Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take is the worst of suffering

-Paulo Coelho

Father moved to Ikeja but mother remained in our house. I tried to talk her out of it but she refused and promised to visit father on weekends. Father would have none of that, he insisted his wife cannot be a visitor in his house; it is either she lived with him or stay away from him. I begged him to be patient with her. “I’m done dancing to your mother’s tune” he said. “I paid the piper I dictate the tune, if her shop is more important than her family, let her get married to it” he said with a tone of finality. I knew I didn’t look my age; however, I was not old enough to handle crisis of this magnitude. I wish I knew a close relative I could call to help, but mother never allowed us to visit father’s uncle that lived at Oshodi. He stopped coming to our house some years back when mother quarreled with him. She complained uncle was indicting father against her and told him to allow the ant in his house to bite him. I didn’t know the meaning of what she said at the time until we did a topic in Yoruba proverb and special usage of words in school. I continue to beg father to let peace reign and settle it amicably by granting her request to visit on weekends. Of course he refused, “there is limit to what a man can accept, I have reached my breaking point” he told me.

Yusuf and Ibrahim were sent to Madrasat to further their Arabic knowledge and I returned to campus but I was just a shadow of myself. “What is wrong with you? Are you okay?” Rahamat asked the second day I returned from home. “I’m okay” I told her. I don’t expect her to understand my plight, so I decided to keep my worries to myself. Gbenga didn’t bother to ask for details of my sudden gloomy mood; he just assumed I was sick and I should take drugs. I attended my classes and returned back to my hostel talking only when I needed to. Gbenga was getting frustrated and he kept asking if I wasn’t using the drugs he bought me. I wanted to tell him that I don’t need drugs, but it would lead to more talking and explanation which I wasn’t ready to do.

I forgot my phone at home in the morning when I left for class. I got back to see Abdullah’s message “Asalamualekum! How are you doing? I have been busy with my project that’s why you didn’t see me. I missed you so much. I’m coming to see you in the evening” he wrote. I was sitting at the verandah when he arrived. Despite my insipid self I smiled when I saw him. My smile was unable to veil my worries though, he immediately detected something was wrong. “Aisha are you okay? He asked. “I’m fine” I replied. “You are not fine” he said, his tone almost commanding. I smiled some more. “How can I put it, I felt sick without been sick” I told him. He arched his eyebrow, took a step backward while maintaining eye contact with me. “Walk with me” he said.

I went inside to tell Rahamat I wanted to go out with Abdullah but she was offering back her salat. Rahamat had changed rapidly from the girl I met the first time. If she is paying back salat, I presume she must have been in the lecture room at the time of the prayer. Sholape was lying on the bed when I entered the room and she glanced up from the phone she was pressing. “I’m going out with Abdullah” I told her. “On a date?” she asked. “Don’t be ridiculous Sholape, I’m just strolling out with him” I said pointedly. “Whatever!” she said and returned to pressing her phone. I left the room and joined Abdullah outside.

