Chapter 32: Chapter 32

S A V A N N A H

EVERYONE STARED AT me with an array of shocked expressions as I simply stood there with my hand gripping the door handle, speechless. Even Phee-Phee looked at me sideways, cooing as though he was confused.

I did not know what to say.

When Thanatos had explained what I was, I was not as surprised as I thought I would be. It was a fitting explanation for all of the strange happenings. That, or maybe I was simply fighting with myself to really believe it.

“Did you really just do that?” Chainsaw Guy whistled. I squeezed my eyes shut and winced. His voice sounded far off and distorted.

“…Woah, Hades is your father?” Nadine gasped. “You’re a half-blood Greek god?” She sounded somewhat impressed. Though it did not last long. “Well, no wonder you try so hard with him —Hades is not what I would call the World’s Greatest Dad,” she huffed.

I frowned and clenched my fists. How dare she.

If only she knew the power that came from absolute rage. And if anyone was going to be allowed to shame Hades for who he was and for what he had done, it was going to be me.

“Shut up Nadine,” Lewis surprisingly beat me to it. “Savannah doesn’t need any crap from you right now.”

Everyone started at Lewis for a moment, rather shocked. I certainly never thought he would have it in him to put his sister in her place.

“…Lewis is right, Nadine,” Søren sighed, glaring at her in disappointment as she pouted sheepishly. “This is serious.”

“Enough about the rest of our opinions,” Chainsaw Guy cut in. He then looked at me with genuine concern, and I flinched in alarm. “Did you mean to slam the door in his face?” he asked.

I swallowed but the lump in my throat would not go down. “I…” I started. But I could not finish.

The walls were closing in on me and I could not breathe —and not in the sense that I had no need to. It truly felt as though I were suffocating.

I abruptly turned around and pushed past Søren and Chainsaw Guy to go into the computer room, before I closed the door and leaned back against it for support. I felt like my knees would buckle at any moment.

I turned my head to the side as I heard them begin to discuss whether or not they should open the door again and let Hades inside.

Hades. The god of the Underworld.

The god of the Underworld was my father?

I sank down to the floor and blocked my ears, unwilling to overhear any more. I screwed up my face and felt the tears beginning to pool up, before I blinked them out. I was not going to cry over this.

I was not going to give anyone that satisfaction.

So, what would I do —act cold and uncaring?

No. That was not really me. I sighed and raked a hand though my hair. Why was everything so suddenly crashing down around me?

My existence was threatened; I had a new job I would not have even wanted to apply for let alone be willing to do; and now there was going to be a war because of my blood. Because if that Titan we saw was anything like Kronos, then war would inevitably be the end result.

I hugged my knees against my chest again and frowned, wondering what this meant for me. My father had suddenly just shown up. Was that really real? I pinched my arm to be sure, and unfortunately felt the painful sensation to confirm that it was real.

I had not been ready to meet him so soon. After Thanatos’s outburst I had begun to wonder if firstly it was a good idea, and secondly if I was actually ever going to meet him at all.

But now that he was actually here…I was unprepared.

What had I honestly expected —a hand written invitation?

Not that I would have accepted it willingly anyway. Perhaps this was the best way —an abrupt meeting. It would force me to make a quick decision, and possibly interact with him.

Half of me wanted to go back out there and see him.

The other half was too proud.

I then jumped at the sound of a knock on the door, before scrambling to my feet and brushing my hair aside. “What,” I rasped.

“…Savannah. I understand how you feel. Please. Just let me try and talk,” Hades’ voice was the one which filled my ears instead of a familiar one.

I did not respond and folded my arms childishly.

He understood how I felt? Then he should understand that I was not going to come out of the room any time soon.

“Savannah, please,” Søren’s voice said, which caused me to pause. “At least just hear him out.”

“Why are you on his side?” I snapped. “You don’t know what happened. How can you say that? You don’t know him.”

“Savannah,” Hades called out gently. “No one is on anyone’s side. I am here for you. And I really need to speak with you. Do you have any idea of the immense trouble that I will be in with Zeus and Hera when they find out that I came to see you?”

“I didn’t ask you to break the rules for me,” I defended myself. “I didn’t ask for you to come here!”

“But I am here now,” he said in a softer tone.

I did not say anything to that. Instead, I winced and squeezed my eyes shut to avoid crying again. He was here now —only now?

It was just not good enough.

This was not good enough.

“…I’m not good enough,” I found myself saying aloud. “To be your daughter. Is that why…is that why you left?” I asked, finding it harder to hold my tears back. They fell down my face indignantly, but at least I was not making the embarrassing sounds that came with them.

“Savannah,” Hades said softly. “I did not leave because you were not good enough. I did not leave because your mother was not good enough,” he went on. I let out a series of sobs. Then he paused. “You want to know the reason I left? …Because I was not good enough.”

I gasped, all traces of self-pity vanishing. “What?” I said. “What do you mean by that? You’re a Greek god.”

