Chapter 38: Chapter 38

XXXVIII

When I finally get home, I full on hate myself. He means so much to me, and I lost it all simply because I was too much of a prude to tell him that I liked him back.

Of course I like him! I probably feel even more for him, but I am too much of a damned romantic and want every moment to be perfect. I have no idea how I managed to drag myself home, but I somehow did. My eyes are puffy and red from all the crying and I throw my bag across the living room. My phone still in my hands, I go upstairs to my room, and collapse on the floor next to my window, looking up at the moon.

I fucked it all up. I can't lose him, he means too much to me. I close my eyes, trying to calm myself. I knew this was going to be hard, but I had no idea it would be this hard. I can barely imagine being without him, he's been a constant to me for only a bit less than a month, but I feel devestated by this, like I would never be happy again.

And just like that, I realize it.

I love him.

I am crazy in love with him, impecably and completely irrationaly and I have no way of going back.

There's no point of denying it even more.

I would be crying so much because of him if I wasn't in love.

I wouldn't think about him so much.

It wouldn't feel like the whole world immediately got brighter, happier and more meaningful everytime I would see him.

I wouldn't have such strong emotions about him.

While everyone sees him as a monster, as a cruel and mean and rude man, I see him as the most amazing man I have ever seen.

I know that his heart is good, how can't it be? He has saved me so many times, he has made me smile.

He looks like a God, like some dark angel.

I love him.

And he hates me.

My cries get harder with that thought and I pull out my phone to see that the notifications are still on display.

Without a thought, I press on his messages.

*Where the fuck did you go? Call me right now, Sophia, I am very serious.*

I see the first message. Bossy, as always.

I move on to the second one.

*Don't you dare go near Keats. Do you hear me? I will know, and I won't be fucking happy.*

Possesivness, of course. He wouldn't be Axel if he wasn't that way. And I wouldn't want him any other way.

*Sophie, I'm sorry, please just call me. I'm going crazy over here.*

And they say women have moodswings.

*I WILL call the fucking POLICE. Answer me NOW!!!*

I roll my eyes, chucking.

*You know, Sophia, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. You are so beautiful it hurts. I should tell you that more often. Please, please call me. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry.*

This was probably when he started drinking.

I feel horrible pain when I read that text, it hurts so much.

I wipe my tears away and move on to the next one.

*Answer me! I will kill that motherfucker, do you hear me?! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?*

Oh yes, after I called him and he found out that I met Theo.

I sigh, knowing I only have one more text left from him.

*I proably sdhuldn't say this over text, but I realy fcvking like you, Sophie. I miss you. Com bacjk.*

He was drunk when he wrote that.

That means he really meant it, right?

Or that he had no idea what he was talking about.

I put the phone down and cover my face with my hands, my whole body shaking. Shaking with anger and devastation.

I climb on the bed, taking my phone with me, and before I fall asleep of exhaustion, I manage to type back one text.

*I really fucking like you too, Axel.*

***

The first thing I do when I wake up is check my phone to see if I have any new messages from him. Tears gather in my eyes again when I see that I have no new notifications, but I don't let myself cry. If I cry some more, I'll dry myself out, so I just gulp, really hard, and see the rest of the messages from last night.

*So Axel just called me where you are? What the hell did you do again Soph?!*

I chuckle at Amber's message.

*WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? You are in so much trouble, missy!*

She added the angry emoji nextl to that.

I click on the Theo's message.

*Hey, are you okay? I'm sorry about what I said, could we talk about it when we meet?*

I sigh. This must've been after I left him by the stream.

So much drama. I'm really not used to this.

With the burning thought of Axel and his last words to me, I go to the bathroom to at least attempt to comb my hair, if nothing else. When I leave for school, mum and dad still aren't home. In the school, I keep on apologizing to Liam until he threathens me that he will hide my sandwich if I don't stop. I couldn't have him hide my sandwich, I was a hungry girl so I stopped, still feeling bad about the entire situation.

Oddly, Amber doesn't come to school this day, and it automatically makes it longer and less tolerable. If I didn't have Liam by my side, it would be a complete hell. At the end of the day, I hug him and head back home.

My parents have returned by now, all touchy and smiling. It makes me really uncomfortable so I don't stay with them for long. Nobody likes to think of their parents in... that way.

By the time it is six pm, I have done all my homework and the essay I had to write.

I grab my book Tess from the shelf, expecting the rest of my afternoon to be spent like this; reading and trying hard to not think of him. However, my plans are crushed when the door bell rings and mum calls for me, her voice strained and nervous.

I frown in confusion and slowly head downstairs to see what's wrong.

I am stopped in my tracks when I see what's going on.

Mum and dad stand together, dad looks furious and mum look a bit conflicted. They are both staring at somebody.

I sense him before I even see him. I feel the power radiation off of him and it takes me by full surprise.

Is he mad? Dad will kill both of us! What's he doing here?!

I look up at him. He's wearing black pants and... a white button up?! His sleeves are rolled up a bit so you can see some of his tattooes. His face is gorgeous as always, alhough there are some dark cricles underneath his eyes. His wavy curls look like he'd tried to style them, but he gave up half way through. He gulps and with a nervous expression looks at my father.

"Good evening, sir. I had come to ask for your permission to take your daughter out."