Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Seek not happiness too greedily, and be not fearful of unhappiness.

-Lao Tzu

I left some of the things Gbenga bought me at school but there was nothing I could do about my new phone. Father had become more occupied unlike before. It took him three days to notice the phone in my possession was not the one he knew. I was charging in the sitting room when he asked whom the phone belonged to, and I told him it was mine. “When did you buy it?” he asked. But I knew the actual question was how the phone got into my possession. I told him a friend bought it for me as a gift. He looked at it critically. “Aisha you are an adult now. And I believe you are well brought up, you know what is good for you. There is little I could do now to monitor what you do or who you choose to hang out with”. He looked at me with so much passion in his eyes that I was overwhelmed. “I have hope in you. Please don’t disappoint me” He said. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t tell him that I’ve been keeping the kind of company he forbade, no longer offer solat, or that my boyfriend is a Christian who drinks. I didn’t know how I managed to say it, but I heard myself mumbling something like “I wouldn’t disappoint you I promise”.

Father was going through a rough time; he looked haggard and unhappy. Giving him a reason to worry about me would definitely kill him. The rumour about mother involving in extra-marital affair had become a general knowledge, and it had affected him emotionally and physically. Although Mother said it was a conspiracy by her market rivals who envy her, but father was broken, it would take more than words to convince him. He considered relocating to a new environment after my brothers’ graduation to douse the speculation once and for all. I could sense that our family was sitting on a time bomb waiting for the trigger.

The day I would go back to school finally arrived and father gave me some money before he left in the morning. He told me not to hesitate to call him if I needed anything. A thought came to my mind that I won’t need to call him except to prevent suspicion of course. Gbenga lavish so much on me, I’m beginning to feel like a spoilt brat. My phone rang and it was Gbenga calling. ‘A true son of his father” I said to myself. He asked when I would be back on campus and I told him I was getting ready to leave home. “Please let me come and pick you? It doesn’t have to be your house, perhaps a bus stop” he pleaded. “Don’t worry I will be there before you know it” I told him. What he said next was totally out of line. “Are you hiding something from me? Do you have someone else in your life?” he asked. “What? Are you kidding? Of course not! I said a bit louder than necessary. Alright! Will see you then” he said and hung up. I looked at my phone a little frustrated, “no boyfriend no trouble” I mumbled.

I arrived at my hostel in the evening. Gbenga came over and insisted I followed him to his friend’s birthday party but I told him I was tired. He got angry and left me no other choice than to follow him. He drank so much at the party despite my best effort to prevent him. When he was taking me back to my hostel late in the evening, I decided to trash it out with him. “Gbenga I am not comfortable with your drinking” I said. “But I’m not drunk” he replied defensively. “It’s not about getting drunk I want you to quit.” I held his gaze long enough for him to drop his eyes. “I can’t” he said. “You will quit if you truly love me” I said determinedly. “It is not as easy as you think”. He made the sentence sound like he was helpless. “Then try” I pleaded. He leaned forward to kiss me but I withdrew. Open the door and stepped out of his car.

The next day he came to my hostel and we were unable to reach a consensus. I told him to call me when he was ready to quit and he sent Sholape to talk to me. “He is my boyfriend not yours” I told her “I can make demands from him and that’s what I wanted at the moment. If he can’t quit drinking, then he doesn’t love me and we can end it right now” I said a bit aggressively. Sholape looked at me like I was a piece of rag lucky enough to be used as a table spread. She hissed and left but I didn’t care, her opinion didn’t count. I made up my mind that if she chooses to fight me because of the matter it’s okay. I just hope Rahamat returned soon. When I called her, she said her elder sister’s Nikah would hold by weekend, and she couldn’t cover the distance from Kwara to Lagos thrice in a week. “Try not to miss me, I will be back before you know it” she said to my frustration.

Lecture has not started properly, except for one particular zesty lecturer who came on Monday to give an introduction to his course. I was totally bored at home. Sholape went out with some of her friends, not that her presence would have made any difference; there was still much tension between us due to the face up we had the last time. I decided to go to the spot I used to share with Abdullah when we were best friends to reminisce old times. The thought that he belonged to my past clung to my throat like unyielding mucus. I stepped out of the hostel and realized it was too bright outside. I went back to take my sunshade turning everything I looked to a shade of brown.

Campus looked scanty, most students were yet to resume. Two boys holding football boots in their hands were running to join the others on the pitch. I saw a little group at the popcorn seller waiting for their turn. A few distance away from the popcorn seller, a guy and a girl sited on a bench. The lady seemed to laugh every time the guy said something. I wished I could hear them; perhaps it would put a smile on my face too. The guy reminded me of Abdullah, how I felt happy and safe being with him. How he always found a way to make me laugh.