“No one is perfect, Savannah. Even the gods have flaws,” he chuckled. “And if you think they are perfect then it makes you perfect too. Because humans were made in our image. So, you see, it’s a cycle.”

“…Are you actually using a convenient set of scapegoats as a reason for leaving Savannah and her Mom?” I heard Nadine say.

“Nadine, stay out of this,” I asked weakly.

“Then open the damn door,” she countered snappily. “This is no way to have a conversation.”

I hesitated. I clenched my fists and thought about it. Maybe this was a conversation for both of us to be in the same room, alone.

“…Fine,” I said reluctantly, and through my teeth. I opened the door and my eyes were met with jasper irises.

Had they always been that colour? I had always thought that they were a warm brown. Then I understood. I had only seen what I had wanted to see.

He smiled weakly and looked at me sympathetically —which was not something that I wanted. I did not need sympathy. Not from him. But he looked approachable enough, and I honestly could not blame my mother for being attracted to him once.

“We’ll talk in here,” I said, glancing back at the computer room. He nodded curtly and marched in past me.

“Excuse me? Who said that you could?” Søren protested. He shut up when I shot him a look behind my father’s back.

Then I closed the door behind me. Hades stood there in the middle of the room, stiff and uncomfortable, before straightening his tie and coughing. I did not say a word. So, we stayed like that, awkwardly shuffling from foot to foot. “…There is no excuse,” he finally murmured.

“What?” I whispered.

“There is no excuse,” he repeated. “Not then, and definitely not now. I…I am really sorry Savannah, believe me —”

“Are you?” I cut him off, glaring spitefully. “Are you really sorry?” I demanded. He just gave me a confused expression.

I growled. “Do you have any idea what it was like? Life without you? Do you even —” I started, by then stopped to restrain myself. I breathed deeply and closed my eyes. “…Never mind. You wouldn’t care.”

“But I was around for as long as my brother would allow,” Hades insisted. “I did not want to leave. But Zeus had begun to grow suspicious of me. So, I had to manipulate your mother’s memory of what happened. Her hating me was not part of that alteration,” he admitted, glancing downwards. “That was…that was all

on her own.”

I paused and frowned, noting how vulnerable and human he looked. I resisted the urge to comfort him.

“I hated you too,” I admitted. He looked at me fearfully at that comment. “…Or at least I tried to. I wanted to. I really wanted to hate you,” I told him, clenching my fists and glaring right into his eyes. “Because if I hated you, then maybe I wouldn’t feel this gaping hole inside my chest as much.”

Hades looked at me more sympathetically then.

“And I wanted you to hate me too,” I went on. He raised his eyebrows this time. “…Because everyone knows that it’s easier to hate someone you believe hates you back…”

My voice cracked before it trailed off to a whisper at the end and I dropped my gaze, unable to look at him any longer.

“I most certainly do not hate you,” he said, sounding borderline offended. “I never did, and I never will. How could I? You were just a little girl who had done absolutely nothing wrong. Does that sound like a basis on which to hate someone?”

I flinched but kept my lips clamped shut.

“Look, I had no choice when I left. But I should not have left the way that I did. Telling you the truth would have been absolutely out of question though,” he said, chuckling softly. This angered me.

“So why are you telling me now?” I asked haughtily.

“Great question,” he acknowledged. He frowned deeply. “…Savannah, there is an issue. You see, as a half-blood, you are not allowed to exist. And yes, I understand that you died, but you are a Grim Reaper now —which means that you are not alive but you are not exactly dead either. And therefore, the treaty still stands valid.”

I tensed at the word treaty and my hand flew to my side.

The feeling of The Book of Treaties still in my possession eased the tension slightly but I could not help but get the feeling that I should not have taken it from the library after all.

“…Now the Olympians know of your existence as well as every other half-blood god child still out there now,” Hades continued, snapping me out of my thoughts. “The only question is, how? I thought I was very thorough in finding a good hiding place for that treaty —”

“Wait —so you are the one who hid the book?” I gasped without thinking. “I was right…” I murmured to myself.

“Wait,” Hades said, narrowing his eyes at me. “What do you mean you were right? What do you know about The Book of Treaties?”

I opened and closed my mouth comically before glancing at the wall. “…Nothing much. I just saw the spine when I was in Thanatos’ library cleaning up as punishment.”

I could have told him the truth.

I should have told him the truth. But I did not need to get reprimanded at a time like this. Unfortunately, the god of the dead saw right through me. His eyes flickered to my waist, right where the book was, before he took a step towards me and held out his hand. I tensed but remained unmoving.

Hades’ eyes narrowed and a faint glow began to illuminate them. He sternly glared at me and gestured with his hand again for me to give it up. I let out a sigh, before I dubiously handed it over.

Totally busted.

Hades flipped through it before shutting it with a snap and clicking his fingers, making it disappear in a plume of black smoke. He then turned to the side and refused to look at me for the first time. The slither of fatherliness caught me off guard, and guilt consumed my every thought.