After we are some distance away from the house, “do you want to talk about it” Abdullah asked. “I told you I was sick, do you want to hear the story of how I became sick, it’s pretty boring.” I was amazed at myself trying to make joke of the situation that gave me nightmares. “You are not sick, you are worried. The crease on your forehead revealed that to me the moment I saw you” he said. “The last time I checked you are a chemical scientist student when did you became a psychic?” I asked but it was more of an appreciative comment than a question. He grinned his cocky grin; the one that made him look like an experienced man speaking to a naive girl. “You don’t need years to know someone when you care for them” he said simply. “My parents are splitting up. They are not divorced yet but it would happen eventually” I blurted out. I told him the whole story of how father decided to relocate and why mother refused to go with him. He didn’t say anything for some minutes after I finished my recap, he was just looking down and pacing thoughtfully. He bent down to pick a pebble, examined it like it held some answers only him could decipher before letting it fly to the nearest bush. He finally looked at me and smiled calmly. “They will be fine Aisha, things like this happen to couples from time to time. They will get over their differences very soon trust me, no need to work yourself up on the matter” he said. Gosh! He always knew the right thing to say. I thought he would condemn mother for not obeying her husband and so on based on our patriarchy culture. But this man is not only book smart but life smart. His words sooth my soul that I immediately forgot my worries and I could feel my spirit coming to live. “Thank you” I said smiling broadly at him. He stopped walking and courtesied, putting his left arm at his back, bending his waist and sweeping his right arm forward like I’ve seen in medieval America movies settings. “You are welcome” he replied. I had not felt so much happiness coursing through me for days. Somehow Abdullah had my mumu button and I was laughing at his gentleman gesture. “How is your project progressing” I asked. “It’s going smoothly, done with the introduction part. I’m carrying out an experiment in the lab for the other chapters” he said. “You be guru sha, there is no cause for alarm” I teased and he smiled gently tugging the side of his mouth without revealing his teeth.

We got to where they were selling toast bread. “I want toast bread, would you like some?” I asked even though I knew he wouldn’t decline. Abdullah loved toast bread but he couldn’t afford the machine. He usually complained that the sellers are making too much profit off the buyers, if the ingredient used was calculated. “Always” he replied smiling. I ordered for six pieces, two for me and four for him with two soft drinks. “Your money is 800 naira” the vendor said. He brought out his wallet and wanted to pay but I quickly stopped him. “I will pay for it” I said. “On what ground” he asked with an amused face. “Consider it a royal treat” I said smiling. “But I am not royalty” he replied candidly. “You are my royalty” I told him and his face flushed.

We sat down under a pavilion and I was in between bite when I looked up and saw Gbenga’s car coming our way. My blood suddenly became frozen and I couldn’t feel my feet. My mind started running through different scenarios of what could happen. He packed adjacent to the spot we were seated and got out of his car slowly like a cat being careful not to alert its prey. I’ve watched several movies of people who possessed supernatural ability; this was the moment I wished I could freeze time, become invisible, teleport, anything that could get me out of my sit unnoticed but nothing happened. He got to us in record time and stood facing me totally ignoring Abdullah’s presence. “I was at your hostel to check on you” he said. I didn’t know if it was a statement or an accusation. “I needed fresh air, meet my friend” I said looking Abdullah’s way. He turned sluggishly to look at him, “wouldn’t you like to introduce me to your friend?” he asked emphasizing the word friend. My tongue became lead and I prayed I don’t stutter. “Abdullah meet my boyfriend Gbenga” I said grimacing at the word boyfriend. Abdullah gave me a knowing look, stood up and offered Gbenga his hand but he refused to take it. “Nice to meet you” Gbenga said grimly, “party is over shall we?” he said turning to face me. I silently begged Abdullah rubbing my two hands. “I will talk to you later” I said and he nodded affirmatively.

Before we got to Gbenga’s car I was mad with rage and I attacked him the moment we stepped in. “What the hell was that” I asked. “If you are going to have a boy friend, you should let me know him” he fired back. “Is that enough reason to disrespect and embarrass him the way you did?” I asked raising my voice beyond conversation level. “Why are you worked up because of this guy? He wasn’t embarrassed if you ask me. He knew his place. When people realize their place, everything becomes easy” he said arrogantly. I looked at him with contempt. “You are just an arrogant, self-centered, spoilt brat. Take me home now” I commanded. He looked at me like a child throwing tantrums, ignited the car and drove slowly to my hostel. I got down and banged the door so hard; I wished it dropped from its hinge.