I was almost at the spot when I saw him; his back was toward my direction. I wanted to turn back but he suddenly looked my way and smiled. “Are you stalking me now?” he asked. “Excuse me!” I exclaimed. He grinned and I could see he was enjoying the effect his presence had on me. “Are you going to sit down with me, or stand there to imagine what it would have been like if we are more than friends?” He asked cockily. I rolled my eyes at him, he didn’t see it anyway; the shade covered my eyes properly. I moved toward him and sat down putting some space between us. He raised a questioning eyebrow at me, “I can fix a wiper for your windshield if you don’t mind” he said. I smiled. “It’s a designer bush boy” I said lowering the shade to look at him. He barked his throaty laugh. “Indeed, that explain the size I presume”. He updated me on the happenings in his life carefully sidelining the issue which led to our split up. I also told him my experiences on campus since we stopped talking, but I intentionally left out my relationship with Gbenga. I didn’t know why, it just felt wrong to tell him. When I checked my phone later, I couldn’t believe we have been talking for more than three hours. I told him that I needed to be on my way and he escorted me back to my hostel. I was still smiling idly to myself long after he was gone.

Gbenga called to tell me he was sorry, he said he loved me very much and he had quit drinking alcohol. I was very happy. I told him to come and see immediately. “I’m currently at home” he said. “My brother returned from England after his Ph.D. Honour in Mathematics, Dad is throwing us a party to celebrate his achievement”. “That’s excellent, congratulations to him” I said. The word party triggered my brain and I quickly added. Gbenga! No drinking at the party. He cackled. “I promise”. “Alright I love you” I said. He exhaled loudly. “I love you too my Queen.”

I spent the rest of the week hanging out with Abdullah. On Saturday I followed him to basketball training. I was chosen to participate but I refused. He persuaded me with one of his mind tricks that never failed to get inside my head. “You have got the height and a good physique Aisha. Don’t tell me you are scared of catching and throwing ball?” he asked looking bewildered. “Even my grandma could catch and throw” he said trying to amuse me. I agreed without further argument. I imagined an old woman playing basketball and I couldn’t help laughing at the image that popped up in my head. When the game began I tried to get the ball in the basket some few times, the closest I got to scoring was 3 yards out. I didn’t finish the training with them, I was very tired. I sat on the spectator’s seat and continued to cheer my team on. Abdullah was really good, he scored freely. My team won despite a man down or a lady in my case.

After the training was over, I followed him to his place because it was closer than mine. His room was smaller compare to ours, with a kitchen and a bathroom. Everything was properly arranged in their place. I have never been to Abdullah’s house before; his tardiness really impressed me. He took off his sweaty harmless jacket revealing a muscle ridden upper body. Gosh he was cute! I turned my back to him on a second thought. “Do you realize I’m a female, you should not be taking your cloth off in my presence like that” I said trying to keep a straight face. He laughed his throaty laugh. “Is my body bothering you? A male nakedness in Islam is from the navel down to the knees. If you can turn to look at me, you will find out the area is fully covered” he said with a hint of smile in his voice. “Thanks but no thanks. Find a shirt please” I said a bit louder than I intended. After I confirmed he had put on a shirt, I told him I needed to shower. He pointed to the bathroom. “Before you go what you would like to eat?” he asked. “I’m okay I just need to bath and rest”. “This is the first time you are coming to my house and you are okay?” he asked sarcastically. I knew he wouldn’t let it slide. I told him I would eat anything he cooked. Few minutes later, aroma of fried eggs wafted inside the bathroom and my stomach growled in response. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until then. When I came out Abdullah already served scrambled eggs, loaves of slice bread, and a small jug containing tea. “When did I become your visitor?” I asked. He smiled ruefully. “You better enjoy yourself today” he said. “Next time you will be offered ordinary water with biscuits.” “Fair enough” I shrugged sitting down to eat. I noticed there was only one fork in the food, and he didn’t serve himself. “Are you not eating?” I asked. “I will eat when you are done” he replied. I scowled at him. “I don’t want to suffer indigestion because of your stare”. I knew he would want to eat with me so I invited him to join me. “Don’t worry I’m okay” he said. “Do you put something in my food?” I asked with a theatrical expression of shock on my face. “Really?” he asked calmly, picked up my fork and scooped some eggs into his mouth. I quickly wrestled the fork from his hand. “Get your own fork bully” I shouted at him. “Let me finish the drug I put inside your food nah” he said laughing. I punched him in the rib but he didn’t react like he felt it. He got a fork for himself and we ate in silence. I told him to get more scrambled eggs from the kitchen because he had shorted my ration. When we are almost done with the food he stopped eating and started staring at me. I knew that look, and I wasn’t ready for what he was about to say. “Aisha! This is how it should be, you and I eating from a plate; sharing our happy and sad moment together. I know you love me too, you are just afraid to acknowledge your feelings; I can see it in your body language. I would have liked to know why you are refusing me, but my mind tells me your reason will further pull us apart.” He said with frustration evident in his voice. I opened my mouth to talk but he used his hand to shush me. “Don’t say anything, it is okay, I will be fine” he said with sadness in his voice. And I was overwhelmed with guilt; I wanted to say I’m sorry for making him sad. Sorry that I can’t make myself fall for my emotions. Sorry that he is hurting because of me, but the words that came out were, “I should be on my way”.