Chapter 34: Chapter 34

Three days ago

"Ray you have to calm down," his father said even though Ray was basically a statue. Bent over with his elbows resting on his knees, he hadn't said a word. But then again maybe that was the problem. The fact that he hadn't said or done anything ever since they arrived at the hospital was cause for concern. Everyone thought he was angry that because he was silent. After all, that's what he did. How could he say anything now though? What did they want him to say? He'd watched the EMTs try to revive her. He'd sat there just watching because there was nothing he could do.

Never in his life had he felt so powerless, so useless. The love of his life was dying right in front of him and there was nothing he could do. He felt crippled. Even when they'd gotten her heartbeat back, he still felt like something was missing. He would come to realize later that a part of him had died when she did. They both came back but not wholly. At that moment, Alexis was being attended to, while her family surrounded him asking for details on what had happened. Ray hadn't found the strength to answer any of them yet. Now as to why his father thought he was angry, he didn't know. Especially when all he'd done was just sit there and think. Anger had to be the furthest thing he felt.

Useless, sad, empty. What would he do without her? He'd spent so much time keeping his feelings in check because he was scared of how she would react. He realized that if something happened to her, the memories he had of them together weren't enough to keep him going. He needed more time to show her how much he loved her. They'd already discussed what they were going to name their children.

"How about Lex if it's a boy?"

He'd laughed "Do you want to name the whole world after you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You tend to name everything after you Alexis"

"No I don't" she'd said pouting and he had been happy to kiss the pout away.

"Remember Alex the dog?"

"It was...."

"And Jayden? You'd spent the whole night crying because your mother wouldn't agree to call him Alexander"

"That's because Jim had told me to ask for anything I wanted"

"Yeah, sure. Blame it all on Jim. But how about the restaurant? I'm sure naming it 'The Alexandra' wasn't your idea. Right?"

"Okay fine. I promise that I won't decide to name my kid after me. Anyway since all you do is complain, why don't you tell me what you'd name him or her?"

"I don't know Gibson?" at that she'd scrunched up her face.

"Absolutely not."

"Okay. But first shouldn't we try to make the baby before we name him?"

"Now that, I can agree to"

It wasn't enough. One lifetime of memories wouldn't be enough to sustain him. He needed more. Please be okay baby. Please

"Ray honey, I know this must be hard for you but you have to be strong for Alexis. She needs you now more than ever" that from Hayley. She was really a nice person and he thought of her as a mother most of the times, but not now. Right then all he wanted to do was have some peace and quiet. He needed to be somewhere he could hear his own thoughts. Sort through them and decide what to do next. Should he hold out hope or resign himself to being miserable for the rest of his life? Turning to her, he threw his hands around her shoulders, hugging her and whispered "I'm sorry" then he got up and left.

He had no idea where he was going. Everyone was back there sitting or pacing around the waiting room eager to hear news about Alexis. Ray couldn't find it in himself to stay with them. So he left the hospital and walked aimlessly with no particular destination in mind. As the evening breeze blew across his face he wondered where he'd gone wrong. It was his job to protect Alexis. Her mother had asked him to move next door to her so he could look after her. How had he not realized that Connor was following her? How had he not known that man was out of prison?

They practically lived together. If he left in the morning to go to work, he made sure to make her breakfast then ask what her plans were for the day without sounding intrusive. He always knew where she was, what she was doing. Why hadn't he called her yesterday? What had happened to her while he was sleeping peacefully all night? The questions running through his mind were endless while the answers eluded him.

Sighing he looked up. He didn't know how long he'd been walking but he was in front of a bar. He had never needed a drink in his life more than he did right then. The door opened and a couple walked out holding hands and laughing. Ray felt anger burn in his throat. How could they be so happy when his Alexis was fighting for her life? How could anyone, for that matter, laugh knowing someone out there might not be alive tomorrow? And God why was this happening to him again? He'd watched his mother die. Even though he was still a child, he'd known that kind of pain was going to change him forever. Never in his wildest dreams did he think anything could top that.

Watching the two paramedics try to revive her was worse. He didn't know if she would make it, but already he was bitter. He couldn't stand seeing other people happy when he was suffering. How was he going to keep on living if he lost her? Did he want to live in a world without Alexis? Pushing the door open he went straight to the bar and ordered a glass of brandy which he swallowed in one go. When the bartender took too long to bring him the next glass, he took the whole bottle and guzzled the burning liquid, taking comfort from the sensation. At least he wasn't numb anymore.

One hour later he stumbled from the bar, a bottle in hand. He'd had to convince the bartender that he wasn't planning on driving so that the guy would let him leave with the brandy. Through his hazy eyesight, he realized that it was already dark outside. How much time had he spent drinking and Dammit, how hadn't he passed out yet? If he knew where he was and what he was doing it meant that he wasn't drunk enough. He needed to stop feeling, well, anything. Deep down he knew he was preparing himself for the worst. What were the chances that she would make it? Who's to say she hadn't flatlined again? For good this time?

He hadn't known where he'd gone or what he'd done. All he remembered was waking up outside the parking lot smelling like a brewery. Out of respect for his and Alexis' parents, he'd gone home, sobered up, taken a shower then gone back to the hospital. He'd found out that the doctors had stabilized her and all they could do was wait. So he sat down in a corner waiting for her to wake up. Half an hour later the police walked in and arrested him, the one slapping cuffs on him reading him his rights. As if that wasn't humiliating enough, the press had somehow found out what was going on and they were at the entrance flashing their cameras while asking him outrageous questions. The anger he was supposedly expected to feel earlier rose to the surface, almost blinding him.

When the police told him everything they knew, he lost it.

-------------------

"I got you, honey. Take it easy" JR said helping her get back in bed.