Was he disappointed in me?

“…You lied to me,” he whispered. I did not know what to say. I hung my head. “I do not blame you,” he sighed. “I would have lied about it too. But unfortunately, because you removed this book from its shelf and the library, Horkos will be able to find it again.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Who?”

But Hades did not seem to be that interested in the book or my question anymore. Instead, he focused on something else.

“…Hold on a second, you were doing what as punishment for Thanatos?” he growled, making me look back at him. His eyes simmered with irritation. He surprisingly appeared infuriated. “Just what did that boy make you do —”

I scoffed and shook my head. “It was just cleaning —calm down. And it was pretty lenient considering what I had done.”

“What on Earth did you do to receive such a fate?” Hades said with genuine but melodramatic shock, clutching at his chest.

I glanced elsewhere. “I reaped the soul of my ex-boyfriend before he was supposed to die,” I whispered.

Hades’ shock diminished and he became stony faced. “Oh, I see. In that case you deserved every moment of it.”

“Well, that’s not very supportive,” I complained.

“What were you expecting?” Hades rightly asked. “A slap on the wrist? You took a life, Savannah. A pitiful, pathetic and highly-unworthy-of-my-daughter life, but still. That is just as well of an offence in the divine world as it is in the mundane.”

I then momentarily smiled at his description of Aaron’s life —and how apparently unworthy he was of me —Hades momentarily returned it, before turning still and grave again.

“I do however need you to take this seriously,” he said; his icy voice sending chills through my entire body. “Do not think that you will get away without a scolding from your father.”

The mood instantly reverted to how it had been before at the mention of the word ‘father’, and I frowned at the floor.

Hades sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “…Savvy,” he murmured. I tensed, gawking at him. “I suppose that I have not called you that in years,” he admitted.

“No one has called me that in years,” I murmured.

He pressed his lips into a line and nodded slowly. “I truly am sorry, Savannah. I wish that I could have been there for you all these years and been the support you needed —that you deserved —but I could not. And I am going to regret it for eternity. I will never put another mortal family through that ever again. Besides,” he then looked sheepishly embarrassed, “…my wife would kill me again.”

His wife.

I had been so caught up in the idea of a perfect and whole family that I had forgotten that the illegitimate child, was in fact, me. Hades had his original family, long before my own mother had ever existed. And Hades’ wife, as far as I knew, was as beautiful as she could be lethal. I was then surprised that Hades was actually standing in front of me in one piece. “…Persephone,” I breathed, recalling her from myths.

“Yes.”

“She is not becoming my stepmother,” I said through my teeth.

“Oh, that is not something which I meant to imply,” Hades said quickly. “Persephone is wonderful and a capable queen —but she has got her hands full with our one son.”

I froze. Son? Hades had a son too?

Then I glanced at the floor. Of course, he had other children. He had been around for eons —and Persephone too. My mother was not the first. And knowing Hades, she might not actually be the last like he said. But I decided that I did not care. But then my heart ached, and tears pricked my eyes, proving that the flesh did not always cooperate with the mind.

“Savannah —”

“It’s fine,” I cut him off. “Really. I know I’m not that special. You don’t need to feel bad for having children with more than one woman. I mean, Persephone is a goddess. And my Mom…is just my Mom.”

“Savannah,” Hades clipped firmly. “It is not like that. When I met your mother, I was in a very bad spot. Persephone and I were having a break. She does not completely blame me for Phoebe, but she is not okay with what happened either. But the point is, that you can never believe that I would love you less because you are not a god or for whatever reason you have convinced yourself to be true. I love you. You are my daughter. You are my beautiful, wonderful daughter.”

My eyes grew wide, and my lips parted uncertainly. The tears spilled, but I let them. Those words made something break inside of me. Probably that thick brick wall box of resentment around my heart.

I suddenly darted forward and crashed into him, before wrapping my arms around his torso. He was startled for a moment, but then his arms wrapped around me in turn and he let me cry into his blazer.

“I…we got the letters,” I choked out, hugging him tighter. “The ones for Mom…she kept them all,” I whispered.

Hades gasped but did not say anything. He simply hugged me back tighter, mirroring me. “…I am so glad,” he eventually whispered. “That she received them after all.”

“I’ve read some,” I sobbed. “Did you…mean all of that?”

“What? Of course I did. In fact, I was going to send your eighteenth birthday letter earlier, but then I became so busy and completely forgot. How about I give it to you now?”

“No. Not now,” I decided, shaking my head. “How about…when all of this is straightened out? I just…want all focus to be on it when I read it.”

He hesitated for a noticeable amount of time before answering me. “All right. But you know, I didn’t just come here to reconcile with you.”

I slowly withdrew and looked up at him. “No?” I whispered. “What else did you come for?”

“To warn you,” he said seriously, frowning. “Thanatos told me. Horkos is coming. And he is not coming alone.”