I stormed into our room and confronted Sholape. “I received your message” I said accusingly. She looked at me with a confused expression on her face. “I didn’t remember sending anyone to you” she said. Rahamat came to stand beside me perhaps to prevent a scuffle. I imagined her small body wedged between Sholape and I, and I would have grin if I wasn’t so pissed off. “Don’t feign ignorance, you told Gbenga I was out with Abdullah” I said with conviction. “Why would I do that?” she said still feigning ignorance. “You tell me” I fired back taking a conscious step towards her. She suddenly realized she was vulnerable sitting down if it came to blows. She stood up but I still towered over her and bigger than her. I took another deliberate step forward; Rahamat held my arm but I batted it away. I bent down to her eye level, making sure she was looking at me straight in the eye. “If you ever. In your remaining miserable life put your dirty mouth in my affair. I will beat you black and blue.” I waited some seconds for the slightest reaction of defiance but she was stupefied. “I guess we are clear on that” I said rising to my normal height. I dashed out of the room, Rahamat came after me to know what actually happened, but I wasn’t ready to speak to anyone.

After cooling off I tried calling Abdullah’s number a couple of times but he didn’t pick up. I assumed he was angry with me. Minutes later he called back and told me he was offering his prayer. “I’m very sorry I should have told you about him?” I said. “Yeah, you should have” he said calmly. I was not expecting him to be calm, I thought he would say lot of profanities to me and told me not to call him again. “Since when have you been together?” he asked. “After you revealed your feelings and refused to talk to me because I declined” I said. He went silent for some seconds and I checked the screen to see if the call was still active. “Why don’t you tell me you are in a relationship?” he asked. “I wanted to, I’m just waiting for the right moment --can we please have this discussion in person” I begged. “We can’t Aisha, you don’t know what you have put yourself into; I cannot afford to be seen with you in public anymore” He said with a hint of panic in his voice. “Abdullah doesn’t panic; his voice is always brimming with confidence, how can Gbenga be capable of making Abdullah panic? He is huge and muscular than him. If it turned to a scuffle it would be like a heavyweight fighting lightweight” I thought. “What do you mean” I asked incredulously. “I can’t say more than that, if you want to talk to me from now on, message or call me” he said. “Take care of yourself” I heard to! to! to! and the call was disconnected. My mind started replaying everything he said but I couldn’t make sense of it.

The weeks after were pretty rough for me. I refused to talk to Gbenga or spoke a word to Sholape. Rahamat tried her best to make sure we get back to talking terms but I felt betrayed and I wasn’t ready to let it slide. I tried Abdullah’s phone number often, most times he didn’t pick up and when he did he would tell me he was busy. Although he constantly replied my messages and I took solace in sending him lots of it. I finally opened up to Rahamat on what happened that day and she listened to me carefully. “You loved Abdullah, why are you in a relationship with Gbenga” she asked thoughtfully. I sighed, “Gbenga is capable of meeting my demands even if I decided to get married before graduation, but Abdullah will need years to search for a job which is not available. Look at my stature; no one will believe I’m just a little above 20 years of age, I don’t have time to waste before getting married” I concluded. Rahamat was looking at me with a mixture of pity and surprise. “Abdullah is still the better choice for you, love should supersede any other thing” she said. “Oh! Don’t tell me about love I saw it failed first hand” I said smirking. “What do you mean” she asked. “My parents were inseparable love birds until the grape turn sour. Love can easily become hatred without money my dear”. I narrated my parent story, how they used to be and how things changed for them. “You are not your mother Aisha?” she said with absolute surety. “How can you be sure” I asked. “You are the most selfless person I’ve met. You clean this room, wash the dishes and occasionally do our laundry like you get paid for it. You know why you do that? Because you love to make people happy even at your inconvenience; true love is selflessness” she said. I smiled. “Thank you”. “And your mum was wrong about love not being enough in a marriage. My mother contributes the bigger part of my family expenses yet she loved my father with every breath she takes.” Rahamat said and I stared at her not knowing what to say next.

