Chapter 25: Chapter 25

"Why on earth would we have lavenders at her funeral?" Haley asked incredulously like that was the dumbest idea in the history of time.

"Because she liked them, they were all over her garden," I argued annoyed at her stupid stares

"Don't be ridiculous we're not getting Lavenders we'll just get a Morning star floral basket like I have been saying for the past hour," she said in exasperation

"Fine then," I huffed, giving up on any of my ideas since she didn't budge to any of them and a floral basket wasn't a bad idea either.

"Great something we can finally agree on now onto the casket," she said

"Heaven forbid that is all yours we're not going there again," I cringed remembering thirty minutes ago when she nearly ripped my head off for suggestions we get a simple cathedral dome coffin but no she asked me and I quote "Are you stupid or stupider?" and the argument escalated for quite some time till we decided to move on to the next topic and come back to that later but now it was later and I wasn't interested in going down that road again.

"Fabulous now we're talking," she beamed, writing something down on her planner. It's been five months and you could tell she had a bump now, she was truly happy to be having another baby and was already nagging me about planning the best baby shower inexistent even though she would barely let me choose anything for the funeral now how was I supposed to plan her baby shower without her cutting my head off for any idea.

"How about we just let the woman do her work," I suggested to the quiet woman taking notes on our decisions for the funeral

"She doesn't know shit," Haley said like the poor lady wasn't even there

"Sorry about her," I told Erin the funeral planner

"No troubles I understand pregnant hormones tend to be all over the place," she laughed having been through it before.

"I know right," I laughed

"I can hear you, you know," Haley said through gritted teeth

"Good it's not like we were whispering," I said with a raised brow

"Bitch," Haley grumbled under her breath making Erin and I laugh at her

"You got any kids of your own?" Erin asked me

"Nope she's waiting till the day she dies before considering having children, the girl is so slow maybe you could slap some sense into her because time ain't waiting for no one," Haley answered, I gritted my teeth resisting the urge to smack her upside the head.

"Well she's still got time but I do advise now is the best time to think about children," Erin advice me with a slight smile

"Listen to the old lady Harley you ain't immortal and pretty soon you won't be fertile either," Haley said with a scowl

"I'm forty-five," Erin corrected Haley like that made any difference

"Like I said old," Haley repeated with a straight face, I snickered covering it with a cough but they both saw straight through it. Haley considered anyone over the age of forty to be old and no one could tell her otherwise, she was as stubborn as an old mule.

"Right onto the catering then," Erin said trying to divert the conversation and succeeded

"Yes, I was thinking-" And just like that they discussed what light snacks they could have at the funeral while I went around the office checking the companies pictures and their back story because I wasn't needed with those two planning everything they didn't even need my one cent of opinion.

The meeting lasted a little bit longer than I expected and I wasn't a very patient person when I had nothing to do so I was agitated most of the time. So when we wrapped things up I was the first out of that building and into the car. The office was so depressing I never wanted to go back there again. They treat death like it was a casual thing that just happened and just wanted to get as much money out of you as they could.

"You seem like you're in a hurry?" Haley asked getting into the passenger's seat, buckling her seat belt.

"Nope just got work to do is all," I said which was true but I also had a little meeting with Randall at my place and I was going to finally tell him about Cole so I was nervous, agitated and about to piss my pants.

"Right," she said slowly, clearly not believing a word I just said.

I started the car and got onto the road dropping Haley by her place first before I headed home dreading everything that was to come. I parked my car in my spot in the estate I lived in, taking a moment to recollect my thoughts before I got out of the car and made my way up the stairs with my heart in my throat.

"Hey," Randall greeted me with his usual bright smile pulling me into a hug,

"Hey," I greeted hugging him back even though my entire body was shaking. Maybe I shouldn't do this. Maybe this was a mistake. I technically didn't cheat but it was deception if I didn't tell him and it would eat away at me for the rest of my life.

"So what's up?" He asked me as we sat down on the couch with Lido in my lap, my heart was racing through the roof and I was sweating waterfalls.

"You alright?" He asked me noticing my distorted face

"Ya," I lied putting on a smile as I tried to find the words that would end our relationship. I knew this was a terrible idea but I hated lying and every day I kept this away the lump in my throat grew and now it was just suffocating. By telling him not only will I feel better but at least there would be no more secrets between us except that I had something to do with killing someone but that I'll take to my grave.

"I wanna talk to you about something," I began clearing my throat as I smoothed my hand through Lido's fur watching him practically purr at my touch.

"Ya, what about?" Randall asked nervously

"I uh-" I stuttered looking everywhere but his eyes

"What's wrong?" He asked seeming concerned now, "Did I do something wrong?" He asked

"God no you didn't do anything wrong I did," I quickly said lowering my head in shame

"What?" He asked confused

"I kissed Cole," I said cringing so hard to say it out loud, there was a suffocating silence that filled the room for a few seconds before he spoke

"Why?" He asked sadly like someone just stole his cookie

"Cause I've liked him for a very long time and he didn't exactly feel the same way so when you came along I thought maybe I could move on but I still had those lingering feelings for Cole so I thought maybe-," I paused not sure what to say but I dared not look at his face scared of seeing his angry expression because he rarely had them and when he did it was enough to make a grown man piss himself.

"I get it honestly I do," he sighed leaning his head on the couch as he stared at the ceiling in his thoughts, I would've killed just to see what he was thinking about.

