Chapter 60: Chapter 60

The pale orange ray of sun gleamed through the curtains of her room and iluuminated directly onto her pale face. She squinted her eyes slowly and felt a pang in her already thudding chest. That was when she remembered being curled up on her praying mat after she prayed her fajr prayer. She doesn't want to stand up from her curling position_for she knew today_today would be the day her sorrow would be born. Today being the Nikkah day of her husband_not to her; but to another woman.

She squirmed and sat upright, as all that happened through the span of five days came back to her in a rush. Bringing up her legs to her chest, she buried her head into her thighs; as if that would make her oblivion to the world revolving painfully around her.

She couldn't point out how she survived the most agonizing five days of her life, that were filled with an unvoiced melancholy. She could still hear Hajiya's joyous yodels when she visited them and took Laila away with her. She could still painfully see the day Al-amin bought her new trolleys brimful of clothes as a compensation; together with a brand new car. She could hear Laila's shrieks and laughter; when telling her friends she was getting married to the love of her life.

Ummi dipped her nails more into her legs, she want to feel the pain more than she's feeling it in her heart. She couldn't come up to move a finger, neither could she imagine herself helping Al-amin getting ready for the thing that would shatter her heart for eternity-as she read numerously in some novels.

She knew her family were worried about her. Since she told them, they would call her everyday to ask her how she was doing. Ya Husna came twice, Meeno was practically always in her house. All they had been doing was to make her feel better, but how could she? When before her eyes, her life is drifting away without her having the chance to do anything.

She still hears Maami's sobbing as she called placating her_and they ended up crying together. All happens in a swift, it happens in the blink of an_as if there was never tranquillity in her life.

She heard her phone shrilling unstoppable; but that's the least she could care for. As she was counting the remaining hours left for her to be sharing Al-amin with another woman. Not that he talks nor acknowledges her presence anymore; but she would atleast bumptiously says he is her husband-alone.

She heard when her room's door was creaked open, and the intruder came in with soft steps silently smacking the marbled floor. Ummi silently winced in pain, and she was so drained to even snap up her head.

She wasn't aware of their proximity, until she perceived his cologne that always melts her heart away_but today-there was a different story_it makes her lungs constricted, blocking the openings of her nose.

Al-amin silently lifted up her face with his right palm, that was when she saw him sitted opposite her on the prayer mat_with legs crossed. He was staring at her with the usual softness she had longed for days.

She left her yearning eyes lingered on his body. He was clad in a white gezna that perfectly hugged his athletic body, he wasn't wearing his Babban riga, but still_the inner kaftan had black embroidery on it. His Zanna bukar was perched perfectly on his head, and there was this unusual freshness on his face. Could he really be happy about this? Her subconscious asked, not that her question would be answered.

She was waiting for him to speak first, waiting for him to say his last words to her when she was still alive, she want to hear his voice when she was still his only wife. She left her thumping heart beats rapidly; she was sure her heart was erratic due to the proximity with it's other half. She let her yearning eyes roam into his deep hazel orbs, for it was long since she had that chance. She feels, as the pores on her skin straightened, making way for goosebumps.

"Maami said I should check up on you, are you fine?" She was finally graced with the deep husky voice that usually calms her down. His voice was known to be her source of solace, it always brakes the shells of the castle she was ensnared in.

Slightly, she nodded her head with so much pain lacerating her already shattered heart. "Yes, I'm fine." She has never experienced how it feels to act all fine when all that's left in your chest are your lungs; for the heart was long shattered to pieces. She has never experienced this kind of pain, the pain of saying you're fine, when the faint voices in your head screams agony, melancholy and vulnerability.

She saw how his eyes flickered, with the emotion she couldn't decipher. There was a glint of truimp in his eyes, and the usual softness she craves for lies depths beneath his orbs. She could see them, but never have them on her.

"They will bring Laila today, and she would stay in the usual room she stays. Is that okay with you?" He asked, but before Ummi could answer; he shattered the remaining hope in her_she thought he asked out of care. "Maami said if it isn't okay with you, I should find another house for her."

This time, she nodded her head vehemently, as if being fed up with his presence_and truth be told_it suffocates her. "It's okay with me," she answered, and her voice was breaking. She came to knew the breaking sound of one's voice was the most painful sound_but hers doesn't seem to affect her husband.

