Chapter 24: Chapter 24

"I didn’t mean for any of this to happen?” I look at Luca sadly.

“No. I guess we both are disappointed. Si?” He looks at me rubbing his jaw, slowly.

“Si. But I have a feeling your more disgusted than disappointed Luca.”

He sighs deeply.

“Disappointed? Si. But disgusted? No.” He slowly shakes his head with his eyes closed.

I bring my legs up to my chest hugging them and resting my chin on my knees.

“I… I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t want to get hurt.” I sigh.

“I used Keith to see if I could get you off my mind. I had this crazy thought of you having someone.. or a family back in Italy. But deep down I know that your not that kind of man.” I sniff, trying to stop myself from crying.

“He buys you a drink, Pays you a little attention, and you decide he was fit enough to put his hands all over you... and thrust his tongue deep inside your throat. While you rubbed your sexy little body all over him?” He stands up quickly splashing water everywhere.

“I’m sorry Luca.” A shameful tear rolls down my face.

“How can you expect a man to ever respect you when you don’t respect yourself?” He steps out of the tub stalking into his room butt naked.

“I’m sorry, I fucked up... I can't help the way I think or feel when you’re involved!” I yell out.

Picking up a glassed candle from the side of the tub I throw it at the door causing it to shatter.

“FUCK………..!” I scream at the top of my lungs while pulling at my damp hair from the roots.

Luca stalks back into the bathroom looming over me in loose fitted pyjama pants. Anger flaring through his eyes causing his chest to rise and fall heavily.

“Fuck? Si, you went ahead and practically fucked a man in public. I was calling you a dozen times! Do you know how worried I started to get when your phone kept going straight to voicemail? I……” Banging his chest with closed fists.

“Could've fucked you on a dance floor if it would have pleased you. I. Could. Have. Done. It.” His face turns bright red with anger making his veins pop out the side of his neck. His self-control starting to vanish.

I rise quickly sending more water over the edge of the tub saturating the bottom of his pants.

“I didn’t want it to be you though, that’s why I went out and met someone from the club. It pissed me off when you tried to control me by whom I can and can’t see under your guidelines. But it’s okay for you to leave the country when you want to without breathing a word to me! You know what? I probably would have ended up fucking him!” I scream at him with my limbs shaking and Luca stares at me seething.

“But…”

“Watch what you fucking say Vanessa, your stepping into unknown territory here!” A low growl vibrates from his throat.

He steps into the tub, bringing us face to face our noses inches away and his breath heavy on my face. His hands are clenched into tight fists causing his knuckles to whiten.

“I would have wished it was you the whole damn time! God….. I’m in love with you, you idiot! I cry out.

"How fucking pathetic am I?”

I shift stepping out of the tub and pick my clothes up from the floor, wiping a towel from the towel rack as stalk into the room. I dump my clothes on the bed then I wrap the towel around me with him stalking right behind me.

“Is that meant to soften the blow?” He bites out.

“I don’t want to argue, I fucked up! I always fuck up. Shit, I’m the new and improved definition of fucked up.” I plonk myself onto the end of the bed looking down at my wet bare feet.

“You’re not going to make me feel sorry for you Vanessa.”

He grounds out and opens one of his draws pulling out a fresh dry pair of pyjama bottoms and changes into them. He then opens another drawer and pulls out a t-shirt, walks towards me and lays it beside me.

“Put it on and join me in the living room. I can’t think when you’re sitting there in nothing but a damn towel. Don’t keep me waiting. Enough games have been played tonight don’t you think?”

I snap my head up.

“I don’t play games!”

“Don’t you? You played a dangerous game tonight.” His hands cradle my face with his eyes searching mine.

“And I won’t be played anymore.” He swipes the damp hair away from my eyes, then walks out of the room cursing heavily in Italian.

I quickly get dressed and meet him in the living room. “Come here and talk to me, Vanessa.”

He pats the seat next to him. “We need to lay some proper and mutual ground rules for this to work” Moving his hand back and forth between us.

“And what exactly is this that we seem to have Luca?” I question him.

He gets up and starts to pace in front of me. “I’m not exactly sure myself now. But your actions tonight were impulsive and very un-ladylike” He stops pacing enough to glare at me before pacing some more.

God! He's actually lecturing me like I'm a damn child.