"You do?" I asked hopefully staring at his defined jawline

"I do but how is this supposed to work when you have feelings for another guy?" He asked motioning between us with his hand

"I don't know," I quietly said lowering my head

"Do you think about him every time we kiss?" He asked me straightforwardly

"What?" I asked outraged he would even ask that of me

"It's an honest question Harley so answer it," he said blankly

"No I don't," I said staring him dead in the eyes

"But you still have feelings for him don't you?" He asked, clearly knowing the answer as he looked away with a sigh seeming frustrated with this conversation.

"I'm sorry," I said, placing my hand on his thigh but he quickly removed it, a pang of pain ripped through my heart but I deserved it.

"No I'm sorry I shouldn't have forced you into something you weren't ready for, I could see your hesitation every time we got past kissing but I just thought you were shy not thinking about another man," he said through gritted teeth but I didn't interrupt him he needed to vent and I would just listen to him.

"But you know what it's fine I cannot deprive you of who you truly want to be with and so I'll wait for you when you're ready you know where to find me because I'm willing to wait for eternity for you Harley," he said, staring at me with puppy-dog eyes.

"Why?" I asked in astonishment

"Because I love you," he said, taking my breath away with his sincerity, he didn't give me a moment to respond as he kissed me with all the love he could master physically taking my breath away. I kissed him back pouring all my adoration into the kiss hoping to show him how much he truly means to me, Lido jumped off the couch by our rough movements disturbing his beauty sleep.

"I'll see you later, however long that may be," he said breathlessly when he pulled away, pressing our foreheads together.

"Thank you," I beamed giving him a quick peck

"Anytime," he smiled kissing my forehead before he strapped Lido up, "Take care alright," he told me

"You too," I waved back, closing the door behind him, I traced my bottom lip with my finger feeling a light spark lingering there. I squealed with joy finally feeling that adrenaline rush and electric passion I've been longing for. Randall was the most amazing human being on the damn planet. He was so thoughtful. Honestly, I didn't expect that conversation to go so well I didn't even expect him to give me space to figure out my feelings, I truly got lucky with him now I just had to get over my useless crush on Cole that was going nowhere.

Now how to get over someone step one was to ask good which gave me these ideas:

1: Give yourself time to grieve

Well, I can't do that cause we were never together, to begin with, Next!

2:Write a diary or email

That helped a bit so I did write how I felt and turned it into a little short story which took me about a week and I felt slightly better so thanks to google.

3: Accept it's over

Well, that one got me a little bit, it was hard to accept that it wasn't going to happen because I truly fell deeply for him. I ended up calling Lila over so we could get through the rest of the list that took me ages to fulfil.

4: Clean up your act

We took that a little too literally because we cleaned my whole damn flat and balcony to the last dust bunny under the bed. It was kinda fun cleaning with the speaker practically on the highest volume dancing away as we cleaned feeling like we were dancing on the clouds, it felt so good to see Lila again. She didn't change much except that she's been looking for jobs left and right which sucked and I hated that I couldn't help more but Haley said her friend who owed her a favour didn't come back to her yet so meanwhile she tried to look for work on her own but kept coming up short.

We gave up trying to follow the website's idea of how to get over someone by number five when it said to hit the gym, we practically laughed out loud at that. We couldn't imagine ourselves at the gym even if our lives depended on it. We were just that lazy and very unfit.

"Hit the gym me, ha you'll have better luck at discovering life on Mars," Lila scoffed sitting on the couch as we completed cleaning the house and wondering what else to do.

"Movies?" I asked her, putting the cleaning products back where they belonged because Lila was done having anything to do with cleaning for the next couple of weeks.

"Duh," she said drifting through Netflix trying to find something we could watch.

"How about The Hate You Give," I suggested hearing it was a really good movie

"I'd rather choke on a dick," Lila blankly said making me gasp in surprise

"What's wrong with the movie?" I asked in shock

"What isn't wrong with the movie?" She counter asked with a raised brow

"You have no class," I said

"That's me no class, no fuss and no bra's," she exclaimed proudly, because she rarely ever wears a bra, not even in public.

"Weirdo," I muttered

"Says the pot calling the kettle black," she scoffed getting me on that one

"Touche," I said

We ended up deciding to watch the Package which wasn't my cup of tea but quite entertaining. When the night came we binge-watched another movie till the early morning having nothing better to do with our weekend so we decided to have an all-nighter which required quite a lot of coffee shots and actual shots and a little bit of Ecstasy. By the morning light, we were the exact definition of zombies only having one brain cell left which was to eat and eat even uncooked food, poor Lila ate a raw stake because she thought it was a large rare done steak which it wasn't but try convincing a barely functional drunk when you're in the same condition. I'm pretty sure she even tried biting my arm at one point thinking I was a chocolate bar or some racist shit like that but to be fair she did for a split second look like a boiled egg with her bold head I'm pretty sure I licked her head at one point.

Lesson learned we were not to be left unsupervised if we took drugs it just ended badly. When we woke up it was no surprise we were laying in our vomit and waking up made us vomit again.

"Dear God," Lila cried, groaning loudly as she scrunched her eyes, he couldn't help you now girl.

By the time I was able to move without falling I noticed the complete chaos in the flat.

"What the fuck happened here?" I asked aloud, staring at the mass-produced mess we made. My couch was torn and the entire lounge was covered in white foam from the couch with the pillows all over the place. Papers were shredded near the kitchen from one of my books and the kitchen sink was filled to the brim with pots and pans, the countertop and stove were filthy. I wasn't surprised at the flies buzzing around. My sliding door to the balcony was open but nothing was out of place there which was a relief but I was in so much shock at the mess I nearly had a heart attack when I saw my tv broken with a knife through it, I may have fainted at the sight my brain didn't want to comprehend what I was seeing.