Al-amin stood up and stretched his kaftan, before looking at her_his heart was telling him she's in pain_while the other was flashing him what he saw in Mashi. He brushed off the feeling of empathy in his heart and uttered "I'll leave for the Nikkah, make sure you host the ones bringing the bride well_I don't want them saying hurtful words against you." And that's it, he spoke so casually that she thinks he isn't that friend of hers in NTIC, the guy she admired when collecting her GCE exam slip, the same guy that always calls to hear her wellbeing. He doesn't look the guy that promised her all the happiness in the world, without an iota of pain in it. He's no more a heart breaker, is it possible to call someone a heart scorcher? He didn't just scorched hers, he damaged it and left no string to pull on when she finally decides it's time for mending.

The slightly humming of his car reminded her where he's driving to. Her hell. For the first time in five days, she felt tears gushing down unchecked, they came out with so much pain that she got scared of how her heart looked like. She cried so hard that it hurts for even a single tear to drop. To her dismay, she wasn't relieved_even with the amount of tears shed.

Her swollen eyes laboriously scanned her room, and they landed directly on her grey shaded diary, which she took so long without scribbling on. All those happy moments weren't written on it, the last time she wrote was when he collected his right forcefully. Regret washed over her. She wished she had wrote all those romantic moments with him_so she could read them without having to etch her heart when reminiscing.

As if she were a zombie, she stood up and walked towards her reading area. The diary had a pen slung between the strings firmly holding the papers. She pulled out the pen and deeply stared at it. It was Al-amin's pen, she collected it from him the first time they met after Ya Husna's wedding. It was more like a snatching, for he still nags about his lovely pen. But not anymore-she thought.

With a painfully etched smile, she flipped through the pages. She was smiling at the preambles of pain she saw written by her own fingers. That time, she thought what she felt was what defined pain, not knowing it has billions of meanings, and she's sure she's just experiencing a little portion of it.

She was finally on the blank page staring at her wide eyed. It was waiting for the grief in her heart to be poured in it_so it could absorb and drift away with it. With shaking hands_she placed down her pen on the first line_and that was how her pain flowed unstoppable.

I was walking on an empty shore

With legs perched on prones

My hands holds nothing but a bouquet of wilted roses

Roses that makes me shade tears with just a glimpse.

I look back, hoping to take a glimpse of you

but your retreating back was all I see

With her hands clung onto yours_as she leaned and rested her head on your shoulder.

We came here together, with many grudges we tried to preservere

Who was she?

She was here to break the strings of love

A love that was painfully carved

We moulded it with burning hands

Sometimes, it gets drippled with tears

But we sculpture it back effectively.

I was used to running together with you,

Through our unending cruise of love

Which was full with detriments and desolations

But we promised to preservere them all

don't we?

Then why are you leaving me alone?

There were halves broken apart

I found my half, but where's yours?

I can do the moulding alone

But where's the other half?

The love couldn't be sculptured back without it's halve.

Should I wait or just give up?

Is it with you or adjoined with hers?

Have you two created a mould?

Could it be as sturdy as ours?

Which you forcefully broke

Should I wait for the other half?

Or just move on with a broken halve?

I await your answer

So I could decide.

She was crying profusely, to some; this might just be a sad poem_but her alone could she the grief in it_with so much agony enshrouded beneath each word of hers. She closed the book without even reading the poem again. She was luckily relieved a little_for through words-she finds her peace.

She doesn't want anyone to come amd find her in this state. The state she alone wants to see herself. She trudged to the bathroom and swiftly bathed_not that her body doesn't need a throughout bathing-but she was so drained and out of energy. She came out and decided to wear a dark pink lace with embroidery of baby pink flowers. She matched the looked with the necklace Mama bought for her on her birthday and wore the watch Ya Yusuf bought for her. She sprayed the perfumes Baba gifted her carelessly, and a small smile creeped out of her lips when Baba's thought crossed her mind. The only man that would never break her heart.

She wasn't in the mood of eating anything, so she brought out a packet of chocolate from her fridge_among the ones Sulaiman packed for her as a gift and sat down on her couch_deeply staring into space_as the coolness of the chocolate somehow calms her down.

She was deep in thought that she didn't heard when Meeno entered her room and sat beside her. The light tap on her shoulder brought her out of her reverie. She smiled weakly at Meeno and they exchanged pleasantries.

"Aysha, don't tell me they're coming here and meet you like this? Without even kohl. I'm sure you didn't even rub a cream on your face," Meeno said, examining her sister inlaw and also bestfriend. She was breaking inside, with every sight of her broken bestfriend. But she had to act strong for Ummi to be strong also.

"I've wore the heaviest lace in my wardrobe just so you won't complain. Had to wear this necklace_eventhough the heaviness in my chest is enough to serve as my necklace, but still you're complaining?" She whined and pouted her lips at Meeno. She was naturally not a makeup person, and she surely isn't wearing one_for her heart is well make up-ed.

