pulling Ummi away from her body and she took a hold of her both shoulders.
"Maami, can we have a talk? A talk between a mother and daughter? Not as inlaws? I need my mom right now; but she's kilometers away from me, and I can explode by tomorrow before I get to her." Ummi cried and slumped herself on Maami's body. Just how could she start thinking of all this? It's too small for a fragile heart like hers. She could still feel the taste of Al-amin's fingers on her cheeks the day he slapped her because she broke a glass Laila was trying to feed him with.
All came back to her. The words she could swear were rupturing every single piece of mountain she thought she has as a heart. She could feel the stares he always sends her way in an early morning with so much hatred and disgust dancing in his orbs; taunting at midnight to a dream of despair. She could still feel his touches towards Laila, and how they are slowly serving a fire ablaze at the right side under her breast.
"You can talk to me Ummi, even of you weren't married to Al-amin I take you as none other than my own daughter. So tell me, what is it that you want?" Maami asked and lovingly fixed her eyes on her daughter in-law that seemed to be exchanged with a completely broken woman.
What was in Ummi's heart was nothing other than what could break the remaining piece of the whole stone she has in her heart. And she didn't urged in gulping back the words as they rushed to the pipeline of her throat, she vented them out.
"I'm tired of this marriage. I want to be out of it, out of this state, out of this country, and if possible; I want to be out of this continent that could be reminding me of the life I lived. I want to be in a far beyond everyone's reach. I want to be in a place I alone could live; none other than me and my thoughts. I'm emotionally drained."
She's tired and exhausted. How could she start telling this woman sitting beside her with so much love and empathy towards her that her son she thought had truly lamented did nothing sort of lamentation? How could she explained to her that he started thinking twice of all he saw and heard due to the persistence of his sexual desires? How could she tell her that this man felt guilty because she had his child peacefully growing in the confines of her womb? Just how?
Maami's jaw almost dropped to the ground. How could she start answering this woman that seemed to be craving for any sweet word that could come from someone be it a mad person. She heard Ummi's voice jolting her out of her train of thoughts_as though her voice channel was being adjoined with a drainage of empty emotions.
"Maami, just think of the words you could utter to Ihsan if to say she was in my shoes."
Maami heaved a sigh and took a hold of Ummu's warm palms. "You were a daughter that had never complained a single bit of the life you lived in your husband's hands for over a month. And now; you want to be out of this marriage? Are you sure you need to be out of it? Think of the state of your heart, is it willing to live away from its soulmate? The child growing inside you, are you willing to make him/her fatherless before it's born?" Maami couldn't think of a better way to answer Ummu other than this. She doesn't think Ummi getting a divorce of their marriage would make things anything easier.
"Do I have to tell you the truth? To unveil any piece being enshrouded in this issue? Maami; Al-amin once told me to my face that he hates me. He feels disgusted seeing me before him. I'm the problem in his life he would wish to get rid of. He's tired of me. He called me a slur, an untrustworthy wife that doesn't deserved to be married. And now; he's regretting because he couldn't resist his sexual desires. He's regretting because he has his child in me, not because he trusts me anymore!"
Maami was taken aback by Ummi's sudden outburst. How could a womab take this much and have never said a word to his parents nor hers? Does she have a heart in her?
"Is there a pumping heart in you? Tell me Ummi; are you living a life or just living for the sake of breathing?!" Maami shook her vehemently with tears flowing down her cheeks.
"I'm leaving for the sake of breathing. You said I could talk to you as though my Mama right?" Ummi asked, her red eyes emoting the innocence of a 10 years old girl that knows of nothing but happiness.
Maami nodded her head with tears flowing down her eyes in a rush. Ummi cleared a rope of tear on her right cheek and continued, "I suffer from psychotic depression. I go to hospital every week for the therapist to see how my brain and mind are functioning, at the fifth month_my heart couldn't function well. It pumps slower, sometimes it halts; for some seconds and continues. I'm having time lapses, everything and nothing is slowly jumbling within me. Do you still see the need for me to be out of this marriage? Or do you think I should sacrifice the rest of my life for this unborn child of mine, or my unapologetic husband?" She've never shared any of these with anyone, not even Meeno_but today, she found herself telling the mother of the man that was her reason of getting into all these. She couldn't risk her life because of love, and she is sure; this would trigger the other hidden sicknesses in her.
Maami froze in her spot, she couldn't blink even a single feather of her eyelashes. But tears were flowing as though her eyes were a fountain. "You shall be divorced, you need to be." She declared, taking Ummi into a hug.