Rahamat settled the quarrel between Sholape and I. We got back to talking terms but something has changed, she seemed to choose her words carefully when she addressed me unlike the Sholape I knew. I felt bad for threatening her but I quickly reminded myself that she deserved it. The other morning she asked Rahamat to give her toothpaste because she couldn’t find her own and Rahamat told her she borrowed from me. I sat on my bed looking at one of my course notebook; this had become my early morning routine for a long time. I was monitoring Sholape in my peripheral vision; she stood in the middle of the room rubbing her knuckle in distress not knowing how to ask for it. I dropped my notebook, got the toothpaste and hand it over to her. “Thank you” she said. I wanted to say that she’s welcome but decided against it.

I had forgiven Gbenga but I told him to apologize to Abdullah, I treated his friends with respect he must learn to respect mine too. “Apologize” he repeated and started smiling like what I asked for was ludicrous. “Aisha, he is not expecting apology from me” he said. “Isn’t that the more reason you should apologize” I said scowling at him. “Okay, if that’s what you want I will apologize.” “That’s what I want” I repeated. “Give me his contact let me call him” he said. “Are you kidding me? Did you embarrass him on phone? You have to tender the apology in person” I insisted. He laughed sarcastically. “Why do you want to stress the guy again? He almost shit himself the last time” he said laughing. “About that, why was he scared of you? Is there something I don’t know” I asked. He shrugged as if to say it was pretty obvious. “We belong to different social class. He is bound to respect me naturally. I think you should ask him if he wanted a personal apology before forcing me on him”. I thought about what he said. I’m not sure Abdullah would want to meet him; he has been avoiding me too, so I gave him his phone number which he dialed immediately. “Asalamualeikum,” the voice on the other end greeted. “Waalekaslam,” Gbenga replied smiling and I rolled my eyes at him. “Who am I speaking with” Abdullah asked. “Gbenga Badmos or number one if you like” he said and Abdullah went silent. “I was told to apologize for the way I treated you the last time we met, please accept my candid apology”. “It’s okay I didn’t taaaake offence, you don’t have tooo apologize”. Did I just hear Abdullah struggle for words, what is wrong with him I thought? “Okay bye bye” Gbenga said and cut the call. I wasn’t satisfied with the arrogant edge in his voice but that was the best he could offer.

Examination week was upon us. Everyone was trying their best to get ready. Some students especially those that come from outside the campus left their hostel for the classrooms to join reading groups and attend night tutorials. The atmosphere was positively charged with exam fever. Many ladies suspended makeup; fashionistas like Sholape took the weeks off to dress like everybody else. I did as much preparation as I could, and went out with Gbenga sometimes, we cannot come and kill ourselves was our mantra. At the end of two weeks of rigorous examination I followed Gbenga on a Lagos tour. We visited many places and ended up on Lagos bar beach. He encouraged me to go on a boat ride with him. I was scared at first to look at the endless body of water but gradually settled in after some time. I felt like I could spend eternity bathing in the ocean breeze

Convocation ceremony was a week away and I decided to stay back to attend because of Abdullah. I chatted him up to tell him, but he requested I took permission from Gbenga. I was embarrassed. “What is going on Abdullah” I asked. “Why did I need to take permission from Gbenga to attend your ceremony?” “You are not taking permission for yourself; you are taking it for me. Just do it please” he begged. “Tell me why I needed to take permission for you” I insisted but he said he can’t. “I don’t need his permission to be with anyone” I told him emphatically. “If you won’t take permission you are not invited” he said and I knew he was serious. I told Gbenga about it, he said it’s alright for me to attend, but he didn’t give me any reasonable reason why Abdullah would insist on his permission.

I met Abdullah’s parents on convocation day, they were jovial and accommodating. “Is this my wife?” his mum asked him. Abdullah frowned at her. “Mum! I said she is my friend”. “That’s what you children of nowadays always say” she said smiling. “My daughter you are welcome to our house anytime” his father said. Abdullah couldn’t hide his frustration.

I packed my box to return home the next day. When I set out I had some doubts on where to go, mother’s rebellious shelter or father’s new found haven.