Meeno stood up and guided them to the mirror before she made Ummi sat down on the vanity stool. She looked at the things on it and found all she would need_Ummi isn't a makeup person, but she surely keeps them for visitors.

"Yes, I can see you've did that. But Babe you need to be hot! Kill them with kindness_let them swoon when they lay their eyes on you. No room for argument, just keep shut as I do my work." Ummi was so drained to argue, and she let Meeno transformed her into something she knew Laila would never be_even if she's the most beautiful bride of the century.

Ya Husna came with Baby Amrah, whom was recently admitted into nursery one. They made sure Ummi wasn't occupied with thought-that she almost forgot the time for the nikkah; which was 2pm_after Juma'at prayer. And when the time clicked, she texted him due to Meeno and Ya Husna's persistence; saying she should act as if she was happy also. She should rejoice with him_mourning her grief within.

~Congratulations, Al-amin. I wish you find peace and tranquillity with her. I'm happy for you.~

S

he sent the message with tears pooling her eyes, but she dared not smudge Meeno's makeup.

***

They all sat comfortably on the sofas, with legs crossed and Baby Amrah's giggles filling their eardrums-as people started trooping in. As if there wasn't something beneath, Ummi stood up and started welcoming them with warm smiles and slight hugs, while some would sneer and walked pass her, some were busy hushing how beautiful she was.

They watched as the elderly women brought Laila in, with her head closed with veil and walked to her room_with yodels filling their ears. Ummi was just staring, not wanting to believe that it was really happening. She isn't the only one that would be called Mrs. Al-amin Bugaje.

All the people that gathered went back home. Ya Husna's husband came and take her with only Meeno left. Meeno helped them cooked dinner and they ate_while Meeno was telling her some tips on living with a co-wife and also placating her broken bestfriend. Ummi tried so well in hiding her pain, she was smiling and shrugging as if she wasn't bleeding inside. It was past 10pm, Ya Yusuf came and took Meeno; but not after she retouched Ummi's makeup.

Ummi sat clueless in her room, she doesn't want to be engulfed with the thoughts she was sure would bring tears to her eyes_and she promised Meeno she will not cry. Should she read a book? But books would set the fire of love in her heart ablaze. Should she write? She was sure that it was only pain that will pour out when her fingers get in contact with either the coffins of her keyboard or her pen-and that means tears. She should watch videos on Instagram_and that seemed a little okay_for it would help her take away time.

She logged into Instagram, to some videos; she would shake her head-videos that were meant to make her chuckle. To some, she would only smile lopsidedly_those that were meant to make her smile widely. To some, a soft chuckle would escape her lips-and those were the videos that were meant to make her laugh hard. Only if she was still alive.

A message popped on her screen, and that was when her heart did a somersault.

~Meet us in the upstairs living room.~

She stood up, draped a veil over her shoulders and wore her usual sturdy and fiesty expression as Meeno said. With every step she takes towards the living room_she feels her heart being plunged out of it's enclosure to her throat, it would bleed and make her breath halt before moving back to it's enclosure.

She salaamed and entered the living room, and that was when her eyes landed on Al-amin, he wasn't wearing his earlier attire_rather; the clothes that made her swooned internally. She swiftly took a hold of herself, and sat opposite the sofa they were sitting on, with hands entwined, and half her body resting on his.

"There is no need for any introduction, you've known her as well as she knows you. Arub..." she knew it was a tongue slip_but still_she looked up and their eyes coalesced-which he swiftly averted his.

"Aysha, you're my first wife; but I'd expect your love, tender and respect towards Laila-she's the younger here." Without looking at Ummi, she saw how his eyes softened as he looked at Laila's resting head on his shoulder. "Lily, don't ever disrespect her. Take her as your sister, treat each other with love and care-that's all I'll expect from you both."

"You'll never be disappointed, Corazòn," Laila spoke ostentatiously and slightly tapped his lips_a gesture that made Ummi closed her eyes tighly, making no room for tears.

"Insha Allah," she blurted out the words with aplomb, seeing how Laila was trying to cuddle with her own husband before her eyes_and she doesn't have a say.

"I'll take my leave, Good night_I wish you tranquillity in your married life." Ummi stood up and flashed Laila a tight lipped smile, before she averted her gaze to Al-amin, flashing him a look he alone would understand its meaning, and he alone knows the amount of emotions that single look entails.

She walked to her room without looking back, and also-forcing her tears back until she was in the confines of her room. She slumped on her bed and was silent for a moment, feeling how her heart was rhyming slowly-that she could hear the sound of veins and arteries splitting; those empty ventricles being filled with agony. She closed her eyes_as the first set of her tears dropped and soaked her pillow. She was in so much pain.