"I... I have to see him, dad. He can't be in prison. He didn't do it"

"I know and we're doing everything we can to get him released. Don't worry"

"Can you ask the doctor to get me painkillers? My head hurts"

"Just lie back and I'll call a nurse"

"The doctor dad. He'll know the right meds"

"I'm not stupid Alexis. I know the second I walk out that door you'll leave and I won't let you hurt yourself. Stay put and recover. You're no good to Raymond if hurt yourself more than you already have"

Alexis sat up ignoring the headache that was threatening to split her head into two. "Are you saying that all this is my fault?"

"No. That's not what I...."

"Yes, it is. You're blaming me because I wouldn't let you hire bodyguards for me. You can't keep track of my every move dad. I am not a child!"

"I know"

"In fact, you don't have to watch over me anymore. I'm awake and I'm fine. Please leave and call my mom for me" she was being a brat. She knew it because she was doing it on purpose since she wanted him to leave so she could go see Ray. She couldn't imagine what he was going through. She'd only ever been to prison once to visit someone and it wasn't a pleasant experience.

Imagining Ray in a dark cold place like that not knowing if she was okay or not was making her angry. Why would the police think he was the one who did it? Did they have any evidence? Oh, God. Of course, they did. Otherwise, why would they arrest him? But Ray would never kill anyone. So she'd witnessed how stupid he was when he got angry but that didn't mean he was capable of murder. If he had found Connor, she was sure the most damage he could have done to him was rearrange his face. Alexis refused to believe that Ray had killed him. Although whoever it was did her a huge favor. Shit! That's mean Alexis.

He shot her. Actually pointed a gun and shot at her knowing that one of those bullets could end up lodged in the back of her head. Between the two of them who was mean? Jeez. What had she seen in him again to make her think she was in love with him? Now that she was on the other side she realized a few things. Connor hadn't really loved her. Maybe he was attracted to her but after their first time together, things had been different. He'd stopped paying attention to her. Where her phone would receive a message from him every hour at first, she would be lucky to get one in a day. She was always the one who called not him. How could she have been so stupid?

Shaking her head, she looked at her father. He hadn't left but he was at the window, staring out at the streets below them. She knew that he'd put the distance between them for her sake. Whenever she got angry at him, he'd give her space, unlike her mother who preferred to yell it out. JR had been more than a father to her. Not once did she stop to wonder what it would have been like with the man who had conceived her. Because the one her mother had given her made sure she didn't have to. He'd told her once that if she gave him a chance, he'd love her more than any man out there ever would. And he hadn't lied.

"I'm sorry" she murmured feeling ashamed.

"I know honey, I know"

"I really didn't mean any of it"

He turned around but didn't move from the window "But you were right. I hate that I didn't insist on hiring the bodyguards for you. I keep thinking that if I had pushed a little harder, this wouldn't have happened"

"It wasn't anyone's fault. You didn't know my ex-boyfriend would turn into a psycho"

"Until you have children of your own, you wouldn't understand" he ran a hand on through his hair and moved to sit down beside her bed "It doesn't matter how old you get, I will always want to protect you. Just because you're all grown up doesn't mean that I've stopped being your parent, Alexis. It doesn't work that way."

"I promise not to act like a brat again. Pinky swear" she held out her pinky finger making him laugh.

"I won't hold you that promise," he said but still sealed the deal, curling his finger around hers. After that, they came to an agreement that she'll spend two more days at the hospital and if the doctors said she was safe to go home, he'd drive her straight to prison to see Ray. Alexis agreed to that but made her own demand. For them to let her wash her hair because it was sticky and gross. Dr. Cabrera allowed it but under one condition. That her mother and a nurse be present so they could help her in case she felt dizzy again.

------------

Three days later she was released into the custody of her parents. Under no circumstances was she to be alone. She was also instructed to go back to the hospital after a few days for a routine check-up. If she had any more headaches she was supposed to go back. Apparently, concussions were still a mystery to doctors. They were never really sure how a patient would recover so they kept a close eye on them. She also learned a tidbit of info as she was leaving. Patients who had headaches were given first priority.

She didn't even go home to change. Her mother had brought her a clean change of clothes and she'd snuck into the shower when no one was looking. She hadn't seen Ray in almost a week. Showing up there smelling like hospitals and medicines just wouldn't do. As the cab stopped in front of the prison, her stomach fluttered with nerves. Would he see her? Silly. Of course, he would. He'd be happy to know that she was fine. Then they were going to sit down and decide where to go from there. Although she hadn't told anyone, she had made up her mind on finding out who the real killer was. She had an appointment with a private investigator that afternoon. Together, they'd get Ray out of jail.

"Hi. I'm here to see Raymond Lachlan"

"Sign in here first" she was handed an old book and a pen. After that, they searched her and when they were sure she wasn't carrying anything dangerous, they let her through. She was led to a large room that had tables and chairs. Since it was the festive season, inmates were allowed to have more than one visitors. She spotted Ray immediately. He was sitting in the middle of the room with a woman opposite him. If she had known Jazz would be here she would have hitched a ride with her. She strutted towards the table, stopping beside them.

"Hi," she said startling them because they hadn't seen her. Since her eyes were trained on Ray, she didn't see the other woman -who wasn't Jasmine by the way - stand up.

"Alexis" Ray breathed. That's all he did. Breathe. She expected a little enthusiasm from him. Maybe a hug or a kiss or both but he didn't attempt any of those. The silence stretched between them to a point where it got awkward until the other woman spoke up.

"Hi, you must be Alexis. I've heard so much about you"

"Good things I hope" she replied still looking at Ray.

She didn't agree with her but said "I'm Odessa. Ray's wife"

*****************************************

Here we go