“It’s the twentieth century for crying out loud!” I hiss at him

“And that excuses you does it?”

I don’t bother replying.

He stops pacing. “You are no longer available for quick social fucks with any Tom, Dick and Harry that you see fit to at the time………..”

”What the FUCK Luca!” I cut him off.

“First of all his name was Keith, I didn’t fuck him and I don’t know of Tom and Harry. Secondly, I will choose whom I see fit to spread my legs for. You have no right or claim over me.” I scream at him.

“Don’t I?” He crosses his arms in a possessive posture that irritates me more.

“No.”

“I beg to differ at this point.”

“Don’t be a cryptic Jerk Luca,” I say exhausted.

“I'm trying to act very civilised at this point Vanessa. Considering the maddening rage I have erupting inside me right now.” His voice bounces off the walls echoing.

“Luca, I said I was sorry okay.” I look away with tears of shame glistening in my eyes.

“And I will accept your apology on one condition.” He holds up a finger.

“What condition?” I look at him confused.

“Do you want to end this now?”

“What?" I assumed we were already over. I think to myself.

"No. .” I  finally answer him feeling overwhelmed.

“Then you will belong to me and me alone. No one else will have the privilege of kissing your soft lips or entering your warm explosive body. Do you hear me?”

He drops his arms, clasping them together behind his back. I stand and walk over to the window finding some calmness in the extended distance.

“Good things cannot come from this Luca.” I turn to face him across the living room. “You said you'd end this before one of us got hurt.”

Luca starts to walk towards me and I lift my hand in the air to stop him.

“No. Don’t. Just give it to me straight, the truth.” I can barely contain the emotional sorrow building within me causing my throat to close up.

“I want you, I have wanted you since the day I laid eyes on you. Love is for the weak.” He says shaking his head disappointed.

“Love is not a weakness. It’s magical, it has the power to heal the broken and to bring joy increating life.” I stand there listing them off with my fingers.

“And yes it has the power to break people and cause more harm than good. I know that I have lived through the power of love at its worst. But I still stand here today wanting to feel the power of real... love. I’m tired of being alone, trying to cope alone. Being with you has made me realise that love still strives inside me and I just need to focus on who is worthy of that love.” Tears of pain and happiness fall from my face, as my brain finally starts to catch up with my heart.

“I don’t think I can make that kind of commitment to you Vanessa, I have no love to offer you.” He says furrowing his brows.

“I'll learn to understand that Luca; the right woman will eventually show up and open your heart.” I smile at him weakly trying to remain strong.

“So what are you trying to say?” Confusion fills his eyes.

I sigh heavily and take a large shaky breath.

“ This……” I wave my hand between us “Can’t happen anymore.”

“This isn’t over Vanessa if you think I’m going to let you walk out of my life without a fight you are in for one hell of a bumpy ride!” He snaps with a note of promise.

“It’s a fight you won’t win Luca. A fight that you've already lost.” I walk to him, placing my hands on his face looking deeply into his eyes.

“I have to end things now.”

He pushes my hands away evident he is not pleased.

“You just told me not long ago you loved me. And now you want to end us?”

“Yes.” I tug on the hem of the t-shirt, suddenly feeling exposed.

“I won’t accept it.” He abruptly looks taller.

“You won’t or you can’t?” Annoyance slowly starts to resurface.

“Does it matter? They both mean the same thing!”

“NO! They don’t.” I brush past him making my way back to his room to find my clothes.

I need to get the hell out of here!

“To me they do.” He wraps a hand firmly around my wrist stopping me.

“That’s just the thing though isn’t it Luca.” I turn to face him. “You won’t stand aside and let anyone become happy if you’re not somehow selfishly involved. This is a vicious circle we can’t seem to escape?”

“You know that’s not true Vanessa.”

“It’s all you have shown me. What Luca wants, Luca gets?” I mimic.

“And you’re what I want.” He says in a panic.

‘I don’t want to be wanted, I want to be needed.” My voice cracks.

We stand there just staring at each other. Tempers high, my heart cracking and his ego-shattering. I shake his hand off and walk away.

“I need to go.”

Walking into the room I change back into my clothes, I find the ballet shoes I left in the room a few nights ago. Tonight I walk away from the man who has managed to claim my heart in only a few short weeks and break it with only a